ADHD son, need help.

adhdmominga · 11-15-2005, 03:48 PM

why does my son behave like a "normal" child with others, but acts like a possessed demon with me? Is this normal? Our psychiatrist tells me my son restrains himself when he's with others, but since he is comfortable at home, his true feelings of ...being out of control....is what comes out. They tell me he has no control, but if he can control himself when he's at someone else's house.......why can't he control himself at home?

RayKay · 11-15-2005, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adhdmominga

why does my son behave like a "normal" child with others, but acts like a possessed demon with me? Is this normal? Our psychiatrist tells me my son restrains himself when he's with others, but since he is comfortable at home, his true feelings of ...being out of control....is what comes out. They tell me he has no control, but if he can control himself when he's at someone else's house.......why can't he control himself at home?

Okay well I don't know a WHOLE lot about this but...that sounds odd to me. Generally it is when ADHD children are in other non-comfortable environments, or more pressured ones (ie school) where there are more rules tht need focus, they will be acting out more.

Is he medicated?

How many "opinions" have you gotten on your son, as I wonder if he truly has ADHD, or he is well, being a normal boy and acting out as he may act out around you. ADHD & ADD tends to be over-diagnosed, and I think other opinions may help. I am not sure whom it is, but Dr Phil has had a doctor on his show who specializes in this area, and has a book out that also discusses the over diagnosis, and how to determine if your child is truly ADHD or ADD. I know several people whose children were diagnosed, on drugs, and then it turned out they were not ADHD or ADD at all. Turns out they were just being KIDS and reacting normally to their environments! Some new parenting techniques and ta-da, everything was fine without drugs.

Also, what behaviours does he have that make him a "possessed demon"?

adhdmominga · 11-15-2005, 04:31 PM

He's been diagnosed by multiple doctors. We've tried all the "newer" medications, and have recently changed to Ritalin. He has less side effects with Ritalin, and when it kicks in, he's happy, more "himself", and a great kid. When the meds wear off, he turns into a screaming maniac. He'll bang his head on brick floors, glass doors, put his fists through the wall. He hasn't hit me yet, but he pulls back like he wants to. It is so difficult to wake him up and get him moving in the mornings. I come to work and I'm shaking all over. He's worn me down. It just seems like he can control himself....when he chooses to control himself. I think it's bad parenting skills, lack of follow-through, lack of tough discipline!?!??! Who knows!

**melrich** · 11-15-2005, 04:31 PM

I agree with RayKay in terms of describing your son as having ADHD. Has that been professionally diagnosed?

It is definately totally normal that he is a "demon" with you but an angel with others when you arenot around. That is absolutely typical of young children. They feel safe "testing" their independence with those they are closest too.

As RayKay said, if he has ADHD it is unlikely he would be able to control himself around others, it isnot something a child can switch on and off.

How old is he? What are the behaviours he exhibits with you? How do you typically repond to them?

**melrich** · 11-15-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

It just seems like he can control himself....when he chooses to control himself. I think it's bad parenting skills, lack of follow-through, lack of tough discipline!?!??! Who knows!

Sorry we crossed paths on the last post. Again I am surprised that he has been diagnosed with ADHD if as you say he can control his behaviour when he chooses to. Also the fact that he does not go through with hitting you likely shows that he knows where certain boundaries are, that is typically not the case with children with ADHD.

Ritalin of course will have that effect whether he has AHDH or not.

It really is never an issue of being a bad parent. Being a oarent is a continual learning process and some kids are more difficult than others. It may be that you child (how old?) does require more routine and discipline than others. Have you seen a behavioural pshychiatrist?

Bethany · 11-15-2005, 05:46 PM

If he is good in school and behaves like other children, and then comes home to you and behaves like a demon possessed with any or all of these... temper tantrums, throwing things, punching and kicking both siblings and parents, biting, swearing, and generally controlling the house by his behaviour then I too believe its bad parenting skills.

Children need discipline, routine, reward for good behaviour and punishment (not corporal punishment)for bad behaviour like Time Out or the Naughty step a minute for each of their years and made to say sorry for what they have done.

Buy a good book on parenting is my advice because children don't respect their parents for not giving them the above things hence their behaviour to them and often look to the parent to do something about IT.
Be a parent, not a friend or someone who is afraid of their child or what they might do next.

PocoDiablo · 11-15-2005, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bethany

If he is good in school and behaves like other children, and then comes home to you and behaves like a demon possessed with any or all of these... temper tantrums, throwing things, punching and kicking both siblings and parents, biting, swearing, and generally controlling the house by his behaviour then I too believe its bad parenting skills.

Children need discipline, routine, reward for good behaviour and punishment (not corporal punishment)for bad behaviour like Time Out or the Naughty step a minute for each of their years and made to say sorry for what they have done.

Buy a good book on parenting is my advice because children don't respect their parents for not giving them the above things hence their behaviour to them and often look to the parent to do something about IT.
Be a parent, not a friend or someone who is afraid of their child or what they might do next.

I couldn't agree more.

Also, what's his diet like? Soda, candy? How much TV does he watch? He needs to understand there are reprocussions for his behavior. If he has an outburst, take away TV privileges. He should NOT have a TV in his room. Get rid of video games if he persists.

It's clear to me that he is controlling you - using you. He's smarter than you (at this point) and now it is your job to be smarter than him. Never let him get what he wants for bad behavior.

You almost need to read a book on training dogs. Pack behavior - who is alpha? It's him, not you, so he does whatever he wants.

Mun · 11-15-2005, 09:23 PM

Hey there,
My son has ADHD, deppression and anger issues. When he was 8 he was constantly throwing tantrums at school, he once hit the school principal and bit a teacher. Another time he ran around campus finally hidding in a hallway. He was taking medication but nothing seemed to help.

One day at the doctors office he kicked the wall and knocked down the fire alarm. He was so out of control that we were rushed into the doctors office ahead of other people. The doctor thought that my son knew what he was doing but felt "safe" because I was always around. So I had my son committed for about 20 days. I could only visit once a week or call him.

It wasn't something I would have normally considered, but I'm very, very glad I did. The out-of-control tantrums stopped and now my other children know that they too can end up in the "hospital" away from mom if they misbehave like that. My three sons have ADHD.
My house is alot of fun

Sorry for the long story. I'm not suggesting you put your son in the hospital, but that you work closely with the doctors who care for him. My son's medication was adjusted and even changed a few times until we found what worked for him-- along with counseling during and after his hospital stay.
You should also look for a support group for parents of children with ADD if you haven't already. It helps to talk to people who are in your same siituation. You don't have to go through this alone.

itry · 11-15-2005, 11:12 PM

hey...my 4yr old was the same way... a PERFECT angel at daycare/preschool...and a complete nut at home. im a single mom so i didnt have any psychiatrists,evaluations etc. etc. but her tantrums were unreal..to the point where i would have to walk away from her so she wouldnt see me start to cry. people tend to think that young single mothers just dont know what the hell they were doing....but at the same time..i was going through a custody case and i felt that this may have been affecting her. anyway....i went to the book store and bought several books..i researched and posted a lot on "ParentCenter.com" and "How to Behave so Your children will too" was one book that really really helped. i stuck with it...and thank God things are sooo much better..good luck

itry · 11-15-2005, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PocoDiablo

You almost need to read a book on training dogs. Pack behavior - who is alpha? It's him, not you, so he does whatever he wants.

HOLY GOD that was so insulting to read. I think if anyone handed me a book in reference to my daughter on "How to train dogs" i'd punch them clear in the face.

I dont like people's assumptions of "bad parenting skills". EVERY kid is different.... every parent is different. each situation is unique.

and to be honest..i hate that there are so many excuses for why people behave the way they behave. when people saw my daughter with me and my age...without even knowing the whole situation..they automatically assume im incompetent. i hate that. bad parenting skills my foot....argh

11-15-2005, 03:48 PM	#1
adhdmominga Offline Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 2	ADHD son, need help. why does my son behave like a "normal" child with others, but acts like a possessed demon with me? Is this normal? Our psychiatrist tells me my son restrains himself when he's with others, but since he is comfortable at home, his true feelings of ...being out of control....is what comes out. They tell me he has no control, but if he can control himself when he's at someone else's house.......why can't he control himself at home?

11-15-2005, 09:23 PM	#8
Mun Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Way down South! Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 4,194	Hey there, My son has ADHD, deppression and anger issues. When he was 8 he was constantly throwing tantrums at school, he once hit the school principal and bit a teacher. Another time he ran around campus finally hidding in a hallway. He was taking medication but nothing seemed to help. One day at the doctors office he kicked the wall and knocked down the fire alarm. He was so out of control that we were rushed into the doctors office ahead of other people. The doctor thought that my son knew what he was doing but felt "safe" because I was always around. So I had my son committed for about 20 days. I could only visit once a week or call him. It wasn't something I would have normally considered, but I'm very, very glad I did. The out-of-control tantrums stopped and now my other children know that they too can end up in the "hospital" away from mom if they misbehave like that. My three sons have ADHD. My house is alot of fun Sorry for the long story. I'm not suggesting you put your son in the hospital, but that you work closely with the doctors who care for him. My son's medication was adjusted and even changed a few times until we found what worked for him-- along with counseling during and after his hospital stay. You should also look for a support group for parents of children with ADD if you haven't already. It helps to talk to people who are in your same siituation. You don't have to go through this alone. __________________ Ecclesiastes 3:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last edited by Mun; 11-15-2005 at 09:25 PM.

11-15-2005, 11:12 PM	#9
itry Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 134	hey...my 4yr old was the same way... a PERFECT angel at daycare/preschool...and a complete nut at home. im a single mom so i didnt have any psychiatrists,evaluations etc. etc. but her tantrums were unreal..to the point where i would have to walk away from her so she wouldnt see me start to cry. people tend to think that young single mothers just dont know what the hell they were doing....but at the same time..i was going through a custody case and i felt that this may have been affecting her. anyway....i went to the book store and bought several books..i researched and posted a lot on "ParentCenter.com" and "How to Behave so Your children will too" was one book that really really helped. i stuck with it...and thank God things are sooo much better..good luck __________________ `Men are apt to suffer their minds to be misled by fallacies which gratify their passions. Many persons have obscured and confounded the nature of things by their wretched sophistry; though an act be never so sinful, they will strip it of its guilt.'' --South.

11-15-2005, 04:31 PM	#3
adhdmominga Offline Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 2	He's been diagnosed by multiple doctors. We've tried all the "newer" medications, and have recently changed to Ritalin. He has less side effects with Ritalin, and when it kicks in, he's happy, more "himself", and a great kid. When the meds wear off, he turns into a screaming maniac. He'll bang his head on brick floors, glass doors, put his fists through the wall. He hasn't hit me yet, but he pulls back like he wants to. It is so difficult to wake him up and get him moving in the mornings. I come to work and I'm shaking all over. He's worn me down. It just seems like he can control himself....when he chooses to control himself. I think it's bad parenting skills, lack of follow-through, lack of tough discipline!?!??! Who knows!

11-15-2005, 04:31 PM	#4
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	I agree with RayKay in terms of describing your son as having ADHD. Has that been professionally diagnosed? It is definately totally normal that he is a "demon" with you but an angel with others when you arenot around. That is absolutely typical of young children. They feel safe "testing" their independence with those they are closest too. As RayKay said, if he has ADHD it is unlikely he would be able to control himself around others, it isnot something a child can switch on and off. How old is he? What are the behaviours he exhibits with you? How do you typically repond to them?

11-15-2005, 05:46 PM	#6
Bethany Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 2,030	If he is good in school and behaves like other children, and then comes home to you and behaves like a demon possessed with any or all of these... temper tantrums, throwing things, punching and kicking both siblings and parents, biting, swearing, and generally controlling the house by his behaviour then I too believe its bad parenting skills. Children need discipline, routine, reward for good behaviour and punishment (not corporal punishment)for bad behaviour like Time Out or the Naughty step a minute for each of their years and made to say sorry for what they have done. Buy a good book on parenting is my advice because children don't respect their parents for not giving them the above things hence their behaviour to them and often look to the parent to do something about IT. Be a parent, not a friend or someone who is afraid of their child or what they might do next.