i'm feeling empty and depresses i have no idea what to do

princess36 · 11-01-2005, 12:56 PM

I'm in my early 20's and i've been in and out of relationships since i was 13. i'm currently in a realtionship with a great guy, he does have a temper but don't all men. throughout the years I've been in long term relationships and I always feel as if that person is the one. the only dream I've every had was to get married and raise a family. Now since i've been with this guys that's all i think about having a family with him and being with him. the only problem is he's not ready for that type of commitment. don't get me wrong he's not with anyone else he's just not @ that stage in life when he can think about the future long term. I'm a very jealous person and i can't help but worry that he'll leave me for someone else. Lately I've been picking fights with him, and knowing that he doesn't want the same things makes me so angry. but i love him and i don't know what to do to get my mind off the future. And what i can do to make me a better person over all. i have no hobbies no interestes i have NO substance. i think i'm mentally derranged.

RooferGirl23 · 11-01-2005, 01:05 PM

There is no telling what the future will bring. just b/c he feels a certain way right now, does not mean he wont feel different one week, one month, or one year from now. Its wise to not jump into things like marriage and children if there is any doubt in either of your minds about the future. dont pressure him, it will only make things worse. keep your chin up and look for signs and things that may lean towards more of a solid future for the 2 of you.
Just try to let your guy know how you feel. then let it go for a while. dont make it a re-accouring issure or your doomed. Keep smiling!!

GettingOverIt · 11-01-2005, 01:45 PM

Well, I would guess you are NOT mentally degranged...

As for hobbies and stuff, you may have to reach out and just try some things... I never in my life would have guess I would be into riding horses, but I tried once with some friends, and have been hooked ever since - to the point I am actually 'shopping' for a horse, tack, the whole shebang!

My point is that I never would have known if I had not tried it... Even if you don't THINK you like something, try it and see for sure... Anything - running, swimming, scrapbooking, horseback riding (you can go riding for like 10-20 bucks at a lot of places if you dont have easy access to horses), or reading, writing, cooking, bowling, football, softball, soccer, gardening... I mean, think of something and try it... You are not of "NO substance," you just haven't let yourself find that substance yet....

Dako · 11-01-2005, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princess36

I'm in my early 20's and i've been in and out of relationships since i was 13. i'm currently in a realtionship with a great guy, he does have a temper but don't all men.

No, they all don't have a temper.

SLMitchell918 · 11-01-2005, 03:23 PM

Let him know how you feel. Tell him that you are serious about your relationship with him and your looking for a long term commitment. Not marriage, not just yet since he isn't ready for it, but just a serious relationship. Try not to rush him too much. Don't get mad at him since hes not at the stage of life that you are. If you really love him, just take it easy and enjoy spending time together and like i said make sure he knows how you feel. Maybe he will come around. After awhile, if things don't change for the better and he isn't seeing your relationship together as a long term commitment then maybe you should take a break. Watch out for the temper. Hopefully its not a serious temper.

CATLOVER · 11-01-2005, 04:59 PM

Yes as above said.....NOT ALL HAVE A TEMPER! or we all have a temper to some degree and get angry at things but containing that anger and venting it in a healthy way is the key. Im a bit worried that you mentioned that about him. Does he use his anger to emotionally or pysically hurt you? I hope not.....if he does it is a big issue and one NOT to ignore when your thinking long term.

By the way.....what the rush for landing a guy and having kids...your only 20yrs old you have so much time ahead of you.....and it sounds like maybe you want to fill the gap in your feeling in your life with children.......honestly I think you need to find yourself and become whole yourself first before you jump in the deep end.

Take your time honey

BillyJean714 · 11-02-2005, 05:04 AM

I'm in the same boat! I've always been in relationships starting around the same age as you, and all that I ever wanted is what you wanted too.

All I can say is, if this guy has a temper with you, time to reconsider. Don't stay with someone who can't be patient with you. Blowing up and exploding on you is NEVER acceptable. I've had my fair share of a-holes, but what I often managed to do is to trash them into the wastebucket! Not always, due to certain things that I was very naiive about. Anyway-one thing that's important to keep in mind is to learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat the same patterns over and over. If you feel like you're stuck in a relationship that's going nowhere, and this person continually yells at you (and/or explodes on you) you have permission to leave this person at ANY time! No person, who truly loves you, should EVER yell at you.

There should NEVER be a good excuse for someone who claims to love you to ever blow up and get all tempermental on you. Once a relationship gets to this point, I would say that that "the relationship" is derranged and is borderline "unhealthy"- not you. You're perfectly fine just the way you are. No neeed to change. And, don't belittle yourself, either!

11-01-2005, 12:56 PM	#1
princess36 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NYC Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 6	i'm feeling empty and depresses i have no idea what to do I'm in my early 20's and i've been in and out of relationships since i was 13. i'm currently in a realtionship with a great guy, he does have a temper but don't all men. throughout the years I've been in long term relationships and I always feel as if that person is the one. the only dream I've every had was to get married and raise a family. Now since i've been with this guys that's all i think about having a family with him and being with him. the only problem is he's not ready for that type of commitment. don't get me wrong he's not with anyone else he's just not @ that stage in life when he can think about the future long term. I'm a very jealous person and i can't help but worry that he'll leave me for someone else. Lately I've been picking fights with him, and knowing that he doesn't want the same things makes me so angry. but i love him and i don't know what to do to get my mind off the future. And what i can do to make me a better person over all. i have no hobbies no interestes i have NO substance. i think i'm mentally derranged.

11-01-2005, 01:45 PM	#3
GettingOverIt Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Out There... Waaaay out there... Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 638	Well, I would guess you are NOT mentally degranged... As for hobbies and stuff, you may have to reach out and just try some things... I never in my life would have guess I would be into riding horses, but I tried once with some friends, and have been hooked ever since - to the point I am actually 'shopping' for a horse, tack, the whole shebang! My point is that I never would have known if I had not tried it... Even if you don't THINK you like something, try it and see for sure... Anything - running, swimming, scrapbooking, horseback riding (you can go riding for like 10-20 bucks at a lot of places if you dont have easy access to horses), or reading, writing, cooking, bowling, football, softball, soccer, gardening... I mean, think of something and try it... You are not of "NO substance," you just haven't let yourself find that substance yet.... __________________ Listen to your heart... Your head is too busy thinking to know what you really want....

11-01-2005, 03:23 PM	#5
SLMitchell918 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: West Virginia Gender: Female Posts: 223	Let him know how you feel. Tell him that you are serious about your relationship with him and your looking for a long term commitment. Not marriage, not just yet since he isn't ready for it, but just a serious relationship. Try not to rush him too much. Don't get mad at him since hes not at the stage of life that you are. If you really love him, just take it easy and enjoy spending time together and like i said make sure he knows how you feel. Maybe he will come around. After awhile, if things don't change for the better and he isn't seeing your relationship together as a long term commitment then maybe you should take a break. Watch out for the temper. Hopefully its not a serious temper. __________________ - Selina

11-01-2005, 01:05 PM	#2
RooferGirl23 Offline Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Florida Age: 28 Posts: 309	There is no telling what the future will bring. just b/c he feels a certain way right now, does not mean he wont feel different one week, one month, or one year from now. Its wise to not jump into things like marriage and children if there is any doubt in either of your minds about the future. dont pressure him, it will only make things worse. keep your chin up and look for signs and things that may lean towards more of a solid future for the 2 of you. Just try to let your guy know how you feel. then let it go for a while. dont make it a re-accouring issure or your doomed. Keep smiling!!

11-01-2005, 04:59 PM	#6
CATLOVER Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 129	Yes as above said.....NOT ALL HAVE A TEMPER! or we all have a temper to some degree and get angry at things but containing that anger and venting it in a healthy way is the key. Im a bit worried that you mentioned that about him. Does he use his anger to emotionally or pysically hurt you? I hope not.....if he does it is a big issue and one NOT to ignore when your thinking long term. By the way.....what the rush for landing a guy and having kids...your only 20yrs old you have so much time ahead of you.....and it sounds like maybe you want to fill the gap in your feeling in your life with children.......honestly I think you need to find yourself and become whole yourself first before you jump in the deep end. Take your time honey

11-02-2005, 05:04 AM	#7
BillyJean714 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: SoCal Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 775	I'm in the same boat! I've always been in relationships starting around the same age as you, and all that I ever wanted is what you wanted too. All I can say is, if this guy has a temper with you, time to reconsider. Don't stay with someone who can't be patient with you. Blowing up and exploding on you is NEVER acceptable. I've had my fair share of a-holes, but what I often managed to do is to trash them into the wastebucket! Not always, due to certain things that I was very naiive about. Anyway-one thing that's important to keep in mind is to learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat the same patterns over and over. If you feel like you're stuck in a relationship that's going nowhere, and this person continually yells at you (and/or explodes on you) you have permission to leave this person at ANY time! No person, who truly loves you, should EVER yell at you. There should NEVER be a good excuse for someone who claims to love you to ever blow up and get all tempermental on you. Once a relationship gets to this point, I would say that that "the relationship" is derranged and is borderline "unhealthy"- not you. You're perfectly fine just the way you are. No neeed to change. And, don't belittle yourself, either!