How can I improve my personality?

PiratePirate · 10-29-2005, 11:04 PM

hi, i'm a relatively shy person, and today i was at a college orientation with a bunch of other people. A girl sat down next to me, it was not very easy for me to pick up the courage and say hi. but i did, we made small chitchat for like 5 minutes but then suddenly some other guy comes sits down next to her and basically "steals" my conversation away. i basically just shut up immediately, because the girl was now paying attention to that guy and they talk for a while. i felt really sad then, because i suppose i realized my personality is dull, there isn't much attractiveness or interesting aspects in my personality.

In terms of looks, i can say that i'm definitely above average, and compared to the guy who just sat down, i can say i was more attractive physically but i guess not personality wise. he had some major acne problems and bad teeth, but i guess that didn't mean much at all.

so i want to improve my personality, as in make myself more interesting or humorous to attract more people. any advice would be appreciated, i'm going off to college soon and i don't want to be alone friendless and hating myself.

thx...

nsbguy32169 · 10-29-2005, 11:17 PM

Lol if you're starting college with the attitude of wanting friends then believe me you'll find some very quickly... well depending on how big the college is... Make sure you get involved in some activity or club and you'll have friends coming out the yin-yang

PavPPZ1 · 10-29-2005, 11:30 PM

hey, you seem like a young man, who has a lot of potential.

I will say this the fact that you say you have a dull personality, is already a good start. The beginning of a bright new future always starts with a recognition of problems. Now I will say that I disagree with you that your personality is dull, or not fun. But I will say that you have a lot to learn about life yet.

First off, you should start now on this, and it is to realize your strenghts. Your first off one is as you said you are attractive and good looking.

You are yet very young and have much to understand and this is where your misgivings are coming from. The unfortunate thing about life is by the time we finally begin to understand bits and pieces of it we are old and wrinkly. This doesnt have to be so, since you have inquired at such an earlyage.

Thisis the perfect time for you to turn to understanding and expanding yourself as a person. You should begin by taking upreading and finding material which you can findinterest in. This should never end, you should strive to learn something new every day for the rest of your life. The aspect which comes with much difficulty is finding security in yourself when there is a sea of insecurity from just every day life.

It seems that some people are just born and outgoing and others like you and I have to find the courage and strength to teach ourselves to become this way. The reality is that everyone has to fight insecurities and aspects of daily things which make you unsure of yourself. The goal is to learn to recognize such things and have an understanding of it before you ever have the chance to become self concious. This is when it will come natural toyou and you will become the life of the party smiling cheering telling jokes and being fun for gilrs to be around. Its all about perception, and usually what is inside shows on the outside. So the idea is to fulfill the inside to the point that it has no choice but to shine through.

Ihope that can be a starting point for you.

Good luck and as the previous poster said join clubs and be outgoing do not be afraid of company. If you continue to practice the policy of respecting peopel around you while not allowing anyone to disrespect you. You will have a very enjoyous and fulfilling life.

PiratePirate · 10-29-2005, 11:46 PM

i definitely will join clubs at college, i had already had that planned in mind, and yes its a pretty big college. and i suppose i will come to understand how everything works socially, but i just hope that doesn't come too late.

to be more specific about my concerns, i don't know when someone is just shy and doesn't have the courage to talk to me or they are just annoyed by me and therefore don't come back to talk to me. i usually take the initiative to say hi, but if i don't get a certain reaction from them, like them coming up to me later to say hi, then i take it as a sign of disinterest and i stay away from them.

PavPPZ1 · 10-30-2005, 12:18 AM

just lookat it like this, always try to be sociable as you are. Do your best to overcome your insecurities, this is the direction which you need to head in. Do not look at someones reactions, but instead look at what you did and what might have scared someone off. When you find those indicators fix them and whatever it is you may be doing that you think others dislike, you will overcome and move on. As I said the idea of personality is a very difficult question. The key is your approach, do your best to better yourself, and be simplepeople will gravitate to you.

Good luck

Pagliacci · 10-30-2005, 12:24 AM

I can completely relate to where you're coming from. I start out well enough, smiling, making good small talk, then suddenly I'm at a loss and end up wondering why she isn't saying anything. Then later on I'm kicking myself , wondering why no woman wants to go out with me.

I can't offer you any insightful advice but believe me when I say you need an
activity or job at college. I wholly second that. I've never had one and it's my senior year and I've rarely touched a woman let alone gone out with one.

Don't be like me. You're way ahead of where I was at when I was your age. You just don't see how you can make your conversations more interesting and this is something that I would like to know about also.

Just thought I'd offer support!

metallicachica24/7 · 10-30-2005, 12:30 AM

you just have to become more confident and comfortable with your self. or at least appear that way. personally, i am really outgoing-i dyed my hair purple so im more noticable in a crowd. I am self conscience about my weight, but i think of my positive aspects- I am pretty, so i am confident about my face, and i really really like my personality. so then i am comfortable being who i am proud of no matter what. i decide to take charge and make things fun

Pagliacci · 10-30-2005, 12:34 AM

I'm not so sure it's a confidence issue. If he and I can say high and converse
we're obviously confident about who we are. We're just not sure about our ability to read people and what to talk about.

Dismember_05 · 10-30-2005, 01:29 AM

I know this might sound like a stupid question, but does it really matter whether they are shy or just not interested? You dont have to 'read' someone just say what you want to say and talk about what you want to talk about. and if your problem is just not knowing what to talk about, prepare mentally a list of things you wanna talk about and say it. If the girl is interested she'll latch on to one of the things you bring up and start a proper conversation.

PavPPZ1 · 10-30-2005, 01:47 AM

Quote:

I'm not so sure it's a confidence issue. If he and I can say high and converse
we're obviously confident about who we are. We're just not sure about our ability to read people and what to talk about.

your post is the very evidence of that which you are trying to defend against. You are not sure of yourself and you are expressing it in what yo uwant to talk about. You should be capable of talking on dog turd, and people around you will listen in amaisement, because you deliver the message with clarity and confidence. This is the key to life...

10-29-2005, 11:04 PM	#1
PiratePirate Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Missouri Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 37	How can I improve my personality? hi, i'm a relatively shy person, and today i was at a college orientation with a bunch of other people. A girl sat down next to me, it was not very easy for me to pick up the courage and say hi. but i did, we made small chitchat for like 5 minutes but then suddenly some other guy comes sits down next to her and basically "steals" my conversation away. i basically just shut up immediately, because the girl was now paying attention to that guy and they talk for a while. i felt really sad then, because i suppose i realized my personality is dull, there isn't much attractiveness or interesting aspects in my personality. In terms of looks, i can say that i'm definitely above average, and compared to the guy who just sat down, i can say i was more attractive physically but i guess not personality wise. he had some major acne problems and bad teeth, but i guess that didn't mean much at all. so i want to improve my personality, as in make myself more interesting or humorous to attract more people. any advice would be appreciated, i'm going off to college soon and i don't want to be alone friendless and hating myself. thx...

10-29-2005, 11:30 PM	#3
PavPPZ1 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 27 Posts: 242	hey, you seem like a young man, who has a lot of potential. I will say this the fact that you say you have a dull personality, is already a good start. The beginning of a bright new future always starts with a recognition of problems. Now I will say that I disagree with you that your personality is dull, or not fun. But I will say that you have a lot to learn about life yet. First off, you should start now on this, and it is to realize your strenghts. Your first off one is as you said you are attractive and good looking. You are yet very young and have much to understand and this is where your misgivings are coming from. The unfortunate thing about life is by the time we finally begin to understand bits and pieces of it we are old and wrinkly. This doesnt have to be so, since you have inquired at such an earlyage. Thisis the perfect time for you to turn to understanding and expanding yourself as a person. You should begin by taking upreading and finding material which you can findinterest in. This should never end, you should strive to learn something new every day for the rest of your life. The aspect which comes with much difficulty is finding security in yourself when there is a sea of insecurity from just every day life. It seems that some people are just born and outgoing and others like you and I have to find the courage and strength to teach ourselves to become this way. The reality is that everyone has to fight insecurities and aspects of daily things which make you unsure of yourself. The goal is to learn to recognize such things and have an understanding of it before you ever have the chance to become self concious. This is when it will come natural toyou and you will become the life of the party smiling cheering telling jokes and being fun for gilrs to be around. Its all about perception, and usually what is inside shows on the outside. So the idea is to fulfill the inside to the point that it has no choice but to shine through. Ihope that can be a starting point for you. Good luck and as the previous poster said join clubs and be outgoing do not be afraid of company. If you continue to practice the policy of respecting peopel around you while not allowing anyone to disrespect you. You will have a very enjoyous and fulfilling life. __________________ To harness humor is a bold and an ambiguous undertaking, with it one holds the power to stir and shake the soul, to destroy barriers and harness unearthly beasts.

10-30-2005, 12:18 AM	#5
PavPPZ1 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 27 Posts: 242	just lookat it like this, always try to be sociable as you are. Do your best to overcome your insecurities, this is the direction which you need to head in. Do not look at someones reactions, but instead look at what you did and what might have scared someone off. When you find those indicators fix them and whatever it is you may be doing that you think others dislike, you will overcome and move on. As I said the idea of personality is a very difficult question. The key is your approach, do your best to better yourself, and be simplepeople will gravitate to you. Good luck __________________ To harness humor is a bold and an ambiguous undertaking, with it one holds the power to stir and shake the soul, to destroy barriers and harness unearthly beasts.

10-30-2005, 12:30 AM	#7
metallicachica24/7 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Maryland Age: 17 Posts: 322	you just have to become more confident and comfortable with your self. or at least appear that way. personally, i am really outgoing-i dyed my hair purple so im more noticable in a crowd. I am self conscience about my weight, but i think of my positive aspects- I am pretty, so i am confident about my face, and i really really like my personality. so then i am comfortable being who i am proud of no matter what. i decide to take charge and make things fun __________________ End of passion play, crumbling away I'm ur source of self-destruction Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear Leading on ur deaths construction Taste me u will see More is all u need ur dedicated to How I'm killing u

10-30-2005, 01:29 AM	#9
Dismember_05 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Sydney, Australia Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 52	I know this might sound like a stupid question, but does it really matter whether they are shy or just not interested? You dont have to 'read' someone just say what you want to say and talk about what you want to talk about. and if your problem is just not knowing what to talk about, prepare mentally a list of things you wanna talk about and say it. If the girl is interested she'll latch on to one of the things you bring up and start a proper conversation. __________________ Life it seems, will fade away Drifting further every day Getting lost within myself Nothing matters no one else

10-29-2005, 11:17 PM	#2
nsbguy32169 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 173	Lol if you're starting college with the attitude of wanting friends then believe me you'll find some very quickly... well depending on how big the college is... Make sure you get involved in some activity or club and you'll have friends coming out the yin-yang

10-29-2005, 11:46 PM	#4
PiratePirate Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Missouri Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 37	i definitely will join clubs at college, i had already had that planned in mind, and yes its a pretty big college. and i suppose i will come to understand how everything works socially, but i just hope that doesn't come too late. to be more specific about my concerns, i don't know when someone is just shy and doesn't have the courage to talk to me or they are just annoyed by me and therefore don't come back to talk to me. i usually take the initiative to say hi, but if i don't get a certain reaction from them, like them coming up to me later to say hi, then i take it as a sign of disinterest and i stay away from them.

10-30-2005, 12:24 AM	#6
Pagliacci Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Age: 25 Posts: 2	I can completely relate to where you're coming from. I start out well enough, smiling, making good small talk, then suddenly I'm at a loss and end up wondering why she isn't saying anything. Then later on I'm kicking myself , wondering why no woman wants to go out with me. I can't offer you any insightful advice but believe me when I say you need an activity or job at college. I wholly second that. I've never had one and it's my senior year and I've rarely touched a woman let alone gone out with one. Don't be like me. You're way ahead of where I was at when I was your age. You just don't see how you can make your conversations more interesting and this is something that I would like to know about also. Just thought I'd offer support!

10-30-2005, 12:34 AM	#8
Pagliacci Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Age: 25 Posts: 2	I'm not so sure it's a confidence issue. If he and I can say high and converse we're obviously confident about who we are. We're just not sure about our ability to read people and what to talk about.