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Why Do Men Go Back to Their EX's?


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71.26% but I am not sure why.

 

LOL...only kidding...sorry.

 

I think the percentage of people that get back together at least once is probably quite high but the percentage of those that stay together would I think be low.

 

The reason many people would get back together is because there is an element of an investment in a relationship. The coin is time and experiences. Often people don't want to write all that off without giving it a second chance.

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Motivation behind this, well I have this Ex who left because he needed to get his divorce settled and so he told me he need at least 6 months. We were perfect together and I think it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Now it has been 6 months and I have given him that time and space. We have shared a few emails and one phone call, however I have not seen him at all in 6 months, so I am wondering what are the chance that he will return, because it seems that a lot of people return to what they know they had instead of seeking out something new.

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He wrote me a month ago telling me that we need to talk because he feels there is a lot of miscommunication. You see he lived with me and then without warning just ran away. He said he had things he needed to do in order for him stop hurting (from guilt of divorce, kids etc.) so one day he was there telling me that how happy he was and then the next gone, asking for time. I have only talked on the phone with him twice and the first time was right after the break and he said he would talk but could not see me, because he had no will power when it came to me and that he knew he needed to get control over him life, but after we talked he insisted I let him go completely for at least 6 months so that he could take care of things without me as a distraction.

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Bams... its not just men that return its women. Probably the old adage.. its better to dance with the devil that you know... than the one that you don't know. It's a comfort level they return to. They know how the other person lives and breathes and are comfortable with them. They know how the other one is going to react and what they will react to. They may return out of FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. And a fear of having to start all over again...and building. They figure if they can patch up the old house.. they won't have to invest so much in a new one.

 

Not what you wanted to hear. I know. Pick up that phone.. and call him directly..better yet.. go to see him in person if you can. Bring an apple pie.. or chocolate cake.. and say you came over for coffee and a chat. lol.

 

or... how about a Trench coat and a six pack of beer???? hey.. its an idea. (did I get a grin out of you???)

 

Better yet... if you know he's alone.. then send him a flirty letter. Not a serious one. Make him laugh and remember why he laughed with you.

 

Don't stress so much.. improvise / addapt / overcome

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They figure if they can patch up the old house.. they won't have to invest so much in a new one.

 

Yes I agree with that. It is all very well to talk about divorce, top separate etc but when it comes to actually divorcing and financial settlement...well taht is usually a no going back point and many people panic and do as Shadows said.

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Shadow Lights your are funny. As for the Trench coat thing been there with him, when I picked him up at the Airport and it was a big hit. I plan to call him next week if he doesn't reply to my email. But, Sunday is my birthday, so I am waiting to see if he will contact me, since that would be a good opening.

 

Thanks again, Bams

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BAMS... no problem.. its laughing at myself and life that keeps me sane. BTW.. don't expect him to remember your birthday. They forget anything and everything unless it revolves around them. So don't get your hopes up.

 

Trench coat worked eh??? well... it worked once so try it again. The beer and the food??? what man can resist beer and food... add to it a trench coat.. maybe a saran wrap outfit you made.. and you've got a lethal weapon. Don't sweat it when it comes to gorrilla warfare tactics... woman got it in spades. We wrote the book. lol. Get confident.. .get tough... and keep smiling!!!!

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Well I can tell you all that he did leave his wife and has just rented his own place and has settled his child custody issue and has now hired an attorney and is proceeding with the divorce. So, all I can say is time will tell if his heart is still with me.

 

Need to go for a while, but will check back in about 30 minutes,

 

Until then Thanks, Bams

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Well I am back. Thanks, Shadow Lights I will pull out all the stops when the time is right. I have to say when it came to the bedroom he and I were perfect together and I made all his fantasies come true, except under a Waterfall, but that is only because he left. The funny thing is we got to know each other through long letters and lunches for about a year before we made any physical move. So, I know we had all the right ingredients to make it work, it was just really bad timing.

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I know all about that.. bad timing thing.. lol... Do I ever. Will keep an eye on you though.. keep your chin up!!! No matter how this turns out.. this guy will be the one to bring a smile to your face when your sitting there at SHADY ACRES.. in that rocking chair, reminicing. We all need a guy like that crossing our paths and leaving a mark on our life.

 

Count your blessings, no matter what... you've had the privilage to touch it.. see it.. and know that its real, is possible, and it exists!!!

 

 

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I have had at least a dozen g/f's of 3 months or more...

 

I have not gotten back to gether with any of them whether they broke with me or I broke with them...I did not have the desire to or care enough to try and get back...

 

Until now I have just lost the person I love and care for unconditionally...I would do anything for her...I have never felt the way I do about her and probably never will...

 

Hopefully my percentage of second chances goes up from 0%...

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....[i have not gotten back to gether with any of them whether they broke with me or I broke with them...I did not have the desire to or care enough to try and get back...

Until now I have just lost the person I love and care for unconditionally...I would do anything for her...I have never felt the way I do about her and probably never will./quote]

 

 

Well juha.....that is exactly what my ex said about the girlfriends before me. He is sure that he wants me back and has never felt like this before, even after a 7yr relationship, we were 2yrs.

Hoe do you know when they really want you back or just because "they can't be bothered to rebuy a new house so they go back and patch up the old one"....so to speak (shadowslight).

 

Now that is a question?!

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Well I can tell you all that he did leave his wife and has just rented his own place and has settled his child custody issue and has now hired an attorney and is proceeding with the divorce. So, all I can say is time will tell if his heart is still with me.

 

Need to go for a while, but will check back in about 30 minutes,

 

Until then Thanks, Bams

 

Be careful with this. His relationship with you could impact his custody and settlement issues depending on the place where the divorce is taking place. That in itself could have been a motivation of his in running away to settle these things without you being in the picture ... not because you are a distraction but that, again depending on where this is happening, your presense in the picture could hurt him in the divorce.

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Hi Bams,

 

Your situation hit close to home. I never though I'd date a guy that was going through a divorce and had 2 kids but did! I would never recommend anyone getting involved with someone that is going through a divorce. I knew what i could be in for but followed my heart and not my head. Had a great six month relationship - but as his divorce was soon to be finalized he freaked out about getting too serious with me when all his friends were telling him he should really play the field after being married for 10+ years. It also didn't help matters that it was a long distance relationship and he worked many a weekend. I also believe it was just bad timing. I'm giving him his space and waiting for him to contact me. I'd like to believe I'll get a second chance with him eventually but I certainly can't just sit and wait around for him. It's only been 2 months since we broke up and I miss him so much. Bams how have you been dealing with the breakup with your ex - after six months do you still hurt and are you still keepin up hope that he might come to his senses and come back to be with you?

 

Lonelyfish

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JADTT.... do you mean entice your EX back???

 

Well you can do that a couple of different ways.

 

#1... you give into what he wants. Become the person he wants you to be. Forgive all his indiscretions as if it never happened. Or at least make him thing you did.

 

#2... you beat him to a bloody pulp and kill him with threats of taking away his kids, threaten him with poisoning the kids minds against him. Threaten him with financial ruin. And you take and strip away his ego down to nothing. You break him down.

 

Sounds harsh eh??? yeah well... it happens. Seen it more times than not. In the second scenario.. they go back bacause they resign themselves to think..that this is as good as it gets. And they'll never do better.

 

OR.... You get them back with honesty. Taking a good hard look at yourself.. and admitting that you too had cotributed to this catastrophe. And then make the changes and adjustments you need. Maybe you'll get him back.. and maybe you won't. But you'll be better off for it.. knowing you won't carry the same destructive behaviors into the next one.

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I think its a matter of how it makes someone feel short term vs. long term. After a breakup on both sides it sucks (if you really cared) and there is a not so good feeling involved. How do you fix that feeling? Reconcile. However this usually goes well for a while but it eventually catches up as the reasons that the two people broke up in the first place all come out again.

 

Personally I had a girlfriend of a couple years, we broke up a few times (I initiated it). The reason I would want her back is because I missed her and still wanted her in my life (which is very unfair). Well eventually she broke it off with me for another guy who she is now married too. I was hurt, but I got what I deserved for breaking up with her so many times.

 

I have since vowed not to get back together with any girls that I initiate the break up with, even if I miss them so much and am really tempted. Its a short term fix, its better to look at the long term though.

 

The current girl I am mildly upset over would lead to a disaster if we were to get back together. Of course right now its what I want, because it would fix this empty feeling I have, yet long term we would go back to fighting etc. Its not really worth the trouble.

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I did!

 

I didn't talk to him for five weeks, not a peep, gave him his space. He calls me and invites me to his birthday party. We're all friendly and flirty, see each other a lot over the next two weeks.

 

Then, I go to his house (his roomate is my good friend) and he's taking one of my friends as a date to his uncle's wedding. I became unglued and lost it, took him aside and said "Ok, can't be friends with you if you're going to date my friends"

 

He got all weirded out and cancelled on dinner plans we had a couple days after that. Stopped by his house and we reconciled the situation, decided to be friends, he told me there's a definite possibility we would date in the future.....everything was cool.

 

Haven't talked to him in 4 weeks now !!!!!

 

So, he was weirded out by my 10 minute break down and now I feel like I lost the battle, he'll just have that in the forefront of his mind forever and will never understand where my emotions came from (why---when we were dating he didn't introduce me to any of his friends, and this skanky chick is good enough to meet his family?)

 

Anyway.......

 

I've changed my life, I helped contribute to the break up just as much as he did, he made me anxious.

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