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  1. #1
    Bronze Member septembermourning's Avatar
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    WHY AM I SO ANTI-SOCIAL?

    I just don't understand why I am the way I am. I have lots of friends and lots of people that want to hang out with me but I avoid most social situations! I instead spend my time home alone and I hate talking on the phone. I hardly ever answer when people call.

    I have looked into social phobia and it is not that because I don't have this intense fear of social situations and I don't really have any of the symptoms they list. I just lose interest easily and I hate small talk. I always have to drag myself out and I hardly ever initiate get togethers myself. I guess I am lucky to have the persistant friends I have or I would never go out. I think part of the problem is that I feel like with some of my friends, I am under this unspoken obligation to entertain because I am a funny person by nature but I think this drains me. I think social situations in general drain me. I always want to drive separately even though one of my friends is my roommate, because the thought of being stuck in a social situation without the option of getting away is terrifying to me.

    I used to use drinking as a way to deal with social situations but began to suspect I might have a problem with that so I gave it up a year and a half ago. Now it is even harder to deal with social situations, especially if everyone else is drinking.

    The strange thing is that I wasn't always like this! Not when I was younger like in elementary school and high school. I talked on the phone all the time and I wanted to be around people! I think I noticed a change about 6 years ago... at least I recall that is when I stopped enjoying talking on the phone. I don't really know when this really anti-social stuff happened but it's been like this for at least 5 years now.

    I just feel so alone in this. I don't know anyone else who is like this. I feel like I am probably missing out on a lot of things because of the way I am and I don't like it. What can I do???

  2. #2
    Member CATLOVER's Avatar
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    Actually your not alone.....

    Im a bit better at the moment....but I a have had chunks (years) of time where I avoided most social contact and preferred to just be alone. No one would ever be able to get me on the phone because I ignored it alot and would only answer it if I felt like it. Like you I have many good friends and I am dam sure I have frustrated the hell out of them all by avoiding their calls and sometimes not getting back to them until days later. I am surprised I still have great friends...but I do. I also have a fun personality and I find alot of people warm to me....but I just dont want to be around them that much. I also cant stand small talk and pointless chit chat...Id rather read a good book than crap on to someone who im not even interested in talking to.
    The last 3 months or so though Ive had a bit more of an appetite to get out and meet new people.....but I still spend alot of time on my own...and I dont know...it just doesnt bother me. I am not worried or scared or have any phobias.....except like you I dont really like the feeling of anyone expecting me to entertain them or expecting me to be on the phone all the time to them cause I just dont like it.
    I wondered myself about my antisocial behaviour - but still dont know why Im like that....and like you I was never like this in my school yrs. Im not sure if its just a personality thing or an illness or what....BUT....your not alone is what I can tell you.

  3. #3
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    You are definately not alone. I feel the same way. After I got divorced I was the social butterfly. I went out and had a great time. Now I do not like going out except to the gym. I do not answer my phone----thank you caller ID. I just do not feel like talking. I guess I really don't feel like hearing about my friends trivial issues in life. They are soooo different from me. Our maturity levels do not seem to match up either. So things they think are important are really childs play. I do not even socialize with my family. Sometimes being alone in the tub with a good book is just the best thing for YOU. Your true friends will still be there for you after you get through this phase.

  4. #4
    Member fides75's Avatar
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    am your mirror image. I hate having to say hello to people let alone make small talk. I honestly don't have anything to tell people and I don't want to know anything about them. In my early and mid twenties things were very different. I used to secretly love making an entrance whether it was a cookout, bar because I was excited to be going out. Somewhere this all changed about five years ago. I started to look down on people and feel sorry for them. I don't know why, I just do. I feel like people interact with each other because they feel it's the right thing to do, to keep loads of friends and contacts on hand. To be honest I don't want to be bothered with having phone calls to make, talking non sensical stuff, bothering to get in the car and drive to someone's house and go through the motions of knocking, sitting down and visiting, then the long drawn out exit it always seems to have just to go see a friend for a while.

    I used to think it was agoraphobia to some extent but the definition of agoraphobia doesn't apply to me. I like to go places, just as long as I am by myself. I'm not afraid to leave the house, I just prefer to be alone and not have some schedule to follow. Oh, and what you said about driving, I won't go places as a passenger, at all....................I refuse to be trapped and at someone elses mercy. I want to be able to leave an uncomfortable situation without explaination if I need to. I don't feel this way about my famliy, I like being with them, it's just, well, everyone else I don't want to bother with.

    Does this make sense? I'd like to hear more on what you think made you change....

    A

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  6. #5
    Member Dannysgirl's Avatar
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    Oh my god, I thought I was the only one!!!

    I am extremely intolerant of people, I just can't be bothered having stupid pointless conversations with people! I am very much a person who enjoys my own company and having time alone. The only people I can really stand to talk to are my husband, my three closest friends and family everyone else GO AWAY!

    There is nothing wrong with not being a social butterfly, don't worry.

  7. #6
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    I have the exact same problem as you do! The only difference is I never started drinking to become more sociable (my mom is an alcoholic so I only ever have a drink here and there.)

    I totally wasnt like this in elementary school, or high school... its like College did this to me.

    I HATE talking on the phone.. I never call my friends... Im so lucky that they know me, and so they always call me... but I have lost some friends due to this.... Actually, this just brings to my attention why high school best friend refuses to talk to me anymore.. she said I never call her and I told her she knows how I am... but no she doesnt cause I wasnt like this in highschool...

    My fiance yells at me that I am so anti-social when we get together with his friends....

    Frig, I only met my fiance because I went to a local outdoor concert with a guy friend, and he yelled at me to go talk to people.. so I saw my fiance (i didnt know him at the time) and he was drunk so I said hi and we hit it off from there...

    I wish I could get over this too...

  8. #7
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    Anti-socialites

    I have been anti-social since I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom at parties. I would always want to sit by myself at the bus, looking outside the window instead of looking to make conversation. I went home and watched my favorite TV show instead of going to a cast party after a play in high school.

    Now, I am the same. I hate bars and often find any excuse to go outside to get away or leave early. I don't answer the phone. I don't own a cell phone.

    I don't know why I am like this, how I got this way. I can only say that I think I am afraid.

    Sometimes I fear that I only care about myself. If I cared more about others, I would want to talk to them.
    But the thing is, I DO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. I like to listen to them like a fly on the wall. And I really do care about them. I just don't like talking to them directly. Is that weird?
    I wish I could change but its really hard. Any suggestions?

  9. #8
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    Wow I can completely relate to all of you. I remember way back when in my first year of highschool I was pretty social..and enjoyed meeting people. But later in the years I just began to feel like a wall flower ..never really having much to say and always afraid if I did say something that I would sound stupid or something. I also thought at one point I might have had agoraphobia, but I decided that that can't be because I am not necessarily afraid of social situations ..(accept for going to someone home for dinner...I hate that ...always too quiet for me and forces me to have to talk)..never comfortable in that situation. So I decided that I am just not that into being social. Don't get me wrong I like to have conversations here and there but I think I have grown to love peaceful situations...like reading or watching tv. Sometimes too much talk can create more divisions among people. But yes, I often wonder if I too am missing out on life. I wish I had that type of personality where socializing is easy and that I could be that person everyone loves to see...I often realize that although people tell me I am attractive I am not the girl people want to hang with necessarily..So whoever says that good looking people have it easy...is just nottrue at all..at least for me it isn't. I am not sure what I can do or what kind of advice to give for this. I can say however that you could try and be more open to having conversation but how can you force yourself to be someone you're not...I guess you can either re-invent yourself and become that social butterfly or you can accept that you might not be Ms Talker and that you are more mello than others.....
    Cinderella Jones...PERCEPTION

    The best and most beautiful things in the world
    cannot be seen, nor touched...
    but are felt in the heart.

    - Helen Keller

  10. #9
    Member Princess18's Avatar
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    ISNT IT WEIRD HOW COMMON THIS IS??????

    Ive just recently started gettin anti-social and its gettin me down alot. I used to love going out clubbing and drinking and staying out late but now I make excuses not to go incase I have a bad time and want to come home (which is always- i just get really bored- maybe Ive grown up).

    Im ONLY 19 and i hate staying out later than 12- whats the matter with me?? Im a freak!! and because I avoid a lot of social situations- people dont invite me anymore and i start to feel left out- but its my own fault!!

    HELP

  11. #10
    Member petalbud's Avatar
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    wierd

    I can totaly relate to all of you. Ive never been much of a social butterfly., ive always blended in better with the mute walls,. Most of my childhood evenings were spent reading or painting or drawing-- and they still are. i used to be okay going out,. but I have never liked big groups.Throught this summer,. i developed an extreme fear of goign outside, mainly bcause my OCD (trichotiloomania) got worse. I would lieterarily CRY if i had to walk down to the shops for 5 minutes.

    I still dont like big groups,. cant stand crowds,. thought i was the only one who felt wierd around lots of other people,. Ive only got 3 or 4 friends,. and I absolutely CANT stand Idle gossip and poinless chit chats. i hate conversations that I cant remember a word of 2 minutes later,.. so i tend to keep with myself,.
    that being said,. I Do love meeting new people and gettign to know them, but most people tend to back off from me cause im very reserved and quiet,....

    anyway,. my point is you're not alone,. there are other people who feel the same way,. Imagine how rowdy the world would be if everyone was loud and chatty?
    You don't see me, you only see my frightened shadow... Im behind the mask

    I want to rip to pieces, my bones,.. my flesh my skin,.. release the once velvet, rancid beads of my unending pain.. throw me away....

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