dad cheating

joe-bloe · 10-13-2005, 10:41 AM

My dad has been unemployed for a year and ahalf. He doesnt even look for work. He justs sits at home and does nothing all day.

This morning I returned to house because I forgot something and I saw a pair of womens shoes in the front doorway. i didn't go in ,I didn't know what to do.

It really pisses me off that he is cheating on my mom in her own house while she is at work.

My parents have been married over 30 years and have not been romantic in years, but to do this while my mom is out working really makes me mad.

my mom and I dont really like him and would not miss him .Should I tell my mom?should I say anything to my dad?

thanks

katie_emma · 10-13-2005, 10:44 AM

so you just saw the shoes? Not the woman? Before you say anything to your mom, maybe you should talk to your dad and get the facts straight?

**BellaDonna** · 10-13-2005, 10:52 AM

If it were me I would do more investigating before I went to him or your mom. For instance, return to the house again- and if the shoes are there- go in and see who it is for yourself.

More likely than not he is cheating.

It's a tough situation- but if you had more evidence that he was indeed cheating and saw it with your own eyes, I don't think you should enable him to cheat....it's a family issue and not just a marital issue.

I would tell my mom if it were me- for pure health reasons. Simply because as a married couple it is likely that your parents do not use protection when they have sex and your mother would be vulnerable to unknowingly contracting an STD if your father is cheating.

I think you need more info than just the shoes before you act though.

BellaDonna

Lonelyinasmalltown · 10-13-2005, 10:53 AM

Quote:

so you just saw the shoes? Not the woman? Before you say anything to your mom, maybe you should talk to your dad and get the facts straight?

My thoughts exactly. It could have been anything, unless you actually saw them you only have your suspitions, no proof.

Shadows Light · 10-13-2005, 10:56 AM

How can u be sure he was cheating and not simply be having a cup of coffee with a neighbor?

I can well understand your dilema and how you feel. However, your mother allows him the lattitude to do as he wills. Ultimately, she's got to be the one to stand up for herself and live her life. You can not do it for her. If you get too involved in your parents "business" you may feel much guilt over it later and be tossed in the middle of a fight. Not a good place to be.

You say that you wouldn't miss your dad. Let me tell you from experience, you will. And a change in his living conditions and circumstances will ride heavily on your conscience. Parents have a
way of doing thta to us.

I don't know what u should have done under the circumstances. Possibly gone forward and walked into the house.. and if you caught them, have your dad weasle out of that one. My guess he would have guilted you to death NOT to tell. Maybe you could have brought it up during dinner.... hey dad did you have company today, I noticed someone was here this morning. Thereby alerting your mom..."something" is amiss. Without getting too involved.

You never know.. your mother may know and allows it to happen. Some women shut their eyes to it. Some can't face making a difficult decision or are too afraid to go at it "alone" after so many years. So they hope the affair will eventually die out and run its course.

I feel for your mom. I've seen it happen. My advice to you is to not put yourself in the middle as a direct catalyst to WHAT is very likely to explode. You don't want to get yourself caught in a cross fire.

If you need to know... then pay attention and observe. And find a way for your mother to make the discovery on her own.

yeawutever · 10-13-2005, 10:57 AM

WELL IF U FIND MORE EVIDENCE AND INDEED HE DID CHEATED ON HER, I WOULD SUGGEST TALK TO UR DAD ABOUT THIS IN PRIVATE BUT DON'T GO ON TELLING MOM. THATS UP TO HIM WHETHER HE WANTS TO BE HONEST OR NOT BE HONEST AND GET CAUGHT INSTEAD. TRY SUGGETSING COUNSELING TO HIM, WITHOUT MOM KNOWING THE REASON REASON. SO YEA ITS UP TO HIM TO TELL HER IF HE REALLY FEELS QUILTY.

Beec · 10-13-2005, 11:03 AM

Assuming he is cheating, I don't think I could tell my mother. I could go to my father and tell him that he should either tell her or leave or something like that, and I might threaten him tell to leave or I'd tell. Then if he did not, I think I'd look for a way to reveal it to my mother without me being the messenger.

Meow18 · 10-13-2005, 11:07 AM

I think you need more evidence than what you already have.

In my opinion, your dad isn't being very smart. If he was cheating, and he wanted to get away with it, why would he have a woman over to your home?? I mean, your mom or you could easily go home one day and catch him.

I suggest trying to find out more. Maybe go home again and see if there's anyone there. If you do find out that he is cheating, then you need to confront him and tell him you know what is going on. Your mom deserves to know, but she needs to find out from him. And if he really won't tell her, you need to decide if you want to get involved and tell her.

Personally, if it was me, I would tell my mom if my dad wouldn't. I couldn't stand knowing my dad was doing that behind her back.

darkblue · 10-13-2005, 11:35 AM

Oh, dear.

You didn't see anything that ties him to cheating - you saw shoes...

If he was cheating - what would you do?
Why do you think he is cheating?

TheSmilingTurnip · 10-13-2005, 11:38 AM

I don't think I'd tell my mom he were cheating. I would tell her I came home today while you were at work and there was different pair of shoes there...were those yours? And let her take it from there. You assume nothing...she does the investigating, it stays between those whom it should be between...your mom and dad.

10-13-2005, 10:41 AM	#1
joe-bloe Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 98	dad cheating My dad has been unemployed for a year and ahalf. He doesnt even look for work. He justs sits at home and does nothing all day. This morning I returned to house because I forgot something and I saw a pair of womens shoes in the front doorway. i didn't go in ,I didn't know what to do. It really pisses me off that he is cheating on my mom in her own house while she is at work. My parents have been married over 30 years and have not been romantic in years, but to do this while my mom is out working really makes me mad. my mom and I dont really like him and would not miss him .Should I tell my mom?should I say anything to my dad? thanks

10-13-2005, 10:52 AM	#3
BellaDonna Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 6,583	If it were me I would do more investigating before I went to him or your mom. For instance, return to the house again- and if the shoes are there- go in and see who it is for yourself. More likely than not he is cheating. It's a tough situation- but if you had more evidence that he was indeed cheating and saw it with your own eyes, I don't think you should enable him to cheat....it's a family issue and not just a marital issue. I would tell my mom if it were me- for pure health reasons. Simply because as a married couple it is likely that your parents do not use protection when they have sex and your mother would be vulnerable to unknowingly contracting an STD if your father is cheating. I think you need more info than just the shoes before you act though. BellaDonna __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history." "Friendship should be a refuge, not an ordeal." Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

10-13-2005, 10:56 AM	#5
Shadows Light Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 2,561	How can u be sure he was cheating and not simply be having a cup of coffee with a neighbor? I can well understand your dilema and how you feel. However, your mother allows him the lattitude to do as he wills. Ultimately, she's got to be the one to stand up for herself and live her life. You can not do it for her. If you get too involved in your parents "business" you may feel much guilt over it later and be tossed in the middle of a fight. Not a good place to be. You say that you wouldn't miss your dad. Let me tell you from experience, you will. And a change in his living conditions and circumstances will ride heavily on your conscience. Parents have a way of doing thta to us. I don't know what u should have done under the circumstances. Possibly gone forward and walked into the house.. and if you caught them, have your dad weasle out of that one. My guess he would have guilted you to death NOT to tell. Maybe you could have brought it up during dinner.... hey dad did you have company today, I noticed someone was here this morning. Thereby alerting your mom..."something" is amiss. Without getting too involved. You never know.. your mother may know and allows it to happen. Some women shut their eyes to it. Some can't face making a difficult decision or are too afraid to go at it "alone" after so many years. So they hope the affair will eventually die out and run its course. I feel for your mom. I've seen it happen. My advice to you is to not put yourself in the middle as a direct catalyst to WHAT is very likely to explode. You don't want to get yourself caught in a cross fire. If you need to know... then pay attention and observe. And find a way for your mother to make the discovery on her own. __________________ "Sit vis vobiscum." "nemo me impune lacessit" "Libera Te Ex Inferis" "Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum"

10-13-2005, 11:07 AM	#8
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	I think you need more evidence than what you already have. In my opinion, your dad isn't being very smart. If he was cheating, and he wanted to get away with it, why would he have a woman over to your home?? I mean, your mom or you could easily go home one day and catch him. I suggest trying to find out more. Maybe go home again and see if there's anyone there. If you do find out that he is cheating, then you need to confront him and tell him you know what is going on. Your mom deserves to know, but she needs to find out from him. And if he really won't tell her, you need to decide if you want to get involved and tell her. Personally, if it was me, I would tell my mom if my dad wouldn't. I couldn't stand knowing my dad was doing that behind her back. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

10-13-2005, 11:35 AM	#9
darkblue Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Gender: Male Posts: 5,085	Oh, dear. You didn't see anything that ties him to cheating - you saw shoes... If he was cheating - what would you do? Why do you think he is cheating? __________________ _________________ Aut vincere aut mori. "Whoever loves; becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism - J.P. Sartre

10-13-2005, 10:44 AM	#2
katie_emma Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 36	so you just saw the shoes? Not the woman? Before you say anything to your mom, maybe you should talk to your dad and get the facts straight?

10-13-2005, 10:57 AM	#6
yeawutever Online Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,673	WELL IF U FIND MORE EVIDENCE AND INDEED HE DID CHEATED ON HER, I WOULD SUGGEST TALK TO UR DAD ABOUT THIS IN PRIVATE BUT DON'T GO ON TELLING MOM. THATS UP TO HIM WHETHER HE WANTS TO BE HONEST OR NOT BE HONEST AND GET CAUGHT INSTEAD. TRY SUGGETSING COUNSELING TO HIM, WITHOUT MOM KNOWING THE REASON REASON. SO YEA ITS UP TO HIM TO TELL HER IF HE REALLY FEELS QUILTY.

10-13-2005, 11:03 AM	#7
Beec Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New York Posts: 7,556	Assuming he is cheating, I don't think I could tell my mother. I could go to my father and tell him that he should either tell her or leave or something like that, and I might threaten him tell to leave or I'd tell. Then if he did not, I think I'd look for a way to reveal it to my mother without me being the messenger.

10-13-2005, 11:38 AM	#10
TheSmilingTurnip Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2005 Age: 33 Posts: 2,042	I don't think I'd tell my mom he were cheating. I would tell her I came home today while you were at work and there was different pair of shoes there...were those yours? And let her take it from there. You assume nothing...she does the investigating, it stays between those whom it should be between...your mom and dad. __________________ BOUNDARIES...where you end and someone else begins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty." ~ Kevin Bacon on keeping marriage together.