I think my flatmate is a female narcissist

highonyou · 10-09-2005, 01:25 PM

ive known kirsty for 2 years now, and i think she may have narcissism.
i thought she was just attention seeking, but her behaviour is far beyond that.

Whenever we go out with mates, she has to be the centre of attention. she comes up with the most irrelevant statements to the conversation we are having, eventually the convo ends up being about her or she's doing all the talking.

At our flat, she just wanders into my room and talks about her boyfriend, and how much money he spends on her like that impresses me.

she talks about all our friends in a negative light, especially girls. it's crazy but i think she is jealous of everyone. no, she's never talked down to me to my face, probably because she needs me. i do all the work in the flat, cook wash, clean, u name it.

is she a narcissist or am i just being paranoid and angered that she does nothing to help?

HajiMaji · 10-09-2005, 01:38 PM

It sounds like you are right here. There are people who need to constantly talk themselves up and constantly put others down so they can 'convince' themselves they are alright. From what you posted, it sounds like she is one of these types of people.

It really makes me sad to see this sorta thing. In my experience, theres not a lot we can do. Not only does she have to identify that behavior she also has to muster up the courage to figure out why she feels inadequate if she isnt talking herself up or putting others down. It is hard to go down that road of self evaluation.

I really feel for you, because these people can get annoying at times

RandomAdvisor · 10-09-2005, 01:44 PM

Sure sounds like she is. I once knew someone with narcissism, and he was a real pain to be around. EVERYTHING had to be about him. He was very arrogant, etc. etc. I remember someone else on this board describe narcists as seeing their lives as a major Hollywood movie in which they are the stars. I think that's an accurate description.

Here's a Wikipedia article on the topic.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

DN · 10-09-2005, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by some_guy282

Sure sounds like she is. I once knew someone with narcissism, and he was a real pain to be around. EVERYTHING had to be about him. He was very arrogant, etc. etc. I remember someone else on this board describe narcists as seeing their lives as a major Hollywood movie in which they are the stars. I think that's an accurate description.

Here's a Wikipedia article on the topic.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

That was me!! Not only do people like this see themselves as stars but they see everone else in their lives are only supporting actors or extras.

But this behaviour can also spring, oddly enough, from an inferiority complex. If she has feelings of not being as good as everyone else she could be over-compensating and pushing herself forward, boasting about her boyfriend etc. as a way of boosting her self-esteem. It would be interesting to know her background and accomplishments.

highonyou · 10-09-2005, 01:53 PM

Oh yes she is very irratating, at first i thought she was desperate for conversation, then its all about her.

Quite fitting the narcissus flowers are just daffodils, you'd think they would be more impressive by the way they sound...just like the person

highonyou · 10-09-2005, 02:14 PM

i going to go with her slightly dysfunctional family background, mum and dad divorced and seeing other ppl, has an older sister with alopeacia. has only had 2 other b/fs before the 1 shes got now, it took 7 days to go from last 1 to this 1.

i guess thats all i know

RandomAdvisor · 10-09-2005, 02:44 PM

Try not to let her get to you too much. If it becomes convenient, perhaps you could move. Or if she does become really annoying, maybe you can make moving a priority.

**melrich** · 10-10-2005, 01:58 AM

Yeah I think if you really can't live with it you may have to move out. She probably won't change.

lefthanginagain · 01-16-2006, 12:38 AM

The best advice to give you is to get out now. I have first hand knowledge of this devistating disorder. It has ruined me physically, emotionally, and financially. I dated a narcissist for 3 yrs and fell in love with her. I was used , abused and thrown away like a piece of trash when she was confronted. It is so hard to descibe the feelings I have because I truely was in love with what I thought was my soul mate. It has only been a month since this happened. Some narcissistic qualities for you to look for: self-centered, no remorse, unreliable, projects their faults on others, no conscience, insensitive to needs and fellings of others, easy to anger, manipulater, twists the truth for self benefit, pathological lying, moody, seldom expresses appreciation, defensive when confronted w/truth( will twist it to favor them), doesnt listen to others life stories(only them) These qualities all but disappear when they NEED something from you. As I now recall I dont think there was ever an instanced when she diidnt want something, never just to say hi or how are you. Please look for these, dont end up like me. It will be a long hard road otherwise.

10-09-2005, 01:25 PM	#1
highonyou Offline Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 100	I think my flatmate is a female narcissist ive known kirsty for 2 years now, and i think she may have narcissism. i thought she was just attention seeking, but her behaviour is far beyond that. Whenever we go out with mates, she has to be the centre of attention. she comes up with the most irrelevant statements to the conversation we are having, eventually the convo ends up being about her or she's doing all the talking. At our flat, she just wanders into my room and talks about her boyfriend, and how much money he spends on her like that impresses me. she talks about all our friends in a negative light, especially girls. it's crazy but i think she is jealous of everyone. no, she's never talked down to me to my face, probably because she needs me. i do all the work in the flat, cook wash, clean, u name it. is she a narcissist or am i just being paranoid and angered that she does nothing to help?

10-09-2005, 01:38 PM	#2
HajiMaji Offline Gold Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 1,081	It sounds like you are right here. There are people who need to constantly talk themselves up and constantly put others down so they can 'convince' themselves they are alright. From what you posted, it sounds like she is one of these types of people. It really makes me sad to see this sorta thing. In my experience, theres not a lot we can do. Not only does she have to identify that behavior she also has to muster up the courage to figure out why she feels inadequate if she isnt talking herself up or putting others down. It is hard to go down that road of self evaluation. I really feel for you, because these people can get annoying at times

10-09-2005, 01:44 PM	#3
RandomAdvisor Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: East Coast Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,669	Sure sounds like she is. I once knew someone with narcissism, and he was a real pain to be around. EVERYTHING had to be about him. He was very arrogant, etc. etc. I remember someone else on this board describe narcists as seeing their lives as a major Hollywood movie in which they are the stars. I think that's an accurate description. Here's a Wikipedia article on the topic. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

10-09-2005, 01:53 PM	#5
highonyou Offline Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 100	Oh yes she is very irratating, at first i thought she was desperate for conversation, then its all about her. Quite fitting the narcissus flowers are just daffodils, you'd think they would be more impressive by the way they sound...just like the person

10-09-2005, 02:14 PM	#6
highonyou Offline Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 100	i going to go with her slightly dysfunctional family background, mum and dad divorced and seeing other ppl, has an older sister with alopeacia. has only had 2 other b/fs before the 1 shes got now, it took 7 days to go from last 1 to this 1. i guess thats all i know

10-09-2005, 02:44 PM	#7
RandomAdvisor Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: East Coast Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,669	Try not to let her get to you too much. If it becomes convenient, perhaps you could move. Or if she does become really annoying, maybe you can make moving a priority.

10-10-2005, 01:58 AM	#8
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,501	Yeah I think if you really can't live with it you may have to move out. She probably won't change.

01-16-2006, 12:38 AM	#9
lefthanginagain Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Colorado Gender: Male Posts: 6	The best advice to give you is to get out now. I have first hand knowledge of this devistating disorder. It has ruined me physically, emotionally, and financially. I dated a narcissist for 3 yrs and fell in love with her. I was used , abused and thrown away like a piece of trash when she was confronted. It is so hard to descibe the feelings I have because I truely was in love with what I thought was my soul mate. It has only been a month since this happened. Some narcissistic qualities for you to look for: self-centered, no remorse, unreliable, projects their faults on others, no conscience, insensitive to needs and fellings of others, easy to anger, manipulater, twists the truth for self benefit, pathological lying, moody, seldom expresses appreciation, defensive when confronted w/truth( will twist it to favor them), doesnt listen to others life stories(only them) These qualities all but disappear when they NEED something from you. As I now recall I dont think there was ever an instanced when she diidnt want something, never just to say hi or how are you. Please look for these, dont end up like me. It will be a long hard road otherwise.