hi, i'm new here, and this isn't really where i thought i would ever end up, but i have a problem. i am 25 years old, and my husband and i have been together for 4 years, married 2 in october. earlier this spring, i discovered he had been visiting an adult chat room, talking with other people about having sex, especially other couples.
he had approached me a long time ago about whether or not i would be interested in "swinging". our sex life at the time was not all that great (i was going through some depression and was on meds that decreased my libido) and explained that he had researched where we could meet local couples also interested in swinging. i had told him i wasn't really interested in that sort of thing, that i would rather just be with my husband. after all, i married HIM, i wanted to have sex with HIM, not someone else's significant other. he respectfully dropped the subject, and never brought it up again.
when i discovered the chat room, and the things he was doing and saying on it, i was shocked and hurt. i never thought he would EVER do something like that. i confronted him, and we discussed the issue, and he agreed he had a problem and i urged him to go to counselling. he agreed, and has been going to a counsellor ever since. i also see a counsellor, with whom i had talked to about the problem. she explained that he has an addiction to cyber-sex, and that it would take some time to work through it. i accepted this fact and have lovingly supported him.
our sex life improved since then. i changed medications, my therapy is helping me sort through my own problems, we're happy together and all seems just great. we even bought a book on improving our sex life... it helps! i figured that he was satisfied.
i had thought he had stopped visiting the website. he assured me that the program was deleted off the computer. however, last night, while he was away, i stumbled upon an email account on the computer that i'd never seen before. it was his, and it was for the chat room.
the things i read appalled me. i had NEVER heard him speak the way he had in the emails i saw. the dates are very recent, one was even sent the day after my birthday (we had gone on a trip to the beach at the time and it was wonderful). i became so physically sick and cried and cried. unfortunately, he is away on a road trip (i know he's not cheating, i know who he's with and where he is), so i can't exactly confront him right away about this. i plan on talking to him again, but i do not know how to approach the topic. i'm disappointed that he appears to have made no effort to change his ways, although i know that addictions are hard to break. i feel betrayed and hurt. what do i do? do i continue to stick by him, regardless of the things he has said to other women? do i try to understand what is so wrong with our relationship that he feels the need to do this? or do i make him choose between our marriage and his addiction? i am so confused... i don't know what to do anymore.... please, someone help.