help... my freind is on some serious drugs

sasha12 · 09-17-2005, 11:33 AM

my friend has gone back to taking drugs. she has a teenage daughter and i have been taking care of her hoping that my friend would straighten herself out. it's becomming very difficult to care for her daughter now because her daughter is becomming rebellious and i caught her drinking and smoking cigarettes the other day. i want to give her daughter a chance because it's not her fault for the way her mom is acting and she's not being taking care of properly. i love her daughter as if she was my own child. but now she has become a bad influence on my child because she is trying to get my daughter to drink and smoke too. i feel bad for the girl and i'm probably the only one that can help her but i can't take the risk of her influencing my daughter in a bad way. what should i do?

TheSmilingTurnip · 09-17-2005, 12:44 PM

You need to call your local CPS.

They will work to fix the family's problems, including separating mom and daughter for a while so mom can go to rehab and get clean. The daughter would go to a foster home where she would have structure.

I had to call CPS on my own family. My sister agrees I did the right thing (she was the one I called CPS on).

Realize that you've done all you can and you no longer have the power to change this or fix it. Now you must hand it off to those that do have the power and resources to intervene.

Hello90 · 09-17-2005, 01:58 PM

I am no expert, but I think all the child needs is attention and love. She probably wants someone to just listen to her and be able to talk to freely, but as a friend and not as a parent or authority figure. Becomming that person is hard, especially since you have a dual job as caretaker.

Penny1041 · 09-17-2005, 05:06 PM

My brother has a serious drug problem and he is not taking care of his daughter either.
I think you should contact CPS and let them try and repair that family. The goal of CPS is to eventually keep the mom and daughter together. But the mom needs help first. You will have to be strong and do the tough love thing.
I hope everything works out.

sasha12 · 09-17-2005, 05:31 PM

i don't think i could go thru with calling CPS. i would feel guilty for separating the two of them even though she isn't taking good care of her daughter. i really don't want a part of this anymore my friend is getting me angry and i'm exhausted taking care of her daughter. i feel that the more i take care of her daughter the easier i'm making it for her to do her drugs.

SeaBisquit · 09-17-2005, 05:49 PM

somehow you are feeling that you need to fullfill the responsibility of this child because the mother is no longer doing that. they need professional help. help that you would not be able to give them yourself.

TheSmilingTurnip · 09-17-2005, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sasha12

i don't think i could go thru with calling CPS. i would feel guilty for separating the two of them even though she isn't taking good care of her daughter. i really don't want a part of this anymore my friend is getting me angry and i'm exhausted taking care of her daughter. i feel that the more i take care of her daughter the easier i'm making it for her to do her drugs.

By not calling CPS, an entity that actually has the authority to hold her accountable, you are enabling her. By sitting on the sidelines and not holding her accountable.

If you don't want to be taking care of your friend and her daughter, there's nothing wrong with letting someone else do that and CPS is the entity that can do that.

Yes they may be separated for a time, but realize that that is what's best for that child - she's not being done any good by watching her mom deteriorate. She's getting the idea that that's how families work. If you don't intervene to help that child just by making a simple phone call, anonymous if you wish, you're doing her no favors. What's worse is that thta child will eventually go down the same road her mom's going down. You can try to save her from that by just making that phone call. Believe me, it IS what is best. I know, because I've been there.

09-17-2005, 11:33 AM	#1
sasha12 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: detroit Age: 38 Posts: 380	help... my freind is on some serious drugs my friend has gone back to taking drugs. she has a teenage daughter and i have been taking care of her hoping that my friend would straighten herself out. it's becomming very difficult to care for her daughter now because her daughter is becomming rebellious and i caught her drinking and smoking cigarettes the other day. i want to give her daughter a chance because it's not her fault for the way her mom is acting and she's not being taking care of properly. i love her daughter as if she was my own child. but now she has become a bad influence on my child because she is trying to get my daughter to drink and smoke too. i feel bad for the girl and i'm probably the only one that can help her but i can't take the risk of her influencing my daughter in a bad way. what should i do?

09-17-2005, 12:44 PM	#2
TheSmilingTurnip Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2005 Age: 33 Posts: 2,042	You need to call your local CPS. They will work to fix the family's problems, including separating mom and daughter for a while so mom can go to rehab and get clean. The daughter would go to a foster home where she would have structure. I had to call CPS on my own family. My sister agrees I did the right thing (she was the one I called CPS on). Realize that you've done all you can and you no longer have the power to change this or fix it. Now you must hand it off to those that do have the power and resources to intervene. __________________ BOUNDARIES...where you end and someone else begins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty." ~ Kevin Bacon on keeping marriage together.

09-17-2005, 01:58 PM	#3
Hello90 Offline Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 29	I am no expert, but I think all the child needs is attention and love. She probably wants someone to just listen to her and be able to talk to freely, but as a friend and not as a parent or authority figure. Becomming that person is hard, especially since you have a dual job as caretaker.

09-17-2005, 05:06 PM	#4
Penny1041 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Tempe, Arizona Gender: Female Posts: 113	My brother has a serious drug problem and he is not taking care of his daughter either. I think you should contact CPS and let them try and repair that family. The goal of CPS is to eventually keep the mom and daughter together. But the mom needs help first. You will have to be strong and do the tough love thing. I hope everything works out.

09-17-2005, 05:31 PM	#5
sasha12 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: detroit Age: 38 Posts: 380	i don't think i could go thru with calling CPS. i would feel guilty for separating the two of them even though she isn't taking good care of her daughter. i really don't want a part of this anymore my friend is getting me angry and i'm exhausted taking care of her daughter. i feel that the more i take care of her daughter the easier i'm making it for her to do her drugs.

09-17-2005, 05:49 PM	#6
SeaBisquit Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 28 Posts: 697	somehow you are feeling that you need to fullfill the responsibility of this child because the mother is no longer doing that. they need professional help. help that you would not be able to give them yourself.