Oy, where do i start..
I have a girlfriend of 6 and half months now, who I believe exhibits signs of bipolar disorder as well as other emotional problems. There are many isntances of her being on top of the world for no apparent reason, and then times when she has gotten just pissed and it continues on and builds up and she becomes extremelly negative. She has "broken up" with me more times than i can count, her ex of 1.5 years who is now her friends told me it was the same with him.
At times she tells me she wants to marry me and she hopes and prays she will never screw up and lose me. And the bulk of the rest of the time she runs rampant putting me down and saying whatever she wants with absolutely no regard whatsoever for my feelinds. Then when i confront her, she ignores me and today told me i was boring her as i was telling her how she has hurt me. She then continues on to tell me she knows she needs help, but doesnt want it. No matter how hard i try or how subtle and tactful i am she pushes me away.
Tonight she asked me to shoot her, and offered me $500. She thinks shed rather die than get the help she needs. My current thoughts are to try and get her to commit to going in for a little check up on an upswing or normal period, and if that fails i have already contacted her ex and will begin disucssing tactics to notify her mother, and intervene. This is also my last resort, i am strong, and extremelly accepting. I have bent over backwards for her, i have given her all that i have, i have reached into the far reaches of my forgiveness well, to accept her back time and again. I love for her in a way she literaly doesnt understand.
Some background:
shes 19 years old
lives with her mom, father deceased 1 year ago
told me she was adopted (of this i am suspicious, because of things her mother has said suggest otherwise
problems within her family
-Sister: Much older sister was a striaght A student who rebeled, did drugs, drank, slept around, now married with two kids in a nice house, but now pretty much an airhead (from heavy drug usage i assume) My girlfriend has a STRONG dislike (to put it mildly) for her sister.
-Brother: dropped out of college, started a succesful business and got married to a woman who is by several accounts a major *female dog* had 1 kid from a previous marriage and then 4 others with the brother, the oldest being almost my girlfriends age. The wife recently left (and has in the past, but this time its final). Girlfriends pretty much hates the wife
-Dad: i never knew him, but from what i hear he was the type to pretty much do whatever he damn well pleased. he became obese and died of it eventually. Mom often compares her to her dad.
-Mom: reserved, very short woman. the type whod take orders from the husband and let him get his way
has cut and starved herself in the past
hates he body, she is a bit overweight and thinks her breasts are too small
has had MANY boyfriends in the past, several longtime relationships of which only two she says she truly loved (me and ex-fiance, the bf of 1.5 years) I took her virginity (and she mine) however, before me all she pretty much ever had done was been fingered
Apparently she dated guys in highschool who were networked, to be popular. (now i am pretty much the only friend she makes face to face contact with) She has regrets of her past of which she told me include an ex who once fingered her infront of his friends, and letting some guy she didnt really know finger her to get back at an ex. Shes been cheated on, and i *think* cheated on someone else. (i think simultaniously? cause/effect of finding out?)
She is a very vengeful person, doesnt take *crap* from anyone, but cant stand to take it. She has a temper that turns on a dime and apparently is prone to addiction (has very few chances to drink, but does when she can..drank her fathers beer after he passed to help her through depression) aswell as other things as small as Starbucks. (doesnt smoke though)
She was a daddy's girl (although they'd often butt heads) and he pretty much gave her anything she wanted and she was the spoiled baby born almost 20 years after the other two siblings. Hit her rough when dad died and the money dissappeared. Now lives on a shoestring budget and recently took up being a work-a-holic paying off a car and trying to afford college.
Also like to think she is an open person who speaks her mind, but i have found few secrets in her brain which she would not even divulge to me like her avoiding religion, which she told me was "personal"... and why she doesnt want help. I did however, get her to confess that she does put down others, because she hates who she is. She thinks she is a screw up who always makes people unhappy.
When asked she said she prefers a life of misery, frustration, and eventually death to going in for help.
I pretty much know what i have to do, but i am afraid to do it. I dont want to lose her, but i was hoping for insight/support/advice. Resources would be great. I refuse to turn my back on her even though it would be so easy to find someone who is more attractive, more affectionate, and "normal" who wont put me through the crap she does. I will do whatever it takes, if that means dragging her kicking and screaming into therapy (which would break my heart and be harder than anythign i've done before) or if all else fails stick by her side as i watch her destroy herself and probably me and do what i have to do to stick by herside and help her to the bitter end. (also harder than anything i have ever had to do.. the emotional ups and downs rock my inner being like a tiny tug boat trying to pull a massive oil frigate through a hurricane)
Anways, im cutting it off here cause as is, its too much more most people t o want to read.
Any help is apprectiated! (even an encouraging word)
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