Is my best friend jealous of me?

[Lily04]

Hi everyone,

I've been friends with this girl for a long time... we have been very close and competitive at times as well (in a healthy way.) But lately I've felt sorta hurt by her...

Anyway, we went to this one house party a week or so ago -- she was good friends with the host. Well, I thought I looked awesome going there, and I turned a few heads (I am, objectively, more attractive than my best friend and the other people in her friends circle.) So her friend, the host, in my opinion, seemed sorta attracted to me. He was always asking if I was having fun, and encouraged me to go swimming (I didn't have a bathing suit, he said I could borrow his cousin's bikini...), and played volleyball with me, and always passed the ball to me, but would skip my friend. At the end of the night he also wanted to walk us to our car, and when we were standing next to each other, he said that he thought I was a really nice person, and he really appreciated the chance to meet me. It seemed like he was trying to ask me out, but since I didn't really show any interest in him, he didn't do it...

So I was talking with her yesterday about friends from high school and university, and she mentioned that she met this guy from high school at a book store and he said to say hi to me (I'm pretty sure he had a crush on me in high school.) I said thanks, that was sweet. She then mentioned that her high school friends never shaped her that much, it was mostly her college friends, like Dave (the guy from the party), and I asked if he asked about me by any chance, and she suddenly sharply inhaled, and really breezily was like "oh no, not at all." And then she quickly said, "yeah, he's a really great guy though, and so is his girlfriend.... and (blah blah blah.)"

Then everytime I mention that I've joined a club at school, she has to mention what activities *she's* doing this year, and how she's president of x club, etc... it seems like she's competing with me... and I mentioned that I had a job interview yesterday and got the job, and she said she was happy for me, but it sounded fake.

I also used one of the pics from the party as my MSN display pic (which looks good), although the pics she sent me were all blown up (like huge) and she was like "that pic really doesn't look like you, maybe because it's in B&W, you look good." And I was like "thanks.. well I looked fat in all the pics you sent me because they were blown up." She never said anything..

I know this is long, I will probably edit after, but I'm just wondering if it sounds like she is jealous of me... and if it sounds like the guy from the party did like me, or was I just imagining things? I was sorta hurt that she just cut me off like that and was like "no, but his girlfriend is really nice..."

[PlayBrat]

Hmmmm....

Well it sounds as if your friend could be a little envious...HOWEVER, it also sounds as if you put on an air that you are somehow better than her and her friends. I am saying this because of your comment about being "much more attractive than her or her friends". That is a pretty condenscending attitude, really. How do you act around her? Do you purposely dress to gain more attention because you know you'll get it??
Are you a GOOD friend despite all this other stuff?? Are you down to earth?
I consider myself attractive as well...but I am very self depracating as well. I can make fun of myself..and do it often. This is a defense mechanism...but it puts other people at ease about me. They don't feel the need to compete then.
Are you compassionate? Do you have a good heart??
I am asking because it is easy to think the OTHER person is at fault for being jealous, when somtimes it's because of YOUR attitude that may be causing it.
Just a thought.

[arwen]

I was just thinking the same, when I read PlayBrat's message. The fact that you need to say "I look much more attractive than everyone else in HER circle" and "I turned a few heads" somehow tells me you enjoy this kind of attention. This is not a bad thing of course, but her seeming jealous can be a simple consequence of you coming across as wanting to be the centre of attention.

And that guy, she is probably just pointing you out that he has a girlfriend and is not available.

Ilse.

[Lily04]

Well I just said that because that may be a reason why she is jealous of me as well. I am a very humble person in real life, everyone comments on that (I have been told I'm *too* humble multiple times, as that is a bad thing since I am applying to law school), so that is not an issue.

I am also quiet IRL and don't like being the centre of attention much... I am a down-to-earth person. I dressed up a bit (i.e. wore makeup and party clothes) but that was because I was going to a party, and I thought others would be looking stylish there as well. I usually don't dress to purposely gain attention or whatnot.

So given this info... I think that could be why she was acting a little bit cold to me lately. I wasn't blaming her for doing this either, I'm not saying anyone is "at fault" for anything. I was just wondering...

[Satin]

Lily I hope you didn;t think I was saying you were in any way wrong...I was just pointing out that sometimes we don;t realize HOW we may or may not affect other peoples reactions towards us. I am a VERY flirtatious person by nature...but the thing is about me is that I flirt with EVERYONE. Men, women, kids..etc. I have seen girls who make it a point to be completely ALL over a guy....regardless of who is around. These women are otherwise VERY sensible and nice people. Some people just don't think of how they act or come across to other people.I think it's best to always assume there is someone watching everything you do....this thought always keeps me on my toes.

[arwen]

Maybe she feels like she is always in your shadow. Things like these really depend on a lot of non-verbal communication and things that we are not always conscious about.

I know that my sister feels overshadowed by me because I am not shy like she is. In turn, I feel overshadowed by her because she is extremely talented (she is an artist), and when I was younger, I'd feel like it was all about her, the sweet and talented youngest kid.

At this party, were you hanging out with this friend? Is it at all possible that she might have felt ignored, or felt like boys and getting their attention may have been more important to you (I am not saying that this IS how it was, of course, just how she might have seen things).

Ilse.

[Lily04]

Thanks... well I don't think I did anything wrong. And my friend said that we should go clubbing this Friday, so there's no rift between us. I was probably just over-analyzing...

Thanks again,

Lily

[blackjuice91]

Lily i do not think you should have to change the person you are just for friends to fit in if you like to dress up and look nice so be it do it life is too short and if your friend cant accept you as you are then she is not your friend i have experienced that how a friend can be jealous and copy off of everything you do so do not change yourself.....change the people around you.