Second wedding advice

DGirl · 08-18-2005, 03:46 PM

Hi All,

I have a question for anyone who will answer.

I posted here a while ago....basic story.....I was dating a guy for about 8 years(met in 1994), got married in 2002, had a big traditional italian wedding, less than a year after we were married i caught him cheating, we separated in Jan 2004 and our divorce was final march 2005. Was a very tramatic time for me but now i'm OK.

I had a best friend that was a guy that I have known since about 1997. We have been really good friends, we work together as well. We began dating June of 2004(after I was separated for 6 months) and I am totally in love with him.....I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.....but what do I do now? I had this huge wedding with 200 people there (friends and family) I have a biiiiggg family and i wasnt them all there. If we do end up getting married.....what do I do?? How do I have another wedding?

I dont feel like cause I got screwed by my ex-husband that I should miss out on wearing white and haveing a reception and getting married in a chuch and all that good stuff. When I got married the firts time I had my dream wedding and my dream was shattered!!

Any advice on a second wedding?

Jetta · 08-18-2005, 03:54 PM

Well if it's important to you to have a traditional wedding again then do it. You may have to go through additional procedures at the church, really depends on your religion. I don't know that family will be as enthusiastic truthfully, but you can make it a smaller affair. I eloped the first time, the 2nd was my traditional wedding. If I marry again it'll either be in a garden near water. I've always wanted an outdoor wedding.

RayKay · 08-18-2005, 04:23 PM

I think you should do whatever you want to do, you are both adults. Depending on your religion however, you may find restrictions in getting married again in same church, or you may also find that family members are not as supportive, as well as some of the past guests.

If its a second wedding, I would advise you and your partner attempt to pay for it yourself though, and since you should both have many of the things that couples need to get started, keep your wedding/gift registry if you choose to have one very tame and simple...and affordable. Guests sometimes don't like the idea of having to buy gifts for two weddings for the same person

Personally, even for my first wedding I would rather run away somewhere and elope but if you like big weddings, by all means. Make sure your partner feels the same way though...the wedding is not ALL about you..he's part of it too!

Have you two talked of marriage?

DN · 08-18-2005, 04:26 PM

Has he proposed and if he has what does he want? Remember that a wedding involves two people and both of them should have a say about th wedding.

If you are agreed you can have whatever wedding you like. But I assume you will be paying for it. And you may want to let guests who were invited to the first one know that they are not expected to cough up megabucks for another wedding present.

DGirl · 08-18-2005, 06:05 PM

To get married in the chuch again I do need an annulment....which I am in the process of now. I would pay for the wedding myself of course......and this is his first wedding and he does want the big traditional wedding so why should he be deprived? Its not about the gifts and the money....its about celebration for me and having my family there.

Also I love the idea of telling people they dont need to bring a gift again, but how do I do that without being tacky?? And I would not have another bridal shower or gift registary or anything like that.

"Has he proposed and if he has what does he want?"
No he has not proposed yet, but I think its coming soon and I just would want to be prepared cause I dont want anyone to feel awkward including myself.

DN · 08-18-2005, 06:12 PM

I take it this was an RC marriage. Are you sure an annulment will be that easy to procure?

As for no gifts. Obviously this would only apply to people from your side who attended your first wedding. His side would give gifts in the normal way.

Send the invitations in the usual way - no mention of gifts at all. Get your mother and/or your bridesmaids to informally and tactfully mention to those people who did attend the first wedding that a gift is not required.

**melrich** · 08-18-2005, 06:28 PM

If you both want it go for the big wedding.

brando · 08-18-2005, 09:44 PM

elope..save yourselves the money and the aggrivation.

DGirl · 08-19-2005, 01:15 PM

Thank you all so much for your supportive advice! It helped a lot!!!! I kinda needed to hear the:

"go for it, do what you both want, its your day!"

Thanks again!!!! :P :P

08-18-2005, 03:46 PM	#1
DGirl Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 60	Second wedding advice Hi All, I have a question for anyone who will answer. I posted here a while ago....basic story.....I was dating a guy for about 8 years(met in 1994), got married in 2002, had a big traditional italian wedding, less than a year after we were married i caught him cheating, we separated in Jan 2004 and our divorce was final march 2005. Was a very tramatic time for me but now i'm OK. I had a best friend that was a guy that I have known since about 1997. We have been really good friends, we work together as well. We began dating June of 2004(after I was separated for 6 months) and I am totally in love with him.....I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.....but what do I do now? I had this huge wedding with 200 people there (friends and family) I have a biiiiggg family and i wasnt them all there. If we do end up getting married.....what do I do?? How do I have another wedding? I dont feel like cause I got screwed by my ex-husband that I should miss out on wearing white and haveing a reception and getting married in a chuch and all that good stuff. When I got married the firts time I had my dream wedding and my dream was shattered!! Any advice on a second wedding?

08-18-2005, 03:54 PM	#2
Jetta Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 2,354	Well if it's important to you to have a traditional wedding again then do it. You may have to go through additional procedures at the church, really depends on your religion. I don't know that family will be as enthusiastic truthfully, but you can make it a smaller affair. I eloped the first time, the 2nd was my traditional wedding. If I marry again it'll either be in a garden near water. I've always wanted an outdoor wedding. __________________ "Reality is what won't go away when you stop believing in it." -Phillip K* "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -Carl Jung

08-18-2005, 04:23 PM	#3
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	I think you should do whatever you want to do, you are both adults. Depending on your religion however, you may find restrictions in getting married again in same church, or you may also find that family members are not as supportive, as well as some of the past guests. If its a second wedding, I would advise you and your partner attempt to pay for it yourself though, and since you should both have many of the things that couples need to get started, keep your wedding/gift registry if you choose to have one very tame and simple...and affordable. Guests sometimes don't like the idea of having to buy gifts for two weddings for the same person Personally, even for my first wedding I would rather run away somewhere and elope but if you like big weddings, by all means. Make sure your partner feels the same way though...the wedding is not ALL about you..he's part of it too! Have you two talked of marriage? __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

08-18-2005, 04:26 PM	#4
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	Has he proposed and if he has what does he want? Remember that a wedding involves two people and both of them should have a say about th wedding. If you are agreed you can have whatever wedding you like. But I assume you will be paying for it. And you may want to let guests who were invited to the first one know that they are not expected to cough up megabucks for another wedding present. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

08-18-2005, 06:12 PM	#6
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	I take it this was an RC marriage. Are you sure an annulment will be that easy to procure? As for no gifts. Obviously this would only apply to people from your side who attended your first wedding. His side would give gifts in the normal way. Send the invitations in the usual way - no mention of gifts at all. Get your mother and/or your bridesmaids to informally and tactfully mention to those people who did attend the first wedding that a gift is not required. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

08-18-2005, 06:05 PM	#5
DGirl Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 60	To get married in the chuch again I do need an annulment....which I am in the process of now. I would pay for the wedding myself of course......and this is his first wedding and he does want the big traditional wedding so why should he be deprived? Its not about the gifts and the money....its about celebration for me and having my family there. Also I love the idea of telling people they dont need to bring a gift again, but how do I do that without being tacky?? And I would not have another bridal shower or gift registary or anything like that. "Has he proposed and if he has what does he want?" No he has not proposed yet, but I think its coming soon and I just would want to be prepared cause I dont want anyone to feel awkward including myself.

08-18-2005, 06:28 PM	#7
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,498	If you both want it go for the big wedding.

08-18-2005, 09:44 PM	#8
brando Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Of No North Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 1,623	elope..save yourselves the money and the aggrivation. __________________ Forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who tresspass against us. - The Lord's Prayer

08-19-2005, 01:15 PM	#9
DGirl Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 60	Thank you all so much for your supportive advice! It helped a lot!!!! I kinda needed to hear the: "go for it, do what you both want, its your day!" Thanks again!!!! :P :P