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Thread: Boyfriend is not ready for marriage, after 5 years

  1. #1
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    Boyfriend is not ready for marriage, after 5 years

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now. He says he knows he wants to marry me, but he doesn't have that "feeling". It's like he is looking for a feeling or sign. What do I do? I am absolutely ready for marriage and I knew it from the beginning. He pursued me in the beginning, I was someone he thought he could never be with, but now that he has me, do you think there might be problems due to that? We don't live together and he is very stable in his career and so am I. He is 26 and I am 23. I have been in one other serious relationship in high school and he has never been in a serious relationship. Lately we have had sexual problems, I am not as interested as he is- but I don't think that that is what is holding him back. I will ask him.

  2. #2
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    Don't do anything. If you trust this guy, then believe him. He's not ready. If you're going to be together forever, then it really doesn't matter when you get married. Both people need to want it 100% and be 100% ready for it if a marriage is going to work out.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    Hi there and welcome to Enotalone !

    I'm wondering, do you two live together?

    The last thing you want to do is hound him about it. Let him make up his mind in his own time, but you might want to set a deadline for yourself if you are tired of waiting.

    Five years is alot, you've been together since you were teens has either of you ( as adults) dated other people ?

    Could he be waiting for a more stable time in his career maybe?
    Ecclesiastes 3:1
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    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven
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  4. #4
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    I can say that if he's around your age I would understand him not wanting to get married yet. A lot of people that age don't feel ready to enter a marriage yet.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Beec's Avatar
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    It is not easy to say what could be going on in his head. It is easier to think about ways in which you might either motivate him to marry or risk losing him altogether. The question is what do you want. And the other part of the question is are you willing to manipulate his feelings to get what you want.

  7. #6
    Gold Member DragonGirl724's Avatar
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    id be a little uncertain about starting a married life in early 20s...in the meantime check out this link:

    http://www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=59127

    there will be professional advice here, if that helps any...but i think dude just needs time. id be him if i was in the same situation so i can relate to how he feels.

    -DG724
    Don't Tread on Me.
    www.CampaignForLiberty.com

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    I agree with DragonGirl.

    There is an expert coming on tomorrow to discuss this very topic, maybe she can give you some insight to your question.

    http://www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=59127

    check this out and maybe copy and paste your question on here, see what she says.

    Best of luck!
    Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :) AND a beautiful baby boy born 6-14-11. :)

    Baby # 2 forever missed lost 6-3-10.

    "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
    ~author unknown

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    Member AshleyJ's Avatar
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    well i am a little in the same boat me and my boyfriend been together for 6 yrs we have two children.we been together since highschool we been living together since 8 months after getting together. he always said we are going to get married but ask wen he always say he dont know well he says we dont have enough money. we have been through a whole lot from the cheating once at the beginning and struggling to maintain our apartment and raising or children. recently he been through side things to me about the wedding and being married like two weeks ago he asked me do i want to be wit him for ever but later told me it wasnt a proposal then last night he asked me when can we get married i tried not sound so excited so i said wenever u can give a date i will plan it...well in seconds i asked the same question and he said idk so i feel like y he keep asking me things if he feels he still not ready. like i said we are great still good sex convo and friendship both our families love us and accept our relationship i just dont know wat to expected plz help me



    i read in a blog if he hasnt married me yet or set a date he dont want to marry me is that true?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Perhaps he doesn't want to get married yet because of the sexual problems and you guys aren't living together yet. I can't blame him - I wouldn't want to get married until "big" problems were solved or about to be resolved and I knew what it was like to live with my partner.

    Perhaps instead of asking for marriage, you could perhaps work with him to take steps toward resolving your sexual problems, and maybe living together for a bit for a couple years?

  11. #10
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    I'm late 30s and it's only now that I'm ready to get married. I was married at 23 but ended it as couldn't cope with being trapped in marriage. I realise it wasn't marriage I have a problem with, I was simply not with the right guy and I was too young; I hadn't found myself. Now I am with the right guy and I can't wait to get engaged to him. You both have loads of time to get married, but I understand you want your man to commit to you and take the next step. It's frustrating when you're ready.

    Do you do things with friends or for yourself? Maybe start going out more with girlfriends, make him miss you. I know, it's game playing - I'm not into that either, but I think sometimes guys need a little reminder that you can survive without them!

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