A Missing Pair of Jeans= Big Fight...

Cynder · 08-04-2005, 11:18 PM

Things have gone pretty well between my husband and I for a while now. We have been going to counceling, and seem to be working a lot of things out.

But, tonight we had this huge fight over something incredibly stupid.

I recently had a pair of my jeans come up missing. They are nowhere to be found. My clean clothes go in the dresser, dirty clothes go in the hamper. Well they are neither place. I have done wash a few times since they came up missing, and they have vanished without a trace. Lately, I have also noticed my supply of panties getting smaller and smaller as well. Hmmm.

I have been trying to come up with explanatiosn, i.e, is my landlord a psycho sexually frusterated freak who sneaks in when we aren't home and steals my clothes? Is my husband having some girl over when I'm at work and she is stealing my clothes?

We have had some serious trust issues in the passed. He has come very close to online cheating (Some people would say he did cheat online, I guess it's a fine line). He has also tried to "hook up" with a girl he worked with while we were together.

Tonight I amde a joking comment "Did your girlfriend steal my jeans?" He laughed. But then I made the mistake of saying that the thought had crossed my mind that maybe he did have someone over and they took them. He obviously got mad and we had this huge fight.

The violence hasn't reared it's ugly head in several months, but tonight he picked up a steel folding chair and threatened to hit me with it...

HE didn't do it. He said afterwords that he wouldn't have done it, but then why pick it up and hold it like he was going to beat me with it???

He yelled at me for wanting to go to this concert tomorrow night. This is a band that I have been trying to see since 2000. Every time they come to town. something comes up and I end up not able to go. Well tomorrow night nothing is stopping me. When I suggested to him that we go (last week) he was fine with it. Now tonight he says I'm being selfish because he doesn't want to go. I said "Well why didn't you say that when I told you about it, I could have made plans and went with someone else?" He replied "Because you didn't ask me!" IN my opinion, if I make a suggestion, and he agrees to it, he must not have a problem!!! Obviously he sees it differently.

He just blew up...

Afterwords I was sitting in the bedroom all by myself and he came into the kitchen to do something. The bedroom is right off the kitchen. He yelled into the bedroom "Are you gonna sit in there feeling sorry for yourself now?" I wasn't feeling sorry for myslef. I was actually feeling sorry for him. I told him that and he got mad and said "Don't feel sorry for me, **** off!!"

I am confused. I don't understand how this little thing could trigger this huge blowout. We have really been doing great too. Could it be that he is keeping all his rage inside and becoming more volitile?

PLease comment. I really need to hear some other opinions. He has left for work now, and I can't sleep because of this.

**melrich** · 08-04-2005, 11:27 PM

I am only guessing but it sounds like you have accused him of stuff in the past (probably with good reason) and this time he knows he has done nothing wrong so he's warning you with his rage.

He's warning you never to accuse him of anything again unless you know it to be true. It's classic behaviour. When you know you are right, take the extreme high moral ground and defend it violently.

If I was a female I'd leave any guy that raised a steel chair at me.

Cynder · 08-04-2005, 11:35 PM

You are right, but the suspeicions were true in the passed. He was staying home from work and talking to this girl online (very inapropriate conversations.) and one night he left Messenger on without realising it, and an IM from her popped up while I was on the computer, saying "So when are you going to give me that spanking you promised?" At that point I don't really think it's an acusation, its me catching him red handed.

HE told me about the girl at work. This was after a week of hearing him talk about nothing but her. I asked him "So do you like her or something because that's all you can talk about anymore?" He admitted that he did and tried to hook up with her.

I wouldn't say I really acused him tonight. I made a joking comment, and then told him the thought had crossed my mind.. I didn't get in his face and say "You had some girl here didn't you!?" The thought also crossed my mind that it's my landlord. He has access to the apartment, and he is this really creepy guy who stares at me a lot, but I didn't call him up and acuse him.

Maybe it came out that way to my husband, but I didn't mean it to be confrontational. I was just leveling with him...

**lady00** · 08-04-2005, 11:42 PM

Nothing makes it okay for him to threaten you with violence. I think that is the main problem here. How he deals with arguments. Cursing at you and lifting a chair in a threatening manner are totally inappropriate ways of resolving conflict.

**melrich** · 08-04-2005, 11:47 PM

Quote:

You are right, but the suspeicions were true in the passed.

Yeah I know that. What I am saying is this time they are not, so he feels he's on safe ground (the moral high ground) and he is milking it for all that it's worth. By his rage he is saying to you STOP ACCUSING ME OF STUFF. This will serve him well in the future when he does something wrong because you are going to be that little more hesitant about accusing him next time.

Yeah you did not really accuse him this time as you say. This guy picked this fight for a reason.

EpicOfAnguish · 08-05-2005, 05:42 AM

Not to sound cynical, but how does she know her suspicions are wrong? Someone is obviously taking her clothes. That's kinda creepy...

WildChild · 08-08-2005, 10:40 AM

[/quote]Yeah you did not really accuse him this time as you say. This guy picked this fight for a reason.[/quote]

Hate to say it, but I agree. My exhusband used to do the same thing. Pick fights over nothing, say he would do something with me and then back out at last minute. Get pissed if I asked if he was cheating. Turns out, he was.

Your guy has a past history of doing this...he has nothing to lose cuz he thinks you're going to be there for him like you always have when the truth comes out.

P.S. Get a camcorder and hide it in your bedroom (don't tell your bf either) then you'll know who the hell is messing with your wardrobe. Also, start keeping track (again, do not tell him)...see if there is a pattern to when things-go-a-missin. And lastly, always trust your gut!

08-04-2005, 11:18 PM	#1
Cynder Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Age: 31 Posts: 593	A Missing Pair of Jeans= Big Fight... Things have gone pretty well between my husband and I for a while now. We have been going to counceling, and seem to be working a lot of things out. But, tonight we had this huge fight over something incredibly stupid. I recently had a pair of my jeans come up missing. They are nowhere to be found. My clean clothes go in the dresser, dirty clothes go in the hamper. Well they are neither place. I have done wash a few times since they came up missing, and they have vanished without a trace. Lately, I have also noticed my supply of panties getting smaller and smaller as well. Hmmm. I have been trying to come up with explanatiosn, i.e, is my landlord a psycho sexually frusterated freak who sneaks in when we aren't home and steals my clothes? Is my husband having some girl over when I'm at work and she is stealing my clothes? We have had some serious trust issues in the passed. He has come very close to online cheating (Some people would say he did cheat online, I guess it's a fine line). He has also tried to "hook up" with a girl he worked with while we were together. Tonight I amde a joking comment "Did your girlfriend steal my jeans?" He laughed. But then I made the mistake of saying that the thought had crossed my mind that maybe he did have someone over and they took them. He obviously got mad and we had this huge fight. The violence hasn't reared it's ugly head in several months, but tonight he picked up a steel folding chair and threatened to hit me with it... HE didn't do it. He said afterwords that he wouldn't have done it, but then why pick it up and hold it like he was going to beat me with it??? He yelled at me for wanting to go to this concert tomorrow night. This is a band that I have been trying to see since 2000. Every time they come to town. something comes up and I end up not able to go. Well tomorrow night nothing is stopping me. When I suggested to him that we go (last week) he was fine with it. Now tonight he says I'm being selfish because he doesn't want to go. I said "Well why didn't you say that when I told you about it, I could have made plans and went with someone else?" He replied "Because you didn't ask me!" IN my opinion, if I make a suggestion, and he agrees to it, he must not have a problem!!! Obviously he sees it differently. He just blew up... Afterwords I was sitting in the bedroom all by myself and he came into the kitchen to do something. The bedroom is right off the kitchen. He yelled into the bedroom "Are you gonna sit in there feeling sorry for yourself now?" I wasn't feeling sorry for myslef. I was actually feeling sorry for him. I told him that and he got mad and said "Don't feel sorry for me, **** off!!" I am confused. I don't understand how this little thing could trigger this huge blowout. We have really been doing great too. Could it be that he is keeping all his rage inside and becoming more volitile? PLease comment. I really need to hear some other opinions. He has left for work now, and I can't sleep because of this. __________________ http://www.nightmarepictures.net "High school woulda been awesome with a big Pal. He could've carried me to school!" ~Toki "Loo loo loo, I got some apples!" ~Butters I haven't earned a rep point in four years... and I aint' gonna' start now! <----------Artwork by Moi

08-04-2005, 11:35 PM	#3
Cynder Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Age: 31 Posts: 593	You are right, but the suspeicions were true in the passed. He was staying home from work and talking to this girl online (very inapropriate conversations.) and one night he left Messenger on without realising it, and an IM from her popped up while I was on the computer, saying "So when are you going to give me that spanking you promised?" At that point I don't really think it's an acusation, its me catching him red handed. HE told me about the girl at work. This was after a week of hearing him talk about nothing but her. I asked him "So do you like her or something because that's all you can talk about anymore?" He admitted that he did and tried to hook up with her. I wouldn't say I really acused him tonight. I made a joking comment, and then told him the thought had crossed my mind.. I didn't get in his face and say "You had some girl here didn't you!?" The thought also crossed my mind that it's my landlord. He has access to the apartment, and he is this really creepy guy who stares at me a lot, but I didn't call him up and acuse him. Maybe it came out that way to my husband, but I didn't mean it to be confrontational. I was just leveling with him... __________________ http://www.nightmarepictures.net "High school woulda been awesome with a big Pal. He could've carried me to school!" ~Toki "Loo loo loo, I got some apples!" ~Butters I haven't earned a rep point in four years... and I aint' gonna' start now! <----------Artwork by Moi

08-05-2005, 05:42 AM	#6
EpicOfAnguish Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 31 Posts: 43	Not to sound cynical, but how does she know her suspicions are wrong? Someone is obviously taking her clothes. That's kinda creepy... __________________ ~Behind my blissful eyes a furious soul reveals thine soul in eternal torment a shallow cist is now thine realm in putrefaction thou shall repent as i return to my sole amenity for eternal allegiance~

08-04-2005, 11:27 PM	#2
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	I am only guessing but it sounds like you have accused him of stuff in the past (probably with good reason) and this time he knows he has done nothing wrong so he's warning you with his rage. He's warning you never to accuse him of anything again unless you know it to be true. It's classic behaviour. When you know you are right, take the extreme high moral ground and defend it violently. If I was a female I'd leave any guy that raised a steel chair at me.

08-04-2005, 11:42 PM	#4
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,867	Nothing makes it okay for him to threaten you with violence. I think that is the main problem here. How he deals with arguments. Cursing at you and lifting a chair in a threatening manner are totally inappropriate ways of resolving conflict.

08-08-2005, 10:40 AM	#7
WildChild Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 38 Posts: 1,027	[/quote]Yeah you did not really accuse him this time as you say. This guy picked this fight for a reason.[/quote] Hate to say it, but I agree. My exhusband used to do the same thing. Pick fights over nothing, say he would do something with me and then back out at last minute. Get pissed if I asked if he was cheating. Turns out, he was. Your guy has a past history of doing this...he has nothing to lose cuz he thinks you're going to be there for him like you always have when the truth comes out. P.S. Get a camcorder and hide it in your bedroom (don't tell your bf either) then you'll know who the hell is messing with your wardrobe. Also, start keeping track (again, do not tell him)...see if there is a pattern to when things-go-a-missin. And lastly, always trust your gut!