You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

SuperDave71 · 07-21-2005, 04:51 PM

Hello Everyone.....

It has been quite a long time since I have posted here but I will tell all of those who do not know me, I have been through it all and this is the place to come....**A small warning to those who's hearts are broken and nowhere close to healing.... do not go on your FIRST instinct. It is usually wrong.**

You must remember this...no matter what your situation, no matter how bad....or how insignificant....there are things you can NOT do to get them back...

How many people out here have done things that seemed like a great idea, yet did not turn out as expected. ( I.E. Calling, meeting them out unannounced, cards, letters, IM's etc etc. )?? We have all done it because we are too hurt and let our broken hearts take over instead of our brains. I have done it myself. Trust me.....it hurts more when you do something of the best intension and it only gets thrown in your face later as manipulative and deceiving.

If you have had a situation where you hear the words, "Let's break up", "I think we should date other people", "It's not you, it's me", or any other line out there....you have to use your head..not your heart ( for now).

If your arm was broken, would you try to rely on it to arm wrestle?? ..NO!! it would hurt so much worse than what it already was. Silly analogy, but it works.

If someone wants space, give it to them.....and I mean completely. No calls, no letters, no ANYTHING....YOU DO NOT EXSIST....period!
If you think dieting is hard or quitting smoking.....try staying completely away from someone you LOVE with all your heart....if you can do it, you will me so much stronger in the end. Do not let the thought of, "But if I don't see them, or contact them, they will forget me, or move on." Stop over romanticising. Let nature take it's course. YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT WILL HAPPEN...BUT....you can however INCREASE your odds by NOT DOING THE THINGS THAT PUSH EX lover's away.

Example: "I will call her and talk just to check on her.." You call and she is NOT there, because she is out....." You will drive yourself NUTS wondering what she is doing and who with. DON'T punish yourself !! You will continue to fall into the void you have already created.

Letters and e-mails are a big no no. You have to be firm with yourself. Don't do it. It will not be seen like a "Sleepless in Seattle" moment...It will only push the person further away because you are not giving them what they want. Give them all the time they want. ALL OF IT! Even if you don't see or hear from them in months...DON'T do it.

Again, I will stress how awful it feels when you do something you feel is right and it backfires. You end up beating yourself up more because your heart was telling you how sweet the gesture, or idea yet you didn't think clearly enough to look at the BIG PICTURE. Man, does it hurt.

Trust me..they very rarely see an act as a positive thing no matter how good it sounds or seems to you.

Alcohol, drugs, or anything like this is a big no no!!!! You end up making them RUN AWAY!!!. They will not feel sorry for you, they will usually look at you patheticly and say "Thank gawd we are broken up" or you get drunk and decide to call because your numb and a mystery "someone" answers the phone. DO you like to torture yourself? Well I don't whatsoever.

In short, don't do anything...give them space.....give them time....

REMEMBER THIS: If you do nothing....you cannot screw ANYTHING UP. If you do something....it could be the very thing that pushes them away even more than they already are.....I wish you all the best in getting what you need and deserve.....Just be honest with yourself NO MATTER what..

--Thanks Guys,

SuperDave71

hockeyboy · 07-21-2005, 04:55 PM

Hey Superdave...glad to see you still kicking around. I couldn't agree more with everything you just said...keep up the good work.

elveden · 07-21-2005, 05:17 PM

Well said

SuperDave71 · 07-21-2005, 05:49 PM

Thanks.....Glad to be back!

-SuperDave71

sexysadie · 07-21-2005, 05:57 PM

Thank you for bringing this post back up to the top. I really appreciated reading it and needed it right now...just to explain things about why you do the NC. It's easy to say NC but I prefer the explanation...thank you!!

Echo · 07-21-2005, 06:04 PM

Thanks Dave....

I needed to read that at this point in time. I am currently in NC with my ex right now. We agreed to not talk for a couple months..it was more MY decision, but it's still tough.

What's hard for me about NC is always thinking in the back of my mind that if we don't talk, that somehow we will forget about each other. Silly I know, but it's something I think that keeps many people from being diligent about it. I know the reality is that it makes them think of you MORE..not less...so this is one the the hardest things for ME to deal with.
I am also scared to death that we will both change so much that we might not like each other anymore if we wait too long.
It's tough....

beatless · 07-21-2005, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperDave71

How many people out here have done things that seemed like a great idea, yet did not turn out as expected. ( I.E. Calling, meeting thm out unannounced, cards, letters, IM's etc etc. )?? We have all done it because we are too hurt and let our broken hearts take over instead of our brains. I have done it myself. Trust me.....it hurts more when you do something of the best intension and it only gets thrown in your face later as manipulative and deceiving.

Well said and I agree with this. It's been 2-months since my GF broke
with me which came out of the blue and up to now I'm still confused.
I learned this technique from a relationship counselor. He suggested
to stay away for a month or two, then try to contact in a friendly
manner. No relationship talk, just ask her out for coffee.
Has anyone tried this? Stayed away for 2months then tried
to contact? Any success?

SuperDave71 · 07-21-2005, 07:11 PM

To answer the last question...... Yes..It worked with me

My Ex. whom I still love, was heartbroken since April. Her boyfriend after me broke up with her in April. Who did she call? Who has she wanted to hang out with? I get mixed signals ALLLLL the time. I hear about how "He was my soulmate"...."I looked at him and I knew"...I hear it all about he OTHER guy. What do I do....I listen ( with clinched teeth ) BUT I listen....Then she kisses me or wants to be held....Um....ya know...I am NOT stupid enough to fall for that...if he came back tomorrow...She woudl be gone. We dated for 7 years. They dated 8 months. **sigh** Makes ya wanna cry doesn't it! ha ha. Well anyway, we are going Salsa dancing tonight and i am goingto have fun no matter what..because right now..its all about me.......

-SuperDave71

beatless · 07-21-2005, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperDave71

To answer the last question...... Yes..It worked with me

My Ex. whom I still love, was heartbroken since April. Her boyfriend after me broke up with her in April. Who did she call? Who has she wanted to hang out with? I get mixed signals ALLLLL the time. I hear about how "He was my soulmate"...."I looked at him and I knew"...I hear it all about he OTHER guy. What do I do....I listen ( with clinched teeth ) BUT I listen....Then she kisses me or wants to be held....Um....ya know...I am NOT stupid enough to fall for that...if he came back tomorrow...She woudl be gone. We dated for 7 years. They dated 8 months. **sigh** Makes ya wanna cry doesn't it! ha ha. Well anyway, we are going Salsa dancing tonight and i am goingto have fun no matter what..because right now..its all about me.......

-SuperDave71

Thank you, congrats that it worked for you. Dating seven years is a long
time. Based on the 8-month relationship with the other bf, so you did
not have any contact with her for 8 months? There might be a chance
for me....... it's just been just 2-months since I talked with my GF.

SuperDave71 · 07-21-2005, 09:52 PM

BTW...

My ex and I are not together..we do spend time together alot but I give her all the space she needs. I do not pressure..or push or prod. I am me. I have worked on me because in teh end..I am all that I have....I only have the power to change me.

-SuperDave71

07-21-2005, 04:51 PM	#1
SuperDave71 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,535	You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom! Hello Everyone..... It has been quite a long time since I have posted here but I will tell all of those who do not know me, I have been through it all and this is the place to come....A small warning to those who's hearts are broken and nowhere close to healing.... do not go on your FIRST instinct. It is usually wrong. You must remember this...no matter what your situation, no matter how bad....or how insignificant....there are things you can NOT do to get them back... How many people out here have done things that seemed like a great idea, yet did not turn out as expected. ( I.E. Calling, meeting them out unannounced, cards, letters, IM's etc etc. )?? We have all done it because we are too hurt and let our broken hearts take over instead of our brains. I have done it myself. Trust me.....it hurts more when you do something of the best intension and it only gets thrown in your face later as manipulative and deceiving. If you have had a situation where you hear the words, "Let's break up", "I think we should date other people", "It's not you, it's me", or any other line out there....you have to use your head..not your heart ( for now). If your arm was broken, would you try to rely on it to arm wrestle?? ..NO!! it would hurt so much worse than what it already was. Silly analogy, but it works. If someone wants space, give it to them.....and I mean completely. No calls, no letters, no ANYTHING....YOU DO NOT EXSIST....period! If you think dieting is hard or quitting smoking.....try staying completely away from someone you LOVE with all your heart....if you can do it, you will me so much stronger in the end. Do not let the thought of, "But if I don't see them, or contact them, they will forget me, or move on." Stop over romanticising. Let nature take it's course. YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT WILL HAPPEN...BUT....you can however INCREASE your odds by NOT DOING THE THINGS THAT PUSH EX lover's away. Example: "I will call her and talk just to check on her.." You call and she is NOT there, because she is out....." You will drive yourself NUTS wondering what she is doing and who with. DON'T punish yourself !! You will continue to fall into the void you have already created. Letters and e-mails are a big no no. You have to be firm with yourself. Don't do it. It will not be seen like a "Sleepless in Seattle" moment...It will only push the person further away because you are not giving them what they want. Give them all the time they want. ALL OF IT! Even if you don't see or hear from them in months...DON'T do it. Again, I will stress how awful it feels when you do something you feel is right and it backfires. You end up beating yourself up more because your heart was telling you how sweet the gesture, or idea yet you didn't think clearly enough to look at the BIG PICTURE. Man, does it hurt. Trust me..they very rarely see an act as a positive thing no matter how good it sounds or seems to you. Alcohol, drugs, or anything like this is a big no no!!!! You end up making them RUN AWAY!!!. They will not feel sorry for you, they will usually look at you patheticly and say "Thank gawd we are broken up" or you get drunk and decide to call because your numb and a mystery "someone" answers the phone. DO you like to torture yourself? Well I don't whatsoever. In short, don't do anything...give them space.....give them time.... REMEMBER THIS: If you do nothing....you cannot screw ANYTHING UP. If you do something....it could be the very thing that pushes them away even more than they already are.....I wish you all the best in getting what you need and deserve.....Just be honest with yourself NO MATTER what.. --Thanks Guys, SuperDave71 Last edited by SuperDave71; 08-31-2008 at 12:27 PM.

07-21-2005, 05:17 PM	#3
elveden Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Suffolk, England Gender: Male Posts: 182	Well said __________________ Love, love.. is a verb Love is a doing word Fearless on my breath.

07-21-2005, 05:57 PM	#5
sexysadie Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 21	Thank you for bringing this post back up to the top. I really appreciated reading it and needed it right now...just to explain things about why you do the NC. It's easy to say NC but I prefer the explanation...thank you!! __________________ If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't...it never was. Lisa

07-21-2005, 04:55 PM	#2
hockeyboy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New England Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 2,963	Hey Superdave...glad to see you still kicking around. I couldn't agree more with everything you just said...keep up the good work.

07-21-2005, 05:49 PM	#4
SuperDave71 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,535	Thanks.....Glad to be back! -SuperDave71

07-21-2005, 06:04 PM	#6
Echo Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 558	Thanks Dave.... I needed to read that at this point in time. I am currently in NC with my ex right now. We agreed to not talk for a couple months..it was more MY decision, but it's still tough. What's hard for me about NC is always thinking in the back of my mind that if we don't talk, that somehow we will forget about each other. Silly I know, but it's something I think that keeps many people from being diligent about it. I know the reality is that it makes them think of you MORE..not less...so this is one the the hardest things for ME to deal with. I am also scared to death that we will both change so much that we might not like each other anymore if we wait too long. It's tough....

07-21-2005, 07:11 PM	#8
SuperDave71 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,535	To answer the last question...... Yes..It worked with me My Ex. whom I still love, was heartbroken since April. Her boyfriend after me broke up with her in April. Who did she call? Who has she wanted to hang out with? I get mixed signals ALLLLL the time. I hear about how "He was my soulmate"...."I looked at him and I knew"...I hear it all about he OTHER guy. What do I do....I listen ( with clinched teeth ) BUT I listen....Then she kisses me or wants to be held....Um....ya know...I am NOT stupid enough to fall for that...if he came back tomorrow...She woudl be gone. We dated for 7 years. They dated 8 months. sigh Makes ya wanna cry doesn't it! ha ha. Well anyway, we are going Salsa dancing tonight and i am goingto have fun no matter what..because right now..its all about me....... -SuperDave71

07-21-2005, 09:52 PM	#10
SuperDave71 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,535	BTW... My ex and I are not together..we do spend time together alot but I give her all the space she needs. I do not pressure..or push or prod. I am me. I have worked on me because in teh end..I am all that I have....I only have the power to change me. -SuperDave71