I want your input. Gender divide

Napoleon Bonaparte · 06-25-2005, 03:16 AM

Hmmm
I notice on here that most of the guys are suffering because they end up falling for a female friend who still only sees him as a friend.
That doesn't seem to happen as much to the females. They fall less for their close guy friends but have their own problem.
However, and I could be wrong, it seems like the females get dumped more on here than the guys because the guys on here haven't made third base.
Why do posters think that is? Is there a barrier here of communication and suffering that divides the sexes and prevents happy liasons or is it just the type of people drawn to notalone? Or maybe I (who hasn't looked THAT much) simply am mistaken, which I totally admit might be the case.

saren · 06-25-2005, 06:04 AM

Well, maybe I'm a rarity.

I felll hard for one of my good (at the time) male friends, and he totally was repulsed and rejected me. It was probably the most devastating thing that's ever happened to me... and now we don't talk.

I think it does happen. More than you think.

DN · 06-25-2005, 08:10 AM

It could be that since it is still expected that guys make the first approach that they seem to be getting rejected more. If girls approached guys at about the same rate, then perhaps they would get rejected at the same sort of level.

suprema99 · 06-25-2005, 10:16 AM

I can agree with that. The one thing though is that you can't get all bent out of shape for that reason. For guys who ponder that question, your never gonna get a girl. Why should girls really have to ask a guy out anyway. I still believe it's the guys job. It's insecurity if your actually afraid to approach a girl that's attractive. If she has a problem with it, on to the next one then, it's that simple. There's a fine line between females. Some are out there to hurt you cause of this very reason. It's called manhaters/lesbaians lol

Napoleon Bonaparte · 06-25-2005, 11:54 AM

Supreme girls SHOULD have to ask guys out.
People should be burdened with the responsibility and decisions to pursue who they wish without gender custums. And I am stalwartly opposed to modern day femminists on 90% of their ideas and attitudes. They disgust me. But in dating, everything should be fair.
That being said, I agree (although I am not sure what it had to do with my question) on the rest of what you wrote.

shes2smart · 06-25-2005, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon Bonaparte

Supreme girls SHOULD have to ask guys out.

Personal experience....When I was single, I DID ask guys out. Plenty of 'em. Some said yes, some said no. However, in every single case, things ALWAYS worked out better long-term if the guy initiated that type of interaction.

Don't know why that is. I've read lots of different theories from some sort of biological hard-wiring in the brain to "if she pursues, she comes across as too easily available" to "maybe you're picking the wrong guys."

Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. At some point in my 30's I noticed this pattern as I was looking over my old journals. I made a conscious decision to stop asking guys out. Oddly enough, the quality of the dates I had after that were much better. Fewer in number, perhaps, but I'll take quality over quantity any day.

Napoleon Bonaparte · 06-25-2005, 02:00 PM

Shes it doesn't have anything to do with hard wiring. At least I have yet to see credible evidence for that.
Anyway, part of it could have just been your luck. I do however believe culture produces possibly as much destructive force in our lives and mindsets as it does positive.
I still mantain girls should have just as much responsibility in the matter as guys. God only knows (white) females are spoiled enough in society as it is.

Napoleon Bonaparte · 06-25-2005, 02:01 PM

Saran, shey tell about your instances.
What happened? How long were you friends for? Why was he repulsed? What did he do? Why were you manipulated? Did you know he had a gf?

Napoleon Bonaparte · 06-25-2005, 11:36 PM

Saren I wasn't confusing the two of you. I wanted to know both your stories. I must admit having met soooo many types in this world, I am totally at a loss for words (which is very rare) about this guy. Usually there is method in every madness but this guy sounds friggin nuts.
Of course he's unable to control his insecurity in a mature manner and might have abandonment issues, but without hearing more I have no clue why he acted that way...What was his past history?

saren · 06-26-2005, 03:49 AM

Well, when I met him he had broken up with his nearly 2year relationship girlfriend... Other than that, who knows? He admits self-esteem issues, cowardice, and shows them. He only dates trophy girlfriends, they all have to be stark thin and tiny. He SAYS he can't stand dumb girls, but since I've never met them, I can't say. I'm sure they're snotty. He puts a lot of money and energy into impressing them. Last time I saw him, he was taking her to an expensive restaurant to which he had to call to ascertain the dress code, but was always too cheap to grab a beer with me, and then two days after that was going to Game 7 of the Playoffs (this is before the NHL lockout). Last I heard from him, they were together every bloody day. She was ALWAYS at his house (I guess he wasn't ashamed to show THAT trophy girl off...), so I dunno.

Pretty hurtful in the end. I remember vehemently wishing she got hit by a bus, so he would know how *I* had felt..

06-25-2005, 03:16 AM	#1
Napoleon Bonaparte Offline Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New York City Age: 31 Posts: 816	I want your input. Gender divide Hmmm I notice on here that most of the guys are suffering because they end up falling for a female friend who still only sees him as a friend. That doesn't seem to happen as much to the females. They fall less for their close guy friends but have their own problem. However, and I could be wrong, it seems like the females get dumped more on here than the guys because the guys on here haven't made third base. Why do posters think that is? Is there a barrier here of communication and suffering that divides the sexes and prevents happy liasons or is it just the type of people drawn to notalone? Or maybe I (who hasn't looked THAT much) simply am mistaken, which I totally admit might be the case.

06-25-2005, 06:04 AM	#2
saren Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 100	Well, maybe I'm a rarity. I felll hard for one of my good (at the time) male friends, and he totally was repulsed and rejected me. It was probably the most devastating thing that's ever happened to me... and now we don't talk. I think it does happen. More than you think. __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Don't fool with fools who'll turn away, keep all good company." ~ Queen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

06-25-2005, 08:10 AM	#3
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	It could be that since it is still expected that guys make the first approach that they seem to be getting rejected more. If girls approached guys at about the same rate, then perhaps they would get rejected at the same sort of level. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

06-26-2005, 03:49 AM	#10
saren Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 100	Well, when I met him he had broken up with his nearly 2year relationship girlfriend... Other than that, who knows? He admits self-esteem issues, cowardice, and shows them. He only dates trophy girlfriends, they all have to be stark thin and tiny. He SAYS he can't stand dumb girls, but since I've never met them, I can't say. I'm sure they're snotty. He puts a lot of money and energy into impressing them. Last time I saw him, he was taking her to an expensive restaurant to which he had to call to ascertain the dress code, but was always too cheap to grab a beer with me, and then two days after that was going to Game 7 of the Playoffs (this is before the NHL lockout). Last I heard from him, they were together every bloody day. She was ALWAYS at his house (I guess he wasn't ashamed to show THAT trophy girl off...), so I dunno. Pretty hurtful in the end. I remember vehemently wishing she got hit by a bus, so he would know how I had felt.. __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Don't fool with fools who'll turn away, keep all good company." ~ Queen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

06-25-2005, 10:16 AM	#4
suprema99 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Il Age: 34 Posts: 306	I can agree with that. The one thing though is that you can't get all bent out of shape for that reason. For guys who ponder that question, your never gonna get a girl. Why should girls really have to ask a guy out anyway. I still believe it's the guys job. It's insecurity if your actually afraid to approach a girl that's attractive. If she has a problem with it, on to the next one then, it's that simple. There's a fine line between females. Some are out there to hurt you cause of this very reason. It's called manhaters/lesbaians lol

06-25-2005, 11:54 AM	#5
Napoleon Bonaparte Offline Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New York City Age: 31 Posts: 816	Supreme girls SHOULD have to ask guys out. People should be burdened with the responsibility and decisions to pursue who they wish without gender custums. And I am stalwartly opposed to modern day femminists on 90% of their ideas and attitudes. They disgust me. But in dating, everything should be fair. That being said, I agree (although I am not sure what it had to do with my question) on the rest of what you wrote.

06-25-2005, 02:00 PM	#7
Napoleon Bonaparte Offline Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New York City Age: 31 Posts: 816	Shes it doesn't have anything to do with hard wiring. At least I have yet to see credible evidence for that. Anyway, part of it could have just been your luck. I do however believe culture produces possibly as much destructive force in our lives and mindsets as it does positive. I still mantain girls should have just as much responsibility in the matter as guys. God only knows (white) females are spoiled enough in society as it is.

06-25-2005, 02:01 PM	#8
Napoleon Bonaparte Offline Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New York City Age: 31 Posts: 816	Saran, shey tell about your instances. What happened? How long were you friends for? Why was he repulsed? What did he do? Why were you manipulated? Did you know he had a gf?

06-25-2005, 11:36 PM	#9
Napoleon Bonaparte Offline Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New York City Age: 31 Posts: 816	Saren I wasn't confusing the two of you. I wanted to know both your stories. I must admit having met soooo many types in this world, I am totally at a loss for words (which is very rare) about this guy. Usually there is method in every madness but this guy sounds friggin nuts. Of course he's unable to control his insecurity in a mature manner and might have abandonment issues, but without hearing more I have no clue why he acted that way...What was his past history?