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05-27-2005, 03:51 PM
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#1 |
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Join Date: May 2005
Age: 20
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Lack of dating life causes feelings of inferiority
I know that there are a lot older people in here who haven't really dated too much either, but I'm having difficulties coping with this issue. I mean this thing has risen to be the main cause of stress in my life. Like the fear of staying as a lifetime virgin and a loner forever wasn't enough, this thing also causes me to feel like a completely worthless loser. Due to my schooling I have had to read a lot about evolution and biology and as a result have attached my self-worth to the amount of sex I have, which at current rates, has pretty negative implications to my self-esteem
 . How do you manage not to get stressed about your chronic singlehood? I have heard all of todays politically correct yapping about not putting too much value on sex and not having relationships just because of it, but they just don't convince me. I have also read so much of these dating and player sites that they have kinda brainwashed me into at least subconsciously believing into these alpha male things and the importance of dominance, pecking order position and sexual conquest.PS: I know civilized people shouldn't even care about this stuff and "those who brag with sex are the most insecure ones", but I can't help but to feel inferior compared to my more dating-succesful peers. |
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05-27-2005, 04:49 PM
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#2 |
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Age: 30
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You seem to be pretty smart.. you also think similar to the way I do. Very rational and scientific. And your worries are very warranted if you ask me, and I know that other people will tell you not to worry or it doesn't matter so much, or that girl will come around.. But in reality a lot of these people probably had not so much trouble with girls etc.
I used to worry very similar. Even I still think about similar stuff of what you wrote becuase it is very true. IT really is tough luck to not be blessed with great genetics and to be able to get the girls you want, thats bascially what it comes down to. The best advice I can offer is the following. Why are you currently having trouble picking the girls up? A lot of this is rambling.. My trouble was and still is, is that I look very young for my age. The other huge problem was I was very skinny, 5'10 at 130 pounds. I decided after having only 1 long term girlfriend when I was 21 years old (very pathetic), I decided after I went on a blind date with a not so pretty girl and bascially got rejected that I had to make some major changes. I knew I was not meant to go my whole life only having a couple girls. Now a year later.. I have a huge success.. I have been able to meet many girls and hook up etc. Even right now I have 3 potential girls that I can go further with.. that would only be a dream a year ago. What did I do. I gained weight! That has boosted my confidence and the way I look hugely.. also makes me look older in the face. It wasn't easy for me to gain weight becuase I don't have the body for it, but I worked on it and lifted weights. I also learned how to fight.. this boosted my confidence hugely.. becuase now I can be myself in public and be a real man not afraid of anybody. Now I'm not saying this is the stuff that will help you.. but you should look the best you can and do things to really boost your confidence. LIke if your skinny gain weight.. if your fat lose weight.. but do so seriously. If you are a wimp.. learn how to fight.. this way when you know you can beat anybody up that will give you huge confidece when meeting woman.. trust me. But the sad truth is.. if your naturally very ugly or have problems that you can't really fix.. than its that much of a battle for you to raise your confidence. YOu seem pretty smart to come to some of the realizations.. so put your mind to it and find out exactly why your not able to pick up the girls.. What do you think your problem is? |
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05-27-2005, 05:03 PM
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#3 |
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 150
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Well, all I can say is that if I compared myself to a very beautiful woman or a very rich person... Iīd probably feel pretty inferior too. Thereīs always someone better out there. Someone who has more, does more, looks better, is better accomplished, etc etc.
What you seem to be saying is that you donīt seem to attract girls, and therefore you look at others who do and you read up on biology and evolution and feel like somehow you were left behind in the grand scheme of things. My friend, there is no alpha dog. Or, if there is, you donīt have to become one in order to be happy. We are not apes, there isnīt some bigger gorilla who will stand in the way of your having sex. You lack confidence, is what it seems. That is your big gorilla, metaphorically speaking. You seem smart, so figure out whatīs keeping you in chronic singlehood and do something about it. In the end, itīs not about how many girls you can "pull" in a night (unless thatīs your sort of thing), but finding someone you like who likes you back for being who you are. Good Luck! |
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05-27-2005, 05:15 PM
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#4 |
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Age: 20
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Well to tell you the truth, I have exactly the same problems. I look very young for my age and my metabolism is so fast that I'm very skinny too. In addition, I'm short. To make things worse I was picked on for many years and have a poor reputation in the town I live in.
The good news is that my situation is getting better. I am in a new school now and don't get picked on any more, but my reputation still isn't too good. I am also catching up physically with the earlier developers so the gap isn't so big any more. In my new school my social skills have improved dramatically along with the size of my social network, I've started dressing better and now for some reason feel like I can hold up my own in a fight even though I'm very short and skinny. To increase that feeling of confidence I've also gotten a kubotan, a legal self-defence weapon originally designed for female parking inspectors. It is a small baton that also fuctions as a pretty cool looking keychain and is used to poke at nervecenters and stuff.The thing is that although I improve and am even getting occasional dates nowadays, it is the feelings of inferiority linked to this subject that are the most meanest of problems |
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05-27-2005, 05:48 PM
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#5 | |
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Age: 30
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Quote:
1) hit the weights and gain weight. Get serious about it.. you must eat 5 meals a day etc. Join a real hard core gym to talk and meet people. Being skinny is really bad when it comes to attracting girls. WIth your fast metabolism.. trust me your metabolism can't be faster than mine. 2) learn to fight.. get into the fighting forums to see what is the best to learn. Trust me you said you got picked on.. thats becuase your skinny and didn't stick up for yourself properly.. WHen you learn to fight you won't have nearly those feelings of inferiority. Yeah the next guy might be better looking, but when you can easily beat him up.. you won't feel he is better. You may think that you can't do the following or just to lazy.. but ifyou did you will be amazed at the end results. I only wish I made this change when I was younger. A lot of people especially girls may think this is immature childish stuff I'm offering.. but really it's not and works wonders. Yeah you can try to change your confidence by trying to change your mind set, but good luck with that.. let me know if it works. Confidence is largely changed when you know that your not so weak. Better example, when your with a girl.. and some other bigger guy messes with you.. And now you can't stick up for yourself properly becuase your weak.. you'll see how much that changing your mindset worked. But when your strong and can fight and stick up for yourself.. just think abou the rest. |
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05-27-2005, 06:37 PM
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#6 |
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Utah
Gender: Female
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well I wouldn't worry about it so much yet. I know you probably hate hearing that but you are only 16 and you have so much time. I know people who haven't dated until they were almost 19 really hun, it's ok.
a lot of people wont start dating until they are a little older. when will you be 17? cause even being 17 and haven't dated yet isn't bad. I think you are looking too hard maybe. If you like a girl then ask her out, but don't let dating be your life. You need to be able to be happy by yourself before you can have a healthy dating secen anyway. so good luck and just be happy with yourself for a while, that is unless you find someone to ask out, lol, but you still need to be happy being alone too, cause really besides god the only thing we can really rely on is ourselves. good luck. Qtpie87 |
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05-27-2005, 06:39 PM
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#7 |
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I wouldn't place too much emphasis on how you look as much as your mindset. Because you can be someone like me who is 5', 7", 130 pounds, and still get women if you put your mind to it. I've been hitting the gym since January (and worked out in my room but not as much starting a few months before that) and I must say I am pleased with the results so far. Although I am still around the same weight, that will change in the coming months as I continue to work out and eat good, etc. It has a heck of a lot more to do with your confidence than anything else. Work on the flirting and if you have to hit the gym to increase your confidence some more.
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"Do you want to fix the problem or soundbyte it?" -- Ross Perot during 1992 presidential debate. |
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05-27-2005, 06:44 PM
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#8 | |
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Quote:
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"Do you want to fix the problem or soundbyte it?" -- Ross Perot during 1992 presidential debate. |
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05-27-2005, 06:59 PM
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#9 |
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Oh yeah, and anyone who thinks they are 'better' because they have ****ed more girls or better because they have been on more dates has issues of their own.
__________________
"Do you want to fix the problem or soundbyte it?" -- Ross Perot during 1992 presidential debate. |
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05-27-2005, 10:37 PM
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#10 | |
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Gender: Male
Age: 24
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Re: Lack of dating life causes feelings of inferiority
Quote:
I definitely have the same feelings and worries you do and it often does get to me. Even though I've been hitting the gym and watching what I eat, any positive changes in my physical appearance have been very very slow. I've even been told, by not one, but two seperate girls that no one would ever want to go out with me, lol. Big confidence booster there I know... Anyways, my advice is just to keep focusing on improving yourself. But whatever you do, do it for yourself and not because you think it's how other people want you to be. Other than that, just take it one day at a time and not worry too much about the distant future. Who knows, sometimes things in life have a funny way of changing quickly and can surprise you...hopefully it's sooner rather than later hehe...for both of us. :P |
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