Different religions in relationships

beachieca · 04-18-2005, 02:07 PM

I'm a catholic and always have been...my boyfriend is a faithful Christian and i was just wondering what other people's thoughts/opinions are when it comes to religion in a relationship. I know that Christianity and Catholicism are pretty close as far as beliefs etc. but i mentioned to him going to church with me every once in a while, and he said he wouldn't mind going a couple of times, but that he found it boring, thinks some of the rituals and stuff is overdone, that he's never felt comfortable in a Catholic church in the past, and that he doesn't agree with some of our beliefs. It really isn't a huge deal to me, i just thought it would be something nice for us to do together...anyway, what do you think? Is it something that we should compromise on...any thoughts would be great! I know it's kind of a touch subject with some people so i understand that too.

DN · 04-18-2005, 02:13 PM

My mother was Catholic and my father was Anglican. They never went to each other's churches (actually my father never went to church anyway). My aunts and uncles also married non-Catholics and were able to reach agreements.

I notice you used the word compromise - but you didn't say that you had also suggested going with him to his church!

If you are thinking of a long-term relationship with this guy then it would be a good idea at some point to decide how you are going to deal with the religion question - which church to marry in, how the children will be raised etc. If you can reach an agreement all well and good - but if not you will have serious problems to overcome.

Luciana · 04-18-2005, 02:15 PM

Religion, the biggest lie ever told.
Religion, the major cause of wars and death in the world.
And now, also causing conflicts between couples.
Nothing better than having a partner who thinks like you. My partner is an atheist like me so it is wonderful to think the same way. I could never date a religious man; I wouldn't respect him. And so are my friends (scientists, freethinkers, intellectuals, highly cultivated people).
So I think one of you will have to give up their belief (in the supernatural) in order to achieve harmony. Are you ready to become a Christian? Christians treat religion as marketing: it is a product they sell hard in order to raise money for their "churches". At least catholicism (and I am a former one when I was blinded by this fantasy) is a centuries old religion with more tradition and less money making mentality.
So discuss this with him, it can create more conflicts than you imagine. Unless you two follow different ones and never talk about it again.

Iceman26 · 04-18-2005, 02:19 PM

I was born a Roman Catholic, but I am a deist now. If I were to participate in an organized religion however, it would be Catholicism.

It has been pretty hard dating most of my life because of my beliefs, and girls I dated in the past trying to win me over to their beliefs and "save me". It was pretty annoying.

My girlfriend (soon to be fiance I hope) is Catholic and is understanding of my way of thinking. When we have children I may decide to go to church for the kiddies or to make her parents happy now and then, but other than that, I was extremely lucky to find someone who would accept me and not try and change who I am.

I think it depends on the two people in the relationship whether this is something that can be compromised on or not. Would you be willing to go to your boyfriends church every other Sunday? Would he be willing to go to yours every other Sunday?

beachieca · 04-18-2005, 02:25 PM

I know all about the conflicts different religions can cause...my Aunt is catholic and my uncle was from the middle east and never went to church...they obviously had completely different beliefs (a part of the reason for their divorce). In reply to DN, he had asked me to go to his church and i'm all up for it. We've been together for almost 8 months, so it's not like we're seriously thinking about getting married yet, but i have thought about what how it would affect having a family someday etc...we can discuss it and ask questions and stuff...he has valid questions and reasons as to what his opinions are, so talking to a priest would help i think. I just don't want it to cause conflict in the future...thats really my biggest concern. My other Aunt is catholic, and married someone w/no religion and after they got married, he became catholic as well. So i don't know...i honestly dont' think it will be a big problem...we'll see. DN, you said you're dad never went to church...when you were little, did it ever bring up questions why your mom went and your dad didn't? Just curious if it even affected you. Thanx =)

Idelion · 04-18-2005, 02:26 PM

In my case, religion ended it for me ... or so she said, days later she said that she wanted to be alone. But the night she left me, she said we didn't share the same vision on God and that prevented her from completing her goals. I believe in God, I love him and recognized him as my saviour, the only thing is that I don't like to go to church, I'm not comfortable in them. I wanted to accompany her to her Christian church, but that's wasn't enough. I wasn't a Christian in the end. She never had any complaints, just that.

Yep, so religion ruined my relatioship. I wasn't bothered if she went regularly, if she was happy then I would support her. I said this because you should lay on the table everything that might seem like a problem in the future (I did, but it didn't work it seems), so that you guys can work them out early on.

I hope it doesn't ruin your relationship. Just disscuss everything and try to work it out. And try to show him that what really matters is your love to him! Oh yeah, also, don't loose respect towards his believes (although he's not respecting yours very much), he might take it very personal.

Hope this helps! Take care!

DN · 04-18-2005, 02:36 PM

No, the only thing that bothered me was when I was five and a nun told me my father would go to hell because he was not a Catholic. All I can tell you is that in the majority of cases in my family where someone married a non-Catholic, there was no major difficulty because of religion. Largely because of tolerance on both sides. It is usually intolerance of other people's beliefs that causes problems in the world - not the beliefs themselves.

I was raised as a Catholic but it didn't stick - I am now an agnostic, simply because I require proof that there is a God before I will believe. But I am not an atheist either, for that belief is also not capable of proof, despite what sophisticated and cultivated intellectuals may say to the contrary.

I have friends of all religions - or none. I may not agree with them, but I don't try to convert them nor do I expect them to try to convert me. I respect their beliefs and expect the same in return.

someguy69 · 04-18-2005, 02:45 PM

It's funny how much division there can be within two sects of the same religion (i.e. Christianity).

Just look at the animosity between the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland.

It's also interesting how the majority of the scientific community are atheists... not all though.

Many of the most brilliant scientific minds tend to have some sort of Godly beliefs... usually akin to Deism.

There is certainly reason to believe in some form of spirituality, but I think most of the wiser people will agree that organized religion has too much in the way of alterior motives to adhere to too closely, nitpick over ridiculously unimportant issues, and coerce people to abide by certain rules "for their own good".

Few have summed up the religious problem better than this poem based on Hindu beliefs:
noogenesis.com/pineapple/blind_men_elephant.html

beachieca · 04-18-2005, 02:47 PM

Thank you guys =) I do respect him and his thoughts...i mean, i'm interested i guess...there's no way i would try to change him. I'll ask him about going to each others every other sunday etc. Thats a good idea...he just doesn't feel comfortable he said...but i think that if i can find some logical answers to his questions he'll understand better and feel like he knows whats going on. You said your g/f is Catholic...do you go to church with her? I mean, how has that all worked with you guys? I know you said that she understands your point of view which i think is awesome...i hope that we can be the same way. My b/f supports me, he's the type of person who likes to have reasons, answers, proof for things. I also think it's good that you would go with her to church in the future with your children.

bobster · 04-18-2005, 02:54 PM

......This post is very interesting for me to read. The city I live in has a great divide in Christianity beliefs ie. Roman Catholic and Protestant. It is very annoying and is very closely connected with two famous football teams. "Support" the wrong team and you don't get talked to, like the way a "good person" does. Also in this city we have both Catholic, and non-denominational (basic Christianity is taught) schools. Again go to the wrong school and you find getting a job harder in certain firms and workplaces.

When it comes to meeting a nice member of the opposite sex in a club or pub here......I'm sorry to say but the first thing most people do is ask "what school did you go to?" or another classic....."do you like football? what did you think of the result today?".......basically finding out what "side" of the divide you are on.

It is very sad, and it has hurt me alot over the years. The ironic thing is that I'm not a church goer anymore, I don't really support football and I don't hate Catholics so why should it bother me??

I think that to save any hassel you should stick to your own domain. Thats also a sad statement to make.......but in the end (especially in my city) it saves hurt.

04-18-2005, 02:07 PM	#1
beachieca Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 65	Different religions in relationships I'm a catholic and always have been...my boyfriend is a faithful Christian and i was just wondering what other people's thoughts/opinions are when it comes to religion in a relationship. I know that Christianity and Catholicism are pretty close as far as beliefs etc. but i mentioned to him going to church with me every once in a while, and he said he wouldn't mind going a couple of times, but that he found it boring, thinks some of the rituals and stuff is overdone, that he's never felt comfortable in a Catholic church in the past, and that he doesn't agree with some of our beliefs. It really isn't a huge deal to me, i just thought it would be something nice for us to do together...anyway, what do you think? Is it something that we should compromise on...any thoughts would be great! I know it's kind of a touch subject with some people so i understand that too.

04-18-2005, 02:13 PM	#2
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,441	My mother was Catholic and my father was Anglican. They never went to each other's churches (actually my father never went to church anyway). My aunts and uncles also married non-Catholics and were able to reach agreements. I notice you used the word compromise - but you didn't say that you had also suggested going with him to his church! If you are thinking of a long-term relationship with this guy then it would be a good idea at some point to decide how you are going to deal with the religion question - which church to marry in, how the children will be raised etc. If you can reach an agreement all well and good - but if not you will have serious problems to overcome. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-18-2005, 02:26 PM	#6
Idelion Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 22	In my case, religion ended it for me ... or so she said, days later she said that she wanted to be alone. But the night she left me, she said we didn't share the same vision on God and that prevented her from completing her goals. I believe in God, I love him and recognized him as my saviour, the only thing is that I don't like to go to church, I'm not comfortable in them. I wanted to accompany her to her Christian church, but that's wasn't enough. I wasn't a Christian in the end. She never had any complaints, just that. Yep, so religion ruined my relatioship. I wasn't bothered if she went regularly, if she was happy then I would support her. I said this because you should lay on the table everything that might seem like a problem in the future (I did, but it didn't work it seems), so that you guys can work them out early on. I hope it doesn't ruin your relationship. Just disscuss everything and try to work it out. And try to show him that what really matters is your love to him! Oh yeah, also, don't loose respect towards his believes (although he's not respecting yours very much), he might take it very personal. Hope this helps! Take care! __________________ Add Life to your days, not days to your life - someone in this forum

04-18-2005, 02:36 PM	#7
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,441	No, the only thing that bothered me was when I was five and a nun told me my father would go to hell because he was not a Catholic. All I can tell you is that in the majority of cases in my family where someone married a non-Catholic, there was no major difficulty because of religion. Largely because of tolerance on both sides. It is usually intolerance of other people's beliefs that causes problems in the world - not the beliefs themselves. I was raised as a Catholic but it didn't stick - I am now an agnostic, simply because I require proof that there is a God before I will believe. But I am not an atheist either, for that belief is also not capable of proof, despite what sophisticated and cultivated intellectuals may say to the contrary. I have friends of all religions - or none. I may not agree with them, but I don't try to convert them nor do I expect them to try to convert me. I respect their beliefs and expect the same in return. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-18-2005, 02:15 PM	#3
Luciana Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Mid-Atlantic Posts: 488	Religion, the biggest lie ever told. Religion, the major cause of wars and death in the world. And now, also causing conflicts between couples. Nothing better than having a partner who thinks like you. My partner is an atheist like me so it is wonderful to think the same way. I could never date a religious man; I wouldn't respect him. And so are my friends (scientists, freethinkers, intellectuals, highly cultivated people). So I think one of you will have to give up their belief (in the supernatural) in order to achieve harmony. Are you ready to become a Christian? Christians treat religion as marketing: it is a product they sell hard in order to raise money for their "churches". At least catholicism (and I am a former one when I was blinded by this fantasy) is a centuries old religion with more tradition and less money making mentality. So discuss this with him, it can create more conflicts than you imagine. Unless you two follow different ones and never talk about it again.

04-18-2005, 02:19 PM	#4
Iceman26 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Houston Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,904	I was born a Roman Catholic, but I am a deist now. If I were to participate in an organized religion however, it would be Catholicism. It has been pretty hard dating most of my life because of my beliefs, and girls I dated in the past trying to win me over to their beliefs and "save me". It was pretty annoying. My girlfriend (soon to be fiance I hope) is Catholic and is understanding of my way of thinking. When we have children I may decide to go to church for the kiddies or to make her parents happy now and then, but other than that, I was extremely lucky to find someone who would accept me and not try and change who I am. I think it depends on the two people in the relationship whether this is something that can be compromised on or not. Would you be willing to go to your boyfriends church every other Sunday? Would he be willing to go to yours every other Sunday?

04-18-2005, 02:25 PM	#5
beachieca Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 65	I know all about the conflicts different religions can cause...my Aunt is catholic and my uncle was from the middle east and never went to church...they obviously had completely different beliefs (a part of the reason for their divorce). In reply to DN, he had asked me to go to his church and i'm all up for it. We've been together for almost 8 months, so it's not like we're seriously thinking about getting married yet, but i have thought about what how it would affect having a family someday etc...we can discuss it and ask questions and stuff...he has valid questions and reasons as to what his opinions are, so talking to a priest would help i think. I just don't want it to cause conflict in the future...thats really my biggest concern. My other Aunt is catholic, and married someone w/no religion and after they got married, he became catholic as well. So i don't know...i honestly dont' think it will be a big problem...we'll see. DN, you said you're dad never went to church...when you were little, did it ever bring up questions why your mom went and your dad didn't? Just curious if it even affected you. Thanx =)

04-18-2005, 02:45 PM	#8
someguy69 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Age: 37 Posts: 271	It's funny how much division there can be within two sects of the same religion (i.e. Christianity). Just look at the animosity between the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland. It's also interesting how the majority of the scientific community are atheists... not all though. Many of the most brilliant scientific minds tend to have some sort of Godly beliefs... usually akin to Deism. There is certainly reason to believe in some form of spirituality, but I think most of the wiser people will agree that organized religion has too much in the way of alterior motives to adhere to too closely, nitpick over ridiculously unimportant issues, and coerce people to abide by certain rules "for their own good". Few have summed up the religious problem better than this poem based on Hindu beliefs: noogenesis.com/pineapple/blind_men_elephant.html

04-18-2005, 02:47 PM	#9
beachieca Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 65	Thank you guys =) I do respect him and his thoughts...i mean, i'm interested i guess...there's no way i would try to change him. I'll ask him about going to each others every other sunday etc. Thats a good idea...he just doesn't feel comfortable he said...but i think that if i can find some logical answers to his questions he'll understand better and feel like he knows whats going on. You said your g/f is Catholic...do you go to church with her? I mean, how has that all worked with you guys? I know you said that she understands your point of view which i think is awesome...i hope that we can be the same way. My b/f supports me, he's the type of person who likes to have reasons, answers, proof for things. I also think it's good that you would go with her to church in the future with your children.

04-18-2005, 02:54 PM	#10
bobster Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 271	......This post is very interesting for me to read. The city I live in has a great divide in Christianity beliefs ie. Roman Catholic and Protestant. It is very annoying and is very closely connected with two famous football teams. "Support" the wrong team and you don't get talked to, like the way a "good person" does. Also in this city we have both Catholic, and non-denominational (basic Christianity is taught) schools. Again go to the wrong school and you find getting a job harder in certain firms and workplaces. When it comes to meeting a nice member of the opposite sex in a club or pub here......I'm sorry to say but the first thing most people do is ask "what school did you go to?" or another classic....."do you like football? what did you think of the result today?".......basically finding out what "side" of the divide you are on. It is very sad, and it has hurt me alot over the years. The ironic thing is that I'm not a church goer anymore, I don't really support football and I don't hate Catholics so why should it bother me?? I think that to save any hassel you should stick to your own domain. Thats also a sad statement to make.......but in the end (especially in my city) it saves hurt.