There is a huge problem and I dont know what it is

DoesSheExist? · 04-09-2005, 12:27 AM

Quick info about me to better understand my problem.
I'm a 22 year old handsome man. I live a full life. I have a small group of AWESOME friends. I am popular in my circles. I am a lot of fun, I flirt/interact with a LOT of women. Kissing/sex with a few. But there is one HUGE problem, I have never been in love.

Everytime I grow close to a girl (which doesnt happen too often anymore), she exhibits something that really turns me off (ie. insecurity, stupidity, instability, negativity, insanity, odd perceptions, to name a few.) This is happening in my friendships with men and women now too.

So now, basically I have only a few people who I truly enjoy hanging around now becasue I have "outgrown" the others. ITs really quite depressing.

This is really starting to hit me hard because as I grow in maturity (I am very mature for my age), I am becoming more and more disillusioned because I have yet to find an available girl that I really connect with and who is on my wavelength. *note this is not due to me acting needy and hopeless when I do find one*.

SO my question to you all is, HAS ANYONE EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE!!?!?!!?!? Because im starting to lose touch with my life because I feel like im missing out on something, despite all the wonderful things I already have. God, this is terrible.

If you understand my position please respond with words of wisdom, I appreciate advice from people who are more mature then me and have been through my current life experiences already. And if youre going through it now too, well darn it! lets talk!!!!

- P

filmraven · 04-09-2005, 01:04 AM

I fully understand where you are coming from and I think there are a few things to consider regarding your present situation.

I can't say that I have completely been there because I have fallen head over heels with someone in my past and although we are no longer together I still can't describe the intensity of love I felt for him.
Regardless though, I am back at square one and have been for the last couple years. I've dated numerous other guys and yet that same intensity has yet to cross my path again which can be very fusterating.

What struck me most about your post is the idea of being mature at age 22. I am 21 and at nine I was going on forty five! For me, what I've noticed personally, is that at our age the average person hasn't quite all grown up yet and so we come across the paths of a lot of people who do not "match" or on our own wavelength. My previous bf was like that cause he liked to party, and tell dumb jokes which I couldn't come even near to relating to along with a lot of other stuff.

The other factor is that falling in love, although not a one time deal (according to what I believe), isn't something that comes along everyday. You date to have fun, to gain experience, and to hopefully meet someone really special but it doesn't guarantee that you will fall in love with the person.

It's probably one of the biggest clichés ever but it's when you're not looking that something reeeally special comes along and perhaps for you, your time has yet to come...but I guarantee eventually it will. I promise.

I hope that helped even if just a bit....

apollocreed71 · 04-09-2005, 03:48 AM

Just enjoy your youth. I have been there, and it was nice, as I get older things change. Honestly, the older you get, the harder it is to find someone special. Thats life, not trying to candy coat it. You see as you get older things in life change such as working full time, marriage, children, as this effects your circle of friends, time will become shorter with them. Since you feel more mature, you have to understand the most young people have a sense of invincibility and a feeling of they have all the time in the world. Hey, ask a 18 year old, they probably feel they will live to be 100. Ask a 72 year old, and they probably feel they have a few good one left. At your age people are more concerned about school, finding a good paying job, basic survival. So having fun is the escape from reality for a brief period in time. You may fall in love, and you may not. Thats just life. From your letter you said that when you start getting interested seriously about a woman they do something to disillusion you. YOu are not going to find a perfect woman, and remember you are not perfcet. NO human is. Also, remember when you love someone, you have to take the good with the bad, you will make consessions. I can see that you did not love any of these women. Remember not to set unrealistic standards for a woman.

PowR · 04-10-2005, 04:00 PM

To tell u the truth, I dont think your problem isnt necessarily contingent on you being a mature 22 yr old. In a way Id almost say it may have something to do with immaturity and a certain intolerance that often comes with age. However, I think the primary causative factor is basically that you just haven come across the right person yet. Its as simple as that. Most people go through several partners all lacking in some way til they find someone they connect with. Once that special connection is made all these mere annoyances you mention just fade into the background, theyr ancillary to the many wonderful things you find in that person. Im sure you will find the one for you, just be patient. And dont be afraid to look in the most unexpected place or to the most unexpected person, you may be surprised!!

DoesSheExist? · 04-11-2005, 03:05 AM

Interesting...

thanks for the input

04-09-2005, 12:27 AM	#1
DoesSheExist? Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3	There is a huge problem and I dont know what it is Quick info about me to better understand my problem. I'm a 22 year old handsome man. I live a full life. I have a small group of AWESOME friends. I am popular in my circles. I am a lot of fun, I flirt/interact with a LOT of women. Kissing/sex with a few. But there is one HUGE problem, I have never been in love. Everytime I grow close to a girl (which doesnt happen too often anymore), she exhibits something that really turns me off (ie. insecurity, stupidity, instability, negativity, insanity, odd perceptions, to name a few.) This is happening in my friendships with men and women now too. So now, basically I have only a few people who I truly enjoy hanging around now becasue I have "outgrown" the others. ITs really quite depressing. This is really starting to hit me hard because as I grow in maturity (I am very mature for my age), I am becoming more and more disillusioned because I have yet to find an available girl that I really connect with and who is on my wavelength. note this is not due to me acting needy and hopeless when I do find one. SO my question to you all is, HAS ANYONE EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE!!?!?!!?!? Because im starting to lose touch with my life because I feel like im missing out on something, despite all the wonderful things I already have. God, this is terrible. If you understand my position please respond with words of wisdom, I appreciate advice from people who are more mature then me and have been through my current life experiences already. And if youre going through it now too, well darn it! lets talk!!!! - P

04-09-2005, 03:48 AM	#3
apollocreed71 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: the abyss Posts: 148	No guarantees in life Just enjoy your youth. I have been there, and it was nice, as I get older things change. Honestly, the older you get, the harder it is to find someone special. Thats life, not trying to candy coat it. You see as you get older things in life change such as working full time, marriage, children, as this effects your circle of friends, time will become shorter with them. Since you feel more mature, you have to understand the most young people have a sense of invincibility and a feeling of they have all the time in the world. Hey, ask a 18 year old, they probably feel they will live to be 100. Ask a 72 year old, and they probably feel they have a few good one left. At your age people are more concerned about school, finding a good paying job, basic survival. So having fun is the escape from reality for a brief period in time. You may fall in love, and you may not. Thats just life. From your letter you said that when you start getting interested seriously about a woman they do something to disillusion you. YOu are not going to find a perfect woman, and remember you are not perfcet. NO human is. Also, remember when you love someone, you have to take the good with the bad, you will make consessions. I can see that you did not love any of these women. Remember not to set unrealistic standards for a woman.

04-09-2005, 01:04 AM	#2
filmraven Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 61	I fully understand where you are coming from and I think there are a few things to consider regarding your present situation. I can't say that I have completely been there because I have fallen head over heels with someone in my past and although we are no longer together I still can't describe the intensity of love I felt for him. Regardless though, I am back at square one and have been for the last couple years. I've dated numerous other guys and yet that same intensity has yet to cross my path again which can be very fusterating. What struck me most about your post is the idea of being mature at age 22. I am 21 and at nine I was going on forty five! For me, what I've noticed personally, is that at our age the average person hasn't quite all grown up yet and so we come across the paths of a lot of people who do not "match" or on our own wavelength. My previous bf was like that cause he liked to party, and tell dumb jokes which I couldn't come even near to relating to along with a lot of other stuff. The other factor is that falling in love, although not a one time deal (according to what I believe), isn't something that comes along everyday. You date to have fun, to gain experience, and to hopefully meet someone really special but it doesn't guarantee that you will fall in love with the person. It's probably one of the biggest clichés ever but it's when you're not looking that something reeeally special comes along and perhaps for you, your time has yet to come...but I guarantee eventually it will. I promise. I hope that helped even if just a bit....

04-10-2005, 04:00 PM	#4
PowR Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Age: 25 Posts: 7	To tell u the truth, I dont think your problem isnt necessarily contingent on you being a mature 22 yr old. In a way Id almost say it may have something to do with immaturity and a certain intolerance that often comes with age. However, I think the primary causative factor is basically that you just haven come across the right person yet. Its as simple as that. Most people go through several partners all lacking in some way til they find someone they connect with. Once that special connection is made all these mere annoyances you mention just fade into the background, theyr ancillary to the many wonderful things you find in that person. Im sure you will find the one for you, just be patient. And dont be afraid to look in the most unexpected place or to the most unexpected person, you may be surprised!!

04-11-2005, 03:05 AM	#5
DoesSheExist? Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3	Interesting... thanks for the input