family is very religious and dont accept me....what to do?

[probwguys69]

hey well i have this problem, all my family is very religious. we all were bruoght up in a pentecostal home(4 those of u who r pentecostal) yall know what i am talking bout. it is one of the strictest religions and very difficult to cope with. everyone in my family is against homosexuality! we belive that God will punish us and it is breaking the rules that we will go to hell. before i found out i was a les, i thought very different. i told my family and they are ashamed of me. i dont know what to do. i am a god fearing person to the fullest! why am i like this? i know they will never accept it what do i do bout that? should i try to date guys or keep sinning and being with girls although i know its bad? plz help!

[jaiva]

Well, I'm against homosexuality but that's only b/c of my teachings and past experiences. But I feel that I should love everyone b/c of who they are inside and not hate them b/c of what they do. If your family can't love you b/c you are one of them despite what your sexual preferences are than they are sinning b/c they are judging you and the Bible says that people shouldn't judge others. I have many homosexual friends and I love them because they are my friends but I try to get them to understand why they like people of the same sex, what made them have that mindset, and whether it was b/c of something they experienced as a child. I believe if you have an exceptional reason for doing what you do and you are very passionate about it no one should stop you from doing it. But I know for myself that I can't do that b/c of my moral beliefs.

Hope I've helped some how!

Jaiva

[Diablo7000]

Hi well i'm penticostal but not jsut penticostal i'm apostolic or however u spell that, penticostal. anyway i'm not totally against homosexuality but i am NOT homosexual i don't like homosexuals but i don't hate them either as long as they respect me and i can respect them without them coming on to me, LOL... then i'm ok with it but my church isn't as far as i know against it i havn't ever heard our preacher talk about it, Gods word does say no same sex marriages so thats kinda what you need to look at it's wrong yes... but if you like it then maybe you should keep dating other girls, i really think you shouldn't but thats my advice to you and thats your decision. Another thing is one of the many PASTORS yes PASTORS at our church Her son ifs a homosexual he doesn't go to church tehre but she isn't afraid to tell people that she is against it but it's what he wants to do so she lets him do it jsut thought u should know that... i hope i helped you, later.

[shes2smart]

Originally Posted by probwguys69

hey well i have this problem, all my family is very religious. we all were bruoght up in a pentecostal home(4 those of u who r pentecostal) yall know what i am talking bout. it is one of the strictest religions and very difficult to cope with. everyone in my family is against homosexuality! we belive that God will punish us and it is breaking the rules that we will go to hell. before i found out i was a les, i thought very different. i told my family and they are ashamed of me. i dont know what to do. i am a god fearing person to the fullest! why am i like this? i know they will never accept it what do i do bout that? should i try to date guys or keep sinning and being with girls although i know its bad? plz help!

I don't believe homosexuality is choice you make. It is part of who you are. Since there isn't a choice involved, there isn't "right/wrong" or "good/bad" about it.

Do you still live with your family or are you on your own? Your profile doesn't give an age, so it's kinda difficult to give any specific advice. But here are a couple things to think about in regard to religion & families:

1. Religions were created by humans, usually with the purpose and intent of controlling large groups of people. ALL religions MAY contain some truth about the nature of God, but NO religion has the whole picture.

2. Everyone's relationship with God is highly personal. The minute someone else starts interfering (whether it be family, friends, clergy or anyone) your relationship with God then takes on whatever biases and beliefs the interfering party has. This may or may not have anything with God's will for you.

3. If you believe that we are all created in God's image, that means ALL of us regardless of race, sexual orientation, physical disablities, gender, etc. To believe there is something "wrong" or "bad" about you says God somehow made a mistake.

4. Just because people are family, it DOES NOT give them the right to treat you badly. If anything, they're the ones who should cut you more slack and offer more compassion because that's what love does.

5. Just because people are family, it DOES NOT mean you have to put up with being disrespected, abused or belittled by them. If they don't treat you decently after you have asked them to do so, there's nothing that says you have to maintain contact with them.

Jesus preached a message of Unconditional Love. Condemning people for something like homosexuality flies in the face of what Unconditional Love is about.

Strict religions tend to view things in black & white terms, but after nearly 41 years kicking around this planet, I'm here to tell you that nothing is pure black or pure white. Shades of gray is the rule of this world. But shades of gray and uncertainty require people to constantly think & re-think their views of things. Most people don't want to do that. It's time consuming and it's never easy to admit you may be wrong. Do you see how much easier it is to have an "authority" (like a church) tell you what to believe, and what's right and wrong so you don't have to reason it out for yourself? Oh, then there's no pesky questioning, no bothersome thoughts, no uncertainty to deal with, no having to apologise for your own failings.

You don't need a religion to find God. You don't need to have a relationship with your family to have a good life. There are those in the world who will love & accept you for who you are as you are. Seek them out, and create your own family. I think they have more in common with God than those who would judge & condemn.

(edited to add):

Ok, now your age is showing up for me. You're 20, if you're not on your own already, you're probably getting close to being on your own. If you're not already out on your own, I'd focus on making that happen sooner rather than later. It's hard enough being a young adult without people putting negative things in your head about yourself.

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello--I, too, come from a very religious family. I was raised Catholic, and although I love the faith and am grateful for the values instilled in me, I also delight to learn about all other faiths and appreciate them for their beauty. I do not believe homosexuality is a sin...I think that our sexuality is not a black and white issue at all--and sexuality is deeply entwined with love, so who we love is a unique experience, and it is part of our soul's desire.

My mom is very devout, and I can appreciate her views, but we disagree on many things. I enjoy learning about new ideas, and I am very open to understanding all kinds of viewpoints. I do not judge anyone, and I do not feel my faith lords over anyone else's.

My faith has been here to guide me, to teach me about the unseen world, to help me understand the beauty of the human soul. So there is no way I would ever condemn anyone who is a good person with a kind heart. All of us are so precious and a magnificent creation. Life is sacred...and you are sacred.

It is very difficult when family disagrees with something that is dear to your heart. I have been through a lot with my mom...and we still argue and have a lot of tension. But I have really been trying to learn that I am a good person, and that what I am is me..and that is okay.

You are a wonderful soul, and it is all right to be you. Your sexual nature does not stop you from being a grand creation...does not stop you from being moral and good.

I don't feel religion was created to control people--it is here to help us appreciate the divine side of life, to understand the beauty of life, and to trust that there is something more to this world than meets the eye....a grace and a dignity in us all. I know some faiths have given religion a bad image....but not all people who follow a faith are closed-minded and hostile. And I can see you are one who has an open heart, who values others, and who wants to live a good life.

When people find out I am Catholic, they tell me they are sorry for me, or else they refuse to associate with me, or they speak very negatively about the faith, and this cuts me to the core. People need to understand that your faith, your sexuality, your ethnicity--all these things are a personal, deep part of you...and it is wrong to judge and critisize and condemn.

So if others, including family, cannot show compassion and love, the same love they demonstrated to you all your life, then they cannot be open right now to what is true love...love that knows no bounds and makes no judgments, no matter what. One of the things Jesus taught was acceptance....he embraced and welcomed people that others in His time would never even approach.

I think of Jesus and other great moral people..and think of their true message...of divine, all-encompassing love. There is no sin in loving others....no sin at all. Love is beautiful and pure, and whom you love is a direct expression of the soul. So do not fear---you are not wrong, you are not alone.

So many people struggle with the pain of feeling outcast for what they are inside. The true purpose for all of us here is to adore one another, to learn from one another, and to extend our love to each other. Life is a profound mystery...and so many things are waiting to be discovered.

You were born..and in being born...you are a part of all of life, and a part of the divine. Your sexuality is a gift, and your desires are unique to you.

I know so deeply what it is like to be at odds with family--these are the people whom we trust and depend on in many ways. And when they are harsh and uninviting, our world can seem frightening and lonely.

Just remember that our faith was never meant to crush us down...no, it was meant to lift us up and show us the magnificence of the world. The divine is only love...God is love.....no room in God for anything but love and peace. The angels, the saints, the sacred beings, the great leaders of all religions, everything holy.....is filled with compassion and love. The streaming of life is a compete picture, with all things diverse.........If all of us thought and felt exactly the same, the uinverse would be a foreboding place, void of colour and life.....everything is here for a special reason, and everything has its own special energy and light.

Maybe all this sounds kooky--I don't know....but I just know that there is beauty in our souls....and joy in the ability to love and feel passion....passion makes us co-creators with God...for in our passion, we create and sustain life.........In all possible ways, whether it is painting a glorious portrait, writing a wonderful novel, loving a person with all our heart and soul, making love and creating a precious baby, rescuing animals from extinction......our actions, directed out of love and goodness, are right and true.

I hope this helps ease your sadness.....I just wanted to tell you that you are wonderful..and unique....and loved....

[qaf]

Originally Posted by probwguys69

hey well i have this problem, all my family is very religious. we all were bruoght up in a pentecostal home(4 those of u who r pentecostal) yall know what i am talking bout. it is one of the strictest religions and very difficult to cope with. everyone in my family is against homosexuality! we belive that God will punish us and it is breaking the rules that we will go to hell. before i found out i was a les, i thought very different. i told my family and they are ashamed of me. i dont know what to do. i am a god fearing person to the fullest! why am i like this? i know they will never accept it what do i do bout that? should i try to date guys or keep sinning and being with girls although i know its bad? plz help!

I wrote this for somebody else but I thought perhaps you might get something from it too.

What nobody is telling you here is that the most important thing is to be true to yourself. I noticed that you speak of being gay as though its some sort of curse ,well you know I always find it really sad to hear young people talking about being gay in that way because its a sure sign that the church, mass media and bigots in general have succeeded in perpetuating their lies and stereotypes. The lies that say that all gay people are feminine pansies, drug addicts, sexual predators or dying of aids or worse still paedophiles condemned to a tragic life of debauchery and anal sex (not that there is anything wrong with anal sex) and that we are all going to hell. It really is so negative, so damaging, so pathetically low and designed to pander to the lowest common denominator, peoples prejudices and fears. To me hell is a place where I cannot express who I am,where I am persecuted for loving my brother, where I am ostracised and tortured by ignorant fearmongering extremists and fanatics. This would mean that many people on earth are already in hell. As far as Im concerned the church, the politicians and anyone else who directly or indirectly incites hatred toward any minority or any person really does have blood on their hands. That includes those who have the power to do something but choose to stay silent. When it comes to the gay community its the blood of all those persecuted, bashed and killed and also the blood of all the teenage suicides.
Gay people are everywhere in all walks of life. They are doctors, lawyers, police, politicians ,football players, singers, brothers, fathers, sons,teachers whatever, not all are out and proud though unfortunately. Whether you are gay, lesbian, str8, bi ,transexual, hermophrodite or whatever only matters so much to you when you live your whole life worried about what others think.
If you want to be with a girl and get married and have kids and a white picket fence( which by the way ,gay people have all those things too), usually none of that stuff comes without first falling in love with and therefore sharing your deepest hopes, fears, dreams and secrets with your beloved . If someone loves you and wants to spend their life with you and you love them then they deserve to know about your homosexual feelings and fantasies just like they would deserve to know if you were fantasising about other women everyday.If you could not tell them it would create issues that would be detrimental to the relationship, unless of course you find a woman who also feels this way about other woman and is sexually liberated and relaxed enough about these things to accept it, which may be rare but is possible. I dont think the majority of straight women could or would want to deal with it, and I think that if you were honest with yourself you would not want to be with someone who does not accept you for who you are anyway.
It is a natural and normal human experience to have sexual fantasies even whilst in relationship. I have them all the time but my partner knows and he knows that I still want him and love him and that my fantasies wont ever change that. We even help each other to fulfill our fantasies to a certain extent by role playing etc. I believe that the more you share your fantasies with your loved one the more intimate and fullfilling your sex life will be, provided that your partner feels comfortable with them and that if you both choose to act on them it is a mutually consensual experience.

Let me tell you my story, Im 36 and growing up I knew I was different, didnt know why,just knew that people did not accept me and I did not fit in. I was also very shy and did not fit the male stereotypes and gender roles that are pushed upon us from a young age by, parents, schools, churches and religous figures ,authorities,media etc. However I wouldnt say that I was effeminate, I just didnt like football, and trucks or fulfill the straight macho role people expected of me.
I learnt from a young age that unless I came across a certain way (ie straight macho etc) which basically meant hiding the truth about myself that people would ostracise,taunt,bash and perhaps even kill me.When I reached my teens I did all I could to make those around me and myself believe that I was a 'normal' red blooded heterosexual. It didnt make any difference to the way people treated me though and my homosexual feelings did not go away. I then planned my own suicide.
I continued having homosexual feelings and fantasies and also had girlfriends with whom I was sexually active. I kept telling myself that because I was having sex with a woman that I was hetero and that my homo feelings were a phase and would pass. I had a couple of friends who were openly gay and I guess that was a really good thing because when I was 19 ,I could no longer hide my feelings and they were the first ones I told. They were pretty blase about it but I felt very relieved to get it off my chest. Obviously I didnt kill myself and no-one bashed or killed me yet although I have had a few narrow escapes and it is a threat that gay people have to live with everyday of their lives. Even though I have not experienced alot of physical violence the verbal aggression has been a pretty common occurrence towards myself and others and my self worth has reached incredibly low depths at times as a result.
So then I hit the gay scene and partied big time. I felt like I had come home and now I would finally fit in to a community that accepted me for who I was. I soon realised however that within certain parts ot the gay community there is also a lot of hostility, bigotry, fear ,aggression and fascism directed towards anyone whos different and doesn't conform. A pressure to look,dress and act a certain way, to have the pumped gym body, know the right people, let alone the fact that you have to be under 25 and have a ten inch tool. If you do not conform then you dont fit in there either. It comes as no suprise that there are major drug problems within this scene. I mean who could kid themselves into believing that they could ever possibly live up to the ridiculously unnattainable ideals of the gay scene without being pumped full of ego enhancing drugs, very few people, thats who. It is so shallow and empty and I wanted more in life than that. So I decided that if this is being gay then I dont want it. I moved on with my life and realised that if I have to have a label put on me then Im homo, but you know when it comes down to it, it is just a label and I am so much more than just my sexuality.I realise now that the gay scene only caters for a very narrow section of the gay community and that it really is not what being gay is about.
I dont feel so desperate to fit in anymore as I like who I am even if others dont, Ive realised its their problem not mine. Being different and going against the grain is who I am now. I would not change who I am for anyone or thing. I have a loving family although somewhat disfunctional a few good friends and a male partner of four and a half years. Weve just bought a house together in the burbs. Stuggling to accept yourself and love who you are against all adversity is one of the great things in life. Its a hard journey, there are some huge inequalities, injustices, hatred, hypocrisy and bigotry in this world but its also beautiful and the struggles build character and resilience within you. Look around and youll see that people who have never had to struggle for anything are very boring.
My uncles life was not so blessed. In those days you could not be open about these things and so he hid his homosexuality and lived a lie. He married a woman, had two kids and then went to public toilets and gay beats the whole time to meet other men for sex. He could have come out in the seventies or eighties but never did. My auntie finally left him after 25 years and he then took his own life. Its a sad and tragic story and his death was so unnecessary but some people just arent courageous or strong enough to face it I guess.
I know that you will find who you are one day and its up to you to love that person no matter what anyone thinks or says. Being Gay or whatever label you choose is such a blessing not a curse and I am so fortunate to have been born in this day and age where I can live my truth. Unfotunately there will probably always be bigots and homophobes in this world, not much you can do about that, life goes on. What you can do though is to totally accept who you are warts and all. I have found that by doing this other people accept me more too. Its a cliche but 'Being the change you want to see in the world' can be a reality.
If there is such a thing as God, he/she/it does not repress, bash, hate or kill people. Only people repress,bash,hate and kill people.
This earth is a wonderfully diverse planet. There is room for all shapes ,colours, and sizes. All people on this earth deserve love, acceptance and happiness and peace. ALL PEOPLE.

[justsweetgirl]

Everyone has made valid points. I commend posters jaiva and Diablo7000 for supporting your right to be who you are even though they themselves oppose homosexuality. Shes2smart and qaf are brilliant, so I need add nothing more. Peace.

[Cool Lemonade]

If you do want to stop dating women, then fine. However, I think you should find out why you are drawn (for ex., sexually…) to the same gender. I think you should find out and think about how God sees you as you truly are. If you do believe in pray, then ask God to give you strength to do what is best for you. Then, find ways and utilize those answers for resisting this behavior.

[qaf]

Originally Posted by Cool Lemonade

If you do want to stop dating women, then fine. However, I think you should find out why you are drawn (for ex., sexually…) to the same gender. I think you should find out and think about how God sees you as you truly are. If you do believe in pray, then ask God to give you strength to do what is best for you. Then, find ways and utilize those answers for resisting this behavior.

I believe the only reason anyone would want to resist this behaviour is because they have been conditioned/brainwashed into believing that it is wrong or sinful by a repressive, fearful ,judgemental and ignorant society. I also believe that if you look honestly and deeply enough into yourself you will see that loving and accepting yourself, every part of yourself, including your shortcomings and inadequacies and despite what anyone else thinks, is the only way forward. Loving someone of the same gender and making love to them is not a sin or a crime. It is a loving consensual act between two adults. The only sin or crime is the inequality, the persecution, the alienation, and the violence gay people have had to suffer everyday of their lives.

[Cool Lemonade]

I think qaf, "[... you can also] want to resist this behavior [...] because[...]”you had come to the realization that this lifestyle (gay or lesbian lifestyle), that you might choose, is not the type of lifestyle you want to life or have that type of mind set.