Jump to content

i had a threesome with my boyfriend and his friend i feel...


Recommended Posts

The other nite i was out drinking with my bf and his friends, we got really drunk and he has always joked around about me and him having a threesome with his best friend. Somehow we ended up deciding to do it. My boyfriend really wanted to it was his idea, i wasnt against it, but not all for it. I am experimental though so i figured id try it. So we started having a threesome and we fooled around, then i was having sex with his friend and i could tell it was bothering him even though he told me to do it. So i stopped cuz i was also uncomfortable. So we ended it, and he said everything was fine, it was his idea, hes sorry etc. But i am really worried that it will affect our relationship, which has been amazing so far, we are great together. Any ideas on what i should do, he said it wont affect anything, but im worried, any help would be great, im feeling really bad, ashamed and upset i guess, sorry this is so long....

Link to comment

I can see why he would be a little jeolous after seeing you have sex with his best friend.I think that's just a natural feeling.But like you said,it was all his idea.And your relationship shouldn't change b/c of that.Just try to sit down with him and have a nice heart to heart talk about all of this.Let him know that you love him very much and that you don't want anything to change.Hopefully,everything won't and you two will be just fine.

Link to comment

If you are going to have a threesome with a significant other then both parties need to be mature enough to realize the implications of the emotions/feelings/thoughts that are going to occur afterwards. This could cause a problem in your relationship only time will tell. You have learned from this situtaion and now all you have to do is apply what you have learned.

Link to comment

I think he's a dumb-ss for treating you that way, and frankly, he's not that wild about you at the moment because you did it.

 

He may retreat into a "nice girls wouldn't" frame of mind (again, he suggested it, he has to live with it).

 

Now he's brought onto himself a huge set of doubts, concerns, jealousies, etc., when his best friend is around.

Link to comment

Thanks foe the advice guys, i just talked to him and he said he was worried that i would be mad at him and not want to be with him anymore. he said hes sorry for even getting me involved in that and hes not mad at me. I still feel akward but i hope that ereything will be alright. He said he doesnt want anything to change between us either so i hope it wont. But im still worriied that he will think differently of me or something. He said what happened is bothering him a little and he doesnt know why he started it and he should have stopped it. But i told him how i feeel and that i care about him very much and only want to be with him and he told me he feels the same and that everything will be fine. Does it sound like my relationship with him is gonna be alright???? Thanks for all the advice so far!!!!

Link to comment

Then I will have to agree with both Cecelius and Sn0wman. I can understand you feel totally weird about this.

 

It makes me wonder why he wanted you to have this menage a trois; I suppose most guys would want such a thing with another girl, not another boy? It makes me think that somehow, your boyfriend was trying to see if this would affect him. As sort of a proof that he has feelings. Which would not be the way I would 'test' that

 

Have the two of you talked about things? How did this make you feel about yourself?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

Link to comment

It made me feel not too good about myself. Mostly i did it because he said he really wanted to and i had never tried it before. I have talked to him and he said he feels really bad, he never thought it would bother him much. He said he is not mad at me at all, and doesnt think any differently about me because it was him who pursuaded me to do it. I just feel bad and dont want it to ruin our relationship, which i dont think it will, but i dont want him to think i dont care about him, or that i have feelings for his friend or anything. I have no feelings for his friend, it was purly experimental and that he wanted to do it. He said he just wants to forget about it and we should put it behind us and that he doesnt want me too fel bad because it was his idea. But we both stopped, he couldnt do it and i felt awkward. So does that mean that he does care about me alot and made the mistake of thinking it wouldnt bother him? By what he is saying do u think that things will be alright? He is acting completely normal and everything, i just dont want there to be any awkwardness when we are all togethr or i dont want him too worry about me liking his friend or something? So should i just drop it and let it be behind us and forget about it?

Link to comment

Hey girl,

 

I can't read his mind of course, but from what you say, I think there is no reason you should be scared that he will break up with you. However, I wonder how it made you feel that he wanted you to do this in the first place? I think I would be kind of shocked if my bf would make a proposal like this. And it would bother me too if he thought he wouldn't be jealous of me having sex with another guy.

 

I can imagine you feel strange about the whole situation. You where not sober, which certainly didn't help, but it does tell me that you would never have done this if it wasn't for the drinking that preceded it, right?

 

I think it's good that your boyfriend wants to leave it behind, but I wonder if you are able to do that. There is really no benefit in not communicating about things that really bother you, just because he wants to pretend it didn't happen. From what I read, you do seem to be bothered by this, so I think as long as that is the case, you should also express this to him. This is not only about HIM being more jealous than he expected. It's also about him wanting you to do such a thing in the first place.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

Link to comment

I just want to know why he wanted to do this with another guy?Most guys want to do that kind of thing with another woman.Sorry,I just think that was kind of weird.Is he bicurious or something.Just wondering.Don't be offended please.I'm not trying to be mean in any way.

Link to comment

Hi Michelle03,

 

What do you think is the most threatening thing to a man? It is the idea of his woman having intercourse with another man. And thus, what do you think would be the most exciting thing for a man to witness? It is the fantasy of most men, but few men admit it.

 

In actuality, for a woman to oblige her man's request to have a threesome with another man is the most genuine expression of trust and the most ruthless expression of sexuality that she could demonstrate to him. For couples who are secure in themselves and in their relationship, it is an exciting occasional endeavor.

 

The first time for a man to witness is usually very disturbing, yet very exciting. It is no reflection on you. It has to do with him and his self assurance. Usually the fantasy is more exciting and less problematic than the reality. Simply assure him that you still feel the same about him.

 

Maybe some time in the future you two will be secure enough in yourselves and in the relationship. Until then, assure him that you are always available to talk with him about anything. Stick with moving forward and making the relationship stronger.

 

David Shade

Link to comment

I wouldn't worry if I were you. Obviously he was worried that you are thinking poorly of him since this happened or else he wouldn't have brought it up.

 

Truly, I would put it behind you and not talk about it to him again unless he brings it up. Sounds like he is a bit upset about his part in the situation, not yours! After all, it was his idea, and the three of you were drunk! He probably feels irresponsible and like he wasn't looking out for you or your best interests. He sounds like he is questioning his worthiness of you.

 

Tell him you love him, and move on. I wouldn't worry.

Give yourself a break, and realize that you may have some mental issues to deal with now as you work your way through this. Realize that is normal and don't worry, you don't have any feelings for his friend. All it was is booze and hormones. It will be ok between you two.

Link to comment

Michelle03,

 

I think David Shade hit it on the nose. Speaking as a guy who fantasized about seeing his g/f with another (man or woman), I can say that the fantasy is very exciting. Reality, however, is something completely different. Feelings of jealousy, awkwardness if I saw the other guy, word getting out to other friends, etc.

 

I read in a thread somewhere that the reason some guys like it is that they always imagine going out with someone like a stripper or porn star. And seeing/imagining their wives/gf's with other men (especially) satisfies that need.

Link to comment

Feelings of jealousy are natural, especially since your relationship is new, and this sort of experience is new.

 

What I recommend is for you guys to have a FMF threesome, so that you get to experience seeing him have sex with another woman, then the two of you can properly discuss your feelings.

 

This will also show him that you are offering him the same level of trust and commitment that he has shown you.

Link to comment
yes i agree with the others... its not normal to offer you to share you with his friend or some other guy... if i love someone then i wouldnt want to share them with someone else! its simple

 

Some people are polyamorious.

 

Some happily married loving couples are swingers.

 

Why impose your vision of "normal"?

Link to comment

I dont think she is imposing her view of normal, I think she is stating her opinion on why be in a relationship if you are going to share your partner with other people. You may as well be single if you want to act like a bunch of rutting pigs.

Link to comment
yes i agree with the others... its not normal to offer you to share you with his friend or some other guy... if i love someone then i wouldnt want to share them with someone else! its simple

 

Some people are polyamorious.

 

Some happily married loving couples are swingers.

 

Why impose your vision of "normal"?

 

It was IMHO, no need to pick on my replies bro ok? You can have your own thoughts

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...