Questioning My Mothers Nutrition Ethics.In need of an answer

mymelancholysoul · 03-12-2005, 10:53 PM

So here we go.

I don't eat.
Its as easy and as complicated as that.
I can go days without eating anything but ice chips and its really sick. Nobody stops me and my 'mother' encourages my wanting to lose weight.

Its so much more than that. Just like in middle school. I didn't stuff my face then purge it all up to be thin. Sure, that was a factor. But there was so much more.

She says its okay to not eat three meals a day.
Okay.
Okay.
Thats alright, right?

She makes me a small plate of veggies for dinner and makes my brother chicken and noodles and who knows what else.

Question time:
Is my mother being wrong? I mean, would she intetionally put me at risk? Don't start the whole, 'Your a sick kid whos anorexic and should be locked in a hospital'. Seriously, I really don't need to hear that. I'm not anorexic. My BMI IS NOT below 17. Thats whats considered medically anorexic.
But seriously, she wouldn't put me at risk, right? She wouldn't put me in danger...right? She says what I'm doing is alright. Eating once a day. Literally. Sometimes not even that. And exercising until sometimes I want to cry. I mean, my mother knows whats going on. I'm not over weight according to my BMI....but I feel so...disgusting. I was diagnosed in middle school. Now? I probably have nothing. Nothing is wrong, right? I mean...my mother...she loves me...she would want to hurt me...right?
right?
....right?

MetallicAguy · 03-12-2005, 11:03 PM

Why do you want to feel and look thin? I don't think she's encouraging you to lose weight, I think she just doesn't care what you do with yourself really. One meal a day isn't good either. I go without breakfast mostly everyday and my mind has been trained (since I don't have time in the morning) to think it's ok not to eat breakfast. Then I eat breakfast and feel satisfied, though I don't get the hunger sensation, y'know; to eat.

pretty weird but yeah. I think it's kinda abnormal for you to do that and I don't think it's healthy. Everyone needs to eat. It's not going to make you fatter. It's your thyroid giving you this problem(basically genetics) so it's not what your eating that gives you the problem to gain weight, just your thyroid. I really don't know how to fix this problem but asking a doctor might help.

**lady00** · 03-12-2005, 11:07 PM

Hmm...since I'm not a doctor I have no idea if eating only once a day is harmful to you. But exercising till you want to cry? Exercise should be fun and once it becomes that painful, you should probably stop. You say you're not medically anorexic...that's great but you also say that you are not overweight and yet you don't like the you look? Why is that? What is making you feel negatively about the way that you look? I think the best way to figure this out is to ask someone who knows more about this stuff...like a doctor or a therapist...all I can say is that you don't seem happy with your body for some reason and you should try to figure out why so you can start to feel better about yourself.

mymelancholysoul · 03-12-2005, 11:12 PM

Its not like...Im an unhappy person.

I smile.
I laugh.
I make jokes.
I'm the star of any social group.
So why should it matter?

Because there is so much more to being thin than losing weight.
Its everything
The pain
The control or lack there of

Its so strange and so stupid at the same time
I'm not really unnattractive
Sure, its not like there's a line of people trying to be in a relationship with me, but I've always been able to deal with that. Always.

So when I started feeling crumby, I decided...maybe a change was needed. So I started doing my hair differently. And I realized. Well maybe if I lost a few pounds, that would be good too. My mother is always downing on my weight. Even when I was 98lbs. I still wasn't small enough. Mind you, that was like....ages and ages and years and forever ago. I'm nowehere near that now. She always encourages me to lose weight. To exercise. She loves me. Mother knows best, they say. So I mean, this is okay...right? She knows how I feel. I tell her. I tell her I don't like me. She tells me to change. I say I'm going to lose weight. She says thats a good idea, I could stand to lose a few. Alright. Fine. I tell her, I eat once a day. She says she'll make that once a day be something healthy. She loves me. She does. Right? Right? She wouldn't hurt me? Its okay to be hungry....

MetallicAguy · 03-12-2005, 11:23 PM

Here I'll give you a good tip that works. Sometimes depending on other looks especially face and eyes; if you wear tight clothing, shirt and pants it becomes physically attractive. I don't know if this works for all guys but if you could tell us your weight and height I could see if it'd work really good for you or not. Which it shouldn't not work for you unless your 5'5 and 270lbs. Though, overall I think the most things women (who think there overweight) should do is 1. Wear tight clothing, (and if you can make your torso black, humans for some reason find black on the torso area more attractive than someone with any other color.). 2. Do something with your hair, straighten it, curl it whatever you'll attract some guy(though you probably don't want to attract a nerd lol, dress like one you'll attract one, well not necessarily but in most cases they think they have something in common with the way they dress, the shallow ones go for the babes, duh). 3. Wear tight pants, I think this is pretty important. Like girls you probably don't like guys with parachute pants, we don't like girls with parachute pants either. Plus if you wear this tight clothing, it creates an optical illusion thus making you more attractive.

It's ok to be hungry, I think when girls are more upbeat and confident and don't care about what they look like, that attracts me to them mentally. So that's good, and why does it matter so much about the physical attraction you can't be THAT bad, and mental attraction is what counts 90% of the time. (Note: If the girl is like really overweight or just ugly in the face I will stay clear of her. I don't like girls that are really wide or have really fat cheeks so if you have this like 3/4 of a yardstick long head you might want to do somethin' with that. lol)

DN · 03-12-2005, 11:26 PM

are you more concerned about your weight or your relationship with your mother?

mymelancholysoul · 03-12-2005, 11:31 PM

I don't know.
I don't.

I mean, is she hurting me? Would she really do that? She says its okay...so it is, right?

I've been trying to find a middle ground with everything.

Restrict
Restrict
Restrict

I get this feeling she doesn't love me. And I don't want that. So I try to do everything I can to change that. I lose the weight, I get the grades, I babysit, I cook, I clean.

I'm not good enough.

I never will be.

Thats the truth, isn't it?

Carthiana · 03-12-2005, 11:35 PM

It is hard to understand exactly what you are asking, here's why. You seem to want two things from your post. 1. You want reassurance that what you are doing is ok (or correction that it's not) and 2. that we can use the previous statement to justify whether we in our opinion believe your mom is doing it for good or unjust reasons.

Either way, I don't think you are going to get the answers you appear to /want/ to hear. You don't want to hear that its not healthy, otherwise other issues come into play. Like, if it's unhealthy, then why would your mom be supporting/suggesting/allowing it?

You already have doubts, from your statements. If you have doubts, then isn't that enough to start to wonder? The seeds have been planted, you are looking for facts or opinions to make them grow, or die off.

We all have unreasonable expectations at times, even parents, not just kids. Sometimes those come into play. Parents want a better life for their kids than they had, weight can sometimes play a big role, 'specially if weight related issues or problems occured in the parent's life. They have their own wants of what they want to see you do, you have your own. Sometimes they coinside, sometimes they don't. They also want sometimes what you want, to be x or y depending on the situtation. But parents and kids are not always right, and the decisions they make fall in that area too. We are human, it just happens. So she could very well want the best for you, but that doesn't mean it's the wisest choice.

Her motivations for wanting the best for you are genuine, but maybe the way going about it isn't the best for the situtation?

If you truely want to know what is best advised for a person of your age, diet, etc then do some research. Go to VARIOUS websites, ones that are legit, who have medical information, not just opinions. They will give you ideas like normal calorie intake suggested for people x age, such things like that. Parents are not the authority on nutrition (unless that parent is a doctor or done a heck of a lot of research on it) but do have a good head start on it compared to their children. Doctors are the best to ask honestly, if you want an opinion that doesn't come from someone that is blood to you and wants to tell you want you want to hear.

There are healthy ways to eat and heathly ways to diet, it's just finding them that is difficult sometimes. There are plenty new books out every day on things not to eat or to eat, so even in the field of nutrition and diet things change every day with new discoveries.

DN · 03-12-2005, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mymelancholysoul

I'm not good enough.

I never will be.

Thats the truth, isn't it?

No , it is not the truth. I suggest you immediately seek help from a counsellor.

mymelancholysoul · 03-12-2005, 11:46 PM

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry for posting this.
I didn't mean to upset anyone or make it seem like...I'm so sorry....
I'm just so out there these days, you know?
I graduate and start college in the fall. And I've been trying to be this perfect little girl and I can't. And I feel like this failure. So when I don't eat and I get sick from eating anything large, I feel like I deserve it. Like somewhere in the strands of time I screwed up and now have to pay for it. I did the whole...therapy thing. First in middle school for my eating and that just...I don't want to talk about that. It hurt so much. My track career right out the window. Then in sophmore year for an OD and for my behavior. My paranoia. I was yanked by both parents after a few months. They said that the doctors were stupid to think I was depressed. I had no reason to be depressed. I feel so completely...I don't know how to explain it. But I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for posting this and expecting my world to just be solved. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bother. I will never be good enough for anyone, not even myself. Not at this rate.

03-12-2005, 10:53 PM	#1
mymelancholysoul Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Southern Maryland Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 94	Questioning My Mothers Nutrition Ethics.In need of an answer So here we go. I don't eat. Its as easy and as complicated as that. I can go days without eating anything but ice chips and its really sick. Nobody stops me and my 'mother' encourages my wanting to lose weight. Its so much more than that. Just like in middle school. I didn't stuff my face then purge it all up to be thin. Sure, that was a factor. But there was so much more. She says its okay to not eat three meals a day. Okay. Okay. Thats alright, right? She makes me a small plate of veggies for dinner and makes my brother chicken and noodles and who knows what else. Question time: Is my mother being wrong? I mean, would she intetionally put me at risk? Don't start the whole, 'Your a sick kid whos anorexic and should be locked in a hospital'. Seriously, I really don't need to hear that. I'm not anorexic. My BMI IS NOT below 17. Thats whats considered medically anorexic. But seriously, she wouldn't put me at risk, right? She wouldn't put me in danger...right? She says what I'm doing is alright. Eating once a day. Literally. Sometimes not even that. And exercising until sometimes I want to cry. I mean, my mother knows whats going on. I'm not over weight according to my BMI....but I feel so...disgusting. I was diagnosed in middle school. Now? I probably have nothing. Nothing is wrong, right? I mean...my mother...she loves me...she would want to hurt me...right? right? ....right? __________________ Look back not in anger, nor forward in fear, but around you in awareness Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have

03-12-2005, 11:12 PM	#4
mymelancholysoul Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Southern Maryland Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 94	Its not like...Im an unhappy person. I smile. I laugh. I make jokes. I'm the star of any social group. So why should it matter? Because there is so much more to being thin than losing weight. Its everything The pain The control or lack there of Its so strange and so stupid at the same time I'm not really unnattractive Sure, its not like there's a line of people trying to be in a relationship with me, but I've always been able to deal with that. Always. So when I started feeling crumby, I decided...maybe a change was needed. So I started doing my hair differently. And I realized. Well maybe if I lost a few pounds, that would be good too. My mother is always downing on my weight. Even when I was 98lbs. I still wasn't small enough. Mind you, that was like....ages and ages and years and forever ago. I'm nowehere near that now. She always encourages me to lose weight. To exercise. She loves me. Mother knows best, they say. So I mean, this is okay...right? She knows how I feel. I tell her. I tell her I don't like me. She tells me to change. I say I'm going to lose weight. She says thats a good idea, I could stand to lose a few. Alright. Fine. I tell her, I eat once a day. She says she'll make that once a day be something healthy. She loves me. She does. Right? Right? She wouldn't hurt me? Its okay to be hungry.... __________________ Look back not in anger, nor forward in fear, but around you in awareness Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have

03-12-2005, 11:26 PM	#6
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	are you more concerned about your weight or your relationship with your mother? __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

03-12-2005, 11:31 PM	#7
mymelancholysoul Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Southern Maryland Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 94	I don't know. I don't. I mean, is she hurting me? Would she really do that? She says its okay...so it is, right? I've been trying to find a middle ground with everything. Restrict Restrict Restrict I get this feeling she doesn't love me. And I don't want that. So I try to do everything I can to change that. I lose the weight, I get the grades, I babysit, I cook, I clean. I'm not good enough. I never will be. Thats the truth, isn't it? __________________ Look back not in anger, nor forward in fear, but around you in awareness Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have

03-12-2005, 11:35 PM	#8
Carthiana Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: EastCoast Age: 30 Posts: 77	It is hard to understand exactly what you are asking, here's why. You seem to want two things from your post. 1. You want reassurance that what you are doing is ok (or correction that it's not) and 2. that we can use the previous statement to justify whether we in our opinion believe your mom is doing it for good or unjust reasons. Either way, I don't think you are going to get the answers you appear to /want/ to hear. You don't want to hear that its not healthy, otherwise other issues come into play. Like, if it's unhealthy, then why would your mom be supporting/suggesting/allowing it? You already have doubts, from your statements. If you have doubts, then isn't that enough to start to wonder? The seeds have been planted, you are looking for facts or opinions to make them grow, or die off. We all have unreasonable expectations at times, even parents, not just kids. Sometimes those come into play. Parents want a better life for their kids than they had, weight can sometimes play a big role, 'specially if weight related issues or problems occured in the parent's life. They have their own wants of what they want to see you do, you have your own. Sometimes they coinside, sometimes they don't. They also want sometimes what you want, to be x or y depending on the situtation. But parents and kids are not always right, and the decisions they make fall in that area too. We are human, it just happens. So she could very well want the best for you, but that doesn't mean it's the wisest choice. Her motivations for wanting the best for you are genuine, but maybe the way going about it isn't the best for the situtation? If you truely want to know what is best advised for a person of your age, diet, etc then do some research. Go to VARIOUS websites, ones that are legit, who have medical information, not just opinions. They will give you ideas like normal calorie intake suggested for people x age, such things like that. Parents are not the authority on nutrition (unless that parent is a doctor or done a heck of a lot of research on it) but do have a good head start on it compared to their children. Doctors are the best to ask honestly, if you want an opinion that doesn't come from someone that is blood to you and wants to tell you want you want to hear. There are healthy ways to eat and heathly ways to diet, it's just finding them that is difficult sometimes. There are plenty new books out every day on things not to eat or to eat, so even in the field of nutrition and diet things change every day with new discoveries. __________________ ~Wise soul in a young body~ -I offer only my words, my advice, that is all I have to give, to present...-

03-12-2005, 11:03 PM	#2
MetallicAguy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 19 Posts: 2,159	Why do you want to feel and look thin? I don't think she's encouraging you to lose weight, I think she just doesn't care what you do with yourself really. One meal a day isn't good either. I go without breakfast mostly everyday and my mind has been trained (since I don't have time in the morning) to think it's ok not to eat breakfast. Then I eat breakfast and feel satisfied, though I don't get the hunger sensation, y'know; to eat. pretty weird but yeah. I think it's kinda abnormal for you to do that and I don't think it's healthy. Everyone needs to eat. It's not going to make you fatter. It's your thyroid giving you this problem(basically genetics) so it's not what your eating that gives you the problem to gain weight, just your thyroid. I really don't know how to fix this problem but asking a doctor might help.

03-12-2005, 11:07 PM	#3
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	Hmm...since I'm not a doctor I have no idea if eating only once a day is harmful to you. But exercising till you want to cry? Exercise should be fun and once it becomes that painful, you should probably stop. You say you're not medically anorexic...that's great but you also say that you are not overweight and yet you don't like the you look? Why is that? What is making you feel negatively about the way that you look? I think the best way to figure this out is to ask someone who knows more about this stuff...like a doctor or a therapist...all I can say is that you don't seem happy with your body for some reason and you should try to figure out why so you can start to feel better about yourself.

03-12-2005, 11:23 PM	#5
MetallicAguy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 19 Posts: 2,159	Here I'll give you a good tip that works. Sometimes depending on other looks especially face and eyes; if you wear tight clothing, shirt and pants it becomes physically attractive. I don't know if this works for all guys but if you could tell us your weight and height I could see if it'd work really good for you or not. Which it shouldn't not work for you unless your 5'5 and 270lbs. Though, overall I think the most things women (who think there overweight) should do is 1. Wear tight clothing, (and if you can make your torso black, humans for some reason find black on the torso area more attractive than someone with any other color.). 2. Do something with your hair, straighten it, curl it whatever you'll attract some guy(though you probably don't want to attract a nerd lol, dress like one you'll attract one, well not necessarily but in most cases they think they have something in common with the way they dress, the shallow ones go for the babes, duh). 3. Wear tight pants, I think this is pretty important. Like girls you probably don't like guys with parachute pants, we don't like girls with parachute pants either. Plus if you wear this tight clothing, it creates an optical illusion thus making you more attractive. It's ok to be hungry, I think when girls are more upbeat and confident and don't care about what they look like, that attracts me to them mentally. So that's good, and why does it matter so much about the physical attraction you can't be THAT bad, and mental attraction is what counts 90% of the time. (Note: If the girl is like really overweight or just ugly in the face I will stay clear of her. I don't like girls that are really wide or have really fat cheeks so if you have this like 3/4 of a yardstick long head you might want to do somethin' with that. lol)

03-12-2005, 11:46 PM	#10
mymelancholysoul Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Southern Maryland Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 94	I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for posting this. I didn't mean to upset anyone or make it seem like...I'm so sorry.... I'm just so out there these days, you know? I graduate and start college in the fall. And I've been trying to be this perfect little girl and I can't. And I feel like this failure. So when I don't eat and I get sick from eating anything large, I feel like I deserve it. Like somewhere in the strands of time I screwed up and now have to pay for it. I did the whole...therapy thing. First in middle school for my eating and that just...I don't want to talk about that. It hurt so much. My track career right out the window. Then in sophmore year for an OD and for my behavior. My paranoia. I was yanked by both parents after a few months. They said that the doctors were stupid to think I was depressed. I had no reason to be depressed. I feel so completely...I don't know how to explain it. But I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for posting this and expecting my world to just be solved. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bother. I will never be good enough for anyone, not even myself. Not at this rate. __________________ Look back not in anger, nor forward in fear, but around you in awareness Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have