6 Mo pregnant found out Husband Cheated when first together

jenni_m · 03-07-2005, 12:19 PM

Hi
recently I found out my husband had cheated on me when we were first dating, this is something I can not really get mad at because it was before we were serious. It was a Girl he actually stopped seeing to start dating me. They had never been intimate before while they were dating. When he and I first moved in together he left for about 5 days he stayed with his brother but would see me during the days and see this woman during the nights he wanted to see if he was sure about US nothing intimate happened then between them ( so they both say) ok I can forget this as well.
The issue that is bothering me is that he continued to be friends with this Woman Keeping it a total secret from me for the past year he has been carrying on phone conversations with her and once in awhile stopping by for a visit . most of the time it has been when we got married , around Holidays or when we found out I was pregnant, Life advents like that ones you would share with a friend. Then this year there were 8 days of straight phone calls to her then he called her maybe 3 times in the next week or so and completely stopped.( goofy man handed me his cell phone bills every month I never paid attention to who he called until last week) Since then we have gotten a new cell phone. And No one knew our number.
He stopped by his sister in laws mothers house for a visit last week afterwork to see his niece, she asked if they could use his cell phone to call her mother to come get her He handed her the phone and let her make a call the niece is friends with this OTHER WOMAN, so she purposely called her and another place with caller ID to get My Husbands new Cell Phone Number. So they started to call him again.
I went to use the phone found the numbers and called them my self. They all tell me He had an affair with this woman . So I lost it!!!!! Of course who wouldn't . When I questioned the number he LIED and told me it was a Guy friend's SO I called it! He finally after 3 days confessed everything to me that he did Cheat on me but we were barely dating that he did leave me for her once but realized he was in love with me. That he has stopped by to see her once in a blue moon and that he called he because she was a friend. I feel betrayed like he has kept this from me for at least a year . He thought I would get mad because they still were friends. I am more mad over his lies becuase a long time ago I asked him who's number that was and He said the Same Guy Friends and I believed him.
What made him feel the need to carry on this secret friends ship with her . She is supposedly hoplessly in love with him according to her Mother. I called her my self and she said she has only seen him 2 times in the past 3 months and once his sister in law and niece was there. She claimed they were just friends and she even said she wanted to get to know me as well. She asked me if I minded if She and My husband could remain friends . I told her I thought it was unacceptable !!!!!!!!!!
I want to forgive my husband for this , I want to get on with our marriage I am almost 6 months pregnant with his son, and I have 2 children from a previous marriage that consider him their Dad. I would be breaking their hearts and mine if I left. He has appologized and says he will never contact her again, and sounds genuine. How can I stop being suspicious and watching his every move?

Thanks for reading my long post !!
Jenni

How do I move on and accept all of this.

tanned_production · 03-07-2005, 12:52 PM

I think you just need to trust him... believe him that he wont do it again. Since you are 6 months pregnant... he needs to be there for the kids. He sounds like he loves you... if he decided to leave you for her, and then came back to you. You cant dwell on the past...

Tell him that you want to get past this... and you want to be able to trust him, but it might take a little longer that he'd like.

It sounds like you really love and care about this man... so try your hardest to trust. Its hard sometimes... but you're doing not only for yourself, but for the kids.

Good luck!

cleverme123 · 03-07-2005, 01:14 PM

I am 9 months pregnant, and my husband did the exact same thing pretty much. It's with his ex girlfriend and some girls name I found on a piece of paper from yahoo. If he is lying about it and he purposely gave her his new cell phone number you can bet it will happen again. I understand your position as well, I choose to ignore what I know is going on behind my back for the very same reason you are not wanting to leave, 2 kids previous marriage and pregnant with his son. You have to make a choice I guarantee you it isnt going to stop.

tanned_production · 03-07-2005, 01:17 PM

Cleverme... i dont think that is true. not all men are alike. just because your husband didnt stick to his commitment to stop... doesnt mean hers wont. we're on this site to encourage... you need to have more trust than that.

**annie24** · 03-07-2005, 01:19 PM

I am somewhat inclined to go with cleverme. A tiger doesn't change its stripes that easily. If the husband is really committed to showing you he has changed, you two need to get couples counseling together. There are a lot of trust issues here. And that he's been lying all along, that's not very good. Actually - that's really rotten. Definitely, go to counseling with him to rebuild your relationship. Best of luck to you both!

tanned_production · 03-07-2005, 01:20 PM

Thats true... I just meant that it is possibly for him to change. good luck

Sarah Washington · 03-07-2005, 01:44 PM

I think that your situation is very different. If you had been any other woman you would have gotten a divorce. Do not let him fool you when he apologizes. What makes you think he wont do it agian? Because he loves you? LOL just keep in mind that anyone can say those words.

randy · 03-07-2005, 02:26 PM

Don't go rushing into anything here. People CAN change. Yes he should not have lied to you. Give him another chance. This goes behond you and him. There are kids involed here. If he does do it again then take drastic action. I think councling would be a great idea as well. You should speak to him and book an apointment.

Luscious · 03-07-2005, 02:41 PM

You know what, noone can tell you what to do but do what you feel is right, everyone can only judge from the information that you gave...if you feel he deserves another chance, then why not, I'm sure everything is not bad.

But the friendship with the other lady I wouldn't suggest that, you shouldn't trust anyone around your husband and if he cheated on you with her then its a big risk to take to allow them to be friends.

Your not gonnaa fully trust him right now, trust is something he would have to gain back and who knows how long it may take....Trust, easy to lose and hard to get back!!!

cooldude1234 · 03-07-2005, 03:21 PM

Hey,

I would give him another chance. But, unlike some of the other posters have suggested, you should, one, forgive but don't forget that this happened and, two, don't go through this with blinders of trust on.

Is he being sincere? Probably, but it's hard to say whether or not it's going to happen again.

Remember, a high level of trust has to be earned. It just can't be given.

03-07-2005, 12:19 PM	#1
jenni_m Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2	6 Mo pregnant found out Husband Cheated when first together Hi recently I found out my husband had cheated on me when we were first dating, this is something I can not really get mad at because it was before we were serious. It was a Girl he actually stopped seeing to start dating me. They had never been intimate before while they were dating. When he and I first moved in together he left for about 5 days he stayed with his brother but would see me during the days and see this woman during the nights he wanted to see if he was sure about US nothing intimate happened then between them ( so they both say) ok I can forget this as well. The issue that is bothering me is that he continued to be friends with this Woman Keeping it a total secret from me for the past year he has been carrying on phone conversations with her and once in awhile stopping by for a visit . most of the time it has been when we got married , around Holidays or when we found out I was pregnant, Life advents like that ones you would share with a friend. Then this year there were 8 days of straight phone calls to her then he called her maybe 3 times in the next week or so and completely stopped.( goofy man handed me his cell phone bills every month I never paid attention to who he called until last week) Since then we have gotten a new cell phone. And No one knew our number. He stopped by his sister in laws mothers house for a visit last week afterwork to see his niece, she asked if they could use his cell phone to call her mother to come get her He handed her the phone and let her make a call the niece is friends with this OTHER WOMAN, so she purposely called her and another place with caller ID to get My Husbands new Cell Phone Number. So they started to call him again. I went to use the phone found the numbers and called them my self. They all tell me He had an affair with this woman . So I lost it!!!!! Of course who wouldn't . When I questioned the number he LIED and told me it was a Guy friend's SO I called it! He finally after 3 days confessed everything to me that he did Cheat on me but we were barely dating that he did leave me for her once but realized he was in love with me. That he has stopped by to see her once in a blue moon and that he called he because she was a friend. I feel betrayed like he has kept this from me for at least a year . He thought I would get mad because they still were friends. I am more mad over his lies becuase a long time ago I asked him who's number that was and He said the Same Guy Friends and I believed him. What made him feel the need to carry on this secret friends ship with her . She is supposedly hoplessly in love with him according to her Mother. I called her my self and she said she has only seen him 2 times in the past 3 months and once his sister in law and niece was there. She claimed they were just friends and she even said she wanted to get to know me as well. She asked me if I minded if She and My husband could remain friends . I told her I thought it was unacceptable !!!!!!!!!! I want to forgive my husband for this , I want to get on with our marriage I am almost 6 months pregnant with his son, and I have 2 children from a previous marriage that consider him their Dad. I would be breaking their hearts and mine if I left. He has appologized and says he will never contact her again, and sounds genuine. How can I stop being suspicious and watching his every move? Thanks for reading my long post !! Jenni How do I move on and accept all of this.

03-07-2005, 12:52 PM	#2
tanned_production Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 314	I think you just need to trust him... believe him that he wont do it again. Since you are 6 months pregnant... he needs to be there for the kids. He sounds like he loves you... if he decided to leave you for her, and then came back to you. You cant dwell on the past... Tell him that you want to get past this... and you want to be able to trust him, but it might take a little longer that he'd like. It sounds like you really love and care about this man... so try your hardest to trust. Its hard sometimes... but you're doing not only for yourself, but for the kids. Good luck! __________________ Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart... but trusting that they won't.

03-07-2005, 01:14 PM	#3
cleverme123 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 393	well... I am 9 months pregnant, and my husband did the exact same thing pretty much. It's with his ex girlfriend and some girls name I found on a piece of paper from yahoo. If he is lying about it and he purposely gave her his new cell phone number you can bet it will happen again. I understand your position as well, I choose to ignore what I know is going on behind my back for the very same reason you are not wanting to leave, 2 kids previous marriage and pregnant with his son. You have to make a choice I guarantee you it isnt going to stop. __________________ Life is what you make it...Not what other people do to you.

03-07-2005, 01:17 PM	#4
tanned_production Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 314	Cleverme... i dont think that is true. not all men are alike. just because your husband didnt stick to his commitment to stop... doesnt mean hers wont. we're on this site to encourage... you need to have more trust than that. __________________ Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart... but trusting that they won't.

03-07-2005, 01:20 PM	#6
tanned_production Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 21 Posts: 314	Thats true... I just meant that it is possibly for him to change. good luck __________________ Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart... but trusting that they won't.

03-07-2005, 01:19 PM	#5
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,827	I am somewhat inclined to go with cleverme. A tiger doesn't change its stripes that easily. If the husband is really committed to showing you he has changed, you two need to get couples counseling together. There are a lot of trust issues here. And that he's been lying all along, that's not very good. Actually - that's really rotten. Definitely, go to counseling with him to rebuild your relationship. Best of luck to you both!

03-07-2005, 01:44 PM	#7
Sarah Washington Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: florida Age: 22 Posts: 7	I think that your situation is very different. If you had been any other woman you would have gotten a divorce. Do not let him fool you when he apologizes. What makes you think he wont do it agian? Because he loves you? LOL just keep in mind that anyone can say those words.

03-07-2005, 02:26 PM	#8
randy Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 28 Posts: 469	Don't go rushing into anything here. People CAN change. Yes he should not have lied to you. Give him another chance. This goes behond you and him. There are kids involed here. If he does do it again then take drastic action. I think councling would be a great idea as well. You should speak to him and book an apointment.

03-07-2005, 02:41 PM	#9
Luscious Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 27 Posts: 134	You know what, noone can tell you what to do but do what you feel is right, everyone can only judge from the information that you gave...if you feel he deserves another chance, then why not, I'm sure everything is not bad. But the friendship with the other lady I wouldn't suggest that, you shouldn't trust anyone around your husband and if he cheated on you with her then its a big risk to take to allow them to be friends. Your not gonnaa fully trust him right now, trust is something he would have to gain back and who knows how long it may take....Trust, easy to lose and hard to get back!!! __________________ Don't marry the person that you can live with but the one you can't live without.

03-07-2005, 03:21 PM	#10
cooldude1234 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 175	Funn O)) Hey, I would give him another chance. But, unlike some of the other posters have suggested, you should, one, forgive but don't forget that this happened and, two, don't go through this with blinders of trust on. Is he being sincere? Probably, but it's hard to say whether or not it's going to happen again. Remember, a high level of trust has to be earned. It just can't be given.