My girlfriend wants to "be alone." Plz help me

Hey everyone. I'm a 23 year old guy who just had his heart broken by his now ex-girlfriend after a one year relationship. She broke up with me two weeks ago. She is 21 and has been in a four year relationship, and then the one year with me. She recently broke up with me because she "really needs to be alone right now." She always told me how much she loved me, and she wanted to move in together. But all of a sudden she drops me like a bad habit. I told her I understood why she needs to be alone. But she is handling this much better than I am. I've been trying to leave her alone, but I did text her once yesterday telling her how much I miss her, and I hope things are going well for her. She replied to my text by simply saying "Hey, thanx for the text. I hope things are going good for u." Don't get me wrong. I'm not a smothering, obsessive boyfriend (honestly). I have several questions that I need answered.

1) Will she come back? What can I do to get her back?

2) Is the "I need to be alone" excuse just another way of saying I want to be with other guys?

3) What did I do that would cause her to drop me so suddenly?

I'm not going to contact her anymore. But I was thinking about giving it a few months and then emailing her to meet me for dinner. Is this a good way to go? Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling/talking about? Any help /suggestionswould be greatly appreciated.

1) Will she come back? What can I do to get her back?

Who knows. There isn't much you can do. Obviously something else is on her mind rather than being with you.

2) Is the "I need to be alone" excuse just another way of saying I want to be with other guys?

Could very well be. You know she wouldn't just say "hey I'm breaking up with you because there's this new guy I've been seeing..." Don't read into it too much though. She's gone now so be prepared for her to never come back to you.

I'm not going to contact her anymore.

Good idea.

But I was thinking about giving it a few months and then emailing her to meet me for dinner. Is this a good way to go?

By then you'll probably find someone better than her. Worry about it when the time comes. For now, you need to heal and then prepare to find a new date.

Any help /suggestionswould be greatly appreciated.

This girl is 21 years old. Chances are she's ready to explore the single life again at such a young age. She's probably dying to meet different types of guys but feels like she can't if she's in a long term relationship.

My guess is that she wants to explore other relationships. She's only 21 and she had a 4 year relationship prior to the one with you. At your age, there are so many things happening around you that it is really hard to do it with someone else. Maybe she has aspirations or ideas about what she wants in life and needs to explore it herself. Sometimes men and women just don't feel that the relationship is working out and needs a time out to think about things. Honestly, dont' spend too much of your time waiting for her or trying to win her back. You'd be smothering her even though you dont think you are.

Damn.... the truth is depressing. I thought this "need to be alone" thing was just another "break." I really hope people take relationships more seriously as I get older. I don't know how much more disappointing relationships I can take.

Damn.... the truth is depressing. I thought this "need to be alone" thing was just another "break." I really hope people take relationships more seriously as I get older. I don't know how much more disappointing relationships I can take.

We really don't know the situation. It could really be that she just wants a "break" (for the life of me I still don't understand this break stuff, you're either in or out, no?). Don't jump to conclusions with this so quickly. But do be prepared for her to never come back. I was just giving my insight into the situaiton. I'm a college student and see a lot of girls do this to guys when they enter college.

It's probably best to prepare yourself for her never coming back to you. I made the mistake of feeling like you are -- I thought about how I could get my ex back, etc... reality is he doesn't want me, and now it's even more painful to deal with than if I had just tried to accept it at the time.

Focus on yourself and the rest of your life, and maybe going on some dates, or at least go downtown with friends and have fun!!

If you're meant to be with her, it'll somehow work out. Who knows. Maybe she really just does need time and space... but you can't hold onto that hope like I unfortunately did. You have to think that it's over and get on with things.

Don't forget you're still young, have fun. Don't talk to her for a while if you think that's best. I think that's what I'm going to do with my ex now. We're having problems being friends and I think we both need time to heal cuz we never took that time to heal when we first broke up months ago. I would suggest letting her come to you if she wants to talk, and not making her feel any pressure. You could email her in a couple months to hang out if you like... but you might have found someone better by then... just play it by ear, don't plan that far in advance! good luck!

I also think she wants to see what (or should I say, who) else is out there. You are both young and maybe she doesn't want this kind of commitment right now. Give her space. She needs it.

yes you have to remember that she's been in a 4 year relationship before you, and then a year with you... she's only 21 and probably needs to just experience what else is out there. just give her space

Yea. She does need to experience who else is out there. That's why I didn't put up much of a fight to keep her. I feel bad for texting her this past Saturday. I hope that didn't make me look like a dumbass. But it was the only time I contacted her since we broke up. I just really missed her. But hey, as of now, I will no longer text her. Like I've been told, if it's meant to be, she'll come back. Thanks to everyone who has given me input. It really helps to talk about it and get other views on the situation. Good luck with your situation clodhopper. Personally, I find it impossible to be just friends with someone I had a relationship with.

yes well it's proving to be harder than i thought to be friends with my ex... although we were fine for a while, i don't know what happened. i might be seeing him this weekend if we all go out (we have mutual friends) so i'll see how it goes. i'm not gonna talk to him though (or at least try my best). if he wants to talk to me, he will

Damn... I just got home from work, and a mutual friend of mine and my ex's emailed me telling me my ex slept with some guy. We just broke up two weeks ago! My hands are freaking numb. How can she forget about me already? Why would she do this to me? I knew she would eventually sleep with someone else, but I can't believe she's doing it already. I'm devastated. If there's an ear out there, thanks for lending it.

I'm sorry to hear your situation. It must be tough on you as you seem like the kind of guy that really care your gf. Just try to busy yourself and find something to get your mind off things. If it makes you feel any better, i happens to the best of us everyday. Chin up!

Hi

My ex got together with someone soon after we split-if you have read my posts he is the new bf. It hurt and still does knowing that she is with someone else and is being intimate with him.

But the thing is we are not together anymore and my ex-and yours-has the right to see whoever she wants to. Its upsetting but its true.

If, like me, you would like to get back together at some point, it is something that you just have to accept as having happened. Try not to dwell on it.

She hasn't forgotten you. Its possible that it is her way of trying to forget you-a rebound kind of thing.

Do the NC thing. Try not to ask too many questions about what the ex is up to-she will probably do other things that you would prefer not to know about. Knowing too much about what she is doing will only upset you further.

Why would she try so hard to forget about me? Sleeping with someone else so soon totally devalues what our relationship was worth. This is definitely a sign that she won't be coming back. I've never been so depressed....

Your ex has just come out of a long term relationship with you. Even though she was the one that finished with you, she has to be hurting too. A year is a long time to commit yourself to someone and not feel anything at the end of it.

A rebound relationship, is often more about making yourself feel better than anything else and a way of ignoring the negative feelings that come with the end of a relationship. Even if you are the one who does the dumping there is still a sense of loss that takes time to recover from. From my point of view it is too soon after your split to be anything else but a rebound for your ex. Thats my whole point I don't think she has forgotten about you. My ex went out with someone very soon after we split and is still doing so. However, it gives me pause for thought every time I think that this bf is more or less identical to me-same build, same height same colouring (goes without saying he isn't as good looking though!). He may even drive a similar type of car. To my mind my ex seems to be trying to replace me not forget me.

Like I said earlier, at the moment you are not in a relationship with her and she is free to do whatever she chooses. It sucks I know I've been there (Still am). I understand that you are hurt by what she has done but it doesn't devalue the time that you had together in any way.The time the two of you had will always be yours and nothing she does now or in the future can take that away.

At the moment you are in a similar situation to me. Do the NC thing. Take time for yourself. It does work. As you suggested to me give her something to miss. It may not get you back together but it will help to put things into perspective. Give her the space she needs. It might not seem like it now but it gets easier to deal with. It just takes time.

I agree with the NC for awhile. It does do the body and mind good, collect your thoughts, experience what is out there yourself. Who knows, you might find someone out there that you would rather be with than the EX. Also NC gives the gift of missing you, and maybe they realize what it is they gave up, etc....

I have always agreed with the owner of a lonely heart is much better than an owner of a broken heart, and only time can heal all wounds. So, take this time for the healing process to work. It is hard to not want to contact them, and vice versa, but at this time do what is best for YOU!!

I have always agreed with the owner of a lonely heart is much better than an owner of a broken heart

What an outstanding quote. I really appreciate the support I've been recieving from you all. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied, but it's hard when I get flashes of my ex getting intimate with some other guy. It's also hard to hang around my bedroom because it reminds me of the ex. But I am trying VERY hard to let NC heal the wounds. I owe all of you one. I don't know how many times I've held my cell phone in my hand, ready to call my ex, but then I jump to this thread and re-read all the comments and the urge stops.