Want to give him to his dad

Jetta · 02-09-2005, 10:13 AM

My son has a major violent streak and he's now 9 years old and getting worse by the day. He's bad at school and at home. His bio-dad is much the same way, which is why I have never considered giving him custody before. I honestly can't deal with him anymore. He's flucking out of the 4th grade because he refuses to do his homework, skips school, he's just awful most of the time. He's even on meds and in therapy, still this behavior continues. Anything can and does set him off. I just don't know if I can in clear conscious send him but I'm not getting through and about to break in a very bad way.

**avman** · 02-09-2005, 10:28 AM

Giving him to his father doesn't sound like it will solve anything. You are going to have to deal with the problem head on. This is your child we are talking about.

Have you considered taking him for a second/third opinion? Perhaps the particular treatment he's on isn't appropriate for his condition. Sometimes they have to try several before they hit upon the right combination.

Obviously this is putting a huge stress on you. Are you currently getting some counseling? You definitely need the support. Perhaps there is even a support group of other parents who have children with the same problem. Then you can all lean on each other for help and trade ideas of what is working and not working in your situation.

Another thing to try is to take some time for yourself each week. Find a sitter that you can trust (and who has a good relationship with your son) and get out of the house for awhile. Recharge your batteries and get some adult fun time in.

Good luck. I know this is not easy.

giggle3474 · 02-09-2005, 03:02 PM

Im sorry that you are going through this. My son, who is 6, started getting in a lot of trouble at school and they were ready to kick him out of Kindergarden. Then magically about a month ago, the behavior got remarkably better. It's a tough thing to go through when you can't get inside their head and know whats going on.

I would urge you to try and keep patient with him. He needs you more than ever right now as he probably in incapable of controlling himself. Sending him to his dad's house may temporarily alleviate the stress in your life but I don't think it's ultimatley the right choice for your child.

Have you talked to his school about any intervention they may be able to offer? or his pediatrician? There may be an underlying cause for his behaviour (a bully at school, sexual abuse, etc)

Please sick with him and continue to help him out. He needs to know he can count on you. Try and get out and have some time to yourself once or twice a week. Talk to someone about how you're feeling, sometimes that helps. Good luck and keep us updated.

Jetta · 02-09-2005, 03:52 PM

The school is heavily involved. The principal actually comes out to our house once in a while to make sure he gets to school. There are lots of people trying to help him and he's getting progressively worse. They think he's bipolar. I'm just really drained and he's very dangerous when he's mad.

Jetta · 02-09-2005, 11:37 PM

Well the family therapist came tonight and saw him while he was in a mood. I asked about respite care or voluntary placement and she basically left to make some calls. She says he's not suitable to be put in a foster home right now and recommends a residental treatment program. She'll let us know what she finds out. She also says generally if the parents say voluntary placement they go to dad but his dad has supervised visitation on record so they wouldn't send him there.

Guess I have the answer to my question. I hope it's a positive one. Really threw me when she said he wasn't suitable for a home, now I know he is that difficult. It made me feel less horrible about my feelings.

02-09-2005, 10:13 AM	#1
Jetta Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 2,354	Want to give him to his dad My son has a major violent streak and he's now 9 years old and getting worse by the day. He's bad at school and at home. His bio-dad is much the same way, which is why I have never considered giving him custody before. I honestly can't deal with him anymore. He's flucking out of the 4th grade because he refuses to do his homework, skips school, he's just awful most of the time. He's even on meds and in therapy, still this behavior continues. Anything can and does set him off. I just don't know if I can in clear conscious send him but I'm not getting through and about to break in a very bad way.

02-09-2005, 10:28 AM	#2
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,526	Giving him to his father doesn't sound like it will solve anything. You are going to have to deal with the problem head on. This is your child we are talking about. Have you considered taking him for a second/third opinion? Perhaps the particular treatment he's on isn't appropriate for his condition. Sometimes they have to try several before they hit upon the right combination. Obviously this is putting a huge stress on you. Are you currently getting some counseling? You definitely need the support. Perhaps there is even a support group of other parents who have children with the same problem. Then you can all lean on each other for help and trade ideas of what is working and not working in your situation. Another thing to try is to take some time for yourself each week. Find a sitter that you can trust (and who has a good relationship with your son) and get out of the house for awhile. Recharge your batteries and get some adult fun time in. Good luck. I know this is not easy. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

02-09-2005, 03:02 PM	#3
giggle3474 Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: San Diego, CA Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 139	Im sorry that you are going through this. My son, who is 6, started getting in a lot of trouble at school and they were ready to kick him out of Kindergarden. Then magically about a month ago, the behavior got remarkably better. It's a tough thing to go through when you can't get inside their head and know whats going on. I would urge you to try and keep patient with him. He needs you more than ever right now as he probably in incapable of controlling himself. Sending him to his dad's house may temporarily alleviate the stress in your life but I don't think it's ultimatley the right choice for your child. Have you talked to his school about any intervention they may be able to offer? or his pediatrician? There may be an underlying cause for his behaviour (a bully at school, sexual abuse, etc) Please sick with him and continue to help him out. He needs to know he can count on you. Try and get out and have some time to yourself once or twice a week. Talk to someone about how you're feeling, sometimes that helps. Good luck and keep us updated.

02-09-2005, 03:52 PM	#4
Jetta Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 2,354	The school is heavily involved. The principal actually comes out to our house once in a while to make sure he gets to school. There are lots of people trying to help him and he's getting progressively worse. They think he's bipolar. I'm just really drained and he's very dangerous when he's mad.

02-09-2005, 11:37 PM	#5
Jetta Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 2,354	Well the family therapist came tonight and saw him while he was in a mood. I asked about respite care or voluntary placement and she basically left to make some calls. She says he's not suitable to be put in a foster home right now and recommends a residental treatment program. She'll let us know what she finds out. She also says generally if the parents say voluntary placement they go to dad but his dad has supervised visitation on record so they wouldn't send him there. Guess I have the answer to my question. I hope it's a positive one. Really threw me when she said he wasn't suitable for a home, now I know he is that difficult. It made me feel less horrible about my feelings.