Wedding....

PAdreamer · 01-16-2005, 10:46 PM

Okay I'm just gonna kind of ramble here, so I apologize if this turns into something really long! Over the holidays I got engaged. Some of you know my situation: Long distance relationship and all that. It's been really amazing and we are EXTREMELY excited! But I don't know... for some reason in my mind I thought that this was going to be easy. There's so much! I've been engaged for two weeks, and already we've started planning, even though the wedding isn't for... what? 18 and a half months? We already have so much done! It's crazy!

I'm not stressed about the wedding, really. I think my stress lies in the fact that I'm using it as an escape. Focusing on the planning is what is keeping my mind busy. It's keeping me from thinking about the fact that, once again, we're seperated by thousands of miles. I haven't dealt with it like I should. He cried twice the day he left! And he isn't an overly emotional guy! I haven't cried at all.

While I'm not STRESSED about the actual planning, there's also a lot to be done, and so much of it has to get put on the back burner until I get a new job so I have money! We have a lot of details nailed down, but there's a lot of work still to be done. Which is fine because we have so much time, I know. I guess I'm kind of freaked out that, even though we have 18 months, we have so much to do that we need to start doing things NOW. That, in itself, is overwhelming.

The good thing is that we went in a totally different direction with the ceremony than I thought we would. All my life I've envisioned the classic wedding: big hall, huge dress, and everyone in the world that we know attending. And of course it would cost an arm and a leg. That would have taken a lot of planning and there would have been a ton of tiny details to figure out. But now we're going with a very small ceremony- a themed wedding, actually. And the venue is sort of all-inclusive, in a way. And while I know that should take a load off as far as details go, in a way it makes it more difficult. I've spent my whole life deciding how I would handle those little details, and now they aren't there. Having that "unknown" adds stress more than it relieves it.

I won't have the familiar around. The wedding is in his city, 2,800 miles from where I live. It's at an annual Renaissance Festival that he has attended many times but I have never been to. We are making the outfits for almost the entire wedding party, including my fiance and his three attendants, all of whom live there in Pittsburgh, making it hard to get a proper fit for their clothes..... I love this idea for our wedding, don't get me wrong! It's very unique and it will be incredibly memorable. I just have no clue how to handle a wedding! LOL!

I truly believe that all of this just comes with the territory of being a bride-to-be. I just have no idea how to handle it all in stride. I guess I just need encouragement... Advice... ANYTHING anyone can offer to help me survive!

.....

okay... I'm done venting now.

bull · 01-16-2005, 11:01 PM

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Mun · 01-16-2005, 11:08 PM

Congratulations Girl !

I had a huge wedding myself so I know how stressful that can be. I suggest you handle one thing at a time and leave the fitting and outfits for last since most people gain/lose weight, and in 18 months that's very likely to happen.

Anyone who offers help, take it, but oversee everything so that it is to YOUR taste and satisfaction.

If you think you are stressed now, wait till the big day. I hope it is not so hectic you don't get to enjoy it.

Love

BrandonBo · 01-16-2005, 11:34 PM

congratulations!! i hope u have a long happy full like with him

sonjam · 01-17-2005, 01:00 AM

Girl, there is a lot of help on the NEt, go to a site like ultimatewedding.com. They have great resources and tells you exactly what to do, and when. it goes down to months before and then weeks before. You are exited and worried right now, but take a few deep breaths

and relax. It will all work out fine.

One word of caution: don't stop focussing your attention on your relationship. Planning a wedding is very exiting, but don't let this become your one and only topic in your life, or of your conversation with your fiancee. it is very easy to loose each other in this. REMEMBER the wedding is only one day, then it is the rest of your life, with your partner.

That said, Congrats, and I hope everything works out well!

OldGuy · 01-17-2005, 11:25 AM

First let me say congratulations and that I hope you are very happy.

My wife used to do wedding planning, specializing in helping those on a budget. Then she spent 18 months planning my daughters wedding and seemed to pretend there was no budget. (I keep careful records of my finances, but I have avoided for 10 years totaling up how much that cost me.)

Seriously, if you could find a wedding planner, in the city where the wedding will be, that liked to help people on a limited budget or in non-traditional weddings, it might be a few hundred dollars well spent.

You're looking for a smaller business that probably can't afford a yellow pages add. If your fiancé visited some cake shops, party supply stores or wedding venues he might could get a recommendation.

Good luck.

(I regret I will not be there to kiss the bride.)

OldGuy

Meow18 · 01-17-2005, 11:31 PM

Thats so exciting! Congratulations!

I think that sometimes when people get really busy planning out a wedding, they forget the true meaning of it. Just keep reminding yourself that what takes place isn't the most important thing, its what is going to happen. You are going to be married to the man of your dreams. I think that in itself would be the greatest thing. Of course most of us want our friends and families there to celebrate with us, I'm one of them. However, when things get stressful, which they will, just remember that this will be one of the happiest days of your lives, even if it doesn't go perfectly, it will be perfect.

My boyfriend's best friend is getting married. They have a long engagement too. They have so far been engaged for a year and are getting married next December. They have just now started planning their wedding.

I think you just have to trust that things will work out just fine. Look around over the internet, maybe talk to people you know who have recently gotten married. I mean, you do have a lot of time, so there's no need to start stressing over it now. I think the most important things right now would be to plan out who you want in your wedding, when you want it, where you want it and all the basic stuff like that. Getting the actual outfits should probably wait until closer to the day cause like someone else mentioned, people might gain weight or lose weight, or who knows.

I'm so happy for you and your fiance. It's so exciting. I hope my advice helped. Of course I'm not the greatest person to ask advice for this subject, since I haven't experienced it yet.

PAdreamer · 01-17-2005, 11:39 PM

Well really I don't need a wedding planner. It's a small enough ceremony, and I already have enough people trying to tell me how to run my wedding (aka my mom), I really don't need some stranger getting into it... Especially not one that I have to pay! LOL! I don't mind people giving me ideas, but I sort of feel like my mom is taking over. I know moms have a tendency to do that when their daughters get married... It's not so much the planning that's bothering me. I don't really know what it is.

As it stands, we've pretty much got the outfits planned out. We even bought pretty much all the material we need for my dress today. So things are already starting to come together. I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed. But that could all change tomorrow.

Mermaid · 01-18-2005, 02:35 PM

Well, I've already congratulated you a bunch...

For one thing, maybe you haven't cried because now that you're engaged, you feel more content in the knowledge that you have an official tie binding you to Aaron. Maybe you just don't need to cry, anymore.

As for the stress... well... that is par for the course for any bride-to-be. Personally, I'm going for the barefoot on the beach wedding when Steve and I do it--and my mom is all for it. (Haven't broached the topic with HIS mom, yet, but hopefully she'll deal maturely.)

Try and remind yourself that you have 18 months to get everything done. The fact that you have so many of the details already nailed down is awesome... that leaves, oh, 17.5 months to actuall execute them!

01-16-2005, 10:46 PM	#1
PAdreamer Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Age: 24 Posts: 1,052	Wedding.... Okay I'm just gonna kind of ramble here, so I apologize if this turns into something really long! Over the holidays I got engaged. Some of you know my situation: Long distance relationship and all that. It's been really amazing and we are EXTREMELY excited! But I don't know... for some reason in my mind I thought that this was going to be easy. There's so much! I've been engaged for two weeks, and already we've started planning, even though the wedding isn't for... what? 18 and a half months? We already have so much done! It's crazy! I'm not stressed about the wedding, really. I think my stress lies in the fact that I'm using it as an escape. Focusing on the planning is what is keeping my mind busy. It's keeping me from thinking about the fact that, once again, we're seperated by thousands of miles. I haven't dealt with it like I should. He cried twice the day he left! And he isn't an overly emotional guy! I haven't cried at all. While I'm not STRESSED about the actual planning, there's also a lot to be done, and so much of it has to get put on the back burner until I get a new job so I have money! We have a lot of details nailed down, but there's a lot of work still to be done. Which is fine because we have so much time, I know. I guess I'm kind of freaked out that, even though we have 18 months, we have so much to do that we need to start doing things NOW. That, in itself, is overwhelming. The good thing is that we went in a totally different direction with the ceremony than I thought we would. All my life I've envisioned the classic wedding: big hall, huge dress, and everyone in the world that we know attending. And of course it would cost an arm and a leg. That would have taken a lot of planning and there would have been a ton of tiny details to figure out. But now we're going with a very small ceremony- a themed wedding, actually. And the venue is sort of all-inclusive, in a way. And while I know that should take a load off as far as details go, in a way it makes it more difficult. I've spent my whole life deciding how I would handle those little details, and now they aren't there. Having that "unknown" adds stress more than it relieves it. I won't have the familiar around. The wedding is in his city, 2,800 miles from where I live. It's at an annual Renaissance Festival that he has attended many times but I have never been to. We are making the outfits for almost the entire wedding party, including my fiance and his three attendants, all of whom live there in Pittsburgh, making it hard to get a proper fit for their clothes..... I love this idea for our wedding, don't get me wrong! It's very unique and it will be incredibly memorable. I just have no clue how to handle a wedding! LOL! I truly believe that all of this just comes with the territory of being a bride-to-be. I just have no idea how to handle it all in stride. I guess I just need encouragement... Advice... ANYTHING anyone can offer to help me survive! ..... okay... I'm done venting now. __________________ "You don't have to get physical to make love."- Aaron Spang

01-16-2005, 11:08 PM	#3
Mun Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Way down South! Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 4,194	Congratulations Girl ! I had a huge wedding myself so I know how stressful that can be. I suggest you handle one thing at a time and leave the fitting and outfits for last since most people gain/lose weight, and in 18 months that's very likely to happen. Anyone who offers help, take it, but oversee everything so that it is to YOUR taste and satisfaction. If you think you are stressed now, wait till the big day. I hope it is not so hectic you don't get to enjoy it. Love __________________ Ecclesiastes 3:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01-16-2005, 11:34 PM	#4
BrandonBo Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 200	congratulations!! i hope u have a long happy full like with him __________________ If u expect to get kicked in the balls and get slapped in the face consider it a victory!

01-17-2005, 01:00 AM	#5
sonjam Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: SA Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 978	Girl, there is a lot of help on the NEt, go to a site like ultimatewedding.com. They have great resources and tells you exactly what to do, and when. it goes down to months before and then weeks before. You are exited and worried right now, but take a few deep breaths and relax. It will all work out fine. One word of caution: don't stop focussing your attention on your relationship. Planning a wedding is very exiting, but don't let this become your one and only topic in your life, or of your conversation with your fiancee. it is very easy to loose each other in this. REMEMBER the wedding is only one day, then it is the rest of your life, with your partner. That said, Congrats, and I hope everything works out well! __________________ About Kids... Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? A common enemy...

01-17-2005, 11:25 AM	#6
OldGuy Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Texas Age: 54 Posts: 181	First let me say congratulations and that I hope you are very happy. My wife used to do wedding planning, specializing in helping those on a budget. Then she spent 18 months planning my daughters wedding and seemed to pretend there was no budget. (I keep careful records of my finances, but I have avoided for 10 years totaling up how much that cost me.) Seriously, if you could find a wedding planner, in the city where the wedding will be, that liked to help people on a limited budget or in non-traditional weddings, it might be a few hundred dollars well spent. You're looking for a smaller business that probably can't afford a yellow pages add. If your fiancé visited some cake shops, party supply stores or wedding venues he might could get a recommendation. Good luck. (I regret I will not be there to kiss the bride.) OldGuy __________________ Just an old guy in Texas

01-16-2005, 11:01 PM	#2
bull Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 18 Posts: 101	YOU CAN DO IT!!

01-17-2005, 11:31 PM	#7
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	Thats so exciting! Congratulations! I think that sometimes when people get really busy planning out a wedding, they forget the true meaning of it. Just keep reminding yourself that what takes place isn't the most important thing, its what is going to happen. You are going to be married to the man of your dreams. I think that in itself would be the greatest thing. Of course most of us want our friends and families there to celebrate with us, I'm one of them. However, when things get stressful, which they will, just remember that this will be one of the happiest days of your lives, even if it doesn't go perfectly, it will be perfect. My boyfriend's best friend is getting married. They have a long engagement too. They have so far been engaged for a year and are getting married next December. They have just now started planning their wedding. I think you just have to trust that things will work out just fine. Look around over the internet, maybe talk to people you know who have recently gotten married. I mean, you do have a lot of time, so there's no need to start stressing over it now. I think the most important things right now would be to plan out who you want in your wedding, when you want it, where you want it and all the basic stuff like that. Getting the actual outfits should probably wait until closer to the day cause like someone else mentioned, people might gain weight or lose weight, or who knows. I'm so happy for you and your fiance. It's so exciting. I hope my advice helped. Of course I'm not the greatest person to ask advice for this subject, since I haven't experienced it yet. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

01-17-2005, 11:39 PM	#8
PAdreamer Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Age: 24 Posts: 1,052	Well really I don't need a wedding planner. It's a small enough ceremony, and I already have enough people trying to tell me how to run my wedding (aka my mom), I really don't need some stranger getting into it... Especially not one that I have to pay! LOL! I don't mind people giving me ideas, but I sort of feel like my mom is taking over. I know moms have a tendency to do that when their daughters get married... It's not so much the planning that's bothering me. I don't really know what it is. As it stands, we've pretty much got the outfits planned out. We even bought pretty much all the material we need for my dress today. So things are already starting to come together. I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed. But that could all change tomorrow. __________________ "You don't have to get physical to make love."- Aaron Spang

01-18-2005, 02:35 PM	#9
Mermaid Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, MA Age: 33 Posts: 323	Well, I've already congratulated you a bunch... For one thing, maybe you haven't cried because now that you're engaged, you feel more content in the knowledge that you have an official tie binding you to Aaron. Maybe you just don't need to cry, anymore. As for the stress... well... that is par for the course for any bride-to-be. Personally, I'm going for the barefoot on the beach wedding when Steve and I do it--and my mom is all for it. (Haven't broached the topic with HIS mom, yet, but hopefully she'll deal maturely.) Try and remind yourself that you have 18 months to get everything done. The fact that you have so many of the details already nailed down is awesome... that leaves, oh, 17.5 months to actuall execute them!