legality in child abuse

secksy ecksy · 01-12-2005, 08:38 PM

If my dad hits me, can I hit him back just as hard?

I have no problem doing this, but would it legally classify as abuse? Would this put me at a fault if it were taken to court?

**lady00** · 01-12-2005, 08:40 PM

Well I guess it would be considered self defense but I think the courts would be more concerned about him hitting you than you hitting him because he is a grown man and you are a teenager so its child abuse.

From_Now_On · 01-12-2005, 09:15 PM

I would have to agree with Lady00 on this one...and add this:

In my oppinion, turning to violance also is just stooping to his level. It took me a long time to realize that...and it's still hard to remember at times. Although I never hit my father back...I was violant to others who treated me poorly. It takes a lot to learn to control your anger when someone is beating on you...BUT, if there's one thing my dad has inadvertantly taught me...it's that the mental stuff is the stronger of the tools. Sure, taking some good swings at him will make you feel good for a second...i can only imagine...but it doesn't last and in the end your just left frustrated (and far more bruised). Of course the best advice here is to just find any way out of the situation...but I'm sure you saw that coming. And really, it's not always the easiest thing to come by. So other than that, I would say to try and learn how to walk on egg shells around him. Don't try to provoke him or get him going. I went through my 'rebel' phase and it only made things MUCH worse. Avoid him at all costs, behave as best you can, and when he really gets you going to where you can't stand it....(this prolly sounds a lil weird but it really honestly works): Just say everything you'd want to say out loud in your head. You can keep a straight face while he's yelling at you, nod and w/e...and be completely cussing him out in your head. The satisfaction I always got there was that it was one place I could always go to say anything and he wouldn't have a clue and couldn't do a thing about it. It was a smug feeling because when I thought about it, here he is saying all the things he says and thinking he's mister hot shot and he doesn't even realize i don't hear a word he is saying and meanwhile i'm completly trashin him. When he does start actually hitting you though, really just get away. Do you have a closet? I know that one time my dad was chasing after me and I ran into my bedroom closet and locked myself in it and eventually he finally went away. Just get yourself somewhere safe until he cools down. Anyway, all of that probably isn't the best of advice...but it's all I got so far as this goes. I wish the best for you....take care of yourself.

Amethyst · 01-12-2005, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by From_Now_On

In my oppinion, turning to violance also is just stooping to his level.

I totally agree! Don't lower yourself to his level -- be the bigger man by not turning to violence to solve your problems.

sayer7 · 01-13-2005, 01:49 AM

Well if I were getting hit by my dad I would tell someone that can do something legally to stop him. There are mandatory reporting laws in most states... that means you can go to a teacher, counselor, medical doctor, or even to church... they are all required to tell authorities if they suspect or know a child is being abused.

I wouldn't resort to fighting back only because I work in the criminal justice field and know that fighting back can escalate the fighting to the point where someone gets killed. And I don't think anybody wants that. If he's hitting you, tell someone instead of "stooping to his level."

ShySoul · 01-13-2005, 02:00 AM

Violence only begets more violence. It doesn't solve anything and will only make the problem worse. He'll probably just use it as an excuse and hurt you again. If things are really bad I would report it. No father should be hitting there child. You deserve better. At the very least you guys can get some counseling and try to work out whatever problems there are between you two.

Mike_Wazowski · 01-13-2005, 07:53 AM

"Violence never solves anything"

This idiom has been around for many many decades...but it's CRAP.....Pure naked unadultrated Violence has solved more problems in the history of our planet than any other form of "Negotiation" technique.....

If the Allies didn't stand up to Hitler, just imagine what kind of world we would be living in......

If you don't stand up to the Bully, he will keep on hitting and hitting and hitting......My advice to you my brother is to fight back enough to make him Stop then call the police.......

Remember this....Bullies are Cowards...they only attack because they think the person won't fight back.....When you fight back, the Bully usually runs and hides, and leaves you alone!

It's sad that your father does that to you..But you have a right to defend yourself...either fight back or buy a Stun Gun!

Peace!

Amethyst · 01-13-2005, 04:43 PM

Mike, abuse is a vicious cycle caused by the person believing that violence is an appropriate solution to whatever upsets / angers / disappoints them. The cycle of abuse continues on and on because abused children learn abusive behavior.

The way to STOP the cycle is NOT by turning to violence and perpetuating the abuse -- it's by taking a stand AGAINST the abuse.

Calling the cops, reporting it to a teacher / school counselor / trusted adult are all viable solutions because those people can actually help solve the problem WITHOUT violence. Those solutions teach that there are other ways to solve your problems than hitting someone. Striking back does nothing but teach the 15-year-old original poster that violence is okay.

There's no need to fight fire with fire -- doing that only creates a larger fire.

drahcir · 01-13-2005, 05:51 PM

Its best if you contact social or family services in your region to deal with the situation. YOu can probably find a contact number on the internet. Otherwise phone your phone company and they can help find a number for you.

ShySoul · 01-13-2005, 10:10 PM

Mike,

This situation is in no way comparable to Hitler. With him you had a madman who was committing mass atrocities against people and someone who wasn't willing to listen to reason. Violence/war should only be used as a last resort when all other options have been exisited. It's sad but true that in today's world violence is sometimes necessary. But only when we are dealing with a threat on the level of Hitler or Saddam. Even then, peaceful negotiation should be the goal. Work out the problems before violence erupts.

This situation is completely different. Amethyst is right, resorting to violence would only start a cycle that would be hard to break out of. He needs to take a stand against the abuse and find a way to stop it without resorting to abuse himself. Talk to someone about it and get help. Defeat the enemy without becoming the enemy.

01-12-2005, 08:38 PM	#1
secksy ecksy Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: orlando Age: 20 Posts: 18	legality in child abuse If my dad hits me, can I hit him back just as hard? I have no problem doing this, but would it legally classify as abuse? Would this put me at a fault if it were taken to court? __________________ ·.· all my past mistakes ·.· ·.· and every wasted day ·.· ·.· i wouldn't have it any other way ·.·

01-13-2005, 01:49 AM	#5
sayer7 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Southeast USA Age: 30 Posts: 365	Well if I were getting hit by my dad I would tell someone that can do something legally to stop him. There are mandatory reporting laws in most states... that means you can go to a teacher, counselor, medical doctor, or even to church... they are all required to tell authorities if they suspect or know a child is being abused. I wouldn't resort to fighting back only because I work in the criminal justice field and know that fighting back can escalate the fighting to the point where someone gets killed. And I don't think anybody wants that. If he's hitting you, tell someone instead of "stooping to his level." __________________ Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Prepare for the Future.

01-13-2005, 02:00 AM	#6
ShySoul Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Where love guides our hearts and actions Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 6,135	Violence only begets more violence. It doesn't solve anything and will only make the problem worse. He'll probably just use it as an excuse and hurt you again. If things are really bad I would report it. No father should be hitting there child. You deserve better. At the very least you guys can get some counseling and try to work out whatever problems there are between you two. __________________ The ShySoul has recently been on a mission to share a banner of love, respect, compassion, honesty, and selfish giving with one another. If you believe in these things as well, please make them a part of your everyday lives. Quality is what counts in the end. The soul never dies. We all have a strength within us that no force can deny. Speak up for what is right and never let anyone silence you. Feel free to introduce yourself. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134460

01-13-2005, 07:53 AM	#7
Mike_Wazowski Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: japan Age: 44 Posts: 166	"Violence never solves anything" This idiom has been around for many many decades...but it's CRAP.....Pure naked unadultrated Violence has solved more problems in the history of our planet than any other form of "Negotiation" technique..... If the Allies didn't stand up to Hitler, just imagine what kind of world we would be living in...... If you don't stand up to the Bully, he will keep on hitting and hitting and hitting......My advice to you my brother is to fight back enough to make him Stop then call the police....... Remember this....Bullies are Cowards...they only attack because they think the person won't fight back.....When you fight back, the Bully usually runs and hides, and leaves you alone! It's sad that your father does that to you..But you have a right to defend yourself...either fight back or buy a Stun Gun! Peace! __________________ In This World You Shall Have Tribulation, But be of Good Cheer for I have Overcome The World!

01-13-2005, 10:10 PM	#10
ShySoul Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Where love guides our hearts and actions Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 6,135	Mike, This situation is in no way comparable to Hitler. With him you had a madman who was committing mass atrocities against people and someone who wasn't willing to listen to reason. Violence/war should only be used as a last resort when all other options have been exisited. It's sad but true that in today's world violence is sometimes necessary. But only when we are dealing with a threat on the level of Hitler or Saddam. Even then, peaceful negotiation should be the goal. Work out the problems before violence erupts. This situation is completely different. Amethyst is right, resorting to violence would only start a cycle that would be hard to break out of. He needs to take a stand against the abuse and find a way to stop it without resorting to abuse himself. Talk to someone about it and get help. Defeat the enemy without becoming the enemy. __________________ The ShySoul has recently been on a mission to share a banner of love, respect, compassion, honesty, and selfish giving with one another. If you believe in these things as well, please make them a part of your everyday lives. Quality is what counts in the end. The soul never dies. We all have a strength within us that no force can deny. Speak up for what is right and never let anyone silence you. Feel free to introduce yourself. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134460

01-12-2005, 08:40 PM	#2
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	Well I guess it would be considered self defense but I think the courts would be more concerned about him hitting you than you hitting him because he is a grown man and you are a teenager so its child abuse.

01-12-2005, 09:15 PM	#3
From_Now_On Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 369	I would have to agree with Lady00 on this one...and add this: In my oppinion, turning to violance also is just stooping to his level. It took me a long time to realize that...and it's still hard to remember at times. Although I never hit my father back...I was violant to others who treated me poorly. It takes a lot to learn to control your anger when someone is beating on you...BUT, if there's one thing my dad has inadvertantly taught me...it's that the mental stuff is the stronger of the tools. Sure, taking some good swings at him will make you feel good for a second...i can only imagine...but it doesn't last and in the end your just left frustrated (and far more bruised). Of course the best advice here is to just find any way out of the situation...but I'm sure you saw that coming. And really, it's not always the easiest thing to come by. So other than that, I would say to try and learn how to walk on egg shells around him. Don't try to provoke him or get him going. I went through my 'rebel' phase and it only made things MUCH worse. Avoid him at all costs, behave as best you can, and when he really gets you going to where you can't stand it....(this prolly sounds a lil weird but it really honestly works): Just say everything you'd want to say out loud in your head. You can keep a straight face while he's yelling at you, nod and w/e...and be completely cussing him out in your head. The satisfaction I always got there was that it was one place I could always go to say anything and he wouldn't have a clue and couldn't do a thing about it. It was a smug feeling because when I thought about it, here he is saying all the things he says and thinking he's mister hot shot and he doesn't even realize i don't hear a word he is saying and meanwhile i'm completly trashin him. When he does start actually hitting you though, really just get away. Do you have a closet? I know that one time my dad was chasing after me and I ran into my bedroom closet and locked myself in it and eventually he finally went away. Just get yourself somewhere safe until he cools down. Anyway, all of that probably isn't the best of advice...but it's all I got so far as this goes. I wish the best for you....take care of yourself.

01-13-2005, 04:43 PM	#8
Amethyst Offline Join Date: Feb 2004 Age: 31 Posts: 496	Mike, abuse is a vicious cycle caused by the person believing that violence is an appropriate solution to whatever upsets / angers / disappoints them. The cycle of abuse continues on and on because abused children learn abusive behavior. The way to STOP the cycle is NOT by turning to violence and perpetuating the abuse -- it's by taking a stand AGAINST the abuse. Calling the cops, reporting it to a teacher / school counselor / trusted adult are all viable solutions because those people can actually help solve the problem WITHOUT violence. Those solutions teach that there are other ways to solve your problems than hitting someone. Striking back does nothing but teach the 15-year-old original poster that violence is okay. There's no need to fight fire with fire -- doing that only creates a larger fire.

01-13-2005, 05:51 PM	#9
drahcir Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 409	Its best if you contact social or family services in your region to deal with the situation. YOu can probably find a contact number on the internet. Otherwise phone your phone company and they can help find a number for you.