Getting back together after divorce.

coolgirl · 11-06-2009, 05:11 PM

Was married for 3 1/2 years and been divorced for almost a year now. I realized that I mad a huge mistake divorcing my husband and now I want him back more than anything. I've tried talking to him he tells me that he has not recovered from our divorce. But i've recovered somehow and learned from my mistakes.

I want to know is there any easy way around this trying to get back together with him? How much longer or time does he need for him to recover from the divorce? Our divorce didnt end up in bad terms. We remained good friends right after the divorce but imagining my life with out him is the last thing on my mind. How long do I need to give him? He's not making me any promises of us getting back together but he talks about it sometimes.

I even tried to ask him let's do NC for a while but he's reluctant to do that either. Any advice?

jettison · 11-06-2009, 05:50 PM

My parents divorced and then remarried each other, and they are still together to this day, 28 years later. So it does actually happen.

I wouldn't go NC at this point though. Stay with LC, don't be pushy, stay consistent, and keep your eye on the ball. It sounds like there is still a lot there for you two from what little information you've presented in this thread.

AutumnBorn · 11-08-2009, 01:17 AM

I don't know how one "recovers" from divorce. I think the scars stay forever.

Perhaps what you need to do is get into counseling, if you're not. You may just be longing for something similar, not him. I almost told my ex today that I miss him or someone like him. I bit my tongue.

andytandreou · 11-08-2009, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolgirl

I realized that I mad a huge mistake divorcing my husband and now I want him back more than anything.

often if looks like the dumpee is the weak person but i find that your situation shows that most of the time it's the dumper who is in emotional turmoil and can go from being in love to complete indifference within one day and decide to end things.

I have been dumped and let me tell you something, i had nothing. f&^%G nothing after the breakup... apart from myself. I didn't have the pride in knowing i made the decision to end things, or the rebound relationship (if it's a rebound) that my ex has now (2 weeks after we broke up) nothing, just my thought of loss, loneliness, abandonment and lots of crying!

My advise is this, figure out what went wrong with your relationship. What feelings you had that made you decide to just end it one day and make sure you deal with that. My mantra is that any relationship can work! But your work should focused on YOU and not getting back together, because even if your wish came true in the next five minutes and he came back, would you do things differently or ultimately make the guy suffer through the same ordeal again? Do you really want a repeat performance? Do you? I don't think you do.

So, work on yourself and become amazing YOU! Complete you! I don't need anyone YOU! An achiever! Then from that amazingly complete and satisfied place say "I would like to try to get back with xxxx" For the simple reason that it's what you desire.... NOT TO FILL A VOID!

Superman87 · 11-08-2009, 09:20 AM

Wow, I cant believe it has taken so long for you realise that you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

What has brought these feelings on, did you wake up one day and realise? Did he go into NC with you or did you seem him with someone else?

11-06-2009, 05:11 PM	#1
coolgirl Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Gender: Female Posts: 271	Getting back together after divorce. Was married for 3 1/2 years and been divorced for almost a year now. I realized that I mad a huge mistake divorcing my husband and now I want him back more than anything. I've tried talking to him he tells me that he has not recovered from our divorce. But i've recovered somehow and learned from my mistakes. I want to know is there any easy way around this trying to get back together with him? How much longer or time does he need for him to recover from the divorce? Our divorce didnt end up in bad terms. We remained good friends right after the divorce but imagining my life with out him is the last thing on my mind. How long do I need to give him? He's not making me any promises of us getting back together but he talks about it sometimes. I even tried to ask him let's do NC for a while but he's reluctant to do that either. Any advice?

11-06-2009, 05:50 PM	#2
jettison Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: West Bay Posts: 4,964	My parents divorced and then remarried each other, and they are still together to this day, 28 years later. So it does actually happen. I wouldn't go NC at this point though. Stay with LC, don't be pushy, stay consistent, and keep your eye on the ball. It sounds like there is still a lot there for you two from what little information you've presented in this thread. __________________ A unique opportunity... If you were at the deathbed of a woman you secretly loved all your life but whom you never had the courage to tell and then she tells you that she secretly loved you all these years, what a great opportunity that would be to practice your "poker face." "I wish someone knew me. I’d pick them apart and find out who I am." - Equestrian Dynamo

11-08-2009, 01:17 AM	#3
AutumnBorn Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Seattle, Washington Gender: Female Posts: 435	I don't know how one "recovers" from divorce. I think the scars stay forever. Perhaps what you need to do is get into counseling, if you're not. You may just be longing for something similar, not him. I almost told my ex today that I miss him or someone like him. I bit my tongue.

11-08-2009, 09:20 AM	#5
Superman87 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: London, UK Posts: 32	Wow, I cant believe it has taken so long for you realise that you want to spend the rest of your life with him? What has brought these feelings on, did you wake up one day and realise? Did he go into NC with you or did you seem him with someone else?