is there any hope for reconciliation here

jennyjen · 11-06-2009, 04:38 PM

A couple has a huge intense fight Tuesday morning. The problem is: the guy's ex who is harassing both the guy and the girl by spamming their Email Inboxes with a ton of nasty manipulative emails. The ex has also been sending the guy pics and videos of her naked. Dont worry, the guy told her to stop but she didnt and just started doing it more. However, the ex is definitely sending more emails to the girl and theyre alot meaner. The guy and girl have been fighting for some time over this, but never had a fight this intense about it. It is mostly the girls fault for overreacting.

At the end of this fight, the guy says to the girl "I dont want to be with you anymore" at the end, due to some hurtful things she said. The girl admits she loves him at the end of the fight, she has never said I love you before, but she was agreeing with him that they needed to break up. However, she changed her mind for sure later that day and thinks they broke up due to the intense emotions of the fight, as she and him were both extremely pissed and upset. She leaves a few messages saying how profusely sorry she is and how she meant it when she said she loved him. He says "i cant talk today ill call you later, on Friday" since hes very stressed out over it.

The girl messes up and texts him a few times and calls a few times, again saying shes sorry on Wed and Thurs, before theyre suppose to have a talk. She did this because she was stressed out and needed to get it out, but then realizes it was a mistake and she was just pushing him away.

Today, Friday the day theyre suppose to talk, the guy texts saying "im sorry, i cant be with you, dont want to talk, just want it to be over" The girl goes to his house to talk. Both the guy and girl are very stressed out and crying for most of the time theyre talking, but of course the girl is crying alot more. The girl explains herself and why the fight started (her reacting to a manipulative email of the ex) asking several times for another chance. The guy messed up previously a few months ago and the girl gave him a chance, and the guy stopped what he was doing before and then everything was fine. The girl points this out and says she will stop doing what has made him mad and that shes sorry she stressed him out even by more contacting him when he needed space. But to please give her another chance. The guy says no and wants her to leave. The guy explains how upset he has been recently. The girl keeps asking for a chance and says with this problem that caused them to fight being out of the way, the ex, (they both blocked her and decided if they saw an email from her they wouldnt open it) that they'll be fine since they dont have any other problems in their relationship.

Towards the end of the fight, the guy starts saying "I just cant be with you right now, I need to not have a girlfriend right now" and keeps saying this is stressing him out too much. He says he'll call next week. The girl says "No, you're saying that to get me to leave" and the guy responds "I'll call u next week" The girl doesnt believe him. Towards the middle of the fight, the guy said he needed a few weeks but he also said "i cant be with you" many times more. The girl said bitterly says "Ok, well maybe you should email your ex and let her know she won" and leaves

Im the girl. Ive deleted his phone number (which I dont have memorized) off my phone so I wont be tempted to call him or text him during this next week. But honestly even if I didnt delete his number, at this point Im way too terrified to try to contact him at all.

Maybe Im being negative but I see no hope. Im frustrated, because one of the times I left a message on Wed I said "if you arent calm enough to talk Friday, its fine, take all the time you need" and he didnt tell me he needed more time. I cant tell if he knows hes going to tell me its really over in a week or just needs time to think. Do you have any insights?

He said he didnt want to give me another chance, because breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. Obviously, he doesnt believe me when I said Id stop overreacting about his ex. I changed my email and blocked her, and if she does find a way to contact me again I wont bother with her. I said I was 100% sure I wouldnt overreact or start fights anymore and I really meant it. I am not giving up on this relationship. He is perfect other than this thing with his ex, like I told him during the fight. Thats why if we are going to really break up, Im going to be heartbroken, because Im so happy with him other than his ex. But I dont think he believes me, he thinks Ill keep overreacting. I told him not let his ex win, which he is letting her do, because she is just trying to break us up and get back with him. He knows shes trying to do this.

If I really give him his space and dont talk to him at all this week, will this be 1) a getting back together call? Or 2) is he just postponing breaking up with me again.

If its the 2nd one I dont understand- he said breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. But, he said he'd call next week. I dont think I can deal all week having hope, and then he just officially tells me its over. Does this mean theres a small chance hed give me another chance and thats why he said hed call next week?

norsewoman · 11-06-2009, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennyjen

If I really give him his space and dont talk to him at all this week, will this be 1) a getting back together call? Or 2) is he just postponing breaking up with me again.

Only he knows. How long has he been broken up with his ex? How long have the two of you been dating? I don't understand why he didn't change his email address (as you did) and just avoid all this drama in the first place. Refrain from obsessively emailing him- maybe if you give him some space, he'll calm down a little. But are you sure you want to get back into this relationship? He could easily stop his ex from emailing him, and you two fight over it quite a bit. Is he into drama?

sandrawg · 11-06-2009, 06:54 PM

I agree with norsewoman. Give him space.

Meanwhile, tho, I am wondering why you got so angry with your bf over the ex. Did he ever tell the ex to stop her behavior? If not, I can see why you'd be angry. And why didn't he change his email address, or block her earlier?

Did you have suspicions or reason to think they were still hot for each other?

This kind of thing happened to me. The stupid ex would not leave him alone. He kept saying he wasn't interested, but was contacting her behind my back, esp when we had a fight or problems. And guess who he hooked up with when we broke up about a different problem????

I'm just sayin'....if there is something between the two of them, and he was disrespectful and didn't tell her to lay off, you had good reason to be upset and weren't overreacting.

11-06-2009, 04:38 PM	#1
jennyjen Offline Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 2	is there any hope for reconciliation here A couple has a huge intense fight Tuesday morning. The problem is: the guy's ex who is harassing both the guy and the girl by spamming their Email Inboxes with a ton of nasty manipulative emails. The ex has also been sending the guy pics and videos of her naked. Dont worry, the guy told her to stop but she didnt and just started doing it more. However, the ex is definitely sending more emails to the girl and theyre alot meaner. The guy and girl have been fighting for some time over this, but never had a fight this intense about it. It is mostly the girls fault for overreacting. At the end of this fight, the guy says to the girl "I dont want to be with you anymore" at the end, due to some hurtful things she said. The girl admits she loves him at the end of the fight, she has never said I love you before, but she was agreeing with him that they needed to break up. However, she changed her mind for sure later that day and thinks they broke up due to the intense emotions of the fight, as she and him were both extremely pissed and upset. She leaves a few messages saying how profusely sorry she is and how she meant it when she said she loved him. He says "i cant talk today ill call you later, on Friday" since hes very stressed out over it. The girl messes up and texts him a few times and calls a few times, again saying shes sorry on Wed and Thurs, before theyre suppose to have a talk. She did this because she was stressed out and needed to get it out, but then realizes it was a mistake and she was just pushing him away. Today, Friday the day theyre suppose to talk, the guy texts saying "im sorry, i cant be with you, dont want to talk, just want it to be over" The girl goes to his house to talk. Both the guy and girl are very stressed out and crying for most of the time theyre talking, but of course the girl is crying alot more. The girl explains herself and why the fight started (her reacting to a manipulative email of the ex) asking several times for another chance. The guy messed up previously a few months ago and the girl gave him a chance, and the guy stopped what he was doing before and then everything was fine. The girl points this out and says she will stop doing what has made him mad and that shes sorry she stressed him out even by more contacting him when he needed space. But to please give her another chance. The guy says no and wants her to leave. The guy explains how upset he has been recently. The girl keeps asking for a chance and says with this problem that caused them to fight being out of the way, the ex, (they both blocked her and decided if they saw an email from her they wouldnt open it) that they'll be fine since they dont have any other problems in their relationship. Towards the end of the fight, the guy starts saying "I just cant be with you right now, I need to not have a girlfriend right now" and keeps saying this is stressing him out too much. He says he'll call next week. The girl says "No, you're saying that to get me to leave" and the guy responds "I'll call u next week" The girl doesnt believe him. Towards the middle of the fight, the guy said he needed a few weeks but he also said "i cant be with you" many times more. The girl said bitterly says "Ok, well maybe you should email your ex and let her know she won" and leaves Im the girl. Ive deleted his phone number (which I dont have memorized) off my phone so I wont be tempted to call him or text him during this next week. But honestly even if I didnt delete his number, at this point Im way too terrified to try to contact him at all. Maybe Im being negative but I see no hope. Im frustrated, because one of the times I left a message on Wed I said "if you arent calm enough to talk Friday, its fine, take all the time you need" and he didnt tell me he needed more time. I cant tell if he knows hes going to tell me its really over in a week or just needs time to think. Do you have any insights? He said he didnt want to give me another chance, because breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. Obviously, he doesnt believe me when I said Id stop overreacting about his ex. I changed my email and blocked her, and if she does find a way to contact me again I wont bother with her. I said I was 100% sure I wouldnt overreact or start fights anymore and I really meant it. I am not giving up on this relationship. He is perfect other than this thing with his ex, like I told him during the fight. Thats why if we are going to really break up, Im going to be heartbroken, because Im so happy with him other than his ex. But I dont think he believes me, he thinks Ill keep overreacting. I told him not let his ex win, which he is letting her do, because she is just trying to break us up and get back with him. He knows shes trying to do this. If I really give him his space and dont talk to him at all this week, will this be 1) a getting back together call? Or 2) is he just postponing breaking up with me again. If its the 2nd one I dont understand- he said breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. But, he said he'd call next week. I dont think I can deal all week having hope, and then he just officially tells me its over. Does this mean theres a small chance hed give me another chance and thats why he said hed call next week?

11-06-2009, 06:54 PM	#3
sandrawg Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Posts: 696	I agree with norsewoman. Give him space. Meanwhile, tho, I am wondering why you got so angry with your bf over the ex. Did he ever tell the ex to stop her behavior? If not, I can see why you'd be angry. And why didn't he change his email address, or block her earlier? Did you have suspicions or reason to think they were still hot for each other? This kind of thing happened to me. The stupid ex would not leave him alone. He kept saying he wasn't interested, but was contacting her behind my back, esp when we had a fight or problems. And guess who he hooked up with when we broke up about a different problem???? I'm just sayin'....if there is something between the two of them, and he was disrespectful and didn't tell her to lay off, you had good reason to be upset and weren't overreacting.