Are this signs he's just not into me anymore??

Thunderforce · 11-06-2009, 03:48 PM

I have been dating this guy for six weeks, only went on 4 dates because of circumstances, traveling for work on his part.

First week he chased me like crazy, made sure to see me for the 2nd date within 5 days. He called me sweety and would tell me that he was thinking of me all the time. Pretty much contact every day. But always 2 textmessages.

Anyway, I made pretty clear I liked him 2, but I let him do most of the initiating. Sometimes I started convo. I felt pretty much relaxed!

Now after 4th date, we know eachter 6 weeks. His messages are dropped to may'be once a day, and no more sweety, thinking of you messages. Just how's your day yada yada. Still interested in my whereabouts though.

I acted a bit needy, yesterday and today, with starting conversation myself on messenger. I asked him yesterday: when will I see you again ...
And he replied well next week I have 12 day's fee so plenty of time to see you. I asked him to go to my place and he said sure.
And then he changed subject without actually setting a date.

And today, I went online but he pretty much ignored me. I realy wanted to tell him something... of what happend today at work so again I started convo.. but he was not realy into the conversation. But he said he didn't notice me coming online. Just a few messages here and there ... he was busy with other stuff: organizing music.

I hate this feeling, I hate myself for persuing him these past day's.

Please shed a light on this, I'm blinded by 'I want him to like me' so much.
I can handle the truth though.

**annie24** · 11-06-2009, 03:51 PM

i would back off and let him contact you next

Jd1118 · 11-06-2009, 03:54 PM

I second that.

You've done enough to let him know you're interested.

Car Chick · 11-06-2009, 04:09 PM

It's either that he's not interested anymore or just that the relationship has lost it's newness. Don't get anxious. If you act needy it will scare him off. Just play it cool and see what happens. Good luck. I wish you the best. : )

Thunderforce · 11-06-2009, 04:19 PM

Thanks for replies ...

Well in acting needy, I don't ask him questions like why he isn't in touch or something.
I do think I made myself to much available ...

But hmmm losing the newness of the relationship.
I thought we are just getting started, only seen him 4 times.

**annie24** · 11-06-2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:

And today, I went online but he pretty much ignored me. I realy wanted to tell him something... of what happend today at work so again I started convo.. but he was not realy into the conversation. But he said he didn't notice me coming online. Just a few messages here and there ... he was busy with other stuff: organizing music.

here's a prime example. he was busy online doing his own thing, then you come in and want to tell him about your day, but he's not in the mood, because he's organizing files, etc.... it is soooo much better when he contacts you because he's thinking of you and wants to know how you are doing, so he asks you about your day.

what you did, though, was catch him at a bad time, and now you are anxious because you don't know if he has lost interest, or was simply busy and not in the mood to talk. this is part of why i dislike IMing (except for my friends who live far away) because it is so easy to interrupt someone when they aren't in the mood to talk.

jul-els · 11-06-2009, 04:42 PM

If you want him to do the persuing then just sit back and let him do it. If you contact him do it by phone and keep it down to once every couple of days or so. Most of all don't stress about it. Give him the opportunity to take charge and see if he does.

nutbrownhare · 11-06-2009, 04:44 PM

Actually, it sounds as though you're part of his routine, part of his life now. You say he's interested in your whereabouts - he probably doesn't feel the need to tell you he's thinking about you all the time. I don't think you've got anything to worry about, to be honest.

Keep yourself busy with things and people who interest you, so you're not quite so full of thoughts about him and, as everyone else says - back off and let him contact you.

lavenderdove · 11-06-2009, 06:34 PM

If he likes you and wants to see you, he will continue dating you. If he is losing interest, hovering over him and worrying won't regain his interest.

So your best bet is to just back off and see what he does. If he is interested in you, he will keep calling. If he isn't then you'll know because he won't. But if you keep contacting him too much, he may feel like you are getting too serious after he's only been on 4 dates with you.

Recognize that the problem here is your anxiety, and try to get out, get busy, and not sit around thinking about it too much. Whatever will be, will be!

11-06-2009, 03:48 PM	#1
Thunderforce Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 241	Are this signs he's just not into me anymore?? I have been dating this guy for six weeks, only went on 4 dates because of circumstances, traveling for work on his part. First week he chased me like crazy, made sure to see me for the 2nd date within 5 days. He called me sweety and would tell me that he was thinking of me all the time. Pretty much contact every day. But always 2 textmessages. Anyway, I made pretty clear I liked him 2, but I let him do most of the initiating. Sometimes I started convo. I felt pretty much relaxed! Now after 4th date, we know eachter 6 weeks. His messages are dropped to may'be once a day, and no more sweety, thinking of you messages. Just how's your day yada yada. Still interested in my whereabouts though. I acted a bit needy, yesterday and today, with starting conversation myself on messenger. I asked him yesterday: when will I see you again ... And he replied well next week I have 12 day's fee so plenty of time to see you. I asked him to go to my place and he said sure. And then he changed subject without actually setting a date. And today, I went online but he pretty much ignored me. I realy wanted to tell him something... of what happend today at work so again I started convo.. but he was not realy into the conversation. But he said he didn't notice me coming online. Just a few messages here and there ... he was busy with other stuff: organizing music. I hate this feeling, I hate myself for persuing him these past day's. Please shed a light on this, I'm blinded by 'I want him to like me' so much. I can handle the truth though. __________________ ~ Logic brings you from A to B, Imagination brings you everywhere ~ ~ Hasta La Pasta ~

11-06-2009, 04:19 PM	#5
Thunderforce Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 241	Thanks for replies ... Well in acting needy, I don't ask him questions like why he isn't in touch or something. I do think I made myself to much available ... But hmmm losing the newness of the relationship. I thought we are just getting started, only seen him 4 times. __________________ ~ Logic brings you from A to B, Imagination brings you everywhere ~ ~ Hasta La Pasta ~

11-06-2009, 04:42 PM	#7
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,117	If you want him to do the persuing then just sit back and let him do it. If you contact him do it by phone and keep it down to once every couple of days or so. Most of all don't stress about it. Give him the opportunity to take charge and see if he does. __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

11-06-2009, 03:51 PM	#2
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,827	i would back off and let him contact you next

11-06-2009, 03:54 PM	#3
Jd1118 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,144	I second that. You've done enough to let him know you're interested.

11-06-2009, 04:09 PM	#4
Car Chick Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 327	It's either that he's not interested anymore or just that the relationship has lost it's newness. Don't get anxious. If you act needy it will scare him off. Just play it cool and see what happens. Good luck. I wish you the best. : )

11-06-2009, 04:44 PM	#8
nutbrownhare Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 1,191	Actually, it sounds as though you're part of his routine, part of his life now. You say he's interested in your whereabouts - he probably doesn't feel the need to tell you he's thinking about you all the time. I don't think you've got anything to worry about, to be honest. Keep yourself busy with things and people who interest you, so you're not quite so full of thoughts about him and, as everyone else says - back off and let him contact you.

11-06-2009, 06:34 PM	#9
lavenderdove Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,515	If he likes you and wants to see you, he will continue dating you. If he is losing interest, hovering over him and worrying won't regain his interest. So your best bet is to just back off and see what he does. If he is interested in you, he will keep calling. If he isn't then you'll know because he won't. But if you keep contacting him too much, he may feel like you are getting too serious after he's only been on 4 dates with you. Recognize that the problem here is your anxiety, and try to get out, get busy, and not sit around thinking about it too much. Whatever will be, will be!