What if they are in NC for you?

kt_belle · 11-08-2009, 03:26 AM

Does going into NC work and make them realise what is gone if they are also doing it to you? (ie.. blocking you on facebook, etc)

jettison · 11-08-2009, 03:44 AM

When I think of the perfect metaphor for NC, I think of death. Think about how adored dead celebrities become. They could have been child molesters, but once they are dead they suddenly become mythical saints.

Additionally, most people can't hold grudges against dead people. They just can't. So, all the hurt, pain, and fear disappears along with the death. Imagine a breakup while it's happening if, suddenly, one of the recently broken up people suddenly died in a tragic car accident. Then what do think the reaction might be? Suddenly, that person would become the true image of a patron saint. They become this idealized uber-person, and even if the ex was dismissive and lambasting before, they would instantly become soft, caring, and forthright about all their positive feelings.

This is NC. This is why it's done. If someone wasn't treating you right then they need to know that you are truly capable of walking away, and that you are not scheming or planning to get them back. They need to know that the NC is for you and not for them. They need to know that you really are willing to "die" in relation to their life, to disappear completely and never show up again. This is the epitome of someone caring about themselves an awful lot, and as it's always said, a person can only care about someone as much as they care about themselves.

And to that end, that's why dumpers can come off as so disrespecting during the event and shortly thereafter. It's because they see this hurt person disrespecting themselves, and so they end up having to feel that way too. It's not a conscious decision on their part. They just think "man, this person doesn't value themselves much or else they'd never have put up with so much of my krap."

Finally, to specifically answer your question, it can work both ways. A person blocking you on facebook or the like may or may not mean it. It may be just a ploy, or it may be the real thing. Only time will tell.

Misskitty16 · 11-08-2009, 05:03 AM

Depends if they met someone else or not. They will miss you more if they don't have a new partner. If they have a new bf/gf, NC won't matter. They will be preoccupied with their new partner.

Kinkz · 11-08-2009, 05:42 AM

What does NC mean?

headwreck · 11-08-2009, 06:11 AM

No contact..........took me a while too

Kinkz · 11-08-2009, 06:33 AM

Thanks!

I think its immature. If a couple are mature enough to have a relationship in the first place, then both should be mature enough to deal with the consequences of breaking up. The whole No contact thing seems foolish to me. Okay, it is logical and what jettison said, makes a lot of sense.

Personally, I feel there is no harm in talking about it with the person - maybe not now but later when the hurt/anger feelings have cooled off. Talking will help heal any resentments which may be there and also will help you both with moving on. Leaving things the way they are and having NC for life, to me, seems stupid. More stupid, if its done just to make the other realize what they have lost/missing out on. Immature.

kt_belle · 11-08-2009, 04:04 PM

There is only so much talking you can do though. Like when my partner and i broke up we spent like two weeks talking through and making sure this was definately what he wanted. After this he came back and said yes. Almost 2 weeks later he then says how he never wanted to break up etc.

I guess NC is a way of just giving yourself and the other person time and space to heal and think. Its not a permanent thing necessarily but i know that if i talked to him atm it'd make it easier on him to move on and harder on me. Every time i talk to him its like reigniting the hope. Whereas giving him time and space can be a way of showing them what life without you is like and then they can really appreciate the situation.

Its not really immature. Its more that being constantly in their lives does more damage to yourself than its worth. I know that my ex is very emotional (upset & angry) and if i were to talk with him atm he wouldn't listen.

supercalifragilistic · 11-08-2009, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jettison

When I think of the perfect metaphor for NC, I think of death. Think about how adored dead celebrities become. They could have been child molesters, but once they are dead they suddenly become mythical saints.

Additionally, most people can't hold grudges against dead people. They just can't. So, all the hurt, pain, and fear disappears along with the death. Imagine a breakup while it's happening if, suddenly, one of the recently broken up people suddenly died in a tragic car accident. Then what do think the reaction might be? Suddenly, that person would become the true image of a patron saint. They become this idealized uber-person, and even if the ex was dismissive and lambasting before, they would instantly become soft, caring, and forthright about all their positive feelings.

This is NC. This is why it's done. If someone wasn't treating you right then they need to know that you are truly capable of walking away, and that you are not scheming or planning to get them back. They need to know that the NC is for you and not for them. They need to know that you really are willing to "die" in relation to their life, to disappear completely and never show up again. This is the epitome of someone caring about themselves an awful lot, and as it's always said, a person can only care about someone as much as they care about themselves.

And to that end, that's why dumpers can come off as so disrespecting during the event and shortly thereafter. It's because they see this hurt person disrespecting themselves, and so they end up having to feel that way too. It's not a conscious decision on their part. They just think "man, this person doesn't value themselves much or else they'd never have put up with so much of my krap."

Finally, to specifically answer your question, it can work both ways. A person blocking you on facebook or the like may or may not mean it. It may be just a ploy, or it may be the real thing. Only time will tell.

What an interesting way to describe NC. You made a really good point. Thanks for writing that!

To the OP: It could go either way. The ex could realize how much he loves you and misses you and what a great relationship you had and regret breaking up or he could realize that the relationship was not what he/she wanted. There's no way to predict this and going NC will only help things if you are hoping for the first option.

11-08-2009, 03:26 AM	#1
kt_belle Online Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 92	What if they are in NC for you? Does going into NC work and make them realise what is gone if they are also doing it to you? (ie.. blocking you on facebook, etc)

11-08-2009, 03:44 AM	#2
jettison Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: West Bay Posts: 4,969	When I think of the perfect metaphor for NC, I think of death. Think about how adored dead celebrities become. They could have been child molesters, but once they are dead they suddenly become mythical saints. Additionally, most people can't hold grudges against dead people. They just can't. So, all the hurt, pain, and fear disappears along with the death. Imagine a breakup while it's happening if, suddenly, one of the recently broken up people suddenly died in a tragic car accident. Then what do think the reaction might be? Suddenly, that person would become the true image of a patron saint. They become this idealized uber-person, and even if the ex was dismissive and lambasting before, they would instantly become soft, caring, and forthright about all their positive feelings. This is NC. This is why it's done. If someone wasn't treating you right then they need to know that you are truly capable of walking away, and that you are not scheming or planning to get them back. They need to know that the NC is for you and not for them. They need to know that you really are willing to "die" in relation to their life, to disappear completely and never show up again. This is the epitome of someone caring about themselves an awful lot, and as it's always said, a person can only care about someone as much as they care about themselves. And to that end, that's why dumpers can come off as so disrespecting during the event and shortly thereafter. It's because they see this hurt person disrespecting themselves, and so they end up having to feel that way too. It's not a conscious decision on their part. They just think "man, this person doesn't value themselves much or else they'd never have put up with so much of my krap." Finally, to specifically answer your question, it can work both ways. A person blocking you on facebook or the like may or may not mean it. It may be just a ploy, or it may be the real thing. Only time will tell. __________________ A unique opportunity... If you were at the deathbed of a woman you secretly loved all your life but whom you never had the courage to tell and then she tells you that she secretly loved you all these years, what a great opportunity that would be to practice your "poker face." "I wish someone knew me. I’d pick them apart and find out who I am." - Equestrian Dynamo Last edited by jettison; 11-08-2009 at 04:05 AM.

11-08-2009, 05:03 AM	#3
Misskitty16 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Whisker City Gender: Female Posts: 937	Depends if they met someone else or not. They will miss you more if they don't have a new partner. If they have a new bf/gf, NC won't matter. They will be preoccupied with their new partner.

11-08-2009, 05:42 AM	#4
Kinkz Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 4	What does NC mean?

11-08-2009, 06:11 AM	#5
headwreck Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 15	No contact..........took me a while too

11-08-2009, 06:33 AM	#6
Kinkz Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 4	Thanks! I think its immature. If a couple are mature enough to have a relationship in the first place, then both should be mature enough to deal with the consequences of breaking up. The whole No contact thing seems foolish to me. Okay, it is logical and what jettison said, makes a lot of sense. Personally, I feel there is no harm in talking about it with the person - maybe not now but later when the hurt/anger feelings have cooled off. Talking will help heal any resentments which may be there and also will help you both with moving on. Leaving things the way they are and having NC for life, to me, seems stupid. More stupid, if its done just to make the other realize what they have lost/missing out on. Immature.

11-08-2009, 04:04 PM	#7
kt_belle Online Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 92	There is only so much talking you can do though. Like when my partner and i broke up we spent like two weeks talking through and making sure this was definately what he wanted. After this he came back and said yes. Almost 2 weeks later he then says how he never wanted to break up etc. I guess NC is a way of just giving yourself and the other person time and space to heal and think. Its not a permanent thing necessarily but i know that if i talked to him atm it'd make it easier on him to move on and harder on me. Every time i talk to him its like reigniting the hope. Whereas giving him time and space can be a way of showing them what life without you is like and then they can really appreciate the situation. Its not really immature. Its more that being constantly in their lives does more damage to yourself than its worth. I know that my ex is very emotional (upset & angry) and if i were to talk with him atm he wouldn't listen.