Could this be a reason why girls do not want to have a relationship with me?

iwishiknew · 11-08-2009, 12:22 AM

I never had a gf or a relationship before. Could it be that a girl does not want to get into a relationship with me because if we end up having kids my bone disorder can be transferred to the child?

Sounds stupid but I was watching some tv show late last night, which I don't know what show it was. This girl dated this guy for a year and she never knew he had some dysfunction, which I don't know the name of. He tells her about it and she did not want to continue with the relationship with him because of this disorder. She was afraid if she had kids with him, the kids might end up having this dysfunction. She dumps him because of his dysfunction he was born with.

It was really sad, I kinda teared and it brought to my attention that I was born with a bone disorder, and wondering maybe girls don't want to get to know me or be in a relationship with me because of this.

pinkrobot · 11-08-2009, 12:28 AM

What a guy might "pass on" to our potential-future-children someday is one of the last things on my mind when I start dating him.

CmplxDame08 · 11-08-2009, 12:29 AM

I've never thought about anything like that while in a relationship with a guy. In the way of children I've only ever thought about us having them and loving them.

karvala · 11-08-2009, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iwishiknew

I never had a gf or a relationship before. Could it be that a girl does not want to get into a relationship with me because if we end up having kids my bone disorder can be transferred to the child?

and wondering maybe girls don't want to get to know me or be in a relationship with me because of this.

Um, well, are you telling them about this very early on? And if you are, is that strictly necessary? I'm all for being up front, but you need to give yourself a reasonable chance here, and let someone get to know and at least want to start a relationship with you before dropping something like that in their lap. Of course if it's visually obvious to them and you feel the need to explain it, then it's a different matter, but in that case I suspect it's a more obvious prejudice that you're encountering.

**annie24** · 11-08-2009, 12:41 AM

to be honest with you, yes, it is a possible reason. at least, for me it is. though it isn't a dealbreaker. ie, i might consider dating a man with a disorder if he had enough positive other things about him i liked. but, if i'm on the fence about him and unsure about him in general, a hereditary disorder might be one reason i would pass on him (but like i said, not the only reason!) so, in that sense, i agree with karvala about letting a woman get to know the good side of you before talking about some more serious issues.

Southern · 11-08-2009, 12:43 AM

Ummm possibly. If a girl is really serious about her future, then yes, it could put her off from wanting to date you. But I think that even if most women think, "hmm I wouldn't want to have children with him," that's not going to stop them from dating you. It can be so hard for us to say no to a date because of something that might be a problem years down the road.

on0s1111 · 11-08-2009, 12:51 AM

Is it necessary to disclose this condition so early? If it is not, it is likely that they will see past things such as this assuming they really fall for you.

For example, my ex-fiance's father was born with a congenital heart defect, and her aunt with some kind of hip problem/clubbed feet (now surgically correctable by advances in modern medicine). Both conditions are apparently genetic, and likely to appear in her children since they tend to skip a generation (she had neither).

Although I was not made of aware of these things until we were already in a committed relationship, it didn't change my feelings for her. Nor did it influence my decision to want to marry her and have children down the road. Even if these were brought up earlier, I highly doubt it would have had any impact on the progression of our relationship. In fact, I can honestly tell you without a doubt that even if she had these conditions herself (along with the scars to prove them) it wouldn't have changed the way I felt about her in the slightest.

Then again, I'm a guy so my 2cents may not be relative to your thread.

FYI, the relationship ended for completely different reasons.

orangetemple · 11-08-2009, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iwishiknew

I never had a gf or a relationship before. Could it be that a girl does not want to get into a relationship with me because if we end up having kids my bone disorder can be transferred to the child?

Sounds stupid but I was watching some tv show late last night, which I don't know what show it was. This girl dated this guy for a year and she never knew he had some dysfunction, which I don't know the name of. He tells her about it and she did not want to continue with the relationship with him because of this disorder. She was afraid if she had kids with him, the kids might end up having this dysfunction. She dumps him because of his dysfunction he was born with.

It was really sad, I kinda teared and it brought to my attention that I was born with a bone disorder, and wondering maybe girls don't want to get to know me or be in a relationship with me because of this.

unfortunately men and women are programmed to choose the most desirable physical specimens to reproduce

its called survival of the fittest, and its really unfortunate for anyone who isnt physically "normal" or has any kind of disorder or disability.

And its not even disabilities, its plain good looks. I was just answering a thread where a guy doesnt know whether to go for the chick with theplain looks and awesome personality OR the hot chicks with bad or NO personalities.

Seems he has chosen to go with the hot chicks.

Cognitive_Canine · 11-08-2009, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annie24

to be honest with you, yes, it is a possible reason. at least, for me it is. though it isn't a dealbreaker. ie, i might consider dating a man with a disorder if he had enough positive other things about him i liked. but, if i'm on the fence about him and unsure about him in general, a hereditary disorder might be one reason i would pass on him (but like i said, not the only reason!) so, in that sense, i agree with karvala about letting a woman get to know the good side of you before talking about some more serious issues.

I agree on both counts.

Although, for me, I really don't think about what our kids will turn out like if I reallly like a guy. Heck, even if he couldn't have kids, I'd marry him and adopt.

One of my boyfriend's friends cannot have kids due to cancer when he was a child. He's completely sterile. He has never had a problem in the girlfriend department.

shikashika · 11-08-2009, 02:28 AM

Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but have you ever even told a woman this, or are you just jumping to conclusions about what they might say.

It's not like on a first date I have ever asked a guy

"do you have a family history of breast cancer/ heart disease/asthma/mental illnesses ?" etc etc etc (all these things can be hereditary)

11-08-2009, 12:22 AM	#1
iwishiknew Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Illinois Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 1,231	Could this be a reason why girls do not want to have a relationship with me? I never had a gf or a relationship before. Could it be that a girl does not want to get into a relationship with me because if we end up having kids my bone disorder can be transferred to the child? Sounds stupid but I was watching some tv show late last night, which I don't know what show it was. This girl dated this guy for a year and she never knew he had some dysfunction, which I don't know the name of. He tells her about it and she did not want to continue with the relationship with him because of this disorder. She was afraid if she had kids with him, the kids might end up having this dysfunction. She dumps him because of his dysfunction he was born with. It was really sad, I kinda teared and it brought to my attention that I was born with a bone disorder, and wondering maybe girls don't want to get to know me or be in a relationship with me because of this. __________________ "Some people more than others judge people by their looks, moreover attractiveness probably most affects first impressions" (Livingston) "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift." "I am an ugly duckling"

11-08-2009, 12:28 AM	#2
pinkrobot Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: where the wild things are Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,718	What a guy might "pass on" to our potential-future-children someday is one of the last things on my mind when I start dating him. __________________ All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. [blog:] http://scribblingsofhope.blogspot.com

11-08-2009, 12:43 AM	#6
Southern Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,231	Ummm possibly. If a girl is really serious about her future, then yes, it could put her off from wanting to date you. But I think that even if most women think, "hmm I wouldn't want to have children with him," that's not going to stop them from dating you. It can be so hard for us to say no to a date because of something that might be a problem years down the road. __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

11-08-2009, 12:51 AM	#7
on0s1111 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: ATL Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 37	Is it necessary to disclose this condition so early? If it is not, it is likely that they will see past things such as this assuming they really fall for you. For example, my ex-fiance's father was born with a congenital heart defect, and her aunt with some kind of hip problem/clubbed feet (now surgically correctable by advances in modern medicine). Both conditions are apparently genetic, and likely to appear in her children since they tend to skip a generation (she had neither). Although I was not made of aware of these things until we were already in a committed relationship, it didn't change my feelings for her. Nor did it influence my decision to want to marry her and have children down the road. Even if these were brought up earlier, I highly doubt it would have had any impact on the progression of our relationship. In fact, I can honestly tell you without a doubt that even if she had these conditions herself (along with the scars to prove them) it wouldn't have changed the way I felt about her in the slightest. Then again, I'm a guy so my 2cents may not be relative to your thread. FYI, the relationship ended for completely different reasons. __________________ Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~ Dr. Alexis Carrel

11-08-2009, 12:29 AM	#3
CmplxDame08 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 742	I've never thought about anything like that while in a relationship with a guy. In the way of children I've only ever thought about us having them and loving them.

11-08-2009, 12:41 AM	#5
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,814	to be honest with you, yes, it is a possible reason. at least, for me it is. though it isn't a dealbreaker. ie, i might consider dating a man with a disorder if he had enough positive other things about him i liked. but, if i'm on the fence about him and unsure about him in general, a hereditary disorder might be one reason i would pass on him (but like i said, not the only reason!) so, in that sense, i agree with karvala about letting a woman get to know the good side of you before talking about some more serious issues.

11-08-2009, 02:28 AM	#10
shikashika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 5,297	Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but have you ever even told a woman this, or are you just jumping to conclusions about what they might say. It's not like on a first date I have ever asked a guy "do you have a family history of breast cancer/ heart disease/asthma/mental illnesses ?" etc etc etc (all these things can be hereditary)