serious question for "dumpers"...

Hopeless1234 · 11-08-2009, 12:02 AM

for those who dumped their ex, i'd really appreciate it if you could answer couples questions that i have. i know i'll never understand the dumper psyche, but can't blame me for trying.

1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why?

2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends?

3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you?

thanks in advance.

pinkrobot · 11-08-2009, 12:23 AM

This is from a couple years back, but it's pretty much the only time I've been a "dumper."

1. I remained in contact for about a month or so after we split up--this was because we had been engaged and living together, so we were constantly arranging times for me to move my stuff out of the apartment, and also sorting out some financial things and pet-related things and such.

2. No, we're not friends. About 2 months after the split up, we talked on the phone in a conversation that did NOT turn out well--and it ended with him saying, "Since I'll never talk to you again, have a nice life." We haven't spoken since.

3. We actually tried getting back together a week after the initial breakup--it lasted 2 days, and then we split up again for good. I tried to work things out because we'd been together for so long, and in the end I realized it just wouldn't work out.

DadaJones · 11-08-2009, 12:24 AM

As vice-chairman of Dumpers of America (DOA) i can tell you that dumpers have feelings just like everybody else. Those rumors about us being mean were started by The Dumpee Coalition (TDC) and are not reflective of Dumper-American values.

useruser · 11-08-2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DadaJones

As vice-chairman of Dumpers of America (DOA) i can tell you that dumpers have feelings just like everybody else. Those rumors about us being mean were started by The Dumpee Coalition (TDC) and are not reflective of Dumper-American values.

"Likes This"

Hopeless1234 · 11-08-2009, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DadaJones

As vice-chairman of Dumpers of America (DOA) i can tell you that dumpers have feelings just like everybody else. Those rumors about us being mean were started by The Dumpee Coalition (TDC) and are not reflective of Dumper-American values.

Well as the chairman of The Dumpee Coalition, I'd like to formally say that the Dumpee do not believe that the Dumper lacks feelings/emotions by any means. The Dumpee believes that it must have been a very difficult decision for the Dumper to do the Dumping. Having said that though it does not make any sense why the Dumper must contact the Dumpee if the Dumper has no feelings of reconciliation with the Dumpee. What exactly will this extended contact do for either the Dumpee and/or the Dumper? The Dumper and Dumpee can't possibly be ex-Dumper-ex-Dumpee friends without an extended period of time in NC.

DadaJones · 11-08-2009, 12:36 AM

Very good! The Dumpers usually stay in contact with The Dumpee for guilt related issues and easy sex. Its the dark side of the DOA that we are trying to keep off of 60 minutes.

UserLain · 11-08-2009, 01:08 AM

@thiswholethread xD

johnny_five · 11-08-2009, 01:12 AM

first to qualify that this was just my experience and I certainly realized I can't speak for all...

1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why?
Yes. Because I was a immature, selfish jerk.

Here's the scary part-- I didn't consciously realize I was doing this. All I know was it's what I wanted to do-- SELFISHLY. I said things and treat her in very manipulating ways. Once I realized this (all too late) a few months after our break-up, I told her I was sorry and I would never contact her again.

2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends?
She wants to be. She's told me time and again that she'll want that if nothing else... I tried to believe her once (even when she was dating someone else) but she immediately started talking about how she still had feelings for me she was still trying to get over (a year later). For her sake, I respectfully requested more time.

3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you?
I would never ever get back together with her. She was a great girl and I at one point did care about her. But she no longer excited me (not anyone's fault, just different people) and I had too many of my own issues to survive in the relationship. So I confidently say she's not someone I wanted and no zero plans to ever lead her or any other ex on again.

Again I must emphasize this was my journey, hopefully it gives insight that these possibilities strongly exists out there. The irony is that I myself am now on the other side of this equation and have to deal with my ex being a projection of me.

UserLain · 11-08-2009, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopeless1234

for those who dumped their ex, i'd really appreciate it if you could answer couples questions that i have. i know i'll never understand the dumper psyche, but can't blame me for trying.

1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why?

2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends?

3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you?

thanks in advance.

To be more helpful...

I broke up with someone relatively recently

1. I've remained in contact, because I care about her but also because I ultimately miss her as well. Unfortunately the 2nd reason is probably dominant.

2 I'd say you can say we're still friends. I broke off contact with her for about a month. then we started talking again.

3. Nope, for the same reason I broke up with here. There was just something missing.

I'll reply to anything you want to say/ask about this, feel free

Southern · 11-08-2009, 01:52 AM

1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why?
No. It wasn't fair to him to do that. It's impossible to get over someone while you're still "friends" with him. So I had to cut him loose and stop all contact with him for his sake, even though it was really hard for me to lose him as a friend.

2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends?
Yes. It took about 6 months of no contact for us to become friends.

3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you?
Nope. He wanted to get back together, but I firmly believe that if it didn't work the first time, it never will.

11-08-2009, 12:02 AM	#1
Hopeless1234 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 53	serious question for "dumpers"... for those who dumped their ex, i'd really appreciate it if you could answer couples questions that i have. i know i'll never understand the dumper psyche, but can't blame me for trying. 1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why? 2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends? 3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you? thanks in advance.

11-08-2009, 12:23 AM	#2
pinkrobot Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: where the wild things are Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,718	This is from a couple years back, but it's pretty much the only time I've been a "dumper." 1. I remained in contact for about a month or so after we split up--this was because we had been engaged and living together, so we were constantly arranging times for me to move my stuff out of the apartment, and also sorting out some financial things and pet-related things and such. 2. No, we're not friends. About 2 months after the split up, we talked on the phone in a conversation that did NOT turn out well--and it ended with him saying, "Since I'll never talk to you again, have a nice life." We haven't spoken since. 3. We actually tried getting back together a week after the initial breakup--it lasted 2 days, and then we split up again for good. I tried to work things out because we'd been together for so long, and in the end I realized it just wouldn't work out. __________________ All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. [blog:] http://scribblingsofhope.blogspot.com

11-08-2009, 01:52 AM	#10
Southern Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,231	1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why? No. It wasn't fair to him to do that. It's impossible to get over someone while you're still "friends" with him. So I had to cut him loose and stop all contact with him for his sake, even though it was really hard for me to lose him as a friend. 2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends? Yes. It took about 6 months of no contact for us to become friends. 3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you? Nope. He wanted to get back together, but I firmly believe that if it didn't work the first time, it never will. __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

11-08-2009, 12:24 AM	#3
DadaJones Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: nyc Gender: Male Posts: 342	As vice-chairman of Dumpers of America (DOA) i can tell you that dumpers have feelings just like everybody else. Those rumors about us being mean were started by The Dumpee Coalition (TDC) and are not reflective of Dumper-American values.

11-08-2009, 12:36 AM	#6
DadaJones Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: nyc Gender: Male Posts: 342	Very good! The Dumpers usually stay in contact with The Dumpee for guilt related issues and easy sex. Its the dark side of the DOA that we are trying to keep off of 60 minutes.

11-08-2009, 01:08 AM	#7
UserLain Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 32	@thiswholethread xD

11-08-2009, 01:12 AM	#8
johnny_five Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 30	first to qualify that this was just my experience and I certainly realized I can't speak for all... 1. did you remain in contact with your ex after you dumped them? if so, why? Yes. Because I was a immature, selfish jerk. Here's the scary part-- I didn't consciously realize I was doing this. All I know was it's what I wanted to do-- SELFISHLY. I said things and treat her in very manipulating ways. Once I realized this (all too late) a few months after our break-up, I told her I was sorry and I would never contact her again. 2. are you friends with your ex? if so, how soon after the break up did you guys become friends? She wants to be. She's told me time and again that she'll want that if nothing else... I tried to believe her once (even when she was dating someone else) but she immediately started talking about how she still had feelings for me she was still trying to get over (a year later). For her sake, I respectfully requested more time. 3. if you did get back together with your ex, why did you? I would never ever get back together with her. She was a great girl and I at one point did care about her. But she no longer excited me (not anyone's fault, just different people) and I had too many of my own issues to survive in the relationship. So I confidently say she's not someone I wanted and no zero plans to ever lead her or any other ex on again. Again I must emphasize this was my journey, hopefully it gives insight that these possibilities strongly exists out there. The irony is that I myself am now on the other side of this equation and have to deal with my ex being a projection of me.