a couple of ALmost situations...

Blue Skittles · 11-03-2009, 09:27 PM

Ok. My relationship situation is messed up.

I'm with a guy that wants NO commitment. Doesn't want to get married, move in together, definately does not want kids (but then again, I'm not sure I want kids either - I like the freedom in my life). But he's very much in love with me its just his outlook on life is different.... its like take it one day at a time and live in the moment kind of thing. So he doesn't really think about the future. We've been dating on and off for a year and a half.

But that being said, I've been thinking, maybe he's just not right for me. He's 15 years older than I am. And its just.... not right. But I haven't had the strength or the courage to break it off. And I can't bear the thought of not having him in my life.

And then it happens. And this always happens to me. Its like I'll have 3 guys after me at the same time and it gets me confused and thinking and it drives me crazy. And then I'll go through like a year and have no dates.

So anyways, One guy is my best friends roommate. And i was just over at her house we were drinking and this guy starts coming on to me, telling me I am beautiful etc... and I told him I have a boyfriend and not ready to jump in with someone else, yet the next day I'm visiting her he jumps on the couch next to me when my friend went upstairs... and starts talking... and i'm inching away but then he tries to kiss me. But I pushed him away... and sadly had to tell my best friend i'm uncomfortable visiting her.

Now this guy I met awhile ago when my boyfriend broke up calls me after two months to go hang out.. and i know my bf wouldn't like it but this guy makes me laugh so much and i just like the idea of having him as a friend... but anyways, i'm going to go have a coffee with him and i just feel crazy guilty about it. hes been persisting for the last couple weeks and I say no everytime. Anyways, He asked me to come over to watch a movie and I said no, lets do coffee instead. But I'm thinking I'm just going to come out and be honest and tell him that I'm going through some things with my bf and I'm not ready to date.

I want to do the right things and I know the only thing thats right is to just say NO ---- which I've been doing --- but when there are other guys interested and I know I deserve way more than what I'm getting from my boyfriend it just gets me sooo confused.

Please do not judge me I just don't know what I want right now

arcadefire · 11-03-2009, 09:35 PM

If you don't see a future with your current bf, why continue? Break things off and start new with one of your new suitors. Life is too short to spend time with a non-committal person, especially for 1.5 years.

**lady00** · 11-04-2009, 03:36 PM

I don't understand how you are bf/gf but he wants no commitment. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

TechResQ · 11-04-2009, 05:05 PM

yeah...no commitment = deal breaker.

you deserve to be happy and sadly I don't think it's with your current b/f.

I'm sorry...

Raoul · 11-04-2009, 05:23 PM

When you're ready to lower the drama quotient in your life, you'll see a way through this. You don't have a realtionship really, just a crutch.

He has it all with no real involvement. So don't expect him to change. If anything is going to get better, it will be because you do it.

Raoul

Lamprey · 11-05-2009, 04:35 PM

I'm not sure why you posted, there don't seem to be any answers you don't have in there. You're unhappy in your relationship, but choose not to leave it. Hey, your call.

Every time you're not happy and feeling down because you feel like your life is slipping away, like the biological clock is ticking, or like you're wasting the years during which you should be starting a family, don't blame your boyfriend. He's being honest. Look in the mirror instead.

Your relationship may be messed up, but nobody is holding a gun to your head to keep you in it, so it must be working for you on some level. I'd say, learn to live with it or leave it - or you could just stay, do nothing, hope it gets better

11-03-2009, 09:27 PM	#1
Blue Skittles Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 1,091	a couple of ALmost situations... Ok. My relationship situation is messed up. I'm with a guy that wants NO commitment. Doesn't want to get married, move in together, definately does not want kids (but then again, I'm not sure I want kids either - I like the freedom in my life). But he's very much in love with me its just his outlook on life is different.... its like take it one day at a time and live in the moment kind of thing. So he doesn't really think about the future. We've been dating on and off for a year and a half. But that being said, I've been thinking, maybe he's just not right for me. He's 15 years older than I am. And its just.... not right. But I haven't had the strength or the courage to break it off. And I can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. And then it happens. And this always happens to me. Its like I'll have 3 guys after me at the same time and it gets me confused and thinking and it drives me crazy. And then I'll go through like a year and have no dates. So anyways, One guy is my best friends roommate. And i was just over at her house we were drinking and this guy starts coming on to me, telling me I am beautiful etc... and I told him I have a boyfriend and not ready to jump in with someone else, yet the next day I'm visiting her he jumps on the couch next to me when my friend went upstairs... and starts talking... and i'm inching away but then he tries to kiss me. But I pushed him away... and sadly had to tell my best friend i'm uncomfortable visiting her. Now this guy I met awhile ago when my boyfriend broke up calls me after two months to go hang out.. and i know my bf wouldn't like it but this guy makes me laugh so much and i just like the idea of having him as a friend... but anyways, i'm going to go have a coffee with him and i just feel crazy guilty about it. hes been persisting for the last couple weeks and I say no everytime. Anyways, He asked me to come over to watch a movie and I said no, lets do coffee instead. But I'm thinking I'm just going to come out and be honest and tell him that I'm going through some things with my bf and I'm not ready to date. I want to do the right things and I know the only thing thats right is to just say NO ---- which I've been doing --- but when there are other guys interested and I know I deserve way more than what I'm getting from my boyfriend it just gets me sooo confused. Please do not judge me I just don't know what I want right now

11-03-2009, 09:35 PM	#2
arcadefire Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 1,288	If you don't see a future with your current bf, why continue? Break things off and start new with one of your new suitors. Life is too short to spend time with a non-committal person, especially for 1.5 years. __________________ I've been searching for a heart of gold... - Neil Young

11-04-2009, 03:36 PM	#3
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	I don't understand how you are bf/gf but he wants no commitment. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. __________________ "When I fall in love, I take my time." - Jason Mraz "Can't sing but I've got soul." - U2

11-04-2009, 05:05 PM	#4
TechResQ Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Kansas City Gender: Female Posts: 1,039	yeah...no commitment = deal breaker. you deserve to be happy and sadly I don't think it's with your current b/f. I'm sorry... __________________ Life is too short to be unhappy. Perform an Act of Random Kindness everyday. Some people can have all the lights on and still be in the dark. "Now is when it is. Here is where it is. You are what it is. Celebrate!" ~Werner Erhardt

11-04-2009, 05:23 PM	#5
Raoul Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Posts: 239	When you're ready to lower the drama quotient in your life, you'll see a way through this. You don't have a realtionship really, just a crutch. He has it all with no real involvement. So don't expect him to change. If anything is going to get better, it will be because you do it. Raoul

11-05-2009, 04:35 PM	#6
Lamprey Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Age: 30 Posts: 366	I'm not sure why you posted, there don't seem to be any answers you don't have in there. You're unhappy in your relationship, but choose not to leave it. Hey, your call. Every time you're not happy and feeling down because you feel like your life is slipping away, like the biological clock is ticking, or like you're wasting the years during which you should be starting a family, don't blame your boyfriend. He's being honest. Look in the mirror instead. Your relationship may be messed up, but nobody is holding a gun to your head to keep you in it, so it must be working for you on some level. I'd say, learn to live with it or leave it - or you could just stay, do nothing, hope it gets better