What can I do to support?

fixyou_ · 11-03-2009, 08:45 PM

Okay, so on Tuesday and Thursday's I go over my aunts to clean, cook, take the dog for a walk, and just be there with her. I've posted about helping her before. She has had cancer for 10 years (double mastectomy, 3 brain ops, and bone cancer). The chemo/rad treatment have taken a toll on her, and her PT thinks she's having mini seizures, which cause her to fall and lose feelings/capability of using her legs briefly. She just turned 50, she uses a walker and cane to help herself get around. My uncle works during the day, and her nephew goes over to help too. I absolutely love helping them, and it makes me happy to do so.

Okay, so she's gotten really depressed. Last night she fell at 3am getting up to use the bathroom, and started balling her eyes out, saying "This is the end." My uncle told their daughter (my cousin) early this morning and she came speeding home from work and...I've never seen her like that...She latched on to me and started crying so hard. Of course I held her and told her everything was going to be okay. What more can I do? I know that everyone appreciates me going over there on Tues and Thurs, but I feel like I can be doing more.

I honestly don't think it's the end, but it is the beginning of a very difficult way of life. She's going to have limited mobility, and I know that depresses everyone, especially my aunt, which makes her worse.

While cleaning, I noticed a lot of alcohol. There was a bottle of vodka in my aunt and uncles bedroom. I know he enjoys a drink casually, but I noticed he has been drinking a lot lately. I know this is taking a toll on him too. What can I do?

**BlueAfterglow08** · 11-03-2009, 08:55 PM

All you can do is what your doing, being caring and loving, helping them when you can. Being a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, someone to talk too.

_Asti_ · 11-03-2009, 09:20 PM

I think you're doing more than enough, in terms of helping. And what you are doing is quite fine.
What can you really do? Be there more? Talk to her more? You are there for them already, and helping them out tremendously, you are doing your part.

Don't worry about doing more, its obvious your help is appreciated and recognized, just keep doing what you're doing.

Someone gave me advice about my Mom, and at first it really bothered me. They said "This is her battle, and her battle alone..only she can fight it..."
And its true. You can be there for her, support her, support the surrounding, but at the end of the day, what more can you do? You're doing everything you can.

Sunflour · 11-04-2009, 04:58 PM

It sounds like she might need to be in an assisted-living facility, where there's more help readily available around the clock. Is something like that an option?

Dinka · 11-05-2009, 05:03 PM

What you are doing to make the lives of your aunt and uncle is very beautiful. I know too many people that have turned away when their families have needed them most, but you are rising to meet challenges and be there when you can. That is the mark of a wonderful person.

Your family probably appreciates it more than you realize.

11-03-2009, 08:45 PM	#1
fixyou_ Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: MA Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 317	What can I do to support? Okay, so on Tuesday and Thursday's I go over my aunts to clean, cook, take the dog for a walk, and just be there with her. I've posted about helping her before. She has had cancer for 10 years (double mastectomy, 3 brain ops, and bone cancer). The chemo/rad treatment have taken a toll on her, and her PT thinks she's having mini seizures, which cause her to fall and lose feelings/capability of using her legs briefly. She just turned 50, she uses a walker and cane to help herself get around. My uncle works during the day, and her nephew goes over to help too. I absolutely love helping them, and it makes me happy to do so. Okay, so she's gotten really depressed. Last night she fell at 3am getting up to use the bathroom, and started balling her eyes out, saying "This is the end." My uncle told their daughter (my cousin) early this morning and she came speeding home from work and...I've never seen her like that...She latched on to me and started crying so hard. Of course I held her and told her everything was going to be okay. What more can I do? I know that everyone appreciates me going over there on Tues and Thurs, but I feel like I can be doing more. I honestly don't think it's the end, but it is the beginning of a very difficult way of life. She's going to have limited mobility, and I know that depresses everyone, especially my aunt, which makes her worse. While cleaning, I noticed a lot of alcohol. There was a bottle of vodka in my aunt and uncles bedroom. I know he enjoys a drink casually, but I noticed he has been drinking a lot lately. I know this is taking a toll on him too. What can I do? __________________ Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense. e. e. cummings

11-03-2009, 08:55 PM	#2
BlueAfterglow08 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,247	All you can do is what your doing, being caring and loving, helping them when you can. Being a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, someone to talk too. __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

11-03-2009, 09:20 PM	#3
_Asti_ Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,354	I think you're doing more than enough, in terms of helping. And what you are doing is quite fine. What can you really do? Be there more? Talk to her more? You are there for them already, and helping them out tremendously, you are doing your part. Don't worry about doing more, its obvious your help is appreciated and recognized, just keep doing what you're doing. Someone gave me advice about my Mom, and at first it really bothered me. They said "This is her battle, and her battle alone..only she can fight it..." And its true. You can be there for her, support her, support the surrounding, but at the end of the day, what more can you do? You're doing everything you can. __________________ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ __________________ I got so much love For you darlin' and I, I wanna let you know how I feel And it's true that I love you And it's true your the only one and I do, I adore you And it's true You make me feel alive ___________________

11-05-2009, 05:03 PM	#5
Dinka Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 402	What you are doing to make the lives of your aunt and uncle is very beautiful. I know too many people that have turned away when their families have needed them most, but you are rising to meet challenges and be there when you can. That is the mark of a wonderful person. Your family probably appreciates it more than you realize. __________________ "I'd like to introduce you to the long lost sister of Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy.... Petulant Patty!" "This is starting to sound like Rainbow Brite on way too many barbiturates."

11-04-2009, 04:58 PM	#4
Sunflour Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 422	It sounds like she might need to be in an assisted-living facility, where there's more help readily available around the clock. Is something like that an option?