How can I be sexier for my husband?

Cuttiepie32 · 11-07-2009, 01:33 PM

At the beginning of my marriage 3 years ago, I really took care of myself and looked good, and of course my husband loved it. I put on nice clothes, smelled nice, put on make-up, etc. But now I have an 8 month old to take care of and so have no time for this anymore and have simply let myself go and look like a bum! I'm exhausted and have no desire to look good for no one! Thing is, my husband has noticed this and I've stared to suspect that he's not happy with me anymore b/c he has (negatively) commented on the "new" me and when we see sexy girls at the supermarket, in the streets, on tv, he goes ga-ga and tries hard to "conceal" his excitment. He's young and very good looking so he can have anyone, and he's probably dissapointed with my appearance and my attitude now!

I want to go back to being and feeling sexy but how to do it? How do I organize it in my day? Whenever I have 10 mins to myself I'm just so tired that I say &%$ it! Anyone has any ideas? I do want to take care of myself and be like before but I don't have the motivation. Where do I start?

agent · 11-07-2009, 01:36 PM

Do you have any help with the baby?

Cuttiepie32 · 11-07-2009, 01:38 PM

yes I do, my sisters and mother help as well as his parents.

LightbulbSun · 11-07-2009, 01:42 PM

Try by putting on some makeup, and wearing clothes that you know he likes. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't dress up when you take care of that baby.

Think of it this way, would you go to work looking like a bum and not putting on deodorant and taking showers? Then why would you look that way intentionally when you go to stores and stuff like that. I'm not saying that being a parent isn't hard work, but there are plenty of parents who look great while they take care of their baby, too.

Also, please don't think any of this is a dig at you. It sounds like you're stressed over being a parent, and it's coming out through the way you present yourself. Maybe try getting some help to care for the baby? That would ease some stress on you.

agent · 11-07-2009, 02:02 PM

Maybe you need to take the focus off wanting to look good for your hubby right now and work at getting a bit more help, a couple more hours to yourself a week so you can work on the exhaustion. It's really hard to get anything else done if you're wasted.

Yeah, your husband loved it, but when you were dolling yourself up I'm betting it was mostly for yourself.

Don't be hard on yourself, I can't think of anything scarier or more hard work than a baby.

Cuttiepie32 · 11-07-2009, 02:06 PM

thank you, I just want to get out of this pattern of looking like a bum, I feel awful and not sexy! I just dont' have the motivation I used to have when I first got married.
And I want to know how to get the motivation back!

LightbulbSun · 11-07-2009, 02:20 PM

Have you considered seeing a therapist? It sounds like you're depressed, and instead of the 'eating when you're depressed', you're expressing how you feel through clothes.

I know I recommend therapists a lot on here, but they've done a lot of good for my life. I used to struggle with a number of issues, and finding a good therapist who understood what I was going through and listened to my problems and offered advice really helped me in the long run. Therapists aren't always for people with mental problems, either; if you're stressing over something, you need someone to talk to about it.

If not a therapist, do you have friends who would listen? Maybe they could offer advice, too, since they know you and what you're going through.

Like I said before, it sounds like depression and/or stress to me. Not lack of motivation. If you had a lack of motivation, you wouldn't even get out of bed in the first place, or be posting a thread on here wanting to change.

Cuttiepie32 · 11-07-2009, 02:26 PM

thx, I already thought about being depressed, and maybe I am. But do you have any tips on how to get started on the track to taking care of myself and looking good again? Like should I do a ritual every morning or something like that?

15 Storeys High · 11-07-2009, 02:34 PM

I think if you kind of make yourself spend an extra 10 minutes each morning......doing your hair or putting on a bit of make up.....and wearing nice underwear maybe......you'll start to feel sexier and thus gain the motivation to continue with it.....

LightbulbSun · 11-07-2009, 02:36 PM

If you're depressed, you need to find what's causing you to be depressed. Soulsearching is always a good thing.

As far as rituals, give yourself enough time in the morning to get all the things done that you want to get done. If you want time to put on makeup and wear classy clothes, allow time for that. Make a daily plan for you, and allow yourself time for you to shower, put on deodorant and makeup, put on clothes that you want to wear, style your hair the way you want, etc.

It also sounds like you might be stressed because the baby is cutting that time out of your day. In which case, like other people have said, get a nanny for part time. A good parent knows when they need to ask for help.

11-07-2009, 01:33 PM	#1
Cuttiepie32 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 7	How can I be sexier for my husband? At the beginning of my marriage 3 years ago, I really took care of myself and looked good, and of course my husband loved it. I put on nice clothes, smelled nice, put on make-up, etc. But now I have an 8 month old to take care of and so have no time for this anymore and have simply let myself go and look like a bum! I'm exhausted and have no desire to look good for no one! Thing is, my husband has noticed this and I've stared to suspect that he's not happy with me anymore b/c he has (negatively) commented on the "new" me and when we see sexy girls at the supermarket, in the streets, on tv, he goes ga-ga and tries hard to "conceal" his excitment. He's young and very good looking so he can have anyone, and he's probably dissapointed with my appearance and my attitude now! I want to go back to being and feeling sexy but how to do it? How do I organize it in my day? Whenever I have 10 mins to myself I'm just so tired that I say &%$ it! Anyone has any ideas? I do want to take care of myself and be like before but I don't have the motivation. Where do I start?

11-07-2009, 01:36 PM	#2
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	Do you have any help with the baby? __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

11-07-2009, 01:42 PM	#4
LightbulbSun Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,053	Try by putting on some makeup, and wearing clothes that you know he likes. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't dress up when you take care of that baby. Think of it this way, would you go to work looking like a bum and not putting on deodorant and taking showers? Then why would you look that way intentionally when you go to stores and stuff like that. I'm not saying that being a parent isn't hard work, but there are plenty of parents who look great while they take care of their baby, too. Also, please don't think any of this is a dig at you. It sounds like you're stressed over being a parent, and it's coming out through the way you present yourself. Maybe try getting some help to care for the baby? That would ease some stress on you. __________________ "Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror." - Unknown "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

11-07-2009, 02:02 PM	#5
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	Maybe you need to take the focus off wanting to look good for your hubby right now and work at getting a bit more help, a couple more hours to yourself a week so you can work on the exhaustion. It's really hard to get anything else done if you're wasted. Yeah, your husband loved it, but when you were dolling yourself up I'm betting it was mostly for yourself. Don't be hard on yourself, I can't think of anything scarier or more hard work than a baby. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

11-07-2009, 02:20 PM	#7
LightbulbSun Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,053	Have you considered seeing a therapist? It sounds like you're depressed, and instead of the 'eating when you're depressed', you're expressing how you feel through clothes. I know I recommend therapists a lot on here, but they've done a lot of good for my life. I used to struggle with a number of issues, and finding a good therapist who understood what I was going through and listened to my problems and offered advice really helped me in the long run. Therapists aren't always for people with mental problems, either; if you're stressing over something, you need someone to talk to about it. If not a therapist, do you have friends who would listen? Maybe they could offer advice, too, since they know you and what you're going through. Like I said before, it sounds like depression and/or stress to me. Not lack of motivation. If you had a lack of motivation, you wouldn't even get out of bed in the first place, or be posting a thread on here wanting to change. __________________ "Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror." - Unknown "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

11-07-2009, 01:38 PM	#3
Cuttiepie32 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 7	yes I do, my sisters and mother help as well as his parents.

11-07-2009, 02:06 PM	#6
Cuttiepie32 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 7	thank you, I just want to get out of this pattern of looking like a bum, I feel awful and not sexy! I just dont' have the motivation I used to have when I first got married. And I want to know how to get the motivation back!

11-07-2009, 02:26 PM	#8
Cuttiepie32 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 7	thx, I already thought about being depressed, and maybe I am. But do you have any tips on how to get started on the track to taking care of myself and looking good again? Like should I do a ritual every morning or something like that?

11-07-2009, 02:34 PM	#9
15 Storeys High Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,291	I think if you kind of make yourself spend an extra 10 minutes each morning......doing your hair or putting on a bit of make up.....and wearing nice underwear maybe......you'll start to feel sexier and thus gain the motivation to continue with it..... __________________ You cannot do a kindness too soon for you'll never know how soon it will be too late. - Emerson

11-07-2009, 02:36 PM	#10
LightbulbSun Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,053	If you're depressed, you need to find what's causing you to be depressed. Soulsearching is always a good thing. As far as rituals, give yourself enough time in the morning to get all the things done that you want to get done. If you want time to put on makeup and wear classy clothes, allow time for that. Make a daily plan for you, and allow yourself time for you to shower, put on deodorant and makeup, put on clothes that you want to wear, style your hair the way you want, etc. It also sounds like you might be stressed because the baby is cutting that time out of your day. In which case, like other people have said, get a nanny for part time. A good parent knows when they need to ask for help. __________________ "Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror." - Unknown "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore