What's the cradle of Infidelity?

Keraron · 11-07-2009, 11:58 AM

Where does infidelity start? What is the main reason for its existence?

Do you think there could be one major reason that, if tackled well, can lead to avoiding infidelity?

Do you think infidelity might also be a problem caused by society (attitudes about it, excitement/adventure about intrigues in, films/soap operas)?

I think one reason may be: dissatisfaction with oneself.

If more people worked to be satisfied with themselves they wouldn't need extra attention when they are already in a relationship.

I think this may also be a major reason for promiscuity, breaking up, mate poaching, and everything that can ruin romantic relationships...

Cognitive_Canine · 11-07-2009, 12:08 PM

I think infidelity starts when you start thinking about it.

I also believe that when you feel the urge to cheat, it is usually due to something being wrong with the relationship and has little to due with the person you are contemplating having an affair with.

The best thing you can do is admit to yourself that you are being immoral, stay far away from the person you're contemplating having the affair with (just don't allow a situation to arise), and find and fix whatever is wrong in your relationship.

NowandZen · 11-07-2009, 12:55 PM

Two reasons for infidelity: 1 - A person simply cannot accept the idea of monogamy or 2- One's relationship is leaving an emotional need unfulfilled.

HealingHandsWarmHeart · 11-07-2009, 01:02 PM

imo- movies, tv... and fairytales give a false impression of what relationships are made of... they give this romantic view ... so when people are in relationships and that butterfly on top of the world ... romantic feeling is gone- people tend to stray instead of working to keep that feeling.

People are quick to divorce- a large percentage of adults and dating aged people come from broken homes so they never saw the workings of a real relationship and all it takes to keep it alive.

i think people give up too quickly - and because of finances and living arrangements and children .. they stay together- but are unfulfilled so they stray.

i think people need to realize that relationships are not all romance and sex... its two individuals meshing their lives and sometimes its not all fun and games.

arcadefire · 11-07-2009, 04:39 PM

I definitely believe that people who cheat are just selfish individuals who have no self control and have a weak character.

on0s1111 · 11-08-2009, 01:18 AM

At a minimum, two things. Emptiness in themselves and/or the relationship, and opportunity. Outside validation (emotionally and/or sexually) serves to temporarily fill the void.

I feel it is worth noting that emptiness in the wandering partner cannot truly be filled by just a relationship, no matter how dedicated the betrayed partner is. Unfortunately, the betrayed partner acted as a working crutch for awhile but it simply cannot last. The feel good chemicals inevitably wear off.

Emptiness in just the relationship, however, can certainly be worked on. But that is a decision that both partners have to be willing to address and work towards. Infidelity is often the cowardly way the wandering partner chose to throw in the towel because (as I once heard somebody put it) not many have the courage to jump out of a plane without a parachute. Mind you, this analogy doesn't necessarily imply that the plane was "going down", it could have been flying along quite fantastically.

mikem · 11-08-2009, 10:45 AM

Here are a few things that increase the likelhood of a person being a chronic cheater:

1) They were abused in some way.
2) If their parents practiced infidelity, the likelyhood of them being unfaithful increases.
3) If a person is bipolar, or has some mental disorder, they are more likely to cheat.
4) Low self-esteem
5) Unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions, playing the victim
6) Trying to fill some kind of void and thinking that the problem is 'out their' rather then within.
7) Lack of morality or spiritual base. Cheating is still an 'option'.

It's ultimately rooted in selfishness, but those are some 'indicatators'. People are ultimately responsible for their decisions, regardless of their background, but those are a few things you can look for as far as the likelihood of a person cheating.

11-07-2009, 11:58 AM	#1
Keraron Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 109	What's the cradle of Infidelity? Where does infidelity start? What is the main reason for its existence? Do you think there could be one major reason that, if tackled well, can lead to avoiding infidelity? Do you think infidelity might also be a problem caused by society (attitudes about it, excitement/adventure about intrigues in, films/soap operas)? I think one reason may be: dissatisfaction with oneself. If more people worked to be satisfied with themselves they wouldn't need extra attention when they are already in a relationship. I think this may also be a major reason for promiscuity, breaking up, mate poaching, and everything that can ruin romantic relationships...

11-07-2009, 12:55 PM	#3
NowandZen Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Hurricane Alley Gender: Male Age: 43 Posts: 782	Two reasons for infidelity: 1 - A person simply cannot accept the idea of monogamy or 2- One's relationship is leaving an emotional need unfulfilled. __________________ Call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll. <----- Who Dat? 9-0. Comes down when they lose. "Ah, Billy Clyde wasn't insane. And if it doesn't work out, there'll never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain"- Jimmy Buffett "The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful"

11-07-2009, 01:02 PM	#4
HealingHandsWarmHeart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,601	imo- movies, tv... and fairytales give a false impression of what relationships are made of... they give this romantic view ... so when people are in relationships and that butterfly on top of the world ... romantic feeling is gone- people tend to stray instead of working to keep that feeling. People are quick to divorce- a large percentage of adults and dating aged people come from broken homes so they never saw the workings of a real relationship and all it takes to keep it alive. i think people give up too quickly - and because of finances and living arrangements and children .. they stay together- but are unfulfilled so they stray. i think people need to realize that relationships are not all romance and sex... its two individuals meshing their lives and sometimes its not all fun and games. __________________ “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Ghandi

11-07-2009, 04:39 PM	#5
arcadefire Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 1,288	I definitely believe that people who cheat are just selfish individuals who have no self control and have a weak character. __________________ I've been searching for a heart of gold... - Neil Young

11-08-2009, 01:18 AM	#6
on0s1111 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: ATL Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 37	At a minimum, two things. Emptiness in themselves and/or the relationship, and opportunity. Outside validation (emotionally and/or sexually) serves to temporarily fill the void. I feel it is worth noting that emptiness in the wandering partner cannot truly be filled by just a relationship, no matter how dedicated the betrayed partner is. Unfortunately, the betrayed partner acted as a working crutch for awhile but it simply cannot last. The feel good chemicals inevitably wear off. Emptiness in just the relationship, however, can certainly be worked on. But that is a decision that both partners have to be willing to address and work towards. Infidelity is often the cowardly way the wandering partner chose to throw in the towel because (as I once heard somebody put it) not many have the courage to jump out of a plane without a parachute. Mind you, this analogy doesn't necessarily imply that the plane was "going down", it could have been flying along quite fantastically. __________________ Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~ Dr. Alexis Carrel Last edited by on0s1111; 11-08-2009 at 11:47 AM.

11-07-2009, 12:08 PM	#2
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	I think infidelity starts when you start thinking about it. I also believe that when you feel the urge to cheat, it is usually due to something being wrong with the relationship and has little to due with the person you are contemplating having an affair with. The best thing you can do is admit to yourself that you are being immoral, stay far away from the person you're contemplating having the affair with (just don't allow a situation to arise), and find and fix whatever is wrong in your relationship.

11-08-2009, 10:45 AM	#7
mikem Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 160	Here are a few things that increase the likelhood of a person being a chronic cheater: 1) They were abused in some way. 2) If their parents practiced infidelity, the likelyhood of them being unfaithful increases. 3) If a person is bipolar, or has some mental disorder, they are more likely to cheat. 4) Low self-esteem 5) Unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions, playing the victim 6) Trying to fill some kind of void and thinking that the problem is 'out their' rather then within. 7) Lack of morality or spiritual base. Cheating is still an 'option'. It's ultimately rooted in selfishness, but those are some 'indicatators'. People are ultimately responsible for their decisions, regardless of their background, but those are a few things you can look for as far as the likelihood of a person cheating. Last edited by mikem; 11-08-2009 at 11:05 AM.