Letting a former FWB know I don't want a booty call

viajera · 11-07-2009, 11:38 AM

So I met this guy several years ago, we went on a few dates, then became FWBs. We're not compatible for dating, but he's a nice and fun guy, and the FWB situation was (mostly) fine. Then we went our separate ways when I entered a serious dating relationship, then I was out of the country for 1.5 years.

Now that he knows I'm back in town and single, he wants to start up the FWB again, complete with late-night/early-morning hookup texts. I have been trying to set up a time to meet for drinks or a show for the last month+, because he's an interesting guy and I could use some more friends right now (nearly all of my former friends left town while I was away), but he's always too busy - then he'll text and try to get me to come over late at night (and he always me to go across town to his house - he never wants to put in any effort himself). Gah! I don't want or need another FWB right now (I already have one who I prefer over this guy).

I know the obvious thing to do would be to tell him straight out that I'm looking for a friend not a hookup, but that's not how the game is played. Any ideas? Should I just give up and stop responding to him altogether?

agent · 11-07-2009, 11:48 AM

If you're not looking to hook up, you're not playing the game anyway.

Just say no thanks.

orangesoda · 11-07-2009, 11:52 AM

yeah, give up. Sounds more like he just wants the B, and not the F (since he can't even make it for a some drinks). And you want the F, and not the B. Oil and water. It won't mix.

Rosee · 11-07-2009, 05:22 PM

Why play games at this point. Why not just say hey I'm up for being friends but def just want to keep it platonic..he will either agree, disappear or keep trying to get you to sleep with him and then you can proceed from there

1MoreChance · 11-07-2009, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viajera

I know the obvious thing to do would be to tell him straight out that I'm looking for a friend not a hookup, but that's not how the game is played. Any ideas? Should I just give up and stop responding to him altogether?

I'm not good at playing this "game", but if you were friends at all (you know, the "friends" part on FWB), then how can you just stop responding all together and treat him like he never existed?

Just be honnest with him (or maybe someone who knows the rules of the game will stop by this thread??)...

on a sidenote, boy I wish I could just have a FWB sometimes, and replace them just as easily (as you mentionned you did)... but I'm just no good at that.

1MoreChance · 11-07-2009, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosee

Why play games at this point. Why not just say hey I'm up for being friends but def just want to keep it platonic..he will either agree, disappear or keep trying to get you to sleep with him and then you can proceed from there

or he'll get upset, hurt, angry, jealous, .... these situations never really stay simple do they??

viajera · 11-07-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agent

If you're not looking to hook up, you're not playing the game anyway.

Well, but see I already know that if I go to see him I will, more than likely, end up at least making out with him. Bluntly, I'm not attracted to or interested in him enough to go out of my way just for the benes, but when we would get together it would usually happen.

From my perspective, he's not playing the game, because he just wants to jump straight to the B without the F. I haven't seen the guy in ~2 years, yet he expects me to just drop everything and drive way across town to hook up with him without at least talking or catching up or seeing if there's even still any attraction still there first. That's just...rather offensive to me. But if I tell him that straight out I know it'll piss him off, because we've been through this before.

pinkelephant · 11-07-2009, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viajera

Well, but see I already know that if I go to see him I will, more than likely, end up at least making out with him. Bluntly, I'm not attracted to or interested in him enough to go out of my way just for the benes, but when we would get together it would usually happen.

From my perspective, he's not playing the game, because he just wants to jump straight to the B without the F. I haven't seen the guy in ~2 years, yet he expects me to just drop everything and drive way across town to hook up with him without at least talking or catching up or seeing if there's even still any attraction still there first. That's just...rather offensive to me. But if I tell him that straight out I know it'll piss him off, because we've been through this before.

Then he doesn't seem very concerned with your feelings. In that case, just keep on telling him you're busy.

hersmudders · 11-07-2009, 06:35 PM

My last FWB keeps writing me to get together, despite knowing I'm now in a relationship. He says we can still be friends eevn though I'm with someone now. I don't see it that way. We weren't friends before we slept together so why be friends after?

That's my opinion of the whole FWB thing. Why fake the friendship if it was never there in the first place? Tell him you're not interested and stop taking his calls.

Batya33 · 11-07-2009, 06:42 PM

I agree that no games are necessary or strategies because this person was just someone you had sex with when you were horny. Simply tell him "I would enjoy doing activities with you but i'm not interested in having sex or hooking up". And the whole "it usually happens" is a bit passive - it happens because you choose it to happen which is good news because it means you can make a different choice.

11-07-2009, 11:38 AM	#1
viajera Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: US Gender: Female Posts: 314	Letting a former FWB know I don't want a booty call So I met this guy several years ago, we went on a few dates, then became FWBs. We're not compatible for dating, but he's a nice and fun guy, and the FWB situation was (mostly) fine. Then we went our separate ways when I entered a serious dating relationship, then I was out of the country for 1.5 years. Now that he knows I'm back in town and single, he wants to start up the FWB again, complete with late-night/early-morning hookup texts. I have been trying to set up a time to meet for drinks or a show for the last month+, because he's an interesting guy and I could use some more friends right now (nearly all of my former friends left town while I was away), but he's always too busy - then he'll text and try to get me to come over late at night (and he always me to go across town to his house - he never wants to put in any effort himself). Gah! I don't want or need another FWB right now (I already have one who I prefer over this guy). I know the obvious thing to do would be to tell him straight out that I'm looking for a friend not a hookup, but that's not how the game is played. Any ideas? Should I just give up and stop responding to him altogether? __________________ Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans

11-07-2009, 11:48 AM	#2
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	If you're not looking to hook up, you're not playing the game anyway. Just say no thanks. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

11-07-2009, 06:35 PM	#9
hersmudders Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: 6151 Richmond St, Miami, Florida Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 8,318	My last FWB keeps writing me to get together, despite knowing I'm now in a relationship. He says we can still be friends eevn though I'm with someone now. I don't see it that way. We weren't friends before we slept together so why be friends after? That's my opinion of the whole FWB thing. Why fake the friendship if it was never there in the first place? Tell him you're not interested and stop taking his calls. __________________ "yeah but i want a glow in the dark clone of my penis!!!!"--Epicproportion Spay or neuter your pets! Don't breed or buy while shelter animals die! Remember to click "helpful post" if something on a thread was helpful!

11-07-2009, 11:52 AM	#3
orangesoda Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,094	yeah, give up. Sounds more like he just wants the B, and not the F (since he can't even make it for a some drinks). And you want the F, and not the B. Oil and water. It won't mix.

11-07-2009, 05:22 PM	#4
Rosee Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 271	Why play games at this point. Why not just say hey I'm up for being friends but def just want to keep it platonic..he will either agree, disappear or keep trying to get you to sleep with him and then you can proceed from there

11-07-2009, 06:42 PM	#10
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,059	I agree that no games are necessary or strategies because this person was just someone you had sex with when you were horny. Simply tell him "I would enjoy doing activities with you but i'm not interested in having sex or hooking up". And the whole "it usually happens" is a bit passive - it happens because you choose it to happen which is good news because it means you can make a different choice.