He suddenly cares about me? What should I do????

milkandhoney · 11-07-2009, 11:17 AM

Ok, so the background is, my ex of 3.5 years broke up with me on october 20th because he "just wanted to be single again" and "didn't want to settle down". i went nc after all the begging and pleading and it lasted about 5 days when i decided to talk to him. It was actually a good thing because i finally got some closure. I talked to him on and off for about a week. He told me he would call me to check up on me every once in a while because it i "didnt do anything wrong" and he felt really bad for hurting me but this was just something he had to do..

Last friday, I had some personal problems going on with my family and i didnt know who else to call. i was extremely shaken up and he was really concerned but would not see me. he talked to me on the phone for about an hour and then told me he would call me back in an hour cause he was at a party. He never called. I called him and texted him on sunday because i was upset and was going to tell him that I thought NC would be the best, but he didn't reply or answer the phone. So i just decided to do it without telling him.

On tuesday, 4 days after he told me he would call me back "in an hour" he texted me and said, "hey how ya doing?". I just ignored it because that is what you are supposed to do with NC. I figured if he really wanted to know, he would have called me and he was just checking up on me.

So 4 more days go by and today he texts me and says, "hey are you ok? I have not heard from you in a while". This was about 15 minutes ago. Part of me wants to tell him that i am alright because i think he might be seriously concerned about my well being, but the other part of me just wants to be like F#$% YOU, you suddenly care after a week? And i think he might just be calling me because he feels guilty

I want reconciliation, but i dont know if I should break NC yet or just keep going with it.

Hopeless1234 · 11-07-2009, 11:25 AM

Keep going with NC. What you want (reconciliation) is more than what he is offering. He definitely seems like he cares about your well-being. However, at least from my POV, nothing that he is doing is suggesting that he has had a change of heart and no longer wants to be single and rather wanting to settle down with you. You gotta let him know that you are fine without him. You do that by not going to him in times of emotional pain/stress. Sucks, but I don't know what other options are out there.

dundermiflin · 11-07-2009, 11:37 AM

I think I personally would say, "hey, I'm in the middle of some hard times but I'm alright. Thank you for asking." and then dismiss him. Then you've let him know you're okay, you aren't being bitter, but you're not running to him for comfort either. If he keeps corresponding with you after that, I think you should ignore him then. Let him really prove that he wants to be there for you before you let him in again.

diamond78 · 11-07-2009, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dundermiflin

I think I personally would say, "hey, I'm in the middle of some hard times but I'm alright. Thank you for asking." and then dismiss him. Then you've let him know you're okay, you aren't being bitter, but you're not running to him for comfort either. If he keeps corresponding with you after that, I think you should ignore him then. Let him really prove that he wants to be there for you before you let him in again.

I really like this approach. I think it may be the best option considering the circumstances....You can let him know that you're doing okay without his assistance and will continue to do so. It's funny how he said that he hasn't heard from you in awhile when he was the one who disappeared for 4 days.

Misskitty16 · 11-07-2009, 12:07 PM

I would go total NC. This guy couldn't care less about you - between dumping you to be "single again" (which means he probably had met someone that peaked his interest and maybe things are not working out now), to totally blowing off your attempts at contact.

doiiiieeezie · 11-07-2009, 12:17 PM

I'm not a full NC fan... but it hasn't been that long... so just say that you are alright and to take care....

You're doing fine, don't sweat it.

Misskitty16 · 11-07-2009, 07:49 PM

Do not respond. He doesn't deserve it. He has treated you unkindly and with disrespect. He could've been trying harder if he wanted to reconcile. Not lame attemtps at contact days after you call him.

citymouse · 11-07-2009, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkandhoney

the other part of me just wants to be like F#$% YOU, you suddenly care after a week? .

Whoa, girl! You need to pay close attention to THIS part of you and ignore the part of you that is thinking "he might be worried or concerned."

He's at a party and doesn't have time to talk to you? What the eff??? Then he texts you like four days later to say "what's up???" JEEZE... This guy is toying with you big time, either that or he is ignoring great big huge flapping red flags when you are in trouble and need help.

Either way it doesn't say much for his character or maturity.

I hate to say this, but this is an open-and-shut case of you being better off without him. Run, honey, RUN! Don't look back! You deserve better!

Maybe if he grows up and starts taking your feelings more seriously --- MAYBE then give him a second chance.

Stay away from this guy for at least a year. He seriously needs to grow up. Imagine if you had kids together and he pulled this distancing cr@p when you needed help and were at the end of your rope.

I'm not saying you have to be nasty to him.... but just nicely let him know that you need some space and you think it's best not to be in touch anymore. Then stick to your guns. Just my .02. Good luck to you and please let us know how it goes.

andytandreou · 11-08-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkandhoney

I want reconciliation, but i dont know if I should break NC yet or just keep going with it.

Hey honey. Don't be a jerk with people. If you want reconciliation there is one sure way to do it. Love yourself so much that you do the things that a person who is totally in-love with herself would do and act from that. Don't listen too much to direct advise because it comes from people who are talking through their our pain/hurt and experiences.

The funny thing is this. You need to let go first (hence NC) discover you! Fall in love with single you! Once you become whole and complete and you will attract love to you.

As for your personal case, I would say this. If you understand that normal "friends" or acquaintances don't hold grudges or manipulate eachother then you see that you must answer his text just because that's what a friend or even a complete stranger would do. NOT ANSWERING is a bit manipulative and wreaks of a person who is troubled and carrying a chip on their shoulder. Answer him something like this "Just wanted some advice about something, all is good now, thanks" Nothing else.

Please take mine/peoples advise as a guide on what WE WOULD do, not on what YOU SHOULD DO!

milkandhoney · 11-08-2009, 11:47 AM

so many mixed opinions. I still havn't decided if i should write him back yet or not. *sigh* this stuff is hard.

11-07-2009, 11:17 AM	#1
milkandhoney Online Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 199	He suddenly cares about me? What should I do???? Ok, so the background is, my ex of 3.5 years broke up with me on october 20th because he "just wanted to be single again" and "didn't want to settle down". i went nc after all the begging and pleading and it lasted about 5 days when i decided to talk to him. It was actually a good thing because i finally got some closure. I talked to him on and off for about a week. He told me he would call me to check up on me every once in a while because it i "didnt do anything wrong" and he felt really bad for hurting me but this was just something he had to do.. Last friday, I had some personal problems going on with my family and i didnt know who else to call. i was extremely shaken up and he was really concerned but would not see me. he talked to me on the phone for about an hour and then told me he would call me back in an hour cause he was at a party. He never called. I called him and texted him on sunday because i was upset and was going to tell him that I thought NC would be the best, but he didn't reply or answer the phone. So i just decided to do it without telling him. On tuesday, 4 days after he told me he would call me back "in an hour" he texted me and said, "hey how ya doing?". I just ignored it because that is what you are supposed to do with NC. I figured if he really wanted to know, he would have called me and he was just checking up on me. So 4 more days go by and today he texts me and says, "hey are you ok? I have not heard from you in a while". This was about 15 minutes ago. Part of me wants to tell him that i am alright because i think he might be seriously concerned about my well being, but the other part of me just wants to be like F#$% YOU, you suddenly care after a week? And i think he might just be calling me because he feels guilty I want reconciliation, but i dont know if I should break NC yet or just keep going with it. __________________ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin' Just praying to a God that I don't believe in. Cause I got time, while he got freedom, Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

11-07-2009, 11:37 AM	#3
dundermiflin Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 125	I think I personally would say, "hey, I'm in the middle of some hard times but I'm alright. Thank you for asking." and then dismiss him. Then you've let him know you're okay, you aren't being bitter, but you're not running to him for comfort either. If he keeps corresponding with you after that, I think you should ignore him then. Let him really prove that he wants to be there for you before you let him in again. __________________ You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

11-08-2009, 11:47 AM	#10
milkandhoney Online Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 199	so many mixed opinions. I still havn't decided if i should write him back yet or not. sigh this stuff is hard. __________________ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin' Just praying to a God that I don't believe in. Cause I got time, while he got freedom, Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

11-07-2009, 11:25 AM	#2
Hopeless1234 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 53	Keep going with NC. What you want (reconciliation) is more than what he is offering. He definitely seems like he cares about your well-being. However, at least from my POV, nothing that he is doing is suggesting that he has had a change of heart and no longer wants to be single and rather wanting to settle down with you. You gotta let him know that you are fine without him. You do that by not going to him in times of emotional pain/stress. Sucks, but I don't know what other options are out there.

11-07-2009, 12:07 PM	#5
Misskitty16 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Whisker City Gender: Female Posts: 939	I would go total NC. This guy couldn't care less about you - between dumping you to be "single again" (which means he probably had met someone that peaked his interest and maybe things are not working out now), to totally blowing off your attempts at contact.

11-07-2009, 12:17 PM	#6
doiiiieeezie Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 679	I'm not a full NC fan... but it hasn't been that long... so just say that you are alright and to take care.... You're doing fine, don't sweat it.

11-07-2009, 07:49 PM	#7
Misskitty16 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Whisker City Gender: Female Posts: 939	Do not respond. He doesn't deserve it. He has treated you unkindly and with disrespect. He could've been trying harder if he wanted to reconcile. Not lame attemtps at contact days after you call him.