Minor Setback - Saw her at the club

Nappyloxs · 11-07-2009, 09:06 AM

Minor setback back.

I was at the club that I have been going to since we broke up. I even told her in one of my main emails that I go to this club now.

So last night I was out in the club. I was in a chill mode. Just having a drink with new friends. No, women. Just guys. I had just told them how I had broken up with my ex.

Then sure enough she walks past. We did not make eye contact. It was as if she saw me as she approached and ran past, but I know it was her.

Screwed me up for the rest of the night. Not making me depressed. But I subconsciously looked for her the rest of the night and thinking of her the rest of the night.

I did not see her again. So I have a feeling she saw me and left.

Ruined my night. I really wasn't out hitting on other women, but seeing her made me even stop looking at the other women.

We ended up going to another bar and I just talked about her the rest of the night. Of course, he said she wasn't the right one after hearing my side of the story.

Just wanted to share the minor setback. I am not going to call her. I am going to take it as it was; a setback.

But I can't help but wonder: After two months she still is not dating anyone seriously. Why?

Greedy Toad · 11-07-2009, 09:31 AM

It has only been two months. Why would she be dating anyone seriously? Everyone has different timeframes.

butterfly0424 · 11-07-2009, 01:38 PM

[

But I can't help but wonder: After two months she still is not dating anyone seriously. Why?[/QUOTE]

Count yourself lucky. My ex was engaged 2.5 months after ending our relationship. I have to face them both on the weekends when they come to pick up our daughter.

Nappyloxs · 11-08-2009, 01:32 AM

I guess I want her to hurry up find someone else because it stop me from thinking that she may comeback one day.

I keep telling myself she isn't coming back. And I know she isn't.

But I keep thinking that she may comeback. That she will realize it was just a bad argument. That she did some wrong things. That we both were wrong. She doesn't think like that and will always blame me and say I am the bad guy.

If she is dating someone else, it feels like it is more concrete and I think it will help those thoughts go away.

It would probably hurt at first, but I am just tired of "dreaming" that she will comeback.

Nappyloxs · 11-09-2009, 07:17 PM

Need some help and had to bump this.

I keep wondering why she hates me so much? I mean yeah we had a big argument. We both said nasty things. I have apologized for the things I said. For her to make sure she did not look my way and to leave, just shows how mad she still is at me. I wonder if she still loves me, because she so upset at me and that she isn't dating anyone? It makes me think that there is still hope of her coming back once she isn't mad at me anymore.

She is going back home this weekend for a wedding and then I think that maybe her parents and grandparents will talk to her about it. And then she may comeback.

I just really want to stop thinking that she may come back. I think I have a good handle on NC. I have accepted that I will always love her. But I cannot stop thinking that she may comeback. Its so frustrating.

I have tried to break it down to convince myself that she is not coming back, but still I cannot get rid of this feeling.

dandan78 · 11-10-2009, 06:35 AM

From my own personal experience, I found that this is part of the denial stage of grieving the loss. It has taken some very close observation of my ex's actions (not her words) and a lot of introspection to start facing the reality of it.
I'm still not there but I keep telling myself that whilst she may come back in the future, that is then and this is now. And right now she is doing nothing to show that she is coming back.

Nappyloxs · 11-10-2009, 12:48 PM

Thanks:

I know the reality is that she is not coming back and if small probability that she does will only happen in the distant future.

She going home for a wedding this weekend. And I keep thinking that maybe between the wedding and that her family will "talk some sense into her." That she will comeback. Her family liked me and wanted us to get marry.

I really hate this right now. I am an intelligent guy. I am usually very rationale. My mind knows the truth, but the heart does not want to listen.

I am on day 6-7 of NC again. Every other time I got to this point I break it because I swear its the most that I can go without talking to her.

I have promised myself, I will not contact her again. I really mean it. Its just the thoughts of her still being single and her still being mad at me that ironically give me some hope. Its as if once the dust settles she will realize she misses me.

Right now she has her own independence. It something she never had before. In college, she was with a dirty bag ex. and then she always lived with her parents until we moved in together. I think she wanted it during the relationship, because we all want what we don't have. She wanted "her own" (her words so many times).

I had my independence, I have been single and dated many women. I lived that experience and I never wanted to go back to when I was with her. I knew what we had was special, not perfect, but special.

I can't wait for the day when I only briefly think of her.

11-07-2009, 09:06 AM	#1
Nappyloxs Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 280	Minor Setback - Saw her at the club Minor setback back. I was at the club that I have been going to since we broke up. I even told her in one of my main emails that I go to this club now. So last night I was out in the club. I was in a chill mode. Just having a drink with new friends. No, women. Just guys. I had just told them how I had broken up with my ex. Then sure enough she walks past. We did not make eye contact. It was as if she saw me as she approached and ran past, but I know it was her. Screwed me up for the rest of the night. Not making me depressed. But I subconsciously looked for her the rest of the night and thinking of her the rest of the night. I did not see her again. So I have a feeling she saw me and left. Ruined my night. I really wasn't out hitting on other women, but seeing her made me even stop looking at the other women. We ended up going to another bar and I just talked about her the rest of the night. Of course, he said she wasn't the right one after hearing my side of the story. Just wanted to share the minor setback. I am not going to call her. I am going to take it as it was; a setback. But I can't help but wonder: After two months she still is not dating anyone seriously. Why?

11-07-2009, 09:31 AM	#2
Greedy Toad Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Melbourne Posts: 504	It has only been two months. Why would she be dating anyone seriously? Everyone has different timeframes. __________________ The road to hell is paved with good intentions

11-10-2009, 06:35 AM	#6
dandan78 Online Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Peacehaven, UK Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 258	From my own personal experience, I found that this is part of the denial stage of grieving the loss. It has taken some very close observation of my ex's actions (not her words) and a lot of introspection to start facing the reality of it. I'm still not there but I keep telling myself that whilst she may come back in the future, that is then and this is now. And right now she is doing nothing to show that she is coming back. __________________ "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections" If you don't ask for what you want, don't be annoyed if you don't get it. Break up is about a voyage of discovery. You'll learn at the pace you WANT to, but at some point you will turn round and say, "I wish I had done that (whatever it might be) sooner!"

11-07-2009, 01:38 PM	#3
butterfly0424 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 81	[ But I can't help but wonder: After two months she still is not dating anyone seriously. Why?[/QUOTE] Count yourself lucky. My ex was engaged 2.5 months after ending our relationship. I have to face them both on the weekends when they come to pick up our daughter.

11-08-2009, 01:32 AM	#4
Nappyloxs Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 280	I guess I want her to hurry up find someone else because it stop me from thinking that she may comeback one day. I keep telling myself she isn't coming back. And I know she isn't. But I keep thinking that she may comeback. That she will realize it was just a bad argument. That she did some wrong things. That we both were wrong. She doesn't think like that and will always blame me and say I am the bad guy. If she is dating someone else, it feels like it is more concrete and I think it will help those thoughts go away. It would probably hurt at first, but I am just tired of "dreaming" that she will comeback.

11-09-2009, 07:17 PM	#5
Nappyloxs Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 280	Need some help and had to bump this. I keep wondering why she hates me so much? I mean yeah we had a big argument. We both said nasty things. I have apologized for the things I said. For her to make sure she did not look my way and to leave, just shows how mad she still is at me. I wonder if she still loves me, because she so upset at me and that she isn't dating anyone? It makes me think that there is still hope of her coming back once she isn't mad at me anymore. She is going back home this weekend for a wedding and then I think that maybe her parents and grandparents will talk to her about it. And then she may comeback. I just really want to stop thinking that she may come back. I think I have a good handle on NC. I have accepted that I will always love her. But I cannot stop thinking that she may comeback. Its so frustrating. I have tried to break it down to convince myself that she is not coming back, but still I cannot get rid of this feeling.

11-10-2009, 12:48 PM	#7
Nappyloxs Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 280	Thanks: I know the reality is that she is not coming back and if small probability that she does will only happen in the distant future. She going home for a wedding this weekend. And I keep thinking that maybe between the wedding and that her family will "talk some sense into her." That she will comeback. Her family liked me and wanted us to get marry. I really hate this right now. I am an intelligent guy. I am usually very rationale. My mind knows the truth, but the heart does not want to listen. I am on day 6-7 of NC again. Every other time I got to this point I break it because I swear its the most that I can go without talking to her. I have promised myself, I will not contact her again. I really mean it. Its just the thoughts of her still being single and her still being mad at me that ironically give me some hope. Its as if once the dust settles she will realize she misses me. Right now she has her own independence. It something she never had before. In college, she was with a dirty bag ex. and then she always lived with her parents until we moved in together. I think she wanted it during the relationship, because we all want what we don't have. She wanted "her own" (her words so many times). I had my independence, I have been single and dated many women. I lived that experience and I never wanted to go back to when I was with her. I knew what we had was special, not perfect, but special. I can't wait for the day when I only briefly think of her.