How would you react to this? Was my bf being rude?

lilly.lilly · 11-07-2009, 07:42 AM

I went to my boyfriends house the other day. He was expecting me. I was running a bit late and i sent him a text to say i'd be there in 15. So he knew i was coming.

I get to his house. I knock. No one comes to the door. The main door is open and there is a screen door. The cars are there he is home etc.

I knock again. No one comes. I hear talking. I shout out hello. No one comes. I stand there for another 2-3 mins and THEN my boyfriend comes to the door.

He opens the door and he gives me this look which says 'what are you doing here'. Like im an inconvience. I say/joke 'i can come back later'. To which he replies 'i was on the phone' with a look that says i should have known this etc.

I step in and he just walks away leaving me in the hall way. I walk through and his mum is there sitting in a chair. She says 'you said it was the vaccum man'' (door to door sales man) and my boyfriend just shrugs.

I thought it was rather rude of him and i ended up wishing i just walked back to my car and left.

How would u react? I did't really react any way to it, but i dont know what to think.

15 Storeys High · 11-07-2009, 07:45 AM

Maybe his jock strap is twisted. Maybe he got out of bed on the wrong side. Maybe his football team lost and he's being a moody git. Maybe he's hungry. Maybe the person on the phone annoyed him. Maybe you annoyed him. Maybe he needed the toilet.

Why don't you just ask him what his problem is?

lilly.lilly · 11-07-2009, 07:51 AM

i never asked what his problem was or is. i am asking what someone else or how someone else would react.

to be standing at the door knocking for 10 MINUTES knowing that i was coming over is rude.

If i wanted to ask him what his problem was at the time i would but thats not what im asking.

15 Storeys High · 11-07-2009, 07:55 AM

That's how I would have reacted. I would have asked him what his problem was.

I don't quite understand what you want to get out of this. Do you want validation that you reacted appropriately? Do you want to be told that you are right and he is wrong?

lilly.lilly · 11-07-2009, 07:57 AM

im just wondering how someone else would have reacted. thats all. im not looking for a validation of anything.

at the time it happened i didn't do anything or say anything about it - which i have a habbit of doing. not saying if something bothers me...but thats me. ...

Greedy Toad · 11-07-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly.lilly

im just wondering how someone else would have reacted. thats all. im not looking for a validation of anything.

at the time it happened i didn't do anything or say anything about it - which i have a habbit of doing. not saying if something bothers me...but thats me. ...

If you want to say something to him at the time, then you should.

Crazyaboutdogs · 11-07-2009, 08:08 AM

How did the rest of the visit go? Did things settle down afterwards or did he continue to treat you rudely? Sometimes people can be in a bad mood for whatever reason and take it out on their partner..but then as long as things sort themselves out soon after then just let it go. Yes he was rude..but the real question is did he remain rude through your visit or was it just the first few minutes when you showed up?

lilly.lilly · 11-07-2009, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

How did the rest of the visit go? Did things settle down afterwards or did he continue to treat you rudely? Sometimes people can be in a bad mood for whatever reason and take it out on their partner..but then as long as things sort themselves out soon after then just let it go. Yes he was rude..but the real question is did he remain rude through your visit or was it just the first few minutes when you showed up?

no he was fine shortly after....i guess it suprised me more than anything coz that hasn't happened before.

1MoreChance · 11-07-2009, 08:11 AM

In the past I would havbe reacted exactly how you did. Sort of shut down, say nothing and feel ashamed.

Today I would leave and later on ask for an explanation and say how I feel and that this is not acceptable to me. I don' t know how long you've been with him but all depending on how long, it may be a deal breaker. if you've been seeing this guy for a month and he treats you like this, is it worth continuing? If you've been with him for a couple of years and this is a recent thing, then try to find out what's going on, tell him how you feel and that it's unaccpetablefor him to treat you that way, and that if he needs support through whatever he's going through you,re there for him but not at the expense of your own dignity.

lilly.lilly · 11-07-2009, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1MoreChance

In the past I would havbe reacted exactly how you did. Sort of shut down, say nothing and feel ashamed.

Today I would leave and later on ask for an explanation and say how I feel and that this is not acceptable to me. I don' t know how long you've been with him but all depending on how long, it may be a deal breaker. if you've been seeing this guy for a month and he treats you like this, is it worth continuing? If you've been with him for a couple of years and this is a recent thing, then try to find out what's going on, tell him how you feel and that it's unaccpetablefor him to treat you that way, and that if he needs support through whatever he's going through you,re there for him but not at the expense of your own dignity.

thanks. ive been with him for just over 8 months.

I wasn't sure how to react because its never happened before -me standing there for 10 mins and when he finally answers the door, makes me feel like crap coz it feels/seems he didn't want me there or i was bugging him. He was the one that told me to come over!

im a very shy reserved quiet person. if something is bugging me or whatever i dont always say anything. i dont always say whats on my mind right at that time. ive been that way all my life, so its not something i can just 'turn off'.

11-07-2009, 07:42 AM	#1
lilly.lilly Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA Posts: 131	How would you react to this? Was my bf being rude? I went to my boyfriends house the other day. He was expecting me. I was running a bit late and i sent him a text to say i'd be there in 15. So he knew i was coming. I get to his house. I knock. No one comes to the door. The main door is open and there is a screen door. The cars are there he is home etc. I knock again. No one comes. I hear talking. I shout out hello. No one comes. I stand there for another 2-3 mins and THEN my boyfriend comes to the door. He opens the door and he gives me this look which says 'what are you doing here'. Like im an inconvience. I say/joke 'i can come back later'. To which he replies 'i was on the phone' with a look that says i should have known this etc. I step in and he just walks away leaving me in the hall way. I walk through and his mum is there sitting in a chair. She says 'you said it was the vaccum man'' (door to door sales man) and my boyfriend just shrugs. I thought it was rather rude of him and i ended up wishing i just walked back to my car and left. How would u react? I did't really react any way to it, but i dont know what to think.

11-07-2009, 07:45 AM	#2
15 Storeys High Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,291	Maybe his jock strap is twisted. Maybe he got out of bed on the wrong side. Maybe his football team lost and he's being a moody git. Maybe he's hungry. Maybe the person on the phone annoyed him. Maybe you annoyed him. Maybe he needed the toilet. Why don't you just ask him what his problem is? __________________ You cannot do a kindness too soon for you'll never know how soon it will be too late. - Emerson

11-07-2009, 07:55 AM	#4
15 Storeys High Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,291	That's how I would have reacted. I would have asked him what his problem was. I don't quite understand what you want to get out of this. Do you want validation that you reacted appropriately? Do you want to be told that you are right and he is wrong? __________________ You cannot do a kindness too soon for you'll never know how soon it will be too late. - Emerson

11-07-2009, 08:11 AM	#9
1MoreChance Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 1,358	In the past I would havbe reacted exactly how you did. Sort of shut down, say nothing and feel ashamed. Today I would leave and later on ask for an explanation and say how I feel and that this is not acceptable to me. I don' t know how long you've been with him but all depending on how long, it may be a deal breaker. if you've been seeing this guy for a month and he treats you like this, is it worth continuing? If you've been with him for a couple of years and this is a recent thing, then try to find out what's going on, tell him how you feel and that it's unaccpetablefor him to treat you that way, and that if he needs support through whatever he's going through you,re there for him but not at the expense of your own dignity. __________________ Fake it til you make it!

11-07-2009, 07:51 AM	#3
lilly.lilly Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA Posts: 131	i never asked what his problem was or is. i am asking what someone else or how someone else would react. to be standing at the door knocking for 10 MINUTES knowing that i was coming over is rude. If i wanted to ask him what his problem was at the time i would but thats not what im asking.

11-07-2009, 07:57 AM	#5
lilly.lilly Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA Posts: 131	im just wondering how someone else would have reacted. thats all. im not looking for a validation of anything. at the time it happened i didn't do anything or say anything about it - which i have a habbit of doing. not saying if something bothers me...but thats me. ...

11-07-2009, 08:08 AM	#7
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,630	How did the rest of the visit go? Did things settle down afterwards or did he continue to treat you rudely? Sometimes people can be in a bad mood for whatever reason and take it out on their partner..but then as long as things sort themselves out soon after then just let it go. Yes he was rude..but the real question is did he remain rude through your visit or was it just the first few minutes when you showed up?