Torn between two BF's

Gaonmymind · 11-07-2009, 05:29 AM

I am torn. I do not know what to do. I am a 24 years old female – a graduate student – and not ready to settle down. I have casually been dating around – but it took a major twist this past weekend. One guy –(We will call Dave) that is in my graduate program with me – made me dinner at his apartment Thursday evening. It was nice – I stayed over Thursday night. Friday morning – he told me that he knew I was going away for the weekend with Joe – the other guy. David said he wanted me to think of him when I was with Joe – and so he had sex with me – and went down on me – and really did a good job with me.

Now –(we will cal him Joe) is older – and has a great paying job – He is an executive manager of a large resort in the area. He made arrangements for he and I to go to a health spa / resort near by. It is owned by the same company he works for. He had champagne , flowers, and reservations set for a high end restaurant in the area. He had a limo pick us up, went dancing, and brought me to a clothing store – and bought me a sexy black dress for the next day.

Of course we went back to the room, and Joe seduced me. – he also went down on me – and made me feel so good.

Saturday was more of the same…..with time by the pool – getting a massage, and another fancy night out. but I have had mixed feelings about having sex with two different people on the same day. Neither person was exclusive - One guy is rich – the other – a grad student with no $. I have strong emotions for both. Not sure what to do. Does this make me a bad person? Any advice?

(PS – I was safe……so no need to mention the STD thing…….I know to protect myself…)

Eric8384 · 11-07-2009, 06:04 AM

No, this doesn't make you a bad person, just a confused one. Love triangles NEVER work out because somebody ends up getting hurt in the end. Like my situation, it was me. My advice to you is to pick one guy, and be faithful towards him.

AntiLove_SuperStar · 11-07-2009, 07:17 AM

If neither obviously wins out, perhaps neither is quite enough.

anggrace · 11-07-2009, 07:24 AM

Although I know that having stablity is important, I wouldn't let "Joes" financial benefits be the deciding factor. I mention that only becuase that's the only impression Joe left me. He's well off. Can I ask how long you've been dating these two guys?

lavenderdove · 11-07-2009, 08:29 AM

Depends on what you want.

If you are genuinely not ready to have a steady boyfriend and just want to date casually, then nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in that most people eventually do want their partner to be exclusive.

I'd just date both for a while until one or the other demands it, or you decide you like one more than the other. But i wouldn't lie to either about dating others, since that is not fair to them.

Brownstone322 · 11-07-2009, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaonmymind

He had champagne , flowers, and reservations set for a high end restaurant in the area. He had a limo pick us up, went dancing, and brought me to a clothing store – and bought me a sexy black dress for the next day.

I'm not poor, and that's pretty superficial stuff if you ask me.

lavenderdove · 11-07-2009, 12:16 PM

^^
Yes, be careful too, because a man who buys you, expects to get paid back in other ways!

For a rich guy, spending money is easy, but it doesn't show he really cares about you all that much, just that he knows what works with some women who are impressed by money/luxury.

thrash · 11-07-2009, 02:45 PM

So 'Dave' knew about you and 'Joe' when he had sex with you? That just makes him a horny douche bag. And you shouldn't even think of being in a relationship if you aren't ready to settle down. You know that the relationship is going to end and someone is going to hurt (obviously not you), and that just makes you SELFISH. Do yourself and them a favor, and leave both of them until you are ready to commit. People like you are the reason no one can trust their partner.

bronte · 11-07-2009, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AntiLove_SuperStar

If neither obviously wins out, perhaps neither is quite enough.

I agree with this. As things stand, if you pick either of these guys you're going to wonder "what if" about the other one, and to me that does mean that you may be better off ending things with both of them and finding someone new who completely clears your head of thoughts of any other man...

none2good · 11-07-2009, 06:49 PM

I wouldn't read too much into what motivates either of these men. They probably have no more interest in you than you seem to have in either of them.

11-07-2009, 05:29 AM	#1
Gaonmymind Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 11	Torn between two BF's I am torn. I do not know what to do. I am a 24 years old female – a graduate student – and not ready to settle down. I have casually been dating around – but it took a major twist this past weekend. One guy –(We will call Dave) that is in my graduate program with me – made me dinner at his apartment Thursday evening. It was nice – I stayed over Thursday night. Friday morning – he told me that he knew I was going away for the weekend with Joe – the other guy. David said he wanted me to think of him when I was with Joe – and so he had sex with me – and went down on me – and really did a good job with me. Now –(we will cal him Joe) is older – and has a great paying job – He is an executive manager of a large resort in the area. He made arrangements for he and I to go to a health spa / resort near by. It is owned by the same company he works for. He had champagne , flowers, and reservations set for a high end restaurant in the area. He had a limo pick us up, went dancing, and brought me to a clothing store – and bought me a sexy black dress for the next day. Of course we went back to the room, and Joe seduced me. – he also went down on me – and made me feel so good. Saturday was more of the same…..with time by the pool – getting a massage, and another fancy night out. but I have had mixed feelings about having sex with two different people on the same day. Neither person was exclusive - One guy is rich – the other – a grad student with no $. I have strong emotions for both. Not sure what to do. Does this make me a bad person? Any advice? (PS – I was safe……so no need to mention the STD thing…….I know to protect myself…)

11-07-2009, 07:17 AM	#3
AntiLove_SuperStar Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 2,469	If neither obviously wins out, perhaps neither is quite enough. __________________ Don't even TRY it

11-07-2009, 06:04 AM	#2
Eric8384 Online Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 20	No, this doesn't make you a bad person, just a confused one. Love triangles NEVER work out because somebody ends up getting hurt in the end. Like my situation, it was me. My advice to you is to pick one guy, and be faithful towards him.

11-07-2009, 07:24 AM	#4
anggrace Online Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 1,880	Although I know that having stablity is important, I wouldn't let "Joes" financial benefits be the deciding factor. I mention that only becuase that's the only impression Joe left me. He's well off. Can I ask how long you've been dating these two guys?

11-07-2009, 08:29 AM	#5
lavenderdove Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,515	Depends on what you want. If you are genuinely not ready to have a steady boyfriend and just want to date casually, then nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in that most people eventually do want their partner to be exclusive. I'd just date both for a while until one or the other demands it, or you decide you like one more than the other. But i wouldn't lie to either about dating others, since that is not fair to them.

11-07-2009, 12:16 PM	#7
lavenderdove Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,515	^^ Yes, be careful too, because a man who buys you, expects to get paid back in other ways! For a rich guy, spending money is easy, but it doesn't show he really cares about you all that much, just that he knows what works with some women who are impressed by money/luxury.

11-07-2009, 02:45 PM	#8
thrash Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 68	So 'Dave' knew about you and 'Joe' when he had sex with you? That just makes him a horny douche bag. And you shouldn't even think of being in a relationship if you aren't ready to settle down. You know that the relationship is going to end and someone is going to hurt (obviously not you), and that just makes you SELFISH. Do yourself and them a favor, and leave both of them until you are ready to commit. People like you are the reason no one can trust their partner.

11-07-2009, 06:49 PM	#10
none2good Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 37	I wouldn't read too much into what motivates either of these men. They probably have no more interest in you than you seem to have in either of them.