38 and a whole new life??

[Vulcan800]

Well this week will be the last week I will be spending in this house. I have a new place and I am both excited and a bit sad. I 'am happy because I am treating getting into the new place as whole new experince and new start.

On the other hand, I 'am a bit sad because this house I' am leaving belonged to my grandparents and they pretty much raised me. They are both passed on now but I have many many wonderful memmories of this house.

So I'am a bit sad. I feel as though living in this house in someway is not letting them go or something. I mean other than the memmories here and perhaps a few small items I have as keepsakes from from grandparents this house is like the only standing testament to thier life. I mean it is a tangable thing if that makes sense?

I do have a new place like I said I'am excited as I am using the new place as a springboard for me for a totaly new begining.

I just hope that my grandparents are not upset.

Actualy it really isn't my fault my parents own the house and want to sell it so there isn't much I could do anyways.

To make a long story short, after my ex and I broke up Iheaded into a major depression. I don't know if it was because of the break up itself or the fact that around that time my grandmother died and I felt like I lost my family. My parents and I never got along too well so my grandparents really were like my mom and dad.

Anyways, I was in this bad depression for about a year I couldn't function. I couldn't work couldn't go to school it was really bad and totaly destroyed my life.

Thankfuly, I came out of it to the point where I could go back to work and function again in the world: however, I was plagued by nothing but bad luck.

The job I found I was let go because of a situation turned bad with a coworker I was seeing.

Then there were just little things here and there that made it seem like I just couldn't get things going again. I wanted to but alwasy somthing came up that set me back again. Very frustratiing.

When my parents decided to sell this house I was pretty much broke. I had gone through my savings because I was living off of my savings when I was depressed which left me with not much left.

Seeing as I had to find a new place, I figured now would be a time for a total life change. I sold pretty much everything I owned. I keept a few things like my drums computer of course and other stuff but things from my " previous life" such as my huge tool box, all my car stuff.

See I figured I would start all over. I used tolive this life of a gearhead if you will. I was into cars, wore jeans and T-shirts all the time hung around the same kinds of people and just lived this lifestyle that didn't seem to get me anywhere for years.

So now I think I'am going to try a new game plan. Start over, finish school get in tune with my more intellectual side as opposed to the cars and stuff. Get me some new threads, new friends amd take alook at the other things in life.

Foucus on some other aspects of life maybe become more active in those areas instead of being a passive observer.

[DadaJones]

Being a gearhead and an intellectual will make you really well rounded...ain't nuthin wrong with starting over and new starts are what lifes about...WARVULCAN800!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[K8tie Kool]

Congrats and good luck! I think we are all more than we think we are. Getting out of the "comfort zone" will stretch you, challenge you, and at times make you wonder if you're doing the right thing, but it will NOT leave you stewing in the same old habits, thinking the same old thoughts and hanging with the same old crowd.

Life is big and worth exploring. You'll discover more about yourself than you knew before. To me, it's totally worth it.

[Vulcan800]

It is a bit exciting and scarry all rolled up into one but I am looking forward to new things. I wish I would have done this a long time ago so I could have figure dout who or what Iam supposed to be

[livinginsbi]

best wishes to you... I started a new life in Feb.. at the age of 46.. it's scary and fun.. all at the same time!

[TennesseeGirl]

I think you are on the right track. Material possessions do not define us, nor does where we live, the friends we have, etc. Sometimes I think the best thing someone can do is just make a radical change in their life. It opens up possibilities that you were never aware of before. It sounds like you were stuck in a rut and now you have a chance to forge a different path.

Don't you think your grandparents would want you to pursue a happier, more fulfilling life for yourself? They will remain with you always through your memories of them. The material items, yes, they are a reminder, but they are only a visual cue to the memories. Focus on them feeling proud of you and happy for you and excited about your new adventures.

This might sound a little crazy but one thing I have done with people that are no longer in my life, who I miss, is when I am by myself, I will just have a conversation with them, out loud. (basically I am talking to myself) I talk to them, then I say the things I would imagine they would say back to me. It sounds silly, but I've found it actually helps to make me feel like I still have that bond with them. Another idea is to write letters to them and then write one back, imagining what they would say back to you (or what you want them to say back to you). That might be something you could do to help you keep the feeling of your grandparents with you even though you're leaving their house behind.

Good luck!