She's telling me to Back Down....

deff808 · 11-03-2009, 11:00 PM

Been dating for like 9-11 months. I'm 25, She's 23 and a son.

Very off and on, very hot n cold. Longest dating relationship i ever been.

We work together, see each other during work like 3-5 days out of the week.

She's a manger, I'm just an associate in a Star wood Hotel.

She has a bf or ex bf she hangs out to, they been like together or dating, or what other words to say maybe like 1-2yrs. I feel bad for that dude. I just been there to comfort and listen. Mr Nice Guy i would say.

We already fallen in love, care about each other. I more than half way to meet with her into a relationship.

From all these months, she been telling me i'm not ready due to personal reasons, work related etc.... We mostly have drama every other week.
Stupid things, like we are in a relationship and argue about. Totally out of whack.

She snaps or get upset when i go out, or hear things i do. I stopped that just for her, few months ago. She gets upset when girls flirt with me at work or i flirt with them. Very serious, she told me she likes to be in control!
I'm not even her bf or gf....

I'm tired of chasing after a ghost or tired of waiting.

I always tell myself "its already too late" meaning, if i love this girl. I have to be patient or keep on chasing. I talk to few of my close friends/co-workers of whats going on in a weird dating relationship.

I sacfrice alot for her, not in a bad way. Just to be with her period, because i want to be with her, happy way.

I dunno what to do....

My dad committed suicide a year ago. It thought me how much you appreciate what you have and gave me a different attitude or achievement or goals or what the future plans for me. She's emotionally attached to that. I have no clue what's stopping her, she's very hard to read.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today, but she already giving me the hot n cold. I knew this week, she was giving her distance on me. Somethings was coming up. I tired of it, than next week shes gonna be all into me or when i go out and she will hear about it. She is gonna snap!

Her last words.... She called me during work....

"I already told you, i don't want to be greedy already, or argue, work related, personal related, i want you to be happy, do what you gotta do, like i said i don't want to be greedy. We still can hang out, be friends, talk to each other, call me etc....."

My past experience/life/dating/relationships. I learned from them....
If not, i would just said F U, and hang up the phone.

All i said

"I understand, i respect your decision, we see each other at work, yes we can be friends to a certain level. My dad thought me how much i appreciate what you have in life. Sometimes you can't get what you get.
Feels like i'm chasing after a ghost.... So i understand your concerned. I have million questions to ask...etc..."

She mumbled a little, and said i'll call you later....

I dunno what to do....

My friends are tired of me grumbling about her, about our problems.

Maybe its a red flag....

I guarantee next week, we will be hanging out again, kissing/flirting.... Same routine every damn week! Its the truth....

You in or you out!

Oh ya, we had un-safe sex this past August 09'. She got pregnant, she got her abortion October 23rd, on my moms birthday. She only told me and her ex bf. One of my co-workers no about it, she's keeping it a dead secret.

To me 70% i don't think i was that father of that un-born child.
Very irresponsible, very insecure....
Thats a whole different drama story!

Maroney555 · 11-04-2009, 01:50 AM

What do you want advice on?

vivia12 · 11-04-2009, 01:54 AM

I believe he's looking for advice how to deal with this apparently controlling woman. Blowing hit and cold is a common way for people to control and manage yoru emotion.

Deff,Do you want stability, or drama? you wont get the first one from this woman,think hard about what you want and ready to take in any relationship

deff808 · 11-07-2009, 03:33 PM

At work, i guess she must of forgotten to take home her Halloween Pictures.

While i was filling out some paper work in her office, when 3 managers share one office.
I seen some 8 x 10 pictures with her and her bf, halloween pictures together...

I was like * * * ! This is bull $hit!

This was the past couple nights i seen it, i'm giving her the ignore treatment right now...
I dont deserve this $hit....

sandrawg · 11-07-2009, 04:15 PM

Well, she is with someone, right? She has a bf. So she has no right to get jealous of your activities or tell you what you can do. She sounds like a "have your cake and eat it too" kind of person. I would not tolerate someone putting me 2nd fiddle like she is doing with you, and then on top of it, creating drama simply because you're doing what you should be doing--acting like you're single and mingling.

You guys have no commitment, and won't, until she gives this other guy up.

Tell her man up. Either give the bf up and commit to you, or go away.

deff808 · 11-07-2009, 05:01 PM

Do i confront her, you in or you out...

Or just let it go...

I disappear from calling her etc...

Its gonna be difficult when i see her at work!

blackglory · 11-07-2009, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deff808

Do i confront her, you in or you out...

Or just let it go...

I disappear from calling her etc...

Its gonna be difficult when i see her at work!

I would definitely confront her; I wouldn't expect it to go in the way that I think you want it to. If she wanted to leave her bf for you, she probably would've done it already.
The point here, is that you need to stand up for yourself and stop letting her treat you like a doormat. No one deserves that. She sounds like she is stringing you along so that you are there when she is mad at her bf or any other number of situations.
Get your heart out of the situation as fast as you can. This one is nothing but heartache.
Best of luck to you

deff808 · 11-08-2009, 04:02 PM

Thanks!

I would like her to say everything or tell the truth, let it out...

But if she wants to leave it like that, she can deal with that guilt trip!

If i confront her, will turn into a whole big drama scene! Because some of this value information came from her close friends, and it will ruin their friendship.

metrogirl · 11-08-2009, 04:21 PM

You are trippin on a girl that has a boyfriend?

She's telling you, do what you gotta do. She's not telling you she wants to be with you, her words and actions are that she wants to be with the other guy, but in the meantime she just doesn't want you with anyone else either.

Why would you share her with another guy?

Clearly she isn't the only gal out there in the world. Go find someone that wants to be with you and you only.

deff808 · 11-08-2009, 04:56 PM

Ya i don't understand

for example she would tell me "i don't want you with any other girl, i want the be the ONLY ONE!"

11-03-2009, 11:00 PM	#1
deff808 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 153	She's telling me to Back Down.... Been dating for like 9-11 months. I'm 25, She's 23 and a son. Very off and on, very hot n cold. Longest dating relationship i ever been. We work together, see each other during work like 3-5 days out of the week. She's a manger, I'm just an associate in a Star wood Hotel. She has a bf or ex bf she hangs out to, they been like together or dating, or what other words to say maybe like 1-2yrs. I feel bad for that dude. I just been there to comfort and listen. Mr Nice Guy i would say. We already fallen in love, care about each other. I more than half way to meet with her into a relationship. From all these months, she been telling me i'm not ready due to personal reasons, work related etc.... We mostly have drama every other week. Stupid things, like we are in a relationship and argue about. Totally out of whack. She snaps or get upset when i go out, or hear things i do. I stopped that just for her, few months ago. She gets upset when girls flirt with me at work or i flirt with them. Very serious, she told me she likes to be in control! I'm not even her bf or gf.... I'm tired of chasing after a ghost or tired of waiting. I always tell myself "its already too late" meaning, if i love this girl. I have to be patient or keep on chasing. I talk to few of my close friends/co-workers of whats going on in a weird dating relationship. I sacfrice alot for her, not in a bad way. Just to be with her period, because i want to be with her, happy way. I dunno what to do.... My dad committed suicide a year ago. It thought me how much you appreciate what you have and gave me a different attitude or achievement or goals or what the future plans for me. She's emotionally attached to that. I have no clue what's stopping her, she's very hard to read. I was supposed to have lunch with her today, but she already giving me the hot n cold. I knew this week, she was giving her distance on me. Somethings was coming up. I tired of it, than next week shes gonna be all into me or when i go out and she will hear about it. She is gonna snap! Her last words.... She called me during work.... "I already told you, i don't want to be greedy already, or argue, work related, personal related, i want you to be happy, do what you gotta do, like i said i don't want to be greedy. We still can hang out, be friends, talk to each other, call me etc....." My past experience/life/dating/relationships. I learned from them.... If not, i would just said F U, and hang up the phone. All i said "I understand, i respect your decision, we see each other at work, yes we can be friends to a certain level. My dad thought me how much i appreciate what you have in life. Sometimes you can't get what you get. Feels like i'm chasing after a ghost.... So i understand your concerned. I have million questions to ask...etc..." She mumbled a little, and said i'll call you later.... I dunno what to do.... My friends are tired of me grumbling about her, about our problems. Maybe its a red flag.... I guarantee next week, we will be hanging out again, kissing/flirting.... Same routine every damn week! Its the truth.... You in or you out! Oh ya, we had un-safe sex this past August 09'. She got pregnant, she got her abortion October 23rd, on my moms birthday. She only told me and her ex bf. One of my co-workers no about it, she's keeping it a dead secret. To me 70% i don't think i was that father of that un-born child. Very irresponsible, very insecure.... Thats a whole different drama story!

11-04-2009, 01:50 AM	#2
Maroney555 Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: California Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 356	What do you want advice on? __________________ Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle. - Plato Get me out of community college!!!!!!

11-04-2009, 01:54 AM	#3
vivia12 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The Great State of Lousiana Gender: Female Posts: 57	I believe he's looking for advice how to deal with this apparently controlling woman. Blowing hit and cold is a common way for people to control and manage yoru emotion. Deff,Do you want stability, or drama? you wont get the first one from this woman,think hard about what you want and ready to take in any relationship __________________ I'm on that No Contact Highway heading West!

11-08-2009, 04:21 PM	#9
metrogirl Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: SGV Gender: Female Age: 39 Posts: 4,686	You are trippin on a girl that has a boyfriend? She's telling you, do what you gotta do. She's not telling you she wants to be with you, her words and actions are that she wants to be with the other guy, but in the meantime she just doesn't want you with anyone else either. Why would you share her with another guy? Clearly she isn't the only gal out there in the world. Go find someone that wants to be with you and you only. __________________ Whether one believes in a religion or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion. Dalai Lama Any hope I had for my Seahawks flew out the window when I heard Lofa Tatupu will be out for the rest of the season. (sighs) They call me Ghettro.......Well Scorpion Fury does anyway. LOL

11-07-2009, 03:33 PM	#4
deff808 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 153	At work, i guess she must of forgotten to take home her Halloween Pictures. While i was filling out some paper work in her office, when 3 managers share one office. I seen some 8 x 10 pictures with her and her bf, halloween pictures together... I was like * * * ! This is bull $hit! This was the past couple nights i seen it, i'm giving her the ignore treatment right now... I dont deserve this $hit....

11-07-2009, 04:15 PM	#5
sandrawg Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Posts: 696	Well, she is with someone, right? She has a bf. So she has no right to get jealous of your activities or tell you what you can do. She sounds like a "have your cake and eat it too" kind of person. I would not tolerate someone putting me 2nd fiddle like she is doing with you, and then on top of it, creating drama simply because you're doing what you should be doing--acting like you're single and mingling. You guys have no commitment, and won't, until she gives this other guy up. Tell her man up. Either give the bf up and commit to you, or go away.

11-07-2009, 05:01 PM	#6
deff808 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 153	Do i confront her, you in or you out... Or just let it go... I disappear from calling her etc... Its gonna be difficult when i see her at work!

11-08-2009, 04:02 PM	#8
deff808 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 153	Thanks! I would like her to say everything or tell the truth, let it out... But if she wants to leave it like that, she can deal with that guilt trip! If i confront her, will turn into a whole big drama scene! Because some of this value information came from her close friends, and it will ruin their friendship.

11-08-2009, 04:56 PM	#10
deff808 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 153	Ya i don't understand for example she would tell me "i don't want you with any other girl, i want the be the ONLY ONE!"