31yo man and 21yo woman, can it work ?

surfNski · 11-03-2009, 10:59 PM

I am in a situation where I have a lot of interaction with younger women
(not complaining). Anyway, I have been flirting with this girl for a while and I want to ask her out this weekend. She is physically what I like and she has the type of personaliy that I like in a woman. I dont really know how mature she is because I havent spent that much time around her...yet (fingers crossed).

The thing is I want a real relationship. I have done the crazy nights and quick and hot burning relationships. I want something with the chance of going long term.

So, my question is do you think a woman that young would want something like that? Especially with someone ten years her senior? Mind you I look and act like I am in my mid twenties but I am nervous about getting into something that really doesnt have a future. Also in Hawaii a lot of people get married young or meet their future spouse in highschool.

So, anybody have any thoughts?

HEMI_dude · 11-03-2009, 11:02 PM

Yes i do think is possiable but be ready if it doesn't.

-D- · 11-03-2009, 11:02 PM

Well, I want a something serious and long term, and I am three years younger than her. If I could be with one guy the rest of my life, I'd be happy with that.

Of course, out of the girls I know, I am in a minority.. I think.
But you'll never know til you try

Might I add that my current boyfriend is 23, guys my age don't want the same things I do.

IGlareOften · 11-03-2009, 11:07 PM

I'm 21 and I'll tell you we are looking for husbands at this age. Granted, there's a big population of girls my age who only want to party. I'd say try it...what do you have to lose? If she turns out to be a typical 21 year old...fine. You've tried. If not..hey you found someone really worth your time.

For me, I'd RATHER date someone your age. guys my age are a bunch of ass hats.

papaya · 11-03-2009, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IGlareOften

I'm 21 and I'll tell you we are looking for husbands at this age. Granted, there's a big population of girls my age who only want to party. I'd say try it...what do you have to lose? If she turns out to be a typical 21 year old...fine. You've tried. If not..hey you found someone really worth your time.

For me, I'd RATHER date someone your age. guys my age are a bunch of ass hats.

I agree. I'm only 19, but I'm looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage...which happens to not be with guys my age. Guys are still really immature at my age so I'm naturally attracted to guys at least 5 years or older than me. I say give it a shot....if she has the same mind set as you. What is there to lose?

itsallgrand · 11-03-2009, 11:16 PM

How is your gauge for these sorts of things (to tell if someone could be long term potential)?

A date or so - that should give you more info to decide.

It's next to impossible to try to say whether it can work or not. Is it possible? Yeah. But it depends on a lot of things.

gee · 11-03-2009, 11:16 PM

She is just starting to live her life. She is very young, but how will you know if you don't give it a try? I guess it will be harmless to get to know her better. That would be a start. See if she is someone you want to see yourself with in the future. See how compatible you guys are.

Me and my ex had a 9yr gap almost like you. She seemed mature for her age..that's why I went for it! 4yrs later she totally changed and started to party and doing things she wouldn't normally do. So, as you can see you must be careful. I'm not saying all women at that age will go crazy, but it's just something you should think about.

Good luck!

Southern · 11-03-2009, 11:21 PM

I'm 20, and I want my next boyfriend to be my last. Yes, some of us are out for the real thing. Be careful though, because I'm the only one my age that I know personally that's actually looking for that lol

mysticdaisy · 11-03-2009, 11:27 PM

just fyi - there's a whole forum on this site for age gap relationships. I think you will find it very helpful and full of many more bits of advice.

Clarity · 11-03-2009, 11:38 PM

As much as there are a lot of early 20's girls *saying* they want a husband and something long-term. The truth is, you aren't quite yet who you'll finally be at that age. The early to mid-20's are a period of maturation and growth for most young adults, both male and female. My experience with girls of that age is that they *think* they know what they want, only to have it change on them from time to time.

I say give it a shot, but at 21, you will *probably* end up with someone who cannot be mature on a consistent basis (especially to your standards, at 31) and someone who, weeks, months, or a year or two from now, will realize that what she wants then is different from now.

I'm not trying to be downer, just adding my 2 cents.

11-03-2009, 10:59 PM	#1
surfNski Online Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Hawaii Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 346	31yo man and 21yo woman, can it work ? I am in a situation where I have a lot of interaction with younger women (not complaining). Anyway, I have been flirting with this girl for a while and I want to ask her out this weekend. She is physically what I like and she has the type of personaliy that I like in a woman. I dont really know how mature she is because I havent spent that much time around her...yet (fingers crossed). The thing is I want a real relationship. I have done the crazy nights and quick and hot burning relationships. I want something with the chance of going long term. So, my question is do you think a woman that young would want something like that? Especially with someone ten years her senior? Mind you I look and act like I am in my mid twenties but I am nervous about getting into something that really doesnt have a future. Also in Hawaii a lot of people get married young or meet their future spouse in highschool. So, anybody have any thoughts? __________________ "20 years from now, you will be more disappointed in the things you didn’t do than in the ones you did do." - Mark Twain "So many cats, so few recipes"

11-03-2009, 11:02 PM	#2
HEMI_dude Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 480	Yes i do think is possiable but be ready if it doesn't. __________________ "Kill my boss!?!?.....Do i dare live out the american dream ?" - Homer J. Simpson "Winners have no, shame no matter how they win" - Niccolo Machiavelli

11-03-2009, 11:02 PM	#3
-D- Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 477	Well, I want a something serious and long term, and I am three years younger than her. If I could be with one guy the rest of my life, I'd be happy with that. Of course, out of the girls I know, I am in a minority.. I think. But you'll never know til you try Might I add that my current boyfriend is 23, guys my age don't want the same things I do. __________________ Happiness is not a journey, it's a way of life. Last edited by -D-; 11-03-2009 at 11:13 PM.

11-03-2009, 11:16 PM	#6
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	How is your gauge for these sorts of things (to tell if someone could be long term potential)? A date or so - that should give you more info to decide. It's next to impossible to try to say whether it can work or not. Is it possible? Yeah. But it depends on a lot of things. __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

11-03-2009, 11:16 PM	#7
gee Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Boston Gender: Male Posts: 716	She is just starting to live her life. She is very young, but how will you know if you don't give it a try? I guess it will be harmless to get to know her better. That would be a start. See if she is someone you want to see yourself with in the future. See how compatible you guys are. Me and my ex had a 9yr gap almost like you. She seemed mature for her age..that's why I went for it! 4yrs later she totally changed and started to party and doing things she wouldn't normally do. So, as you can see you must be careful. I'm not saying all women at that age will go crazy, but it's just something you should think about. Good luck! __________________ Deep faith eliminates fear!

11-03-2009, 11:07 PM	#4
IGlareOften Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Texas Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 246	I'm 21 and I'll tell you we are looking for husbands at this age. Granted, there's a big population of girls my age who only want to party. I'd say try it...what do you have to lose? If she turns out to be a typical 21 year old...fine. You've tried. If not..hey you found someone really worth your time. For me, I'd RATHER date someone your age. guys my age are a bunch of ass hats.

11-03-2009, 11:21 PM	#8
Southern Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,231	I'm 20, and I want my next boyfriend to be my last. Yes, some of us are out for the real thing. Be careful though, because I'm the only one my age that I know personally that's actually looking for that lol __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

11-03-2009, 11:27 PM	#9
mysticdaisy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 221	just fyi - there's a whole forum on this site for age gap relationships. I think you will find it very helpful and full of many more bits of advice.

11-03-2009, 11:38 PM	#10
Clarity Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 1,324	As much as there are a lot of early 20's girls saying they want a husband and something long-term. The truth is, you aren't quite yet who you'll finally be at that age. The early to mid-20's are a period of maturation and growth for most young adults, both male and female. My experience with girls of that age is that they think they know what they want, only to have it change on them from time to time. I say give it a shot, but at 21, you will probably end up with someone who cannot be mature on a consistent basis (especially to your standards, at 31) and someone who, weeks, months, or a year or two from now, will realize that what she wants then is different from now. I'm not trying to be downer, just adding my 2 cents.