Am I over reacting about my mother?

OptomisticGirl · 07-28-2010, 07:58 PM

So ever since CS and I got engaged it has been nothing but over coming a hurdle when it comes to my mom.

We originally wanted to get married in Gatlinburg, TN come November of this year, even went so far as to book the cabin and wedding slot. I was geared up and ready to go. When I tell my mother our good news the first few sentences out of her mouth consisted of, "If it's bad weather I'm not coming," "That's too far for you family to drive," "Be considerate of others."

Now I realize the mountains have crazy weather that time of the year and I was willing to take the chance they couldn't come because it's where I wanted to get married. I know that sounds selfish but I can't predict the weather patterns 3 months in advance, for all my mother knew it could be bright and sunny. I also realize that was a ways for them to drive but yet again, if we had the wedding in the place we REALLY wanted, they still would have had to drive an hour to get there and up a mountain.

Anyway, we ended up moving it back due to financial reasons but the none support from the family didn't help. So I mentioned to my mom about her helping out with the invitations in May of next year and she started off yet again about how she has to spend time with her husband, I have to be considerate.

I realize I have to be considerate but how is two hours on a Saturday going to derail her whole weekend? I have just always felt lowest on my mom's list of priorities. I love her and overall we have a good relationship but for as long as I can remember I was always the one she turned to to keep peace. I had to compromise and let everyone else be the winner and I'm sick of it.

Am I over reacting to this? I know it's a ramble but I just feel like she says she will help with the wedding and then when it comes down to donig something she does nothing but complain. And she wonders why I can so easily move to England...

Xylitol · 07-28-2010, 09:19 PM

You act on emotions and your mom acts on logic, this is why you two collide so much.

You think(romantically) oh it would be wonderfull to get married in the mountains.
Your mom(thinks) oh that's a bloody 1 hour drive , its far away from here.

So in other words, your mom doesn't understand your logic , she doesn't understand it because there is no logic in your thinking. Quite frankly i would even say your mom is 100% completely right in her logic. But this defies 'your romantic idea' and this is why you feel so bad.

Honey, the wedding is 'YOUR DAY' others will just have to adjust to you for a day. Wether they can or cannot come is of a secondary issue. Its your life, you do it in the way you want to. You don't always have to be considerate of others. Sometimes you just need to put on your sunglasses and go for it!

OptomisticGirl · 07-28-2010, 10:14 PM

lol, that is absolutely my mother and me.

And yes, while I agree when we were deciding to get married in the mountains it wasn't very logical because of where everyone lived I also agree it is my day, and that's how I was looking at it. She pretty much as one point told me I had to change it.

And that brought my temper to bare as well as her's. I just wish she would actually show some enthusiam for our wedding. I know she doesn't like the idea of me moving to England but she was a lot more cooperative when my younger sister got married last month.

Xylitol · 07-28-2010, 11:01 PM

Look hon, if you want your mom to agree with it, it would have to be logically correct. Since you are the romantic person and not up to logics, its better to ask your mom where she think what the best place and time it would be to have the wedding, then she just puts out the location, and you just add the romance to it. By using that kind of reverse logic you will hopefully actually finally make your mother comply in what you do. That way everyone would be in sync and you wouldn't have to worry so much and could enjoy your wedding for a change.

07-28-2010, 07:58 PM	#1
OptomisticGirl Online Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern USA Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 2,558	Am I over reacting about my mother? So ever since CS and I got engaged it has been nothing but over coming a hurdle when it comes to my mom. We originally wanted to get married in Gatlinburg, TN come November of this year, even went so far as to book the cabin and wedding slot. I was geared up and ready to go. When I tell my mother our good news the first few sentences out of her mouth consisted of, "If it's bad weather I'm not coming," "That's too far for you family to drive," "Be considerate of others." Now I realize the mountains have crazy weather that time of the year and I was willing to take the chance they couldn't come because it's where I wanted to get married. I know that sounds selfish but I can't predict the weather patterns 3 months in advance, for all my mother knew it could be bright and sunny. I also realize that was a ways for them to drive but yet again, if we had the wedding in the place we REALLY wanted, they still would have had to drive an hour to get there and up a mountain. Anyway, we ended up moving it back due to financial reasons but the none support from the family didn't help. So I mentioned to my mom about her helping out with the invitations in May of next year and she started off yet again about how she has to spend time with her husband, I have to be considerate. I realize I have to be considerate but how is two hours on a Saturday going to derail her whole weekend? I have just always felt lowest on my mom's list of priorities. I love her and overall we have a good relationship but for as long as I can remember I was always the one she turned to to keep peace. I had to compromise and let everyone else be the winner and I'm sick of it. Am I over reacting to this? I know it's a ramble but I just feel like she says she will help with the wedding and then when it comes down to donig something she does nothing but complain. And she wonders why I can so easily move to England... __________________ Is marrying the love of my life Sept. 10th, 2011!!!! ♥ "If God had meant me to not have a turtleneck, he wouldn't have given me one" -CS Q- What tries to destroy a 4,000 year old Egyptian artifact in the span of 5 secs? A- My fiance :p ♥ 01.13.10 ♥ 02.23.10 ♥ 06.04.10 ♥ 06.17.10 ♥ 09.10.11

07-28-2010, 10:14 PM	#3
OptomisticGirl Online Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern USA Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 2,558	lol, that is absolutely my mother and me. And yes, while I agree when we were deciding to get married in the mountains it wasn't very logical because of where everyone lived I also agree it is my day, and that's how I was looking at it. She pretty much as one point told me I had to change it. And that brought my temper to bare as well as her's. I just wish she would actually show some enthusiam for our wedding. I know she doesn't like the idea of me moving to England but she was a lot more cooperative when my younger sister got married last month. __________________ Is marrying the love of my life Sept. 10th, 2011!!!! ♥ "If God had meant me to not have a turtleneck, he wouldn't have given me one" -CS Q- What tries to destroy a 4,000 year old Egyptian artifact in the span of 5 secs? A- My fiance :p ♥ 01.13.10 ♥ 02.23.10 ♥ 06.04.10 ♥ 06.17.10 ♥ 09.10.11

07-28-2010, 09:19 PM	#2
Xylitol Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 320	You act on emotions and your mom acts on logic, this is why you two collide so much. You think(romantically) oh it would be wonderfull to get married in the mountains. Your mom(thinks) oh that's a bloody 1 hour drive , its far away from here. So in other words, your mom doesn't understand your logic , she doesn't understand it because there is no logic in your thinking. Quite frankly i would even say your mom is 100% completely right in her logic. But this defies 'your romantic idea' and this is why you feel so bad. Honey, the wedding is 'YOUR DAY' others will just have to adjust to you for a day. Wether they can or cannot come is of a secondary issue. Its your life, you do it in the way you want to. You don't always have to be considerate of others. Sometimes you just need to put on your sunglasses and go for it!

07-28-2010, 11:01 PM	#4
Xylitol Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 320	Look hon, if you want your mom to agree with it, it would have to be logically correct. Since you are the romantic person and not up to logics, its better to ask your mom where she think what the best place and time it would be to have the wedding, then she just puts out the location, and you just add the romance to it. By using that kind of reverse logic you will hopefully actually finally make your mother comply in what you do. That way everyone would be in sync and you wouldn't have to worry so much and could enjoy your wedding for a change.