So I fell in love with my best friend... and its gotten messy

tony101 · 01-15-2010, 12:48 PM

OK long story short... I have this amazing best friend and shes awesome. I have known her for about a year now and back last august, I put this idea in the air that we should date. A little while later she said ok. Long story short, she has become very wishy washy about it. She tells her friends we are just friends that hooked up, we work together, everyone at work knows our relationship and when asked shes unsure and just says no to end their conversations.

We had a serious discussion after a chain or arguments for the past 2 weeks and she said she is attracted to me, she really likes me, she wouldn't know what to do if I were not there in her life but she can not seem to open her heart up right now to officially commit at the time. She has like a 10 minute window where she is ready and I completely missed both opportunities because at the time I assumed we were dating and now its back to friends in her eyes. The serious discussion was she wanted to draw lines and just go back to friends because she was tired of us arguing. I left and went home without giving her an answer the next day and asked for a compromise of no lines drawn yet and we just spend a week or two apart aside from working together and she agreed to this.

Last night she came to visit me at work while I was working because she hasnt seen me all week and helped me with some of my work. She invited me over to her place but said I couldnt stay the night because she had to get up early for classes and I declined stating I was tired and she left disappointed. I plan on sticking to my word of not hanging out with her this weekend too and focusing on myself and just having fun (It will not be easy trust me).

So she left the option of possibly being more then friends by agreeing to that term. I can see how much she really likes me as does everyone else we know but she always fears the worse possible outcome to situations where we become official, i get mad one day and I leave and move away (I think this is her main setback). My question is should I come out of the dugout swinging for the fence after our time apart. I had taken her for granted because we were really good friends and hung out all the time and really never went on "DATES" with her although we did do a lot of amazing things together but never called them dates.

Would anyone give me advice and tell me if this a good idea after our period of separation.

WomanWriter · 01-15-2010, 01:15 PM

Maybe she wants space. As a woman, I tend to be wishy washy when I want something yet there are reservations. What are her reservations? Sounds like she does like you, but are you pressuring her? Are you taking up too much of her time? Back off and just spend time with her ocassionally. That might make her feel more comfortable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tony101

OK long story short... I have this amazing best friend and shes awesome. I have known her for about a year now and back last august, I put this idea in the air that we should date. A little while later she said ok. Long story short, she has become very wishy washy about it. She tells her friends we are just friends that hooked up, we work together, everyone at work knows our relationship and when asked shes unsure and just says no to end their conversations.

We had a serious discussion after a chain or arguments for the past 2 weeks and she said she is attracted to me, she really likes me, she wouldn't know what to do if I were not there in her life but she can not seem to open her heart up right now to officially commit at the time. She has like a 10 minute window where she is ready and I completely missed both opportunities because at the time I assumed we were dating and now its back to friends in her eyes. The serious discussion was she wanted to draw lines and just go back to friends because she was tired of us arguing. I left and went home without giving her an answer the next day and asked for a compromise of no lines drawn yet and we just spend a week or two apart aside from working together and she agreed to this.

Last night she came to visit me at work while I was working because she hasnt seen me all week and helped me with some of my work. She invited me over to her place but said I couldnt stay the night because she had to get up early for classes and I declined stating I was tired and she left disappointed. I plan on sticking to my word of not hanging out with her this weekend too and focusing on myself and just having fun (It will not be easy trust me).

So she left the option of possibly being more then friends by agreeing to that term. I can see how much she really likes me as does everyone else we know but she always fears the worse possible outcome to situations where we become official, i get mad one day and I leave and move away (I think this is her main setback). My question is should I come out of the dugout swinging for the fence after our time apart. I had taken her for granted because we were really good friends and hung out all the time and really never went on "DATES" with her although we did do a lot of amazing things together but never called them dates.

Would anyone give me advice and tell me if this a good idea after our period of separation.

tony101 · 01-15-2010, 01:23 PM

I had been pressuring her over the past 2 weeks because of my own insecurities and I saw it which is the reason why I said we should take a week or two from hanging out. We had been spending an insane amount of time together and I think this is what we needed

Her reservation that she told me is that shes scared she cant fully put her heart in it and that she will mess up the relationship. She came out of a 3 year relationship about 15 months ago and she messed it up with her ex boyfriend.

Thank you for responding... any advice on helping her through this reservation because I do not know what to do when she brings this up again. I just stood there silently last time.

01-15-2010, 12:48 PM	#1
tony101 Offline Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2	So I fell in love with my best friend... and its gotten messy OK long story short... I have this amazing best friend and shes awesome. I have known her for about a year now and back last august, I put this idea in the air that we should date. A little while later she said ok. Long story short, she has become very wishy washy about it. She tells her friends we are just friends that hooked up, we work together, everyone at work knows our relationship and when asked shes unsure and just says no to end their conversations. We had a serious discussion after a chain or arguments for the past 2 weeks and she said she is attracted to me, she really likes me, she wouldn't know what to do if I were not there in her life but she can not seem to open her heart up right now to officially commit at the time. She has like a 10 minute window where she is ready and I completely missed both opportunities because at the time I assumed we were dating and now its back to friends in her eyes. The serious discussion was she wanted to draw lines and just go back to friends because she was tired of us arguing. I left and went home without giving her an answer the next day and asked for a compromise of no lines drawn yet and we just spend a week or two apart aside from working together and she agreed to this. Last night she came to visit me at work while I was working because she hasnt seen me all week and helped me with some of my work. She invited me over to her place but said I couldnt stay the night because she had to get up early for classes and I declined stating I was tired and she left disappointed. I plan on sticking to my word of not hanging out with her this weekend too and focusing on myself and just having fun (It will not be easy trust me). So she left the option of possibly being more then friends by agreeing to that term. I can see how much she really likes me as does everyone else we know but she always fears the worse possible outcome to situations where we become official, i get mad one day and I leave and move away (I think this is her main setback). My question is should I come out of the dugout swinging for the fence after our time apart. I had taken her for granted because we were really good friends and hung out all the time and really never went on "DATES" with her although we did do a lot of amazing things together but never called them dates. Would anyone give me advice and tell me if this a good idea after our period of separation.

01-15-2010, 01:23 PM	#3
tony101 Offline Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2	I had been pressuring her over the past 2 weeks because of my own insecurities and I saw it which is the reason why I said we should take a week or two from hanging out. We had been spending an insane amount of time together and I think this is what we needed Her reservation that she told me is that shes scared she cant fully put her heart in it and that she will mess up the relationship. She came out of a 3 year relationship about 15 months ago and she messed it up with her ex boyfriend. Thank you for responding... any advice on helping her through this reservation because I do not know what to do when she brings this up again. I just stood there silently last time.