Ask Women Thread - Page 25

sti_2004 · 11-03-2009, 08:01 PM

damn...Im left with more questions than I started with.

onewithbooks · 11-03-2009, 08:09 PM

So keep asking

Lucius · 11-03-2009, 08:26 PM

Hmm.

I have a question. Are there many women out there who are as bored of, amused by, and frustrated with the 'rules' and 'games' of modern dating as I am? Who tire of all the inane assumptions and absurd miscellanies that arise from two increasingly frustrated genders, locked as we are in a bovine struggle for love that rarely equals anything more than wasted time?

If so: hi there, kindred spirit!

There seems to be such a STRONG adherence to silly rules in the dating world. The dating world and beyond, for that matter. Hell, I'm engaged to be married, and this particular brand of stupidity is a tide that STILL laps about my feet. And it's not about women's expectations - I'm not hating on women by any stretch. Men do it too. Men do it all the damn time. It's like there's some insane monkey up there, in the clouds, giggling maniacally as he writes up reams and reams of nonsensical dogma regarding gender relations - knowing it's nonsense, knowing it's totally unnecessary and divisive, and knowing too that SO much of the population will eat it up with a spoon.

What I'm wondering, and what drew me here, was the bleary-eyed hope that perhaps, just perhaps, this sentiment was one shared by more women (and more men, for that matter) than I had thought. That the Yin might be feeling this as strongly as Mr. Yang here is. I hope so. Bashing my head on a brick wall can be lonely work.

onewithbooks · 11-03-2009, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucius

Hmm.

I have a question. Are there many women out there who are as bored of, amused by, and frustrated with the 'rules' and 'games' of modern dating as I am? Who tire of all the inane assumptions and absurd miscellanies that arise from two increasingly frustrated genders, locked as we are in a bovine struggle for love that rarely equals anything more than wasted time?

If so: hi there, kindred spirit!

There seems to be such a STRONG adherence to silly rules in the dating world. The dating world and beyond, for that matter. Hell, I'm engaged to be married, and this particular brand of stupidity is a tide that STILL laps about my feet. And it's not about women's expectations - I'm not hating on women by any stretch. Men do it too. Men do it all the damn time. It's like there's some insane monkey up there, in the clouds, giggling maniacally as he writes up reams and reams of nonsensical dogma regarding gender relations - knowing it's nonsense, knowing it's totally unnecessary and divisive, and knowing too that SO much of the population will eat it up with a spoon.

What I'm wondering, and what drew me here, was the bleary-eyed hope that perhaps, just perhaps, this sentiment was one shared by more women (and more men, for that matter) than I had thought. That the Yin might be feeling this as strongly as Mr. Yang here is. I hope so. Bashing my head on a brick wall can be lonely work.

Yes!! It is so freaking ridiculous! I will never understand it. Especially the whole waiting to call the girl. Its absurd. If you are interested, be interested. If you are angry, tell each other why. If you want sex, let your partner know. If you are unhappy with the relationship, just say it.

To me the only thing these stupid asinine games do is to hinder communication. When communication is hindered that affects trust. Without good communication and trust, love can not grow.

So to all those who think about playing games - think hard before you do it, you might be putting an end to something you want to begin.

CmplxDame08 · 11-03-2009, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sti_2004

damn...Im left with more questions than I started with.

LOL-you have just discovered one of the great complexities of women!

mysticdaisy · 11-04-2009, 02:50 AM

Lots of points for imagery, Lucius, but I think most of those reams of dating rules tend to be actually quite necessary in their own ways/capacities.

Stuff like waiting to call, perhaps not. But that's because the point of that rule is manipulation, which is unhealthy. By contrast, plenty of rules are simply about effective and proper control over getting to know somebody and maintaining a comfort level and balance, etc. that provides a nurturing environment.

Think about plants. They WILL grow if you just toss some seeds randomly out your window, but they'll grow much better in a prepared seed bed with hydroponic watering systems and grow lights on a timer with fertilizer and warm, humid air circulation...

LightbulbSun · 11-08-2009, 04:26 PM

Do you care if the guy you're dating is a virgin?

onewithbooks · 11-08-2009, 05:31 PM

Not at all. I have no expectations of him being one, just like I don't think he should have an expectation of me being one.

papaya · 11-08-2009, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightbulbSun

Do you care if the guy you're dating is a virgin?

You should look at the thread "virgins" under attraction and flirting. Same situation there and a lot of good replies.

As for me, I'm waiting for marriage, so I expect my husband to be a virgin along with me. Virginity is a very sacred thing and I think it's great that you still have it. In today's world, people seem to think that if they haven't had sex by 18 they're going to die. To 15 and 16 year olds really understand what sex is and what is meant by it? Idk...just some random thoughts.

mysticdaisy · 11-08-2009, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papaya

To 15 and 16 year olds really understand what sex is and what is meant by it? Idk...just some random thoughts.

How does a virgin at any age really understand what sex is and what is meant by it? I support your choice to wait until marriage if that's what you want, but I don't see how you can really comment on other people not fully understanding sex if you've never experienced it either...?

11-03-2009, 08:09 PM	#242
onewithbooks Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,587	So keep asking __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

11-08-2009, 04:26 PM	#247
LightbulbSun Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,053	Do you care if the guy you're dating is a virgin? __________________ "Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror." - Unknown "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

11-08-2009, 05:31 PM	#248
onewithbooks Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,587	Not at all. I have no expectations of him being one, just like I don't think he should have an expectation of me being one. __________________ I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you Believe in me life is not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong

11-03-2009, 08:01 PM	#241
sti_2004 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: AZ Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 668	damn...Im left with more questions than I started with.

11-03-2009, 08:26 PM	#243
Lucius Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 454	Hmm. I have a question. Are there many women out there who are as bored of, amused by, and frustrated with the 'rules' and 'games' of modern dating as I am? Who tire of all the inane assumptions and absurd miscellanies that arise from two increasingly frustrated genders, locked as we are in a bovine struggle for love that rarely equals anything more than wasted time? If so: hi there, kindred spirit! There seems to be such a STRONG adherence to silly rules in the dating world. The dating world and beyond, for that matter. Hell, I'm engaged to be married, and this particular brand of stupidity is a tide that STILL laps about my feet. And it's not about women's expectations - I'm not hating on women by any stretch. Men do it too. Men do it all the damn time. It's like there's some insane monkey up there, in the clouds, giggling maniacally as he writes up reams and reams of nonsensical dogma regarding gender relations - knowing it's nonsense, knowing it's totally unnecessary and divisive, and knowing too that SO much of the population will eat it up with a spoon. What I'm wondering, and what drew me here, was the bleary-eyed hope that perhaps, just perhaps, this sentiment was one shared by more women (and more men, for that matter) than I had thought. That the Yin might be feeling this as strongly as Mr. Yang here is. I hope so. Bashing my head on a brick wall can be lonely work.

11-04-2009, 02:50 AM	#246
mysticdaisy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 221	Lots of points for imagery, Lucius, but I think most of those reams of dating rules tend to be actually quite necessary in their own ways/capacities. Stuff like waiting to call, perhaps not. But that's because the point of that rule is manipulation, which is unhealthy. By contrast, plenty of rules are simply about effective and proper control over getting to know somebody and maintaining a comfort level and balance, etc. that provides a nurturing environment. Think about plants. They WILL grow if you just toss some seeds randomly out your window, but they'll grow much better in a prepared seed bed with hydroponic watering systems and grow lights on a timer with fertilizer and warm, humid air circulation...