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I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back? Is this over?


ImNotYourBabe

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and we spend a lot of time together. Almost every night after work and on the weekends sometimes..and we have a good time together. While we were in bed one night I told him I was in love with him...because well I am. He didn't say it back, he hugged me and held me through the night. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I started to feel bad about it because he didn't say it back. We talked about it last night and he said he isn't there yet and that it doesn't mean he won't ever get there but he doesn't feel that way yet. He said very rarely in a relationship do two people have the same exact feeling for each other at the same exact time. I feel weird now, like maybe I shouldn't have said anything, that I shouldn't have told him I love him. I have been reading online that women shouldn't say I love you first..men should because now the relationship is not even and one person has more power and that the woman should wait until the man professes his love...

 

Does this mean our relationship isn't going good?

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I agree with DN.

 

And I don't think you should feel bad. You have been together 6 months, you say. That's a perfectly reasonable time to feel that and say that. You were honest about your feelings, and I think that is awesome.

 

Your bf was honest with you too. It may have not been what you wanted to hear, and that is very understandable, but I think it is pretty cool that he was honest with you at the risk of upsetting you or other things. Some people would have just said it, even if they didn't feel it.

 

Do you feel the relationship is good over all?

 

Then it becomes a matter of how long you feel is ok for you to be in this relationship without your bf feeling he is in love with you. That is up to you.

 

I think at 6 months it would have been foolish to just sit and wait and hope to hear it from the man. Better to know how he feels and to put your cards out there at that point, otherwise what kind of relationship is it anyways?

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He said it varied with each relationship, he said when we first started dating that he usually doesn't say it before a year....I guess I thought I was different or that we were getting along really well. Last night he said he cared about me a lot. I asked him if we were moving too fast and he said no but he did not expect me to day I LOVE YOU when I did. I thought maybe he is just not that into me. I mean I don't know how long I should wait for him to say it and I don't want to "act" any certain way like casual...I want to be who I am in this relationship and be myself. I don't like acting a certain way...if I can't be myself I would rather not be in a relationship at all.

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I would give it another 6 months.. i wouldnt say it again until he says it. I was in a relatiosnhip for 3.5 years when i was 21-24. I was worried after 1.5 years when he hadnt said i love you. I sat him one day and pretty much forced him to talk about his feelings, said i thought he didnt feel the same as me and then he finally said it. Im quite sure he said it to shut me up. After that it was easy for him to say, like saying Bless you when i sneezed.. lol

In the end i broke up with him because i always had the feeling his heart wasnt in it. Though he stayed with me...

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I think the relationship is tainted now... You're going to feel bad about this until he eventually says it, IF he says it ever... Are you willing to go through that pain for an indefinite amount of time? You two are not on the same wavelength and clearly have different emotional capacities. Sounds like you're simply not compatible. I would move on and detach myself emotionally. I know that's not the best advice but I've had an experience somewhat similar and it was just horrible. I really think that if he hasn't said it by now, and he was SURPRISED that you are in love with him, he's definitely not in tune with you. Do you want to be with someone like that? Couldn't he feel the love emanating from you? He sounds emotionally naïve or if nothing else, he is not too perceptive.

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Had this been a longer relationship I might agree with this ^ advice but six months is far too a short time in a relationship to expect someone to return the same level of feeling. I disagree that it is emotionally naive or that he is not perceptive - you don't fall in love with someone simply because they have fallen in love with you ,it is more complex that that.

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I would rather have him be honest than him throwing out false words. Don't punish him for being honest. If anything, thank him for his honesty and keep going on with the relationship as it is. Just because you two are a couple doesn't mean you guys do a mind meld and become one person. Keep in mind you two are different and work on different paces. Don't feel bad for being honest. If there are times when you want to say I love you, say it!

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