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Boyfriend doesn't think I'm sexy


Angel_325

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Ok, so I have this problem. My boyfriend tells me that he finds me attractive but he'll never say he thinks I'm sexy. He'll make comments like "you're very beautiful" or "you're the most beautiful girl in the world to me", which is very sweet and makes me feel good. BUT, when I asked him if he thought I was sexy, he stayed silent. Now my boyfriend is very honest in that he'll never tell you something he doesn't think is true. That's one thing I really appreciate about him. So I know if he didn't answer, it probably means no. He sometimes makes comments about other (thin) women like "wow" or something like that, but never says my body is attractive to him. Now I'm an overweight girl and am working on loosing some weight (diet and exercise) but I'm still have about 25 lb left to lose before I reach my goal weight. I know he isn't really attracted to overweight girls, but he loves me and doesn't pay attention to that because he says he loves the entire me, not just parts. I don't know how I can make myself more attractive to him? He told me I should change my hairstyle and my clothing. He didn't say anything about my body because he knows it will upset me as in the past he's made some comments and that caused a fight because I didn't think it was appropriate of him to say that to me. Please, any suggestions?

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Ok, so I have this problem. My boyfriend tells me that he finds me attractive but he'll never say he thinks I'm sexy. He'll make comments like "you're very beautiful" or "you're the most beautiful girl in the world to me", which is very sweet and makes me feel good.

 

I don't see what the the problem is . . .

 

Being told you're "sexy" is nice, sure, but it's not like he completely disregards you or acts repulsed by you. He loves everything about you and thinks you're beautiful. Typically, men are more quick to tell a girl they are "hot" or "sexy" than they are to say "beautiful" , "gorgeous" or "pretty". You should be happy that he uses these words on you! He reserves them just for you, because he loves you. However . . .

 

You shouldn't be changing yourself for him, anyway. Anything you do should be for yourself. Keep losing weight and getting fit if that's what YOU want. If you like the haircut he suggested, then go for it. If you don't, then don't. I wanted short hair this summer, wound up chopping off about five inches, and it turns out that my boyfriend loves short hair. But it was something I wanted first. Now I'm thinking of growing it back out, and he doesn't care either way as long as I'm happy with it. He'll still think I'm beautiful. That's how it should be with your boyfriend.

 

There's nothing you can do to MAKE him give you compliments. The root of the problem is you aren't happy with yourself. Do whatever you have to do to be happy with who you are, and if he happens to like the results then so be it.

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What kind of clothes do you wear if you dont mind me asking? Some women,men included get a little too laid back about their attire when in a long term relationship. Iv lost count of the men who have told me they wished their g/f wore higher heels,stockings,skirts etc,well they are men!!lol

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What kind of clothes do you wear if you dont mind me asking? Some women,men included get a little too laid back about their attire when in a long term relationship. Iv lost count of the men who have told me they wished their g/f wore higher heels,stockings,skirts etc,well they are men!!lol

 

I don't wear really sexy clothing because I'm still trying to lose weight. My attrie is usually a nice sexy top and a pair of long business pants or a skirt. I don't wear short skirts a lot. I also don't wear hight heels a lot either because I'm not very good at wearing high heels.

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I don't wear really sexy clothing because I'm still trying to lose weight. My attrie is usually a nice sexy top and a pair of long business pants or a skirt. I don't wear short skirts a lot. I also don't wear hight heels a lot either because I'm not very good at wearing high heels.

 

Haha yes heel look good but they can be a pain!!!

 

Well you sound like you dress smart,nothing wrong with that. But take it from me men really do like heels,skirts,stockings & blouses,oh & not forgetting all the sexy underwear!lol Im comfortable with dressing up socially & privately but some people aren't i know..

 

When your reach your target use it as an excuse to go shopping & up the anti re feminine & sexy style Only if you are comfortable with it though..Im sure he will like your new image

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Why are you making problems when there aren't any? This is your issue, not his. Be grateful that he gives you sincere compliments and that he loves you so much. Don't go looking for trouble because, if you do, you just might find it.

 

 

You hit the nail on the head! These are indeed your issues. Everyone can be sexy if they want to...thin people do not hold the monopoly on sexy. You can be thin an unsexy. You can be overweight and very sexy. You also don't have to dress like a tart to be sexy...you don't have to ruin your feet in high heels to be sexy. Insecurity, is NOT sexy. So if you want to feel sexy and be sexy...start changing your mindset about your appearance.

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THis is your own personal confidence issue, don;t make it into your relationship issue. He is a good guy.

I think you should not pressure him to make you free good about your own mage issue.

 

Exactly. This isn't a relationship problem. He seems like a really nice guy who has genuine feelings for you. This is your own problem that he can't fix.

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You hit the nail on the head! These are indeed your issues. Everyone can be sexy if they want to...thin people do not hold the monopoly on sexy. You can be thin an unsexy. You can be overweight and very sexy. You also don't have to dress like a tart to be sexy...you don't have to ruin your feet in high heels to be sexy. Insecurity, is NOT sexy. So if you want to feel sexy and be sexy...start changing your mindset about your appearance.

 

Agreed, again!

 

Most sexiness that people have come from how they perceive themselves, not how others perceive them. Don't let the airbrushed women of magazines and Hollywood give you the idea that how they supposedly look is the only way you can be sexy. Any man that isn't a complete idiot, which means your boyfriend, knows that no real person looks like that. Who cares if you are twenty, thirty, fifty pounds overweight? If you dress how you want to dress and carry the confidence of Cindy Crawford, you will possess the same amount of sexy as she does. Like I said before, do what you WANT to do to make yourself happy with who you are. Real women have curves, anyway.

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Agreed, again!

 

Most sexiness that people have come from how they perceive themselves, not how others perceive them. Don't let the airbrushed women of magazines and Hollywood give you the idea that how they supposedly look is the only way you can be sexy. Any man that isn't a complete idiot, which means your boyfriend, knows that no real person looks like that. Who cares if you are twenty, thirty, fifty pounds overweight? If you dress how you want to dress and carry the confidence of Cindy Crawford, you will possess the same amount of sexy as she does. Like I said before, do what you WANT to do to make yourself happy with who you are. Real women have curves, anyway.

 

Thank you for your advice. I agree. In fact, I do feel sexy sometimes, but my boyfriend has this idea in his head that real women can look like the airbrushed women do. Even though I try to be sexy and often feel sexy because when I walk down the street, alone or with him, I have men looking at me. Good looking men even come up to me in bars sometimes and he sees that other men do find me attractive, yet beacause he thinks that thin is more attractive than fat, he doesn't see me as sexy. But he does love me for who I am, and that's great. He wants me to lose weight, but he says if I don't want to he'll be okay with that also because he is used to my shape. One of the biggest issues he had before we met is that he did not like overweight women, until he met me. Now he says he looks at them differently. So even though I think I'm sexy, he doesn't see it that way. And I want to be sexy for him too.

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Eh, well, you can't look exactly like the girls on the magazines, hate to break it you and him. And that's fine! Because, you know what? Nobody is perfect. I've always lived off of the belief that for every perfection there is an equal or greater imperfection. So, okay, _______(insert starlet's name here) may have a six pack and be 5'10, but she may also have a bad temper or hates kittens. You, you may have more curves than that girl, but you probably make your boyfriend laugh and smile more than she, or anyone else, ever could. Plus, she has the pressure of THOUSANDS to always look like that. She probably just wants a slice of pizza more than anything. Your boyfriend loves you and thinks you're beautiful. You've already managed to make him think outside of the box and see something as beautiful beyond a 22 inch waist. Now, just be who you want to be, and if that means losing however much weight YOU want to lose, then okay. But he's going to love you anyway, he said so himself.

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